Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards

Got this email today, and thought it was cute. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

(And if this was posted before, sorry for the duplicate!)

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?

A: No, I just lie there.

_______________________________

Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July 15.

Q: What year?

A: Every year.

_____________________ _________________

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

______________________________________

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

A: Yes.

Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

A: I forget.

Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that

you've forgotten?

_____________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?

A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

Q: How long has he lived with you?

A: Forty-five years.

______________________________________

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his

sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

___________________________________

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

_____________________________________

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

______________________________________

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

______________________________________

Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?

______________________________________

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

_______________ _______________________

Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male, or a female?

______________________________________

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a

deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead

people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

______________________________________

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did

you go to?

A: Oral.

______________________________________

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.

__________________________________

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check

for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you

began the autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and

practicing law somewhere

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