What do you guys think? A guy question
#110627 - 10/05/04 05:01 PM
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I have a bit of a question.
Ok, it may sound a bit worse than it really is. For the record, I have a boyfriend that I'm happy with. But I have a bit of a crush on another guy. Don't worry - he's gay! But he's so sweet and super cute. Sigh.
Anyone ever had this happen to them before? I guess we'll be friends but every time I look at him I think he's just too damn attractive and why can't he be straight? I met him as he teaches yoga at my work. We get along great as we both have the same kind of silly sense of humour.
He works in my building and we email each other non-stop all day. Just getting to know each other things and talking about weekend and evening plans. I don't get why he is so intense and wants to know so much about me??? I know for a fact that he's gay so it's not like he dates both men and women.
I'm assuming that he just wants a friend and I happen to be a girl. I have told my boyfriend about him (not that he's so damn hot...sorry) and he is totally fine with our friendship. I keep thinking that somehow he does secretly like me. Is this possible?
Help!  
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Yep (shaking head). Those great gay guys. Happened to me in college. So beautiful, so understanding. So non-threatening.
~nelly~
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YES! That's a great decsription of him. What do you do???
p.s. I changed the title of my post and added in some extra info.
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Listen to his guy probs, have him listen to yours. Get his advice on "what to wear." Have flirty girly umbrella drinks with him. Saunter down the hall with him arm-in-arm. Call him on the phone and have him call you. Talk dirt with him about other guys/girls. Talk dirt about technique. You'll get it all out of your system.
You two are looking for the same thing, a guy who does it for you. This will sink in eventually. He'll never be into you, but you can have a really nice, close friendship with him. But it all boils down to he likes men. Have a great time with him, but know this will sink in with you eventually.
It's alllll gooood.
~nelly~
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Yes, he certainly tells me about his guys problems. For someone so appealing, he has his share of single life...? And that's so funny about the clothing thing as he complimented me on a new necklace today. LOL! Also, one day when he taught yoga he wouldn't take off his boots because they looked good, or something funny like that.
Ya, I know he likes men. I have to keep telling myself that! I even tried "flirting" with him in an email as a [test]. He didn't catch on so I told him that I was flirting and he said it's lost on him. YEP! That's so true. Sigh...
I do want a close friendship with him so I guess I can't let on that I'm attracted to him as it might make things weird for him.
Thanks so much Nelly! Sounds like you've been in these shoes before...
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Think Will and Grace. Since a good friendship is the best you can hope for, make the most of it.
Meg
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Yes, I guess that's true. I would be happy if that much happened.
I emailed him early on that it's too bad that he's gay and I'm straight as I think we'd make a good couple. (Like I said, I have a big "crush" on him!)
He wrote back that this way was better because we wouldn't just have sex and then not see each other again. This way we'll remain good friends and it's more long term.
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LOL! Can you tell i've been there?? You're all good, don't worry. Gay guys love to see and be seen. Try letting him know that you're up for a new club or similar bar adventure.
My friend, shawn kept me on as his designated fag hag our first 2 years of college. He was so fun to hang with and I lusted after him, but once I got a jist of the mechanics of what he was into, I was like, Right! Just friends! He also showed me my first (and only!) gay porn. Ugh. It was called Inch by Inch. Some sort of classic. (shudder)
You're totally cool to know and like this guy. I'm sure he appreciates having you around, even if he ends up only letting you into the peripheral part of his life. It's a great chance to be open with someone who shares your experiences, but has a different point of view!!
~nelly~
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Yes, I CAN TELL you've been there. Cool! I need this insight. Your phrase: "lusting after him" is pretty bang on!
He invited me out for birthday drinks but I couldn't go. He said that we'll have to go out another time. Gee, twist my arm. He would be so fun to hang out with outside of work. I'll have to do that for sure. 
I do want to have him in my life. Hopefully he won't get bored with me since I'm "just a girl". That's kinda what I'm afraid of.
The funny thing is that his ex boyfriend (who works there too) and his other co-worker are so puzzled by our sudden friendship. They had no idea that it started and his co-worker wasn't even invited out for drinks for his birthday.
But his ex gives me weird looks and I swear he is somehow jealous? They have a strange friendship now and he swears that they're not involved at all. I believe him.
I guess like you say, it's all good and I just need to go with the flow. 
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Sara-sage,
I am sure that your lust will eventually turn off, it always does once the reality sets in. Or maybe that is why you have the attraction, you don't feel bad about it, even though you have a boyfriend, cause this gay guy is out of reach and out of the question for obvious reasons.
I have had quite a few gay guy friends, and have seen this scenerio far too often! Although I have not been a part of it.
Even if he trys to not be gay to have that type of relationship with you, he will always go back to the fellas. Gay guys can't turn straight. As much as the gals that love them try!
I have even had a friend come home from the armed forces and tell me he was no longer gay. Before he shipped out again, his going away party was at a gay bar. Go figure.
But is lovely having a gay guy friend! Although the ycan sometimes get a little catty, in my experiences...
I think maybe you just needed to get this off of your chest. You probably feel alot better now, huh?
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-Sheri
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I do feel better. I'm glad nobody thinks I'm pure evil.
And I know that he'd never pick a girl over a guy. I'd never want him to. I respect who he is.
I'm just kinda confused as I am attracted to another guy. It's making me second guess my current relationship. We've been togther FOREVER and I'm thinking that I might not be ready to settle down just yet and this is why this guy has come into my life. To help me figure this out, or to make me question my life a bit. I believe that you meet EVERYONE for a reason. No accidents.
Thanks for your nice reply. 
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Don't we always want what we can't have SIGH  ! But what you can have is a great friend. I hope noone takes this the wrong way but gay guys make the best girlfriends!!! I agree with everything Nelly said. Keep him as a great friend and there is nothing wrong with undressing him with your eyes. It is when you start undressing him with your fingers things can get a little complicated  !! LOL
Good Luck
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Heather7476
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nothing wrong with a friend being eye candy...
but gay friends make some of the best buds and even "girlfriends" in some cases. enjoy the friendship
Amie
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
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Hi, S-S,
Yes, I've had this experience before, so I know what you're talking about. It's possible that your friend "can go either way." If you have such an open relationship with him, talk it out with him.
But before you do, analyze your feelings for both men. If your gay friend wasn't gay, would you drop your BF? If your gay friend "went both ways," would you still drop your BF? And if the latter were true, would you be interested, or would it always bother you that he could (and most likely would) turn to men at some point in your relationship?
On the other hand, can you continue in a platonic relationship with your gay friend? Or will you always want more from him? I found that gay men make FABULOUS friends because there's no sexual tension between us (you'd have to work around that on your part, obviously) AND they relate so well to us females, even more than so many of my female friends. They're a lot of fun to go shopping with because they'll tell it like it is and they have terrific taste.
Okay, I don't mean to generalize, I'm basing this on the experiences I have had with gays.
I hope this helps?
Bevvy
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Hi Bevrs. You are one smart lady. You asked all the right questions!
He is not one of those people who go both ways. I found that out pretty quickly.
I think this is more about how I feel about my BF than this gay guy. It's a wake up call that I want more and that he can't give me some of those things. After 10 years, he's more of a best friend than lover. I'm WAY too young to be in a relationship like that. That's why this new guy has my interest, I'm super attracted to him and realized that I haven't felt that way towards my BF in a while. But is that a good enough reason to end a long term relationship??? For the potential to MAYBE meet someone more similar to me and someone I have a strong attraction to? 
I'd definitely rather stay friends with this gay guy as I wouldn't be intimate with him (if I were single)as I hear he's been promiscuous. He was a bartendar in a bar and dated a lot from what he has said. But can I be freinds with him if I have a crush on him? Anyhow, I won't get him involved in my new confusion about my life.
Anyhow, thanks for your thoughtful insight and reply.
Edited by Sara-Sage (10/07/04 03:49 AM)
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A question for ya. Did you find it hard to hear about your gay friend's boyfriends? Mine told me he had a kiss with some guy he's been flirting with and I felt a slight pang of jealousy! So strange!
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When I was in high school I broke up with a long term boyfriend for a guy. My mom insisted he was gay. I didn't believe her and when he asked me to go out, I thought it was a date. WRONG....He was just looking for a friend. I tried to kiss him and it was like kissing my mom!!! HOW embarrassing!!! Anyway, ruined our great friendship. I wish I could do over again because we had SO much fun together. It was like having a girlfriend but with all the perks of that girl being a boy! Nobody looks at you weird if you hold hands. You feel safe out because you're with a guy. They're not catty and 2 faced like most girls. Enjoy your new friend! I think maybe you should really look at your boyfriend though. If you're willing to look around (even at a gay man) than maybe he isn't the guy for you??? My motto through college was, I'm not married until I'm married. Meaning that if my eyes and heart start to wander, then this isn't the right guy. I've been married for almost 10 years and I've never once lusted after another guy. (Not that I'm blind and don't enjoy a good looking man, but I would never consider leaving my husband).
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Oh yeah! For sure! It was harder when my firend looked at another guy lustingly, and the guy looked back! But his relationships were a lot different than mine. A lot quicker. Think speed dating. With sex. And then it's all over and he's looking for another conquest. This whole idea was new to me. It totally turned me off.
He explained a lot about gay culture to me. About how you've got a boyfriend, but then you have a quickie with someone else, and back to the boyfriend. And your boyfriend doesn't care. Cos he's doing it too.
OK, think of this, a guy's locker room. And they're all talking about all the sex they're having with girls, and all the sex they want to have. How they're always horney and it's never enough. Now picture them being interested, instead, with each other. Now they can have all the sex they're capable of. Now they're rating the sex between each other, the guy's bodies, how slutty each other are. That's the climate you're up against. This is the gay bar culture. You're just an outsider observing this. But you don't participate. It's just a spectator sport for you. You're not on the team. You don't play.
Would it be great to find a guy who's all into that metrosexual lifestyle? And who's into you? Sure! You just need to find a guy who plays on your team! This guy just isn't that into you. Not like that.
It's hard when someone you like digs another guy. But you never had a chance anyway. Can you take comfort in that? Probably not. Listen, you've still got a chunk of his time. Hang onto that. That's the best part anyway!
Sorry for the long post.
~nelly~
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Sara Sage
#111089 - 10/07/04 10:15 AM
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Sheri01
Reged: 04/19/04
Posts: 1731
Loc: New Jersey
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The feelings that you are describing about your BF sound just the way I feel about my BF lately. We get along great (for the most part), but I don't have the at fiery lust and passionate feelings about him anymore. I don't know if I can compare too much to your situation, because you said that you were with your BF for 10 yrs, I have been with mine only almost two.
It is so complicated feeling like that, cause if you are anything like me, you are thinking, "Well, I could atleast 'make do' with him, becasue even if I am not 'in-love' with him I do 'love him'." Or "This guy is great for me in so many ways, we are the best match- could there be anyone else out there for me that mathces up?" or "He knows everything about me and is so tolerant and accepting, would another guy be disturbed by the fact I may get an explosive case of D while out on a date?"
I battled with this for the past couple of months, and I decided to take it little by little. maybe it is only a phase, who knows. You have to be careful not to sabatoge your life, you know what I mean?
I had a heart to heart with him awhile back (minus the attraction to other guys part), but he was willing to work with me. I don't necessarily recommend trying this, because if someone had a talk like that with me, I would dump them, end of story!
I feel like this makes me the most horrible GF, but I really want to make sure that it is the right choice rather than jump into what could be a needless breakup.
Is this kinda of hhow you are feeling? Or am I off track?
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-Sheri
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Thanks for your reply. I do wander if this is a big clue to myself to seriously consider breaking up.
I will have fun and enjoy his friendship. I'm going to be an angel for Halloween and he just suggested taking me to an "adult" store to help me something out to wear. Hmmmm? Ok. I think he's being a tease.
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Wow, we are in the same situation, kind of, you know (minus the gay guy thing). I feel the same way. I love him but there's no passion. I do also feel like I could probably "make due" but that wouldn't be fair to him -- or to me. Dammit, I want passion and a strong attraction. When you don't have that, it's just a strong friendship.
I do worry that another guy will get grossed out with my IBS problems. It would be tricky for sure. 
My BF and I know we have issues to work out but he doesn't know how I honestly feel about him. I would never tell him as it would hurt him too much.
It's such a tough call. The grass always looks greener on the other side, doesn't it?
** A small update ** about my new friend. We were talking about kissing and I asked him if gay guys kiss as often and in the same way as straight people.
We started getting pretty detailed on how we both like to be kissed. He told me that I could watch him kiss his next BF if I want and that he's totally into voyeurism. OMG!!! I am still kinda speechless. WOW!
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Thanks for your long reply Nelly.
I know he's on another team. Dammit! 
And yes, I am starting to get the idea about how they operate. He says he has had a guy "on the side" for 6 years and they sleep together in between other guys. Yikes.
What do you make of this? I copied it from a reply to someone else's post.
** A small update ** about my new friend. We were talking about kissing and I asked him if gay guys kiss as often and in the same way as straight people.
We started getting pretty detailed on how we both like to be kissed. He told me that I could watch him kiss his next BF if I want and that he's totally into voyeurism. OMG!!! I am still kinda speechless. WOW!
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** A small update ** about my new friend. We were talking about kissing and I asked him if gay guys kiss as often and in the same way as straight people.
We started getting pretty detailed on how we both like to be kissed. He told me that I could watch him kiss his next BF if I want and that he's totally into voyeurism. OMG!!! I am still kinda speechless. WOW! OMG I think I need a cold shower now !!! You will HAVE to keep us updated on that one!!!!!
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Heather7476
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Ya, that's how I felt! Geez,what do you say after that? It was through an email not face to face. Thank god~!
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Between this and the offer Heather just got....this is turning into a WHOLE different board than when I joined, I think it needs an R rating!
Sinead
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S.
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YA, SORRY!
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Don't apologise, my life is really boring and these threads are enjoyable, I am no prude!
I thought one of the guys at work was gay because he was playing the "pronoun game" ie referring to "the person I am seeing" and "they" instead of she or he but I was wrong. He is so effeminate and always complimenting everyone on nails, makeup etc. So that little bit of excitement disappeared!
I love these girlie chat threads!
Sinead
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S.
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I know after reading sara's it gave me the courage to post my problem!!! I hope noone is offended!!
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Heather7476
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Ya, me too. I hope Heather doesn't mind that we're chatting up this kind of stuff.
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LOL! Yep, totally common. My friend sounds like he would have liked your friend!
~nelly~
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Awwwwww! She's going to yank us all outta heeeere....!
~nelly~ 
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Ok Ok I won't post anymore of these kind of problems!! Hopefull I won't EVER have these kind of problems again!!!
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Heather7476
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Rolling on the floor laughing!!
ROTFLMBO = Rolloing on the floor laughing my butt off
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Heather7476
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Oohhhhhhhhhhh! Ok. Thanks.
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Hmmm... interesting offer that he gave you, but I know that even though guys like watching two girls "go at it", I am not sure if any girls think the same way, I know I saw gay porn before (quite accidentally, and picture, not live person or on video), and it didn't really do anything for me.
I guess in our guy situation, it has to do with taking risks, and just making do with what you got or moving on and looking for that little more that you may never find.
I would like to hear from some married women on this if they read this, ever go through a phase where you feel more like buddies with your hubby? Do you just stay together cause you do love each other (although it is as friends) and for stability, children, etc?
I feel selfish for just staying together, but actually I am knida happy this way for now, but I know it won't last forever. My BF told me once that he has realized that relatinships of his were over when he saw that they wouldn't be together forver for some reason or another. He says that at that point, you lose interest, because there is no point. I just like living in the moment with him, I know it is a slim chance we will marry one day, but I still enjoy being with him now, even though it is not what it used to be.
I recently talked to a girl that is about 6 - 8 years older than me, and she told me that she broke things off with her ex fiancee when she was about my age, cause she didn't feel that kind of love anymore. She said she was able to find that with her current fiancee. It kinda made me think.
I guess it is like the situation when you stay in a job you dislike, just cause you are comfortable with it, instead of taking a chnace and finding your passion or talent. (also me)
I wonder how many people are like this? I bet alot more than we think are.
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-Sheri
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Ya, the offer he gave me was just to watch the kiss and no more than that. At least that's how I took his offer. I wouldn't get turned on by watching them do anything sexual. Trust me, it would just make me kinda mad like he's playing with me. Which I already think he's doing.
As well as that kiss comment, he also suggested that we go to an adult store together so he can help me find a sassy angel costume for a Halloween party I'm going to (not with him). Ok, what is up with that? If he's into guys, helping me pick out a sexy but cute costume shouldn't do a thing for him at all. Very strange.
I thought about this all night and I might just ask him why he is teasing me like this and what exactly he is getting from it?
About your BF. If you still feel happy with him there's no harm in staying with him a bit longer. But what would you do/say if he were to propose to you tonight? Would you panic and say yes or end it right there and then? I just looked up your info and see you're only 20. That's WAY too young to be with someone you're no longer in love with. I'm 30 and trust me time can go by super fast. I've had doubts about my guy for a while now and staying together longer just makes it that more difficult. We're at a stage where I know he will propose soon. And to be honest, I don't think I would say yes. So why am I with him? he's hands down my best friend and if he were gone I'd have nodody to turn to when things go wrong or when I want to celebrate things going well. Plus, I have so much respect for him as a person and enjoy our time together. But as I said, it's more of a strong friendship than a true romance. That said, it would KILL me to see him with someone else and vice-versa, I'm sure.
I would also love to hear from some married ladies about whether this sort of thing just happens.
I think a lot of couples, married or not, have this frindship thing kind of take over and it might just be the relationship's natural progression? Hard call.
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For those of you that have been following my little "drama" with my gay new friend I have some new info.
He has a new guy in his life. A former co-worker at the bar that he worked at that he flirted with for years. He saw him again last night. Lucky me, I got a detailed email from him first thing this morning about their "fooling around" and how good of a kisser this guy is. This is a bit too much for me, especially since he knows that I have a bit of a crush on him. 
So I am super confused as to what he even wants from me now??? To tell the girl that has a crush on him all about his sexual exploits? No thanks. I am SO mad and don't even feel like being friends with him anymore.
What would you guys do? Nelly? Sheri? Heather? Help. I feel like I have fallen and can't get up!
I guess you guys all saw this coming.
This guy is soooo playing with me and I hate it.
He even took back the comment about going to the adult store for the Halloween costume. He said that since it looks like he'll have a partner again that he'll want to look for something "made for two". Jerk... &%#@!!!!
**ok, he later took that back to saying that he's shy too buy stuff from an dult store and that I'd need to "force" him to buy something**
Aaaggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!! How can I not have a crush on him is the real questions.
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It sound to like to me and this is just my thoughts. He is getting off on you having a crush on him. It is like he wants you to like him and want him but doesn't want to return the favor. Did you tell him you don't want to know the details!! Does he think it turns you on to hear about this stuff. I hope you don't get a offer like me!!!!! Or maybe your the only one he feels he tell this stuff to. I mean I tell my best friend everything!! We have been freinds for 14 years though. Ask him what he wants out of this friendship!!! Maybe he goes both ways!! I am confused and I am not even the one in the relationship. I feel for ya Sara!! Keep us posted!!!
HEATHER PLEASE DON"T KICK US OUT!!!!! YIKES
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Heather7476
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Ya, I'm SO confused. How did I get in this mess? Oh, I know. It was all HIS doing with sending me an email every 10 mins and being so damn sweet and cute.
I just sent him an email and told him I have a crush on him and that I don't care to hear the "intimate" details of his excapades. Hmmm... I wonder how he'll take that.
Good god, this is so complicated. How do people that have affairs do it? (Not that I'm doing that or anything).
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Good for you! I wonder what he will say??? I don't know how people have affairs I am the type of person who can't lie! I turn red and start giggling. I can tell white lies like when my husband asks how much I spent at the store but anything majior you better look for someelse to do the lieing because I will give it away every time!!! I could never get away with having an affair not that I want to have one anyway!!
Good luck and let me know what he said!!!
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Heather7476
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Ok, First I have to say OMG! What a mistake telling him that! Oops. This is his response: "How can you possibly have a crush? Alright, I'll keep certain details to myself.On the very off chance we don't speak before I go, have a happy thanskgiving and try your best to enjoy your family visit. I'll think about you while I'm home doing the same."
I so thought he has been flirting with me this last week or so but he must not see it like that AT ALL. I feel really stupid and I don't know how I'll ever face him again???
Thankfully he left at lunch time and we have Monday off for Thanksgiving so I won't se him for a while. Phew!
I spoke to my friend who works with him and she said gay guys often speak in sexual terms and for us hetero folk, it can be misinterpreted. YA, I'd say so!
Oh my, this might be the last of my posts about him as I think this has freaked him out and he'll be afraid to even look at me the wrong way now!
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Ok well that didn't go well!! I would just tell him that While you have a crush on him it is not serious and you still want to be friends!! I wondered if he was just girl talking so to say!!! Maybe share some stuff with him if ya know what I mean!! I guess you have to decide if you realy want to save the friendship or not!
Good Luck
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Heather7476
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No, it didn't go well. But I'm starting to think it's for the best! Why pine over him if there's ZERO chance of anything happening? And I have a feeling that he'll still want to remain friends at work. We might not ever hang out outside of work though. But maybe that's ok as I'd probably take that the wrong way. And now I won't get any play by play accounts of his kisses and other activities. Yay, to that!
He has all weekend to figure out how to respond to this if he has any further thought. I'm guessing he'll pretend like it didn't happen which would be immature. if he ever wanted a true friendship and I'm more than just a work distraction, he'll want to have a quick in-person chat about all this. Who knows.
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WOW!! I haven't read the whole thread, but sounds like I've been MISSING something here!!
Don't worry, I get crushes on gay guys all the time!! Two of them have ended up being my close friends forever - one since college, the other since my first job. Both have life partners now, but I got to hear all the juicy details before they found their mates -- and it drove me NUTS cause I thought they were so gorgeous and so hot. I used to fantasize about have Jay's baby! And I never even wanted kids!
So don't worry, you are not alone!! Gay guys are just hot, they can't help it!! (Okay, it's a stereotype and I actually know quite a few ordinary average looking gay guys who are real sweethearts, and a few who are real aholes. It's just the normal distribution of types you'd find in the general population. But the ones that are hot, are HOT!!)
So there's my two cents worth!!
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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Hey there. Oh ya he's HOT. He's actually a model. I've seen his potfolio and he looks pretty damn good without a shirt on. He's got great bone structure and the most intense eyes ever. Sigh...
Any time another woman at my work mentions him they always follow it with a "boy, he's cute!" Yes...don't mind me. Little do they know that while they think I'm typing away on a project at work, I'm responding to my 15th email of the day from him; which I had mistaken for flirting. But he apparently doesn't think so. I'm kinda bitter. Can you tell.
I went shopping with my friend after work tonight (who is also his co-worker). I have the funniest line that I am probably brave enough to use. If he emails me and wants to quickly discuss the "crush" thing I'm going to respomd with a "Hey buddy, if you don't want to sleep with me, please don't waste my time!"
I think I would die laughing if I could get those words typed out. But seriously, he's a very sweet guy and I do want to remain friends.
Loud drawn out sigh.......................................
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Tina
#111501 - 10/08/04 04:10 PM
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cailin
Reged: 08/12/04
Posts: 3563
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
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Tina,
You go girl! I think that would be an EXCELLENT way to deal with things!
Sinead
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S.
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Hey Sinead,
Do you think that's a good response? I think it would make light of a potentially friendship-ending disaster. I know him well enough to know that he'd either write back with a "????" or a "please come see me, ASAP" or nothing at all and be completely jaw smacked!
He needs to be played as I HONESTLY think he's been playing me! TOUCHE!!! (insert evil grin here...)
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Post deleted by Sara-Sage
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~ Rachel (IBS-C)
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!
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He's actually cuter than that. The shadows are in all the wrong areas. Plus, he's not doing his cute smirk that makes him adorable.
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~ Rachel (IBS-C)
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!
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Girl you got it bad and I can see why!!!! I'll take one of those to go please!!! I wonder what he would think if he could read this thread! OMG!! Lets just hope he never does!!!!!
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Heather7476
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QT
#111538 - 10/08/04 04:49 PM
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renaanne
Reged: 09/19/04
Posts: 86
Loc: Marietta, GA
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He IS really cute!!! I wouldn't mind pal-ing around with him either. All the fun, none of baggage....what more could you want in a guy (well, I guess sex but hey, you've got almost the perfect man!!!)
Rena
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No, he won't. Never. It doesn't have his last name either so I think it's ok. if anyone thinks this is terrible, I will remove his photo.
He's so hot and so damn gay=so not fair!!!
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Re: QT
#111540 - 10/08/04 04:50 PM
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I know. Even when I just see this pic of him, it makes me want him. Bad, that I now have a pic of him to drool over.
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No I don't think it is bad it is from a public web site so I don't see a problem with it!! I was just teasing ya!!!!
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Heather7476
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I know but still... I feel bad. And he wonders how a straight girl can develop a crush on him...gee, I wonder why/how?
I might remove that post soon. So everyone, have a last look.
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Don't beat you self up hon!!! How could you not crush on him he is FINE!!!!
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Heather7476
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I know! I really would love it if he was not gay. Damn him and his boy-wanting ways. Woman are way better. Doesn't he know that?
But I don't think I can convert him he's too far gone. Hey, I wonder how cute the guys he dates are? Maybe I 'should' start meeting them. he he
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Ok, to try and let you guys know more about him. Picture this cute guy emailing you a million times a day, asking you how your morning is going. And then when I say I didn't sleep well, he'd actually ask me why and be concerned and want to know what was on my mind. I was in a bad mood one day and he was too. After I got back to my desk from visiting him, he wrote that he'll be in a good mood if I will as he hated seeing me in a "off" mood. He remembers what my plans are for the weekend and on Fridays wishes me great weather for the bbq, or to have fun with my cafe lunch with my gal pals. He also ends a lot of his emails with "ciao bella" but I hear that's just a gay expression that's used often.
He lets me know EVERY TIME he is stepping away from his desk and writes to me when he gets back from that or a lunch break. He NEVER forgets to wish me "an excellent night" and even sneaks out of meetings and conference calls to email me. He said me muted his speaker phone during a conference call so they wouldn't hear his typing as he was writing to me. He was waiting for a taxi in the lobby of our building and sent me a quickly typed email (with tons of spelling errors) asking me if I was free if I could please go down and see him there since we hadn't seen each other that day yet. I did (of course) and he was so happy to see me and everyone gave us looks like "what the hell is between those two?" We basically had a 10 min conversation that should have taken 30 mins but we just had so much to say to each other. He had been away for 2 days on business and i think he must have missed me. You don't ask a friend to meet you in the lobby when you're waiting for a taxi?? Come on...
What else? When I visit him in his office, he stands so close to me and his body language is all angled towards me. I 'feel' him more than I see him sometimes. He teaches yoga at my work and every time I open my eyes for 2 seconds during a holding pose he is always looking at me and then turns away super quickly when he realizes that my eyes are open. He was showing me the correct form to do a baby cobra and he laid down RIGHT beside me and put his hand on my lower back to help me with the correct angle (that's not a big deal as yoga teachers often do that--I know). I felt so much HEAT from that that I'd be amazed if I didn't blush.
We talked about hugs one day. I told him that I love hugs (shameless, I know) and he said he loves them too. The last time I saw him (before I revealed my crush) he looked like he was about to give me a goodbye hug but I always kinda run out of his office because I look at my watch and realize that I have been there for 30 mins or more. I should stay at my desk unless it's washroom or lunch break. My co-workers are SUPER nosy and often ask me where I've been if I leave for more than a quick pee in the washroom.
One more quick thing. He brought me a print out of this yoga out of town retreat that he was thinking of going to. He kept saying that he'd hate to go by himself.
Oh ya, when I told him that my BF and I were staying in one Sat. night to watch some movies, he wrote back that he was so jealous. But I guess it was jealous, as in he'd want to do that with his own BF.
Ok, do you guys get it yet??? I am not imagining that there's something VERY intense going on with us. Even his co-worker said that it's all super intense and that she doesn't know what he wants from me???
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Ummm, yeah!! I would get the same feeling if it were me. Kind of makes you wonder though. Do you think he's aware of how flirtatious he is with you???
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~ Rachel (IBS-C)
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!
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Maybe not. But to me, the way he sends me tons of emails and wants to share so much with me, that's more than a casual email thing.
I have decided that he's too precious to end the friendship with. I'll try to save it if I can.
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That's a good decision, I think. I hope he's able to get past this as well. Who knows, maybe you're not the first person he's confused!!
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~ Rachel (IBS-C)
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!
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He did date 2 women and said they were long-term relationships. One was the last year of high school and the second was his 1st year of college. Maybe that's why I keep hoping...
Someone I discussed this with said that sexuality can be very ambiguous and that he may very well be attracted to me but not want anything more than a close friendship. Maybe she was right.
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That's possible. Or maybe he does like you, but is afraid to admit it to himself.
"Things that make you go, hmmmm."
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~ Rachel (IBS-C)
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!
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Who knows. I am seriously DYING to get his response to all this when we're back at work on Tuesday. He'll be visiting family this weekend too so he'll have lots of time to think about things. And I'm sure his new female buddy confessing that she has a crush on him has to cross his mind at least once. He did say that he'd be thinkng about me this weekend. Again, what is up with that comment?????
He also asked me if my BF would be at work all weekend, just before I made my confession. Plus, we are supposed to see a movie with this girl at work (that he works with and I am friends with). He kept being busy every week that I'd ask about it. So I finally told him that this girl & I would be going to it tonight without him. He seemed kinda upset.
We didn't end up doing that (shopping instead) but will be going on Tuesday night. Again, I want to get his reaction to that. She warned me that she wouldn't want to have to sit in between us as it might be weird.
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It's Thanksgiving for you this weekend, isn't it??? Well, Happy Thanksgiving!!!!
He said that, huh? Well, sounds to me like there's more to it than meets the eye!!!
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~ Rachel (IBS-C)
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!
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Thank you!
Ya, who knows. I think I'm starting to get a tad obsessive now so I'm going to go off-line. Thanks SO much for chatting with me.
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No problem!
#111569 - 10/08/04 05:56 PM
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RachelT
Reged: 07/01/04
Posts: 2350
Loc: Minnesota
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Keep us posted on how things go! And try to enjoy your weekend!
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~ Rachel (IBS-C)
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!
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Ok I just cought up on the gossiup! UMM yeah that sounds like flirting to me!! I would be very confused to!! Talk about mixed signals!! I don't know many gay guys are very lovely dovey with female friends because they think there souldn't be any attaction!!! I don't know sweets Keep us posted!!
Have a great Thanks Giving!!!
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Heather7476
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Oh ya, and when I visit him in his office he sends me an email that I get when I return to my desk saying that my visit "made his day". I find that one a bit much. I would never say to my friend Liz that she made my day by coming to see me?! Huh?!
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SS, do you like this guy? Is he your friend? Or is it just the hots you have for him? If he's your friend, then talk it out with him, tell him how he made you feel. I can guarantee you he'll understand. You want him as a friend, then be a friend to him.
Now, if it's just the hots you have for him, get over it and move on. Put him SOOOO out of your mind. He came along in your life when you needed to think things through about your relationship with your BF, and that's great. But he's not interested in a hot and heavy relationship with you. Forget him. Hot Gay Guy is history.
Bevvy
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Hi there! Yes, I do like this guy. It's more than a strong attraction too. He's a really sweet guy. I don't want to lose him as a friend. I would like a relationship with him but don't think that would ever happen. And if anything, like a simple kiss, ever happened it would end there.
I would just write him off and forget about him but he sucked me in by having me get to know him so well in the last month. I only realized last week that I had a crush on him. If he was a jerk or uninteresting then it would be super easy.
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.....You want a relationship with a man that has a relationship with other men???
I'm sorry, but just that picture in my mind is enough to turn me off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You want him to suddenly have this desire for you----and then leave you for a man? You want to get AIDS or something?
I don't care how "hot" this guy was, I'd be running in the other direction.
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No, no no! I want a FRIENDSHIP with him. That's all! Well that's all BECAUSE he is gay.
If he were STRAIGHT (which he 'CLEARLY' is not) I would want to kiss him.
Hey, maybe I needed you to write to me and be so bold because it is knocking some sense into me!!! I'm trying to forget about him and this is helping. I'm confused about my feelings, obviously.
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being gay doesn't mean he has AIDS or some other kind of disease. There's a lot of straight people in this world with sexually transmitted diseases. Probably more so than gays or lesbians!!!
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~ Rachel (IBS-C)
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!
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I'm sure that gay people have to be extra safe! I would hope that he'd have enough sense to always use protection. In fact, he tells me he still gets embarassed every time he buys condoms at a pharmacy so he defintely uses them. But that's beside the point. I'm not sleeping with him, nor will I.
Plus, I've known tons of hetero women who have had their fair shair of one night stands (who did not use any protection!).
It wasn't that comment about AIDS that got me to wake up. It was more that if ever he decided to try dating a woman again (because he has had 2 serious long-term relationships with women) he'd ALWAYS end up going back to men. Why would I ever put myself in that situation?
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I don't have much time to post, am about to leave for my first haunted walk this year!
Well, SaraSage, things are getting kinda complicated for ya! I am not sure how gay guys think. If I was still friends with the ones I had, I would ask thier insight. I had a freind (actually two) that were gay and at the time I didn't know, and they would ALWAYS be hanging all over girls. They would always kiss them and make out with them, too, than the gals would be heartbroken when the guys would not want tanything to do with them anymore. My one friend has a "serious" boyfriend, but if he went out without him and got drunk, he would always wind up hooking up with his best friend (a very attractive girl). He also said the comment to me last year about htis same girl, "You should see her halloween costume, she tried it on for me {she dressed up as a dominatrix}. I better not get to drunk. or someething will happen between us at the Halloween party".
Is it just me, or does that make no sense at all?
Maybe you should tone things down with him, and like answer every couple of emails, and force yourself to concentrate on work. You don't want to lose your job over him. if he calls you over to his desk, say that you can't. You could be friends, but just lose some of the intensity. last thing that yuou need is a guy that you aren't dating to make your life complicated! But, you also are taking the chance that if you tone things down that he might get mad and nt want to be friends at all.
About my own issues, I got to talking with the BF last night, and although we didn't talk directly about "us", we talked about relationships and marriage in general. He made the comment that one day when he marries, "maybe it will be to you, or maybe it won't". it didn't sound tacky, and it put me at ease, cause he is not thinking that far ahead anymore.
i also don't want to lose my best (and well, lets face it, only) friend, but for some reason this seems right for right now, even though I know it won't be right for much longer. Even though I know we are reaching the end, for some reason I am still enjoying the moment. It seems weird, I don't even completely understand it. But I am gonna make sure that as soon as things aren't right and that we aren't happy to move on. You are right, life is too short.
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-Sheri
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Well have a great time on your haunted walk. Sounds like fun.
About my problem. I do agree that it's getting pretty complicated. I would never lose my job because I work with huge slackers that surf the net and make lots of long personal calls a day. I am the hard working one in the bunch! Plus my boss lets them get away with that as long as the work gets done. The same would apply to me.
I will see what happens on Tuesday and what his thoughts are. I think I will let him know that I cannot be writing so many emails to him. One particular co-worker came over a few times to my desk one day and each time I was responding to one of his emails. But like I said, she isn't an angel and talk to her boyfriend on the phone for 15-20 mins 5 times a day!
I think if I explain to him that things are too intense and that this isn't a typical friendship that he'll agree. But as I've said, I do want him as a friend because he is a great guy. I would say that even if he was ugly.
About your guy. Well that's good to know. I wonder if he senses that the end might be near too? Or that you're losing interest a slight bit? Who knows, but it's good that you know where he stands now.
I've had so much time to think about my own relationship this weekend but haven't come to any conclusions yet.
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I have been reading through these posts and felt compelled to respond to this...I am not technically married (but we might as well be!) Anyways, that is a long story (we work together so there are a few technicalities that must be ironed out) ANYWAY, as far as romance progressing to a friendship...From my perspective, I believe that is a NORMAL progression. The way you describe how you feel about him, it just sounds like you and him need to put the spark back. Maybe meet at a motel for a midday romp or go somewhere peaceful to just sit back (together) in silence and reflect (depending on what type of person you are) My hubby and I get into a rutt and it feels like the same thing day in and day out...but with a little effort on both of our parts, we manage to keep the spark alive. We have been together for 2 years, but I know couples who have been together for 15, 25 years and share the same sentiments. I often tell people that he is my best friend and he is. There is no one I would rather "hang out" with then him. We play together (and I don't mean the sexual kind) we do kid's stuff, play video games, wrestle, tickle, just play and act silly....We tell stories about our things in our past and literally will spend hours just laughing. I can't imagine my life without him in it. At the beginning I got butterflies anytime we were together, but romance goes away (or fades). You have to have something else there to stay together. We share the good times and the bad....We still argue and disagree and sometimes we have to agree to disagree (especially when it comes to child-rearing) We each have a son from a previous marriage and we have a child together...So, we have gone through a lot of tribulation to get where we are today. We have certain rules that we live by (like always saying "I love you" to each other before we part, even when we are mad) to try and curb residual anger and hurt that breeds resentment. We put the other one ahead of ourselves and try to be understanding when each of us is in a foul mood.
I'm sorry, didn't mean to turn into some advice columnist... In response to your question, let me reiterate..if you truly feel the way that you described, then I think that your relationship is right on track...you just might need to relight your spark. As far as having a crush on someone, there is a guy I work with that I have a major crush on...but I would never sacrifice what my hubby and I have together, because the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Good luck to you.... J9
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Hi there, thanks for your long email. 
I do think that the main problem is that the spark is gone. *You're right about that*. I think that we've got used to not being "close" that now it's almost a hassle. That's a shame. Of course in the begining we couldn't keep our hands off each other and annoyed people with our constant kissing. I guess that goes away and doesn't last a lifetime?
Don't get me wrong, we say we love wach other all the time too and I still leave him silly loves notes on the fridge with big hearts all over. But it's more of a love than lust or strong physical desire.
Maybe I should see a counsellor or something to see what they say. I just don't know if it's fixable as this has been an isuue for a couple years, it hasn't just come up now.
I agree that crushes should stay like that and not progress if you're in a relationship and commitment. I would NEVER cheat on him EVER. I would break up with him before letting anything happen with someone else. It's never even come close to that in 10 years so maybe we have been doing well up until now.
Anyhow, thanks again.
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Sometimes I have to almost "force" myself to be affectionate. I love to hug and cuddle, but like I said, we get into a rut...Usually then I will grab my sweetie and kiss him passionately...By the end of the kiss, I am feeling butterflies again...Admittedly, it is hard to keep it going and I get very distracted by the rest of life...Bills, jobs, kids...I have more of a problem with it then him...he brought it to the fore-front of my mind though when he said that it bothered him...so now i make a point of hugging him tight and giving him a "real" kiss once a day (no matter what else is going on)
Well, again good luck to you. Joint counseling might not be a bad idea..I hope everything works out for y'all.
J9
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Ya, maybe that's a good idea. I will force myself to give him a real kiss as often as possible. Great idea actually!
Thanks.
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again, good luck to you both. I wish y'all the best. (by the way, if you learn anything else useful to keeping the "romance" alive, I would love to know)
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Ok, I've been dreading it all weekend long. I have to see him tomorrow and find out if he even wants to still be friends since I told him I have a crush on him. Oh boy. I am SO nervous and wish that I never said a thing.
I don't know what will happen but no matter what I'm sure it will be awkward.
Wish me luck!
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GOOD LUCK!!!
J9
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Thanks.
I am SO nervous this morning and all I have to say is thank god this is an IBS board so I can share that I had to take an Imodium this morning. Oh boy!
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Just relax!
#112242 - 10/12/04 06:02 AM
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Sheri01
Reged: 04/19/04
Posts: 1731
Loc: New Jersey
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You'll be fine... and laughing later when you realize everything is fine.
At least I hope so
Good luck to you!
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-Sheri
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Here's a little story to make you feel better (it could be worse)...
My SIL was telling me about a co-worker that went to the Caribbean with her husband. While there they ventured out on the "clothing optional" beach and her husband had convinced her to go naked. As her and her husband were walking down the beach in the buff, she happened upon one of her CO-WORKERS!!! Can you imagine? I would have ran for the sea (and tried to drown myself)! And it's not like she was a secretary, she was a manager type in her 40's .
Just tell him you're having some problems in your relationship with your boyfriend and right now you would have had a crush on ANYONE that was nice to you. Or just pretend like you never said anything and act as normal. Or tell him the truth, that you really do need a friend right now but that he IS really cute and you would have to be BLIND to not notice. Ask him if he's ever found a heterosexual guy attractive.
Good luck...
Rena
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HA! HA! HA! That's too funny. Thanks.
I did tell him that stuff about being confused with my BF and wrote him a nice letter explaining all my reasons. If he doesn't understand, then too bad for him.
He honestly has no idea how good looking he is. When we went through his portfolio he kept picking all all the flaws in each pic of him.
He still hasn't written to me so I'm getting worried. He should be at work by now...
Thanks again.
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Ok thanks. Nothing yet...
I'll post if anything new happens.
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Could be that you freaked him out!!!? So how long did your whirlwind friendship last? I would just be cool and chalk it up to lesson learned if you don't hear from him. I definitely wouldn't keep sending him email, because then he's gonna think you're stalking him!
I've always heard, the good ones are taken and the cute ones are gay!
Rena
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Damn...
#112291 - 10/12/04 08:41 AM
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Ya, I sent him 2 emails today. One about yoga (since he teaches it here) and the other asking him if he is writing me off, or what?! No response to either email. I know he's here because his co-worker saw him.
Our frienship is only about 1 month old.
At this point, I am getting angry. He CAN'T just ignore me and avoid me forever. What a %*#@ jerk!
I hate people that are wimps. Deal with it like a man!
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Ok guys, advice needed... It's 12:30 and he still hasn't written to me. I'm thinking that he won't...ever.
Do I just forget about him (friendshop-wise) and leave it at that? If he's just going to pretend that this didn't happen -- that is SO LAME!
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if he is going to be that juvenile, then forget him. he sounds like he was a wacko anyways, and especially when you are having this difficult time figuring things out with your bf, the last thing that you need is someone playing games with you.
If your friendship is meant to be, maybe he will come around.
But, on the other hand, he may be avoiding you at first cause he wants a serious face to face conversation first, and doesn't want to pretend nothing has happened.
give him a couple of days ( i know I know, it's tough) before you write him off for good.
hoping everything blows over soon,
-sheri
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-Sheri
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Ya, he's not scoring any points with me by avoiding me.....
I'm pretty angry and have nowhere to direct that!
I'll give it some time. The last thing I'm going to do is hound him. He'll think I'm a stalker!
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