Here's his reaction for anyone following my guy drama!
#112326 - 10/12/04 10:59 AM
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Well I told him about the "crush" on Friday and then it was a long weekend.
I came in this morning and didn't hear from him AT ALL. So I sent him an email asking him what was going on. Nothing...
A few hours later still nothing so I sent him another email saying that I was coming down to talk and wanted to know what was going on in his head. This is is reponse:
"My god, relax, I'm just really busy right now, ther's [censored] going wrong with our ads and these kits that need to be done and I'm trying to figure it out. Nothing's going on in my head. In regards to what you wrote last week, I just don't entirely know what to say about it. This isn't something I'm necessarily accustomed to dealing with and it puts me an awkward position. Anyway, not a big deal-I have to run for now though."
Anyhow, now that I have his reposnse he is HISTORY!!!! I officially HATE HIM and NEVER want to see him again. What a friggin JERK!!!!!!! 
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Aw, SS! He's wigging out. Don't stress and give him some room. What if a good friend who happened to be a lesbian told you she had a major crush on you?? You'd wig too. But it will all be good in time. Just chill and show him you're not some psycho who wants to "make him straight." He'll realize you're a good friend and come around. And this should teach him, anyway, not to mess with a chick's emotions anyway! We're fragile, dammit!!!!!
~nelly~
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~ Rachel (IBS-C)
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!
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Hi Nelly! 
I honestly don't think I'll give him a second chance shold he chill out in a few days. He played with my emotions BIG TIME and started all this.
If he can't handle emotions and reality then he has no place in my life. I'm an emotional person and don't take well to being told to "relax" after all that's happened. I also hate being avoided and he apparently is "all about that!"
Jerk...............
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Sara,
I had a crush on a gay guy in college. and he was totaly into himself (not that all gay guys are). I never told him...but our friendship kijda fizzled out. Cute, yes....and he seemed like a nice guy. I don; even remembere dhow we lost touvh. But I realized pretty quickly he would be flattere dif he knew I had a crush...but he was a bit to into himself.
YOU DON'T NEED ANY ONE IN YOUR LIFE LIKE THAT! You deserve much more....someone into you not themselves! Is your boy friends a good guy?
Hope you never see this guy again...
*hugs*Ruhie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Dude. All the gay guys I know, totally play with girls' emotions. It's like this... THING they have. This is totally normal on their side. But I'm sure this realization helps you, like, not at all.
You can't help who you develop a crush on. I can't either, and that Really Stinks. But it's always made worse by someone who 1) doesn't reciprocate, and 2) plays with your emotions to elevate his self-esteem.
There's nothing sexier than autonomy. Show some and go on with making plans that don't include him, and otherwise just living your life. Ditch the long notes. They's so desperate for attention. Get together with his ex and laugh at his cattiness behind his back. Or go completely psycho and leave a bunny in his desk. But don't hang around in the middle.
He's GAY and he's just not that into you. Go back to hanging with your bf. Or develop a new friendship at work. Girl friends are for shopping and funny joint halloween costumes. Find one. I'm sure she'd want to spend time with you!!!!
~nelly~
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Heather7476
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Thanks Ruchie!
I agree, he is WAY too into himself and nobody else!
Good riddance.
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Well said!!!
he was playing with me. I am convinced of that. I will never email him again and let him be bored in his little office by himself. That's a tiny bit of revenge right there!
I do have lots of friends actually. I'm going to a movie with his co-worker tonight. I wonder if that will make him mad. Who knows and who cares. The guy's a flake!
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EX-actly. What a wannabe straight loser. Can't get a girl so he plays with one's emotions? LOSE-er!!!
Tell ya what. Why don't you go into work for halloween as a kick-ass angel. I'll even go as a little devil and you can tell your *other* coworkers that you have a friend on the outside who's doing a joint costume with you! That you're going into town with a kick-ass chica who really gets you and you're going to paint the town RED! You can't talk about it, but you Might take pictures and you'll show them later!
Hrmph! Men, schmen.
~^nelly^~
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You're too funny! Thanks for the laugh! I needed it.
Ya, I almost think he wishes somehow that he was straight so he needs to flirt with staright girls to boost his ego or something. Whatever! It be be interesting if he still doens't email me tomorrow. What a guy! Who needs him? 
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Maybe he has "gay guilt." Who knows? Point is, he shouldn't be your problem. You deserve a lot more than his psuedo friendship. And he shouldn't be acting all passive-aggressive at work!! Listen, you have so much more to offer a "real" friend. Organize a work outing. Or make public plans for happy hour this week!!
~nelly~
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Ya, I don't care if we're not friends really. (Now that I know he gets wigged out so easily). I have a group of 3-4 FEMALE friends at work that I hang out with who are nice, fun, sincere people. He came across so sweet and nice but that's obviously not his true self.
I told my boyfriend that he said "god, relax" to me. (nothing about the crush but that my new gay friend said this to me). My boyfriend said that that tone was pretty hostile and not one that a new friend would use carelessly. And that I shouldn't waste my time trying to be his friend. I agree!
Anyhow, this makes life easier. He is out of the picture. I think since his little old mind is all messed up that's he's afraid of me and I won't hear from him again.
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GG v. BF
#112436 - 10/12/04 02:47 PM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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Hi, SS,
I've been following this thread and made a few comments, but my underlying thoughts are with the BF. The gay guy gave you a chance to realize your feelings towards the BF -- that's what you mentioned in one of your posts at least -- so now that the gay guy is out of the picture, what ARE your feelings towards the BF? Have you developed a new outlook towards your future with him? OR --
Still got the hots for GG?
Bev
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Tina,
This should be a soap. Can't believe the way he came back to you, sorry I didn't reply to your last post to me, I thought the idea was great but would never have had the neck to pull it off! (does this make sense in Canadian, sometimes I wonder if my speech is too littered with Irish-isms!)
I agree with all the conflicting views above!!! I guess he is playing the shocked one which may not be his genuine colours at all. I think sometimes gay guys like to flirt with women and talk sexually with them as a tease, they can always use the "but you knew I was gay" line but they forget what messages they are giving out to us..
Think Bev is right bringing up the whole BF thing...this whole episode will make you realise how much (/little) he means to you. Good luck with all the analysis!
Sinead
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S.
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Hi Sinead,
Ya, I was floored when I read his respone! But his co-worker (and my friend) says that he can be very 'up and down' personality-wise. Sh warned me about starting a friendship with him but I thought I saw a "sweet" and the true side of him...
I am still surprised that he didn't send me an apology email back yesterday. Up until then he has been nothing but sweet. We'll see if I get that apology today but I'm not holding my breath. I think I've freaked him out and he's written me off. I'm inclined to think it's for the best if he's going to act this way towards me. Plus, all my friends that know about this say he's overreacting and shouldn't care AT ALL. Does he think I'm trying to get him to not be gay and have kids with him? I mean come on...
I will have a great day regardless of this silly boy!
Men....
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Hi Bev,
Good questions. Now that the gay guy is out of the picture, I have realized a few things about my BF. The main thing is that my BF loves me so much and I love him too. How could I be so dumb as to get a crush on this other guy when I have this wonderful one at home?
We do have our issues but I would be nuts to give up on him just yet and think that he could be so easily replaced.
Maybe this little crush will end up helping us out in the long run. Who knows!
As for your question as to whether or not I still have the hots for GG. I haven't seen him since Thursday so I don't have any feeling right now. But I'm sure all it will take is catching a glimpse of him in the hallway to remember that he is cute. ** But personality affects how good looking someone is and the fact that he was so mean to me has definitely lowered his attractivenes BIG TIME! He went from a 9 to a 7. Ha! 
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SS,
THat is the final straw, he is not worth your time. And think about it, he didn't have 'time' to send you a quick email to let you know that he was busy, but still wanted to talk, etc, but he DID obviously have the time to read them, or else how would he know to tell you 'to relax'?
It is just tacky for anyone to 'email yell' at someone, friends or not, he lacks basic social skills, if you ask me.
Everyone is right about the advice they have given you, and that it is his problem and his loss, not yours.
I do not like to stereotype, but I find it kinda funny how alot of others have posted that gay guys will mess with girls minds alot, like they need to feel wanted and flatter themselves. just like my two gay guy friends that still pretended to be straight guy buddies and would have sex with unknowing girls on like a weekly basis. maybe this guy wants to keep girls around incase he 'switches teams'?
i am sure that he has a history of this sorta thing, good riddance to him!
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-Sheri
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...nice to hear things are working ok with BF, you msut love him lots to be together for ten years!
maybe you can plan a romantic surprise for him this weekend, but then he may get suspicious...
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-Sheri
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Oh ya. No email "yelling" at me EVER! That was it and made me realize that he's a HUGE jerk! To take that tone with me when he's been nothing but nice was a big wake up call. And to not even apologize either. I haven't heard from him today and probably won't ever again.
About the BF. Yes, I do love him to death! I am hoping we can work out our problems. I will have to plan on some kind of "seduction" to rekindle the flame. We need that.
Bye!
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I'm kinda bored todat at work and want to know if he's ok. is there something non-threatening that I can say that won't be pushy or threatening to him? or should I keep my resolve to back off? 
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Hi,
I've been scanning this thread and it seems to me like you do love your BF. I agree with some of the others. The GG is not worth all of this time and trouble you are putting into it. I think you should concentrate some of those thoughts on your BF and ways that you can work it out and have a great relationship. Besides, you know that the relationship with GG would probably never go anywhere, right?
I know you are bored today, but try to find something to do other than dwelling on GG. It will get you nowhere! Maybe think of some ideas on how to make a special night with BF and what you have sexy that you can wear on that night. It could be lots of fun!!!
Hope it works out for you.
Barbie
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Oh Barbie. You're so right. I will use all this energy for my BF and not the other person.
Just slap me!
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Follow Barbie's advice, try to get this guy out of your head and like you said yourself channel your energy to the guy you love who loves you too!
Sinead
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S.
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I know! I know!!!!!
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SS
#112813 - 10/13/04 04:34 PM
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jenX
Reged: 08/11/03
Posts: 3252
Loc: Richmond, VA
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sorry things didn't work out. i know you're upset, but it's all going to be ok. sadly, i think you misconstrued what was going on and now he's freakin' out. yes, he should step up and tell you that, but really he probably thinks he shouldn't have to (guy-think!) 'cause you knew he is gay.
i've had a really strong unrequited crush before and it sucks. BIGTIME. mine lasted for over 10 years, so i feel for ya. but listen, you're better than caring for a man who doesn't care for you the same exact way!
if you get to a point where you can be friends with him again, great. if not, you know you will be ok with that, too. my unrequited guy is one of my dearest friends and i hope he will be at my wedding one day!
unfortunately, there are certain types of guys (and girls), straight or not, who get really intense in friendships really quickly. if there's a one-sided sexual attraction involved then the quick-bonding can be misunderstood. it happens.
anyway, i'm sorry it didn't work out... hope you can either get passed it easily or patch things up in a way that satisfies you.
SMOOCHES.
*jen
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Re: SS
#112815 - 10/13/04 04:54 PM
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Hi Jen,
Ya, maybe I did create something out of nothing. All I know is that he's wiggin out...still. I did end up sending him a quick "still upset?" email today. (I couldn't help it!) He wrote back to me a few times but it's clear that I need to give him LOTS of space as he's not back to his usual self. No problem, he's making it easy being a jerk! But I do have to realize that this came from nowhere as far as he's concerned.
He is showing signs of warming up though. He told me he'd be away tomorrow and back Friday. For someone that doesn't like me much these days, that's information that he didn't need to tell me. Whatever... I don't want to analyze him as he's unpredicatable and only at my work for another 2 months and then probably moving to Toronto.
This guy that you've had a crush on, is he straight? Isn't that interesting. Are you not telling him because you'd much rather stay friends? I have learned that I will never do/say anything like this again. BIG mistake! 
Anyhow, thanks for your email and good to see you back on the boards. 
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Re: SS
#113043 - 10/14/04 03:19 PM
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jenX
Reged: 08/11/03
Posts: 3252
Loc: Richmond, VA
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glad to hear the freeze is thawing a bit! 
my friend is straight, yes. and he knows how i felt about him, too. we've talked about it. oddly, he felt the same about me at times, too. the timing was simply never right. it worked out for the best 'cause he's not the right guy for me even though it took me a decade and a half to figure it out! 
it's nice to be back! i try to get on when i have the time...
hope you have a great weekend!
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Re: SS
#113047 - 10/14/04 03:43 PM
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Ya, I wasn't at work today but either was he. I've got other things on my mind so I'm not going to chase him down. If he wants to talk, he can come to me. He knows where to find me. It's funny how some events can put other things in better perscpective.
I had this weird thing with a guy friend too. It was in my last year of high school and he hit on me while I was with two different boyfriends. After I broke up with the second, he finally told me 'he' wanted to date me. He was such a "player" that I told him no thanks. And I'm glad because we wouldn't have lasted too long.
I guess it's good to realize that some people just aren't right for you.
Have a great weekend too. 
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Sara -
I'll be honest, I haven't read every bit of your story, but it reminds me of a time way back. I had two crushes at the time, one of them who showed some interest in return and the other who declared she only liked girls (this was high school, by the way, but I think it still pertains because we were mature for our age). Anyways, the second one took an immediate liking to me because I "calmed her down." She was continually depressed because she came out of the closet to a girl she thought had mutual feelings, but then, after she came out, wanted nothing to do with her - even as a friend. So, needless to say, she took it very hard.
Over the next few months we got closer and closer. We would go to stores and talk about which women were the cutest. We both agreed cuteness was better than hotness. When it came time for school dances and stuff like that, she always invited me.
I always had in the back of my mind, "If only she weren't gay...", but of course I never in a million years thought anything would come of it.
One day she started hinting around the subject of kissing me, just to see how she felt. I told her that I was OK with it, even though in reality it was something I only dreamt of, something I was much more than simply "OK" with. She even made a date for us where we would act like a normal straight couple and get dinner and a movie or something. At this point, we were so comfortable with each other we could have acted married and it would have seemed natural.
But when the date approached, she started getting second thoughts. Even just the kiss, even if it were a peck, didn't seem like as good of an idea. She just wanted the experience to say she had the experience and knew it, she knew she wouldn't become attracted to guys on the spot, sh just knew, deep inside her. So she realized that she would have been using me and came out with it. She said it wouldn't fit who she truly knew she was and would only accomplish using me. So, we left it at that and continued with our very close relationship.
My point is, maybe he is thinking to himself that the experience would be something, but at the same time he knows it just wouldn't work. He seems less sure of himself than my friend was - maybe it's just a matter of time before he realizes nothing will happen, and only then can he tell you the same.
If this helped, awesome, though I don't know the full story so maybe I'm being counter-productive...
- Bill
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Hi Bill,
Thanks for sharing your story with me. That must have been so tough for you to go through. But it all boils down to one thing. If someone's gay then there's no changing their mind. Period. End of story.
I think I must have TOTALLY misread him and he is just a flirt but wasn't flirting with me. The fact that he reacted so badly and still doesn't want much to do with me is sad. If he secretly had even the tiniest feeling for me he wouldn't write me off like this. I must not be important to him AT ALL because he doesn't bother with me anymore. I've got big things on my mind so the very last thing I'm going to do is chase him down. What a waste of time!
Anyhow thanks again and have a good day!
Tina
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It's Friday and I know he was here today. Not a peep from him at all when he used to be so sure to wish me a fantastic weekend. That's ok though as he is making WAY more out of this than he should have. It will be interesting if I happen to run into him in the next 2 months. I wonder if he'll run away!
It's funny becaus eon Wednesday he showed some signs of coming around. Guess not!
I'm still actually shocked that he can so easily completely write me off! Hmmm...
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..shows he wasn't worth it SS. You are SOOOO over him!
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S.
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Oh yes! Scott who?
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