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I am on the lease. I think I might talk to the lady in the rental office downstairs. Maybe I'll tell her that I'm thinking of leaving my BF and ask if my name can be removed from the lease? Is that a safe move?
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Re: Amie
#125664 - 11/27/04 12:01 PM
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khyricat
Reged: 08/05/04
Posts: 3612
Loc: Michigan
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yes, or ask her what your options are... if she says you need to give notice or even if your resosible for making sure he pays rent the entire time its still better to move out and leave him.. even if you need to borrow the money for a bit!
Amie
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
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Re: Apartment
#125677 - 11/27/04 03:33 PM
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Nelly
Reged: 08/06/04
Posts: 4381
Loc: Within stray mortar fire of DC
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Hah. I pay US$1245 a month plus about $200 in utilities (elect+phone) for a 2 bedroom/2 bath apt in the boonies of MD. It cost me close to $4000 in deposits and fees just to move in. And I'm not even in the city.
See? It could be worse!! 
~nelly~
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OH Gee...
#125678 - 11/27/04 03:39 PM
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barbie
Reged: 04/22/04
Posts: 2435
Loc: Texas
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I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time. I agree with the others that you do need to get out. He's definitely not the one for you. I have a friend that married a control freak and she is miserable.
You are young and you don't need to waste any more time on him. You need to make a plan, though, before you tell him.
He will probably make you feel guilty....but that's to be expected. You will just have to muster up all your strength and go through with it. Do you have a close friend that can help you go through this? I think you will be so much happier on your own....he is just bringing you down.
I wish there was something I could tell you that would make it easier but there's not. Just want to wish you the best of luck and sending you many hugs.
Barbie
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Been there, done that. My first husband was like that, and then some. It started out being "just" emotional abuse, but eventually did end up being physical and sexual as well. You're totally right in thinking that things will NOT get better, because they won't. You're also totally right in thinking that things aren't right, because they're not - if your gut instinct is telling you to go, GO.
God, this sounds like my first marriage, right down to him being broke and bad with money.  Don't let that guilt you into staying, ok? It's not healthy, and if your gut is telling you that need to get out, listen to it and get out.
Honestly, when I left my ex, I left without any warning or notice at all - just grabbed a few things in the morning before work, and never came back home. I went back for the rest of my things a couple weeks later. But our situation was different; there was physical abuse in there as well. To keep things as simple (?) and peaceful as possible, I'd say to find an apartment, and once you're able to get in it, THEN tell him you're moving out. And be prepared to do it THAT DAY, even if it's just a couple changes of clothes in a backpack. The last thing you want is to spend days or weeks or whatever living with a guy who's not only controlling, but also trying to manipulate you into staying.
Anyway, my inbox is always open if you want to talk or vent or whatever - like I said, I've been there, and I know how scary it is.
*hugs*
PS - Telling someone that they're crazy on a daily basis IS abuse. What a jerk.
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Tina
#125764 - 11/28/04 09:04 AM
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cailin
Reged: 08/12/04
Posts: 3563
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
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I haven't been there but I have a very definite line of advice....GET OUT OF THERE ASAP!
Staying with your friend seems like a great idea, she will have the furniture etc. Personally I would borrow a month's rent, give it to him and leave without notice. Move your stuff sometime that you know he won't be in. The last thing you need is him guilt-tripping you. His financial situation is no longer your concern.
I agree with the others that verbal abuse is terrible. My Dad belittles my Mum a lot and doesn't give any value to her point of view and it just shreds her confidence.
Get out and make a new start, we will all be here for you.
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S.
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It's so hard to write about this today as today's been a good day for us. That's what makes it so hard. When it's bad, I start thinking I need to get out. And when it's good, I start thinking that it's not al that bad. It's a vicious cycle, I think. 
My dad does the same to my mom. He is super impatient with her all yells at her if she hasn't handed him the spoon (or whatever it maye be) quickly enough. It makes me soooo mad and I've asked her about it. She says it's not worth making a fuss about and she just ingnores him. I know how relationships can be complicated so I stay out of it.
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Hi Casey,
I started writing back to you this morning but he came into the room so I closed my response and lost everything I had written. Darn.
Let me say that I'm sorry you had to go through a bad marriage with an abusive man. That must have been incredible tough for you to leave. I am SO glad that you did as you seem pretty happy with Adam.
I think what I'll do is keep on the lookout for places to live. When my friend from work (the one that offered to have me move in) returns from her 2 week long trip, I think I'll go look at her place. It's in a beautiful area of town that I've always wanted to live in. It would also be way less than living on my own and I'd have some company.
I could never tell him I'm leaving and have to live with him for weeks. That would be awful as I know he's make it a living hell for me.
I wrote back to Sinead that today's a good day and he's being petty nice. It's days like today that I find it hard to imagine leaving him. Did you find that too? It's only when he's nasty that I get determined to do it. What made you finally go?
Thanks so much for sharing this personal info as I know you probably want to forget it. You're a pal. 
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Nelly, that's an arm and a leg! 
I take what I said back! I base this on my home town where my parents rent the other half of their suburb, 3 bedroom, 2 bath, huge yard duplex for $800!!!
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Thanks Barbie. It's something that I'll have to get the strength to finally do. I feel like if he could really see how he acts towards me he'd be ashamed and appaled.
He can't see how he is for some reason. He is not the free- spirited, happy-go-lucky guy I met 10 years ago. I know his job is very stressful and he must take it out on me?
I don't know when it happned. I think he's always been this way (controlling)but it toolk us moving in together to come out. We've only been living together for 5 of the 10 years. And that's about 5 years too long.
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