REPORTING IN - 12/6/05
#229612 - 12/06/05 09:44 AM
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Shell Marr
Reged: 08/04/03
Posts: 14959
Loc: Seattle, WA USA
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Everyone post their report for what you did on 12/6 here....
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ugh. a *bad* old-fashioned binge day, on a scale that was rare even way back when. cookies at the office, maybe ten over the course of the day? plus crackers (all left-overs from the benefit last night), and then when i got home a couple of ff cookies, some wheat thins, and a bowl of soy delicious w/ peanut butter. ugh. i went to the gym tonight and i'll be okay, but it just felt *backwards.* i'm not sure what brought this on, what i was trying to ignore. the most obvious thing is money stress - i suddenly (okay, not suddenly, but through my own not-goodness with money) have 25 dollars till next paycheck - a week from thursday. but that's survivable. this morning i just felt *crappy* - like pms, but it's not. tired. not sleepy, but just *tired*, stressed, like i'm overcommitted and stretched thin, but i'm not. that sort of sourceless sense of something being off. a friend suggested it's from winter, but i love winter, it snowed for the first time last night. and i'd been feeling like that before realizing what was up with my bank account. so i don't know. but it led to the bingeing. boo. i'm feeling better now, and the gym was good, but... well, that was my day.
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jaime
ibs-a (mostly d) // vegetarian
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I cannot stop sleeping. OMIGOD. This is miraculous! Could it be the lack of stimulants (coffee, cigarettes)? Hmmmm...methinks YES! Once again, the Nicoderm patch is really effective.
Actually, my M.D. phoned and said I'm anemic and also need more B12 shots, so, that's probably a factor. Nearly whipped up borscht but that felt like way too much SF for today and I'm not in the mood to see red.
Lots of a.m. nausea. Saltines really saved the day. Also, I am discovering that I am honestly too full for stuff like rice/potatoes and generally they end up in the trash, uneaten. Could it be my inner cookie monster returning? PROBABLY. Okay, maybe I'm just in my reclaim my right/priviledge to eat cookies/crackers/cereal instead of other starches, phase. Warped, I know. I think also that because I'm doing food prep. for just me, that I am not motivated.
saltines
more saltines
spinach & portabellini mushrooms with rice parmesan cheese, fines herbs, and balsalmic vinegar (so yummy!)
more spinach & mushrooms with rice parmesan cheese, etc.
organic dried apricot snack (yum)
teddy grahams
tic tacs
Hmmm...I suppose it doesn't sound like much, but if I eat anymore I will vomit. Tomorrow is another day. I did eat alot of mushrooms. I'm still working through the 10lbs. I have in the fridge (yes, seriously).
Kate.
Edited by Wind (12/06/05 09:11 PM)
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Ugh. Money stress. Isn't stress a theif?
Tomorrow is another day. Hugs. I hope you rest.
Kate.
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Hey,
Ok, so I did a bit better today, although I had a few celebratory glasses of wine with friends, since I finished all my finals today! 
*banana, shredded oats, soymilk, tea
*half plain bagel with vegan cheese, small salad with chickpeas and nonfat dressing
*slice of fresh baked sourdough bread, carrot sticks, split pea soup
*about 3 glasses of wine and a small vegan lemon cookie
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Julia
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thanks, kate. i do feel like today's a new day, and though it sucked to be so regressive, i'm moving on.
but what i *hate* is that i had an attack this morning - i hate that it was so my fault. aside from the buttery cookies all day, i had three french fries last night. i went to sleep fine, but then woke up rumbly. i ended up coming into work a few hours late, sleeping the attack off. and it was totally my fault, total hubris about the french fries. 'oh, it's just three, and i'm home and about to go to bed, so it won't hurt me.' wrong. it just sucks to get sick entirely of my own fault. so today is tea and bread and a banana, and probably not more. and i'm supposed to go out tonight, and doesn't an attack and a recovery day just make you feel *so* pretty and attractive. ugh ugh ugh.
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jaime
ibs-a (mostly d) // vegetarian
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Hubris
#229882 - 12/07/05 11:00 AM
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Wind
Reged: 04/02/05
Posts: 3178
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Hmmm...just 3 never works with me, either. I hear you!!! Except for me, it's with green beans versus french fries (pathetic, huh?!) Yes, if I eat too many vegetables, I get big time D attacks. I'm trying to cut my fiber significantly, i.e. to around 30g (or less). I'm sort of playing with the numbers.
Are you drinking enough fluid? Trust me it helps--especially when you're "vulnerable." So does a nap.
I don't know why, but a nap really helps.
I've learned that with most things, hubris has its "taxes."
Do you ever get that sort of "food high" where you think that you're semi-invinsible and that well...it's not going to get to you? I do. And then, "woosh," "kaboom," (you're basic "Green Lantern" fill in the blank captions)!
One of these days we'll figure it out! This "Memories of Smoking" thing has me sleeping all the time. I'm having R.E.M. binges. Honestly, I cannot stop sleeping and I feel younger. I have to avoid hubris in the company of trigger people in my life with the habit. Hmmm...the big bad wolves
I love. I just don't want to be one of them unto myself. And then there's "Hansel & Gretel," and I get nightmares when I've overeaten/overfed me. Or, that swimming pool dream, i.e. it needs to be pumped. Hubris--and then we have the upcoming holidays...
Kate.
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definitely. what it is for me, though, is more of an escape. i wouldn't call it a trance, but i become unaware of what i'm eating, and whatever it is i'm trying to ignore/deal with. it's like watching tv or biting my nails - a sort of vegging out, out-of-body, where the mechanical, automatic thing i'm doing (eating or biting my nails, mostly) distracts me, but i'm also not paying attention to it, either. i can't wait till my health insurance starts (january 1) - i'm going to get into therapy and try to deal with this stuff for real. in so many ways i think it could really help me.
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jaime
ibs-a (mostly d) // vegetarian
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I understand how you feel. I am broke as hell, too. I don't even want to put up the tree because we have no money to buy presents this year!  Ever since I had to quit BOTH OF MY JOBS, we have been without, pretty much everything. OH well....
Tomorrow is another day.....you're not alone, girl. I feel badly for you. If I could binge, I would, too. But, unfortunately my gut is so unstable that I would puke if I tried to binge. I really would love to drown my sorrows in about 10 lbs of chocolate right about now, though!!
Michelle 
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IBS-D. Hiatal Hernia, GERD
Unstable
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Started off very bad day!!! D-Attack!!! 3 Imodium before 12:00pm and about 4 Pepto! The end of the day turned out to be just fine, though....Thank God!!
Citrucel
Mini Bagel
Chamomile Tea
Homemade Baked Fries
Chamomile Tea
Citrucel
More Homemade Baked Fries (everyday yummy!!)
Cream of Wheat
Mashed Potato Burrito
Nilla Wafers
Another Mashed Potato Burrito
Nilla Wafers
Mashed Potato/Mushroom Bake
Mushrooms
Citrucel
Bed!
Slept better, too!
Michelle
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IBS-D. Hiatal Hernia, GERD
Unstable
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One thing, Jaime, that I've learned that has really made a huge difference is to NOT eat in the company of the T.V. It puts me straight to sleep or in that zombie/unconscious eating mode. It makes me vulnerable.
When I started doing this, the distinction between hunger/appetite & random mindless munchies became increasing clear. I can't hear myself think clearly with the t.v. on and make appropriate distinctions. I note that I overeat with the t.v. on, generally. So, I just don't eat with the t.v. on. Sometimes (and you can laugh), I'll sit in front of the t.v. with it turned off and eat, seeing my own reflection staring at me. Does that sound creepy? I guess, eating in front of the mirror, has the same effect. It makes you feel like you're reliving "The Truman Show" or "Being John Malkovich." For the longest time I dissociated while eating...it's really hard to stay grounded/present with the food, the process, to eat consciously and attentively. One of the greatest challenges of my life is to be grounded and "in body." Until about 4 or 5 months ago, I never even bothered to eat at the kitchen table or on my own dishes. I used to just co-ordinate my eating with the t.v.
Kate.
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After so many bites, a food loses it's taste appeal and it's just mindless eating, boring and uh...blanking out. It's kind of how the first cookie tastes compared to the second, or the first 3 bites of something. Really, if I pay attention, and I do...I get bored/tired of eating it. However, with distractions, and T.V. is the WORST OFFENDER (especially combined with mega monster money stress you want to download/transfer), you are prey to the random eating thing.
Lol! I feel like sending you a bag of Werthers or Jolly Ranchers or JellyBelly's, Jaime. When I feel vulnerable to the zombie eating thing, I get really infantile with the food and hit the licorice, scotch mints, altoids, and truly walk around with a big sucker or (not any more, dried fruit!) HOT TAMALES (those really rock!) and SWEET TARTS and most suckers. (Not candy corn--it's vile) The salivatory gratification makes it last longer. Actually most binge foods are really excessively seasoned or rich and make you salivate. At worst/best later you feel like you ate nail polish when you hit the candy stuff. I love the candy that they give you at Indian/Curry restaurants for dessert! I'd skip dinner for those candies. The inner child energy really helps with the stress, and I know that there's a connection...the land/language of forgetting, until the next morning and then the payback arrives. Mega-food hangover.
And then we start all over again.
This food stuff is really bizarre. Oh man, now I want some popsicles. Lol! I wonder if they still make those "Popeye
Cigarettes?" Have you read any Geneen Roth? She really hits home, for me, personally. I've learned, over the years, that I have a really ravenous heart.
Kate.
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Re: TV
#230006 - 12/07/05 08:38 PM
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jaime g
Reged: 07/27/05
Posts: 961
Loc: new york city
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yeah, i do spend too much time spacing out in front of the tv. of course, i don't have a dining room or even kitchen table in my apt - it's the couch or... well, my bedroom, and fear of bugs means no food in there. unless i'm at a restaurant i almost never eat without something - tv, radio, a book. i'm better at work or with other people, but at home alone... well, you know the story. lately i've been good about devoting a good part of my awareness to what i'm eating. yesterday, though, not so much. like auto-pilot, a total split-consciousness - the part of me wanting cookies and getting them, and then the other part of me, being silenced, knowing that this isn't the choice i want to make.
but i haven't heard of that author you mention at all. any title in particular i should look for?
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jaime
ibs-a (mostly d) // vegetarian
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Re: TV
#230012 - 12/07/05 09:05 PM
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Wind
Reged: 04/02/05
Posts: 3178
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I used to eat in the bedroom in front of the t.v. Actually, I'll still eat there, but I turn the externals off. It's really hard, but it makes a huge difference. There are no distractions from the task at hand. It's really weird at first. I understand. The t.v. used to be permanently "on" here. And now...I can't remember when I last watched it. But I always ate with it.
Kate.
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...but I love Geneen Roth!
I highly recommend any of her books, but good ones to start with are "Overcoming Compulsive Eating" and "Feeding the Hungry Heart."
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Julia
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