Can anyone relate to keepin up a normal facade?
#364119 - 04/02/11 11:03 AM
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taroh73
Reged: 12/28/04
Posts: 184
Loc: chicago, il
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I have had severe and in many ways debilitating IBS for over a decade. It has robbed what would have been my years of building a career, dating, having kids. Yet, I go out there and put on a brave face everyday, and other than lots of "there must be something wrong with you or you wouldnt'.(fill in the blank- be single, work here, etc..) I put on to people that I am totally normal because I am too embarrassed to admit I have IBS, am too private to have the I don't care what others think attitude. But the flipside of that is that when you try to explain to someone how devastating and horrifying the symptoms and life impact are, they think it mustn't be that bad becasue I am so "normal".
Does anyone get what I am saying. I am exhausted by the energy it takes to go out into life and pretend for whatever the number of hours is- that I am normal. And then I come home and collapse by myself, having kept it together all day. Anyone get it? And please, no offense, but I'm not looking for the cheerleaders to tell me I shouldn't care what anyone thinks. I do, period.
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I completely understand what you're saying about keeping up a "normal facade". I used to go into the doctor's office and the nurse would even tell me "you look great--what are you doing here?" and I wanted to smash her because I felt so horrible inside. I don't have an answer because I, too, have avoided social situations and even my best friend doesn't understand this whole thing. Some days I eat something and it's fine and the next time I eat the same thing and I'm in the bathroom the whole next morning. Luckily, I am now retired because working was absolutely miserable and I loved my job but hated the travel that went with it. I lived on bread, mashed potatoes, water, Imodium and sometimes a laxative depending on what my stomach chose to do that day. I hated it--it runs my life. And my doctor says IBS is not curable but it's manageable. So far, I haven't found it very manageable in social situations. Just know that someone else is in the same boat and at least this doesn't lead to cancer (one good thing).
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Thanks for sharing... it is always nice to hear, and I totally relate to wanting to smash the nurse in the face! That made me laugh.. I want to smash a lot of people in the face. I guess we are supposed to walk around with saggy eyes and depressed faces and scratchy throats, even though it's our damn bowels that don't work- and you can't see that! SOOOO FRUSTRATING!
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I'm anxious about the upcoming Easter holiday, as well as a wedding later this year. It will be hard to keep up a normal facade, when I'm the only one not eating (or eating a few side dishes, etc. that I personally make and bring to family gatherings). I don't want to seem rude by bringing my own food (and eating my own food), but I don't care to explain my ordeal either to my in-laws. The wedding will be another matter.....any suggestions?
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I hear you loud and clear. I am at the point where I am getting very angry about having IBS and that can't be a good thing. Is this the new normal? I am 40 years old and I don't think I can function like this for much longer. I have a wife and kids to think about, thank goodness, or I would only have my IBS to keep me company. Nowadays, I'd rather sit on my couch than do anything else due to the anxiety and pain. I have reached the depression stage of my IBS and I feel like lashing out.I have not yet tried psych meds but I need some help.
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Well, no one can blame you for feeling that way, and at least there are people who understand you. I am just curious- how long have you had your IBS? Did you get it after you were married? I only ask because I haven't really dated in forever, and I couldn't date now (i'm 38 but there is no room for dating with my IBS). I am glad you have a family around you, although that doesn't help everything. Just reach out when you need to vent- it never helps to keep it in. I am sorry you are feeling so lousy. Truly.
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I have been with my wife for 22 years and I have had IBS for about 1 year and a half. Just came out of nowhere. One day I am fine and the next I am driving 100 MPH to get to a bathroom. Been struggling ever since. Had all the tests and have tried chiropractic therapy, the hypno tapes, Heather's suggested diet, the teas and fiber, and now accupuncture and chinese herbs. Nothing seems to really help. Still feel like crap all the time. Meditation is next on the list (I also practice Tai Chi). I am told that my IBS is due to untreated work related PTSD and hypervigilence. My accu-doc says that it is perfectly normal to feel angry and depressed about my IBS but to not let it overwhelm me. I just cannot accept that I am going to feel like this forever. I refuse to believe that something isn't "wrong" with me physically. I will fight this. Fighting is what I am good at.
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What would you do if you had a serious food allergy? Just smile and eat the food and get sick? No you wouldn't. You do what you need to do to get through this with a smile. Think of your own well being. If someone at Easter or the wedding (is it YOUR wedding?) has a problem with that it is THEIR problem, not yours. Just tell people (if you need to tell people something) that you have bad stomach issues and leav it at that. If the people at Easter or at the wedding have issues with that then maybe you ought to re-evaluate the quality of the people around you.
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Tony - there is absolutely free support for you if you feel you need it, regarding the hypno program (877-898-2539). As I posted elsewhere, we had another person with IBS who also had PTSD after working as a therapist in a prison setting and the program helped - it may be that another round would be helpful - dont give up hope. 
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My Journey and Success with the IBS Audio Program Hypnotherapy Program: www.helpforibs.com/messageboards/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=hypnotherapy&Number=224850
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Yes, 11 1/2 years ago when this all started for me I was a fighter too. I guess reality kept socking me in the face. After trying all the drugs, hypno, diet, etc. I have decided that the best way is acceptance or as the doctors say: "learn to live with it".
Cheers.
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ibs-d (pseudo)with pain and bloating
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