Depressed
#99884 - 08/21/04 06:17 AM
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heather7476
Reged: 08/09/04
Posts: 2996
Loc: South East Michigan
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Hello
I am feeling realy depressed right now. I know it is silly but I feel like my life is over. I have just started on this road and can't get my head to calm down about it. I went back on the pill after a year of trying to get pregnant. I feel like I let my husband down. He says I am being silly and he just wants me to get better but I feel like better may never happen. I know that my life will never be the same and I have never handled change well. I have no patience's with my daughter. She is a good girl but is a three year old. I feel like the worst mother in the world.
I have expencied depression when I was 19 but haven't had it in along time at least not this bad.I relized that by cooking big meals it made me feel like I was takeing care of my family. I still cook but is all quick stuff. Who wants to spend all day cooking then not be able to eat it. I am still doing the bland thing and miss my comfort foods big time. I have lost 20 pounds in the last month. Not that I didn't need to. i have always comforted my self with food.
Boiled Chicken is not realy a comfort more like jail. We have cancled my husbands 30th B-day party I have to go see the GI doc for the fist time the day before. I am realy just messing everthing up. I had a cry jag yesterday and ended up with bad headache. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I have also started shaking alot never did that before. I feel like this goin got take over the rest of my life. My family dosen't deserve this.
Sorry this truned out so long. Hope everyone is doing well today.
Thanks
Heather7476
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Heather7476
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Heather,
I know how depressing and frustrating living with a chronic problem like IBS can be. Im recently diagnosed with IBS and have been on the diet for 3 weeks--but I have had IBS much longer. I also have migraines which have left me laying in bed while my husband and four kids fend for themselves. I think the worst is when I can hear them all laughing from the other room--I just start feeling sorry for myself. It is true that when someone in a family has a medical condition, it does effect the whole family--my youngest is five and the first week I was trying the diet he got up in the middle of the night crying becasue he wanted me to eat the same as he does. I think food is just a symbol of get togethers and celebrations but it really isnt about the food--its about the people and you havent lost that part. I have realized that eventhough IBS is a lifelong condition--it can be managed and each of us can have the best quality of life we can with our families--I also try to take advantage of the "good days".
Unfortunately I dont have any answers, just know that I and lots of others have been where you are. Take the time to take care of yourself. maybe be adventurous and try some of the recipes in Heather's books or on this site--the few I have treid so far have been great (everyone in my family loved the apple spice bread--they didnt even know it had soymilk in it).
Stick with this diet--Im starting to have more good days then not and Im getting used to what is ok for me to have and what will hurt me (and my family) in the long run.
Take care
Missy
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Re: Depressed
#99898 - 08/21/04 07:34 AM
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atomic rose
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)
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I know how you feel... but please believe me when I say that it does get better. Two months ago, I was laying in bed most of the time, crying, because I felt so horrible, physically and mentally, because of this stupid disorder. I still have bad days - like yesterday, when I saw myself in the mirror and burst out crying because I'm so thin (almost 60lbs gone since January), and my boyfriend had to comfort me the rest of the day - but you know what? You stick to the diet, you *gradually* get a little more adventurous with the food, you stop feeling deprived... and then you end up, slowly but surely, feeling better both physically AND mentally. It will happen.  Please hang in there!
As a friendly word of advice, grilled chicken is LIGHT YEARS tastier than boiled, and it's just as safe for you. I take chicken breasts and partially freeze them, then throw them on my Foreman grill with nothing more than salt and pepper. They come out crisply grilled on the outside, incredibly juicy on the inside. You won't feel nearly as deprived and *blah* about eating as when you're eating it boiled - just remember to have your pasta, rice, or bread with it.
Anyway, I just wanted to suggest that, and let you know that you're not alone... I think most of us, at some point in dealing with this IBS thing, have felt as hopeless as you do right now. But there is hope. You will feel better again, if you hang in there.
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Thank you I am trying so hard to be strong and end up feeling weak. I think I am going to talk to my Doctor about getting some Anti Depressants. I am sure I will come back to this post and read it again and again for the support.
If you don't mind me asking how do you explain this to your kids? Every day my Daughter asks me mommy do you feel better today? Then last night she told my husband I didn't like her anymore because i won't play with her anymore. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die.
Thanks so much
Heather7476
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Heather7476
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Thank you so much for your support no one seems to understand unless they have this. No one under stands why I am so upset they think I will go to the doctor get some pills and be better. No matter how many times I try to explain IBS to them. I can not even begin to express my gratefullness to everyone on these boards for thier help and support. I think I may go out and get a George foreman grill. I can't grill on a real grill to save my life 
Thanks again
Heather7476
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Heather7476
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Re: Depressed
#99924 - 08/21/04 08:21 AM
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atomic rose
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)
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It's too bad we don't live closer... I ended up with 2 identical Foremans, I'd gladly give you one if it didn't involve shipping the thing! But fortunately, they're not that expensive, and it's been worth every penny to me.
I can probably give you a bunch more ideas for really safe food, if you like, just to alleviate the boredom a little bit. I can email you, if that's ok.
And you're right - it's very hard for people to understand, if they haven't been through it themselves. I still have a lot of people in my life who think it's a matter of taking a pill and reducing stress - if only it were really THAT easy, right? Anyway, these boards are invaluable... lean on us when you need to.
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Please feel free to email me. I am sitting here right now trying to decided what to eat for luch other than chicken noodle soup. I have been getting 6 inch turkey sub with only light Itlain dressing I add when iget it home. I have done that twice and seemed ok but don't feel like draging myself and my daughter out to get a sub. 
Thanks
Heather
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Heather7476
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Heather,
as far as explaining this to my kids I just started by telling them "remember how mommy's tummy hurts alot" which of course they do. I then explained that different foods make my tummy hurt worse and some foods make my tummy feel better and that Im trying to eat only foods that make my tummy feel better. Eventhough its hard I also try to "hide" my discouragement about not eating my favorite foods anymore becasue I do not want my children to feel like they are doing something wrong by eating ice cream or whatever treat they have. It isn't easy and Im not sure how much my youngest understands but they all know that Mom can't eat all of the things that they do. I also explained it by saying I have to eat very healthy--(Which I try to keep them eating healthy. we have had lots of talks in the past about candy and other "junk" foods so I relate it to that as well.). How old is your daughter? Try to reassure her that you love her, if you feel up to it maybe try a quiet activity such as reading a short book or playing a quiet game (my kids like cards and I find if I sit with a heating pad, I can do that--reading is a little harder if my stomach is really hurting. You might also try having your husband talk to your daughter--have them come up with ways they could help you feel better--making a cup of peppermint tea or even drawing you a picture. My five year old knows one of his special hugs "helps" when I have a migraine.
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My daughter is three years old. I bought a memory card game and we have been playing that alot. I read to her alot at night before bed. She is used to going to the park,swimming in the back yard (kiddie pool), shopping. things like that. She starts pre school on Tuesday. She goes Tue & Thru for three hours. Then she takes an art class on wed for two hours. I have to stay for the art class and sit in the parents room not sure how i am going to manage that but I will. So I hope that will help with some of her energy. Thanks so much
Thank you
Heather7476
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Heather7476
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Re: Depressed
#99954 - 08/21/04 09:35 AM
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Linz
Reged: 09/01/03
Posts: 8242
Loc: England
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Oh poor you! It's gets so much better, I promise you. I went into depression after being diagnosed and I've been on SSRIs for a while now. They're a lifesaver. IBS seems to go with messed up serotonin levels, which doesn't help! Talk to your doctor about getting some meds. It's just not worth feeling miserable AND they can help the IBS as well! 
Have you got Heather's "EAting with IBS" book? It's got some great stuff, although some is a bit OTT for everyday! My hubbie's and my favourite from that book is the Butternut Squash Linguine, which is sooooo safe. Comfort food for the tummy. And it's just scrummy. Have you trawled through the Recipe Index as well? There are some great things there. Unless you have a real problem with cocoa (chocolate's different - it's high fat too), then I would REALLY recommend the Anti-Depressant Brownies. These are heaven after not being able to eat anything for ages and they're really easy. And even my old picky housemates loved them. Why not make them with your daughter? Bet she'd love licking the bowl afterwards! 
Good luck! And keep right on talking. We're all here for you and so many of us on the boards have suffered from depression that there's a LOT of expertise!
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Hello Linz
Thanks for your support. I am going to call my Doc on monday. That was a great idea about the brownies. I haven't had Chocolate or coca or sugar in Two weeks. I hope they won't bother me. I am going to send DH to store Tuseday when he is off. I just can't do it with Kenna (my daughter) by my self right now. It is times like these I wish my mom still lived here. She is in AZ now. Thanks Again.
Heather7476
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Heather7476
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Re: Depressed
#99970 - 08/21/04 10:08 AM
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atomic rose
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)
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I just emailed ya. If you need more ideas, just let me know!
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I so so feel for you. We ALL understand. Food is such an emotional issue for every human being, a source of connection, nurturing, fun, everything. I have sobbed many a time about this IBS malarky. But it is what it is, and you will reach a point where you will dust yourself off and committ to a diet where finding out what it is that bothers you and what it is that heals you is going to be your mission. During that experimentation you will also have down moments...its a long process and its impossible to stay focused and strong the whole way through. but you WILL do it. And you will become passionate about inventing yummy dishes for yourself.
For now...(and when I go through bad attack times...like right now I am still just eating what you can when you can't eat anything!!)...buy little treats for yourself. I like to buy myself cute, girlie stickers (childish I know), body cream...have a relaxing bath with bubbles and candles and just pamper myself in ways that don't involve food. Put on a pretty top when my husband comes home.
I just got married under two months ago, one month after a stomach virus that most people kicked in one day (I am still suffering two and half months later). I was usually, for ten years, ibs-c and suddenly now, since that virus and ibs-d...its insane. I am a passionate cook and still cook for my husband. It is so sad for me that I can't eat with him, but just watching his enjoyment from the food I make is enough for me. It makes me hopeful too...because I know my ibs is not going to be this bad forever....everyday is a new day of trial and error (tonight I am introducing sweet potato, which I know is safe for everyone, but I am so sensitive at the moment its hard to know!)...and each day will bring surprises...some bad (I can't have chocolate!!!! arrrggghhhhh) and some good (I can have olive oil!!!! woooo hooooo). I just try to focus on the good things I have. I know its not easy all the time, and I let myself feel sorry for myself too (everyone deserves a good sob)...but I then do tell myself that I am not in a wheelchair or dying of terminal cancer. And the good days are appreciated so much...ooooh how wonderful to not feel nauseous.
I know I've been babbling..please hang in there....you have all of us, always, and you WILL get better.
Big hugs and lots of love
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Feel the fear and do it anyway!
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I know what you mean about missing your mum - when you're feeling down you just want to run to her for a big hug and some reassurance. Unfortunately mines at the other end of the country too, but a phone call always leaves me feeling a lot cheerier and she usually talks some sense into me too! I didn't even realise I was depressed, but having been diagnosed with an axiety disorder which has lead to depression I started taking anti-depressants. Although they have by no means provided a quick fix, they have settled things a little and my stomach is tons better - I have eaten things in the last few days that previously I could only dream of. There is hope out there, but it seems that a lot of it is a waiting game - doing what you can to get well, sticking to a safe diet and way of living and then just waiting for your mind and body to heal. I found that a sleep/mood/illness diary really helps to put things in perspective. For example if I have four hours on/off sleep and get really depressed about it, I can read my diary and see that two weeks ago I was lucky to get an hour. Progress is being made although it is slow and everyone has bad days. Take care and don't beat yourself up about not being able to do as much with your daughter - none of this is your fault and you will get better. Food wise I jazz things up with tons of fresh herbs like coriander, mint and basil. I also find that asian flavours are brilliant. Personally I found when I was depressed food stopped tasting of anything for a while so I had to make things really tasty to tempt my palate. There's nothing worse than tasteless fish and white rice when you're already feeling grotty! I also use loads of garlic and ginger as well as soy sauce and black beans.
I hope you start feeling better soon.
Catherine
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Thank you so much. I am already feeling a little more up. I just keep needing to hear it will get better. And that I will be able to have an active life. I feel like Sybil one second I am like I will beat this, it is not going to take my life, I just gotta figure it all out. Then an hour later I am in tears and think my life is forever going to be this pain, and I feel worthless.  My poor DH never knows what to expect when he comes in the door.
Thanks
Heather7476
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Heather7476
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Thank you. I swear without this web site I would have gone crazy weeks ago. I know talking to my mom is always a good idea for me when I am like this. She is the one who made me promise to go to the Doctor. She also makes me feel better about being a mom. She has two little ones to so it is like having a best friend that raised you. My brother and sister are 4 and 3. My mom is turning 50 in Nov. I am going to try to liven up my food this weekend. Even my doctor was like yuk when I told her what I was eating but she said to stay with safe foods just try liven them up.
Thanks for everything
Heather7476
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Heather7476
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I am so sorry you are feeling so low. I think we have all been there at one time or another. Things will get better, I promise.
My first suggestion is to check with your doc about taking an antidepressant. It seems to have helped a lot of people on this board. Sometimes we just need a little help to get started and then things will seem so much better. I'm on Librax for anxiety and it really helps me.
Second suggestion: Could your hubby explain to your daughter that you have tummy aches and that when you feel better you will play with her. Do you ever watch Sesame Street or some other children's show with her? My boys used to love that, especially if I watched it, too. You could even be on the couch with the heating pad but still be spending time with her.
Third suggestion: do you have any friends or family you can talk to or maybe that could even come over and help with your daughter?
Fourth suggestion: when you are in the mood for a subway (yummy by the way) and don't feel like going out, could hubby pick it up for you? That sure would break the pattern of boring chicken. Is there anything you can eat that can be delivered?
Fifth suggestion: do you have any kind of "treat" that agrees with you that you could eat. Mine is "Little Debbie marshmallow pie". I always have one around 8PM as my treat and boy, do I look forward to that.
Sending big hugs your way to feel better soon
Barbie
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Yes - this site really is a life line isn't it. At my lowest moments coming here always puts a smile on my face or makes me see that I am not the only one going through this. It's wierd isn't it - none of this seems real, yet I've been ill for years. Getting advice from people here is so much better than talking to a doctor sometimes, as doctors basically don't have much time to reassure you that you are not a freak.
I have a great deal of respect for people with this illness who have children - I only have enough energy to look after myself and my partner sometimes, although I do feel sometimes that I am missing out on a family life (not that I want children, just a stable family home). I'm getting a puppy soon, and I think thats probably going to be demanding enough!!
Take care, C
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Hi Barbie
I am going to call my Doc on monday and see about getting something for this depression. I have been watching tv with her alot. Tonight i have decided I am going to paint her toe nails hot pink she loves to have her toes painted and it's something only mommy can do . We don't have alot of family aroud here and what we do have all work.My father has know for two weeks that somthing is wrong and hasn't even bothered to call to see if I am alright. My grandparents told him I was sick. My Grandparents are great when the are here but spend alot of time up north, My husbands step mom keeps her when i have a doc app.
My hubby goes and get the subway when he is home but he works till 7:30 at night. He will be having aa lot of time off for vaction soon though. Iam going to try the depression brownies soon. I hope that will help scince I love chocolate. Thanks so much for all your suggestions and support. It realy means alot.
Heather7476
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Heather7476
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Good Luck with the puppy. I have been wanting one but I have to get over my fear of dogs first, we got a 1 year old retriver/sharpa S/P? but it growled at me or daughter all the time then tried to bite her so it had to go. Now I am scared to get one. I was attacked when I was 9 by a German Sheperd. I thought i was way over that but maybe not so much. Good luck With yours let me know what kind you get.
Heather7476
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Heather7476
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Hiya
Could you please email me the recipes too?? Also, I just wondered if you got my email about website retail???
Thanks
Niki
xxx
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Hello Heather; I am new to this website but I wanted to write to offer support. I also have 2 daughters and often feel that I am a bad mom because I can't take them shopping or out to a movie if I'm having a bad day. Believe it or not our most special times is when I make us all a cup of tea and we sit and talk. Even on my worse days I can usually manage that much. This IBS is tough but try to focus on the fact that this wonderful website is filled with caring people who want to help. Best wishes for better days ahead. Tomorrow is another day! Lauriea
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Thank you. Welcome to boards. Being a mom is hard enough. Let alone with health problems. Hopefully tommrow will be better.
Thanks
Heather7476
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Heather7476
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**NikiJ**
#100012 - 08/21/04 12:46 PM
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atomic rose
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)
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I'm an airhead... I got your email, and I totally forgot to reply! I'm so sorry.  I will reply to that this afternoon, and I will forward the recipes (they're "ideas" more than "recipes", really) right now. Actually, maybe I'll post the recipes... it could be helpful to someone else, too... hmm.
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I know how down we can all get. I've had two spells in the last 10+ years that lasted for about a year of being sick EVERY DAY, Other than those I'd be sick a couple times a week (because I hadn't figured out what my trigger foods were yet) but I'm still here! And... now better than I've ever been before so don't give up!!!!  Come here & vent when you are down because there are no better people in understanding. I've ruined many plans for my husband too but it just can't be helped.
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By the sheer number of responses to your post - I hope you feel the support you have here. Many of us have been down these difficult roads. You'll make it. Try to remind yourself that.
As for the pill - I waited until I got my IBS stable before I tried getting pregnant. You know what? It only took a few months and I have 2 b1eautiful1 children. My IBS pretty much disappeared while pregnant. See, you can manage that, too. God will be there for you and see you through it when the time is right.
As for the chicken - here's a variation: lightly coat chicken breasts with fat free mayonnaise or lightly spray with PAM. Dip in plain bread crumbs. Bake 400degrees till done. Can't get much safer - and it's better than boiled.
Keep your chin up, sweetie. You're going to get through this and you WILL feel better.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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Thanks so much! I'll look forward to your email!
Niki
xxx
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I can't get over the support and how much better I already feel. Thank you so much for the mom support it is realy hard right now to think I might not get have another one, but I know I am in no shape to deal with a new born right now. It is just after trying for a year then having to quit it sucks. Thank you so much.
Heather7476
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Heather7476
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Thank you. My husband is so understandig. He is a wonderfull man. I am more upset than he is about the party. He said well at least I wont have to do all that yard work. We were going to relandscape for the party but now it can wait. I just need to get my head on strait.
Thank you
Heather7476
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Heather7476
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Hello Everyone and thank you so much for your support and advice it has helped a great deal today and I know i will come back to this thread in the futer for an uplift.
I have a qustion I am having regular bm almost like clock work now (still a little d but that is from gallbladder removel). But I am still having pain. It moves from all around belly. Is this common or noraml? I am wondering what stable means? I am not on any meds. I am supposed to be taking protinix but keep forgeting it. IT is for heartburn I don't have heartburn. She said it was more to rule it out?? I am just wondering why Iam still having pain even though I am having regular BM Any thoughts or suggestions would be welcome.
Thanks so much everyone
Heather7476
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Heather7476
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heather we are all praying for you. its hard to do stuff with ibs. but we all have to remeber that ibs is are fear and we arent scared of our fear. hope you feel better soon. jasper
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ive had ibs for 8 years now. im learning alot on this web board. thanks again everyone
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Thank you Jasper. I am a firm beliver in prayers.
Thank you
Heather7476
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Heather7476
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Heather7476
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Re: **NikiJ**
#100053 - 08/21/04 04:06 PM
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atomic rose
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)
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Just so you know, I just posted the food stuff over on the recipe board. I thought about it, and it made more sense to put it out there where others might be able to use it, too. *Now* I will go reply to your email - LOL! I'm usually more organized than this, I swear.
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Hello Heather!
This is coming a little late, as it's almost 7:00 pm, but I really wanted to let you know that you have my support along with everyone else. Hang in there, IT WILL GET BETTER!!!
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~ Rachel (IBS-C)
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!
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Thank you Becky T. It is never to late.
Thanks
Heather7476
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Heather7476
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Yep have been since i got a pedacure a few weeks back. That's what started it today she said she wanted nails like mommy and now she has them. She couldn't wait to show her daddy.
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Heather7476
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I am feeling much better mentally today. I just hope it last. I am still going to call my Doc monday. I can't thank you all enough for your support it realy did help and gave me some realy good ideas. My tummy is realy not happy today I am starting to bloat up again I am supposed to start my period thrusday so I don't know if that has anything to do with it. Thanks again for everything.
Heather7476
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Heather7476
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I'm glad to see this Heather.. hope some of the suggestions on the other board and in emails you've gotten help too
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
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Quote:
I can probably give you a bunch more ideas for really safe food, if you like, just to alleviate the boredom a little bit. I can email you, if that's ok.
Hey, Casey, we want to know all those good ideas too!! No fair emailing...post em here!!! Please??!!
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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Quote:
Thank you so much. I am already feeling a little more up. I just keep needing to hear it will get better. And that I will be able to have an active life. I feel like Sybil one second I am like I will beat this, it is not going to take my life, I just gotta figure it all out. Then an hour later I am in tears and think my life is forever going to be this pain, and I feel worthless. My poor DH never knows what to expect when he comes in the door.
Thanks
Heather7476
Heather, first I second every single reply you've gotten. I also suffer from clinical depression and am on a maintenance dose of Effexor. It just keeps me functioning normally the way insulin helps a diabetic.
Second, you must be close to me in age if you remember Sybil!! That made me grin.
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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Quote:
Quote:
I can probably give you a bunch more ideas for really safe food, if you like, just to alleviate the boredom a little bit. I can email you, if that's ok.
Hey, Casey, we want to know all those good ideas too!! No fair emailing...post em here!!! Please??!!
Never mind, I see you already did it! Thanks!
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Laura
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Actually Heather I take that back, you must be younger than me if you have a three year old! I'm old enough to have a 3 year old GRANDdaughter, if I'd had kids!!
And I'm SO glad you're feeling better.
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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LOL
I am 28 but read Sybil when I was 19 never saw the movie though the book was scary enough  .
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Heather7476
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