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I do feel better. I'm glad nobody thinks I'm pure evil.
And I know that he'd never pick a girl over a guy. I'd never want him to. I respect who he is.
I'm just kinda confused as I am attracted to another guy. It's making me second guess my current relationship. We've been togther FOREVER and I'm thinking that I might not be ready to settle down just yet and this is why this guy has come into my life. To help me figure this out, or to make me question my life a bit. I believe that you meet EVERYONE for a reason. No accidents.
Thanks for your nice reply. 
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Don't we always want what we can't have SIGH  ! But what you can have is a great friend. I hope noone takes this the wrong way but gay guys make the best girlfriends!!! I agree with everything Nelly said. Keep him as a great friend and there is nothing wrong with undressing him with your eyes. It is when you start undressing him with your fingers things can get a little complicated  !! LOL
Good Luck
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Heather7476
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nothing wrong with a friend being eye candy...
but gay friends make some of the best buds and even "girlfriends" in some cases. enjoy the friendship
Amie
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
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Hi, S-S,
Yes, I've had this experience before, so I know what you're talking about. It's possible that your friend "can go either way." If you have such an open relationship with him, talk it out with him.
But before you do, analyze your feelings for both men. If your gay friend wasn't gay, would you drop your BF? If your gay friend "went both ways," would you still drop your BF? And if the latter were true, would you be interested, or would it always bother you that he could (and most likely would) turn to men at some point in your relationship?
On the other hand, can you continue in a platonic relationship with your gay friend? Or will you always want more from him? I found that gay men make FABULOUS friends because there's no sexual tension between us (you'd have to work around that on your part, obviously) AND they relate so well to us females, even more than so many of my female friends. They're a lot of fun to go shopping with because they'll tell it like it is and they have terrific taste.
Okay, I don't mean to generalize, I'm basing this on the experiences I have had with gays.
I hope this helps?
Bevvy
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Hi Bevrs. You are one smart lady. You asked all the right questions!
He is not one of those people who go both ways. I found that out pretty quickly.
I think this is more about how I feel about my BF than this gay guy. It's a wake up call that I want more and that he can't give me some of those things. After 10 years, he's more of a best friend than lover. I'm WAY too young to be in a relationship like that. That's why this new guy has my interest, I'm super attracted to him and realized that I haven't felt that way towards my BF in a while. But is that a good enough reason to end a long term relationship??? For the potential to MAYBE meet someone more similar to me and someone I have a strong attraction to? 
I'd definitely rather stay friends with this gay guy as I wouldn't be intimate with him (if I were single)as I hear he's been promiscuous. He was a bartendar in a bar and dated a lot from what he has said. But can I be freinds with him if I have a crush on him? Anyhow, I won't get him involved in my new confusion about my life. 
Anyhow, thanks for your thoughtful insight and reply. 
Edited by Sara-Sage (10/07/04 03:49 AM)
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A question for ya. Did you find it hard to hear about your gay friend's boyfriends? Mine told me he had a kiss with some guy he's been flirting with and I felt a slight pang of jealousy! So strange!
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When I was in high school I broke up with a long term boyfriend for a guy. My mom insisted he was gay. I didn't believe her and when he asked me to go out, I thought it was a date. WRONG....He was just looking for a friend. I tried to kiss him and it was like kissing my mom!!! HOW embarrassing!!! Anyway, ruined our great friendship. I wish I could do over again because we had SO much fun together. It was like having a girlfriend but with all the perks of that girl being a boy! Nobody looks at you weird if you hold hands. You feel safe out because you're with a guy. They're not catty and 2 faced like most girls. Enjoy your new friend! I think maybe you should really look at your boyfriend though. If you're willing to look around (even at a gay man) than maybe he isn't the guy for you??? My motto through college was, I'm not married until I'm married. Meaning that if my eyes and heart start to wander, then this isn't the right guy. I've been married for almost 10 years and I've never once lusted after another guy. (Not that I'm blind and don't enjoy a good looking man, but I would never consider leaving my husband).
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Oh yeah! For sure! It was harder when my firend looked at another guy lustingly, and the guy looked back! But his relationships were a lot different than mine. A lot quicker. Think speed dating. With sex. And then it's all over and he's looking for another conquest. This whole idea was new to me. It totally turned me off.
He explained a lot about gay culture to me. About how you've got a boyfriend, but then you have a quickie with someone else, and back to the boyfriend. And your boyfriend doesn't care. Cos he's doing it too.
OK, think of this, a guy's locker room. And they're all talking about all the sex they're having with girls, and all the sex they want to have. How they're always horney and it's never enough. Now picture them being interested, instead, with each other. Now they can have all the sex they're capable of. Now they're rating the sex between each other, the guy's bodies, how slutty each other are. That's the climate you're up against. This is the gay bar culture. You're just an outsider observing this. But you don't participate. It's just a spectator sport for you. You're not on the team. You don't play.
Would it be great to find a guy who's all into that metrosexual lifestyle? And who's into you? Sure! You just need to find a guy who plays on your team! This guy just isn't that into you. Not like that.
It's hard when someone you like digs another guy. But you never had a chance anyway. Can you take comfort in that? Probably not. Listen, you've still got a chunk of his time. Hang onto that. That's the best part anyway!
Sorry for the long post.
~nelly~
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Sara Sage
#111089 - 10/07/04 10:15 AM
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Sheri01
Reged: 04/19/04
Posts: 1731
Loc: New Jersey
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The feelings that you are describing about your BF sound just the way I feel about my BF lately. We get along great (for the most part), but I don't have the at fiery lust and passionate feelings about him anymore. I don't know if I can compare too much to your situation, because you said that you were with your BF for 10 yrs, I have been with mine only almost two.
It is so complicated feeling like that, cause if you are anything like me, you are thinking, "Well, I could atleast 'make do' with him, becasue even if I am not 'in-love' with him I do 'love him'." Or "This guy is great for me in so many ways, we are the best match- could there be anyone else out there for me that mathces up?" or "He knows everything about me and is so tolerant and accepting, would another guy be disturbed by the fact I may get an explosive case of D while out on a date?"
I battled with this for the past couple of months, and I decided to take it little by little. maybe it is only a phase, who knows. You have to be careful not to sabatoge your life, you know what I mean?
I had a heart to heart with him awhile back (minus the attraction to other guys part), but he was willing to work with me. I don't necessarily recommend trying this, because if someone had a talk like that with me, I would dump them, end of story!
I feel like this makes me the most horrible GF, but I really want to make sure that it is the right choice rather than jump into what could be a needless breakup.
Is this kinda of hhow you are feeling? Or am I off track?
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-Sheri
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Thanks for your reply. I do wander if this is a big clue to myself to seriously consider breaking up.
I will have fun and enjoy his friendship. I'm going to be an angel for Halloween and he just suggested taking me to an "adult" store to help me something out to wear. Hmmmm? Ok. I think he's being a tease.
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