I need a little help from my friends...please read this !!
#91465 - 07/19/04 07:53 AM
|
|
|
|
|
gigi
Reged: 03/21/04
Posts: 1442
Loc: South Texas
|
|
|
I hope this post is not too long. I am a C, I need help getting back on the diet.
I am exhausted,mentally and physically. My mil and fil have both been in the hospital, since I am the only family member not working most of the responsibility has fallen on my shoulders. My h has taken so much time off from work that it is going to be very hard for us to take a trip...this is adding to my stress...if I don't get away from this place soon, when I finally do leave I am afraid that it is going to be extremely difficult for me to return. (I am heartbreakingly serious here).
A little history for those who don't know me:
mil and fil live next door, for as long as we have been married (29 yrs)
son and dil live across the road (we live in a rural area)
bil and sil live on the other side
son and dil have mega marriage issues (3 kids, who mean the world to me and most of the time I am the only stability they have) 
mil is a very hard person for me to be around (loves to hand out mental abuse, only to me). Most of this has stopped, she has become respectful of her sons, she doesn't want to deal with their wrath if she gets caught being a b!$#$. I try to stay as far away from their house as possible, I only go over if they are ill and in need of a Dr.'s care.
I have been on the go for my h parents non stop for about a month. When I come home, I am usually starving for lack of safe food. I eat the first and easiest thing I can find in the fridge, nachos, ice cream.......you get the idea.
My gut is getting ready to jerk me back into reality....I just don't have the time ( or stop and take it) to take care of myself. I can feel it, right now I am nauseated, mentally and physically exhausted. I really don't care if I have my meds...stupid mistake, stupid stupid stupid.....the thing is, I know I am getting sick and I am too tired to care. Actually, I don't know how I am going to respond if the phone rings and another person asks me to help them or do something for them. I need to be alone, just some time to myself, right now, I could care less if my h and I get to take a vacation together or not.
I haven't even touched on my family...my mom won't tell me about her health problems because she knows I already have a mountain on my shoulders. That is just not right, I love her so much, she is the best mom in the world. I would love to spend a few days at my moms, I am just not up to covering my pain so she won't be effected by it. After all, I am her baby, she still tries to fix my life...I love her, I just can't handle that right now.
(my mil has killed any affectionate feelings I have ever had for her, I honestly have no feelings for her what so ever, isn't that sad and disturbing?)
I know I need to eat right, I am in such a depression that I don't care, I tried to eat a bowl of rice last night, I gagged. I just could not swallow it, its not the rice, its me. It felt as if my emotions were pushing the food back up.
I need some help and encouragement from all of my friends here. For the second time in my life, I feel as if I could melt into the dirt and dissapear. I can't even pray for myself, if you pray, please say a prayer for me. I am just so sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I am trying to get dressed so I can leave for the day before the phone rings. I'm thinking if I spend a little money on myself I might feel a little better. Yeah Gayla, thats the ticket..... 
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Gigi, I'm not sure that I can give you any advice about what to do - sorry. But I will definitely be praying for you! It WILL get better!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Just Say NO!
#91471 - 07/19/04 08:32 AM
|
|
|
|
Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
|
|
|
Gayla, sweetheart, you need to sit down and have a little chat with yourself. How 'bout NOW?
If you don't take care of YOU, who the hell is going to? And if you get sick, you're not going to be able to care for ANYONE -- so what's the point of wearing yourself thin like this, to the point where you get sick? EH?
Quote:
mil is a very hard person for me to be around (loves to hand out mental abuse, only to me).
This is totally unacceptable. If she cannot be civil to you, then turn her over to her sons and walk away. If someone calls you on the phone for some help, either don't answer the phone or simply explain (very politely) that you are not well yourself and cannot help them until you get better.
People can take, take, take, without even realizing it. You have GOT to learn to say NO. For your own sake, Girlfriend, say NO! I'm serious here. You cannot afford to be sick, I'm sure you'll agree with me about that, so stop doing whatever you're doing that's making you sick!
Your own mom sounds like a sweetheart -- like you. Something tells me that being with her might help YOU -- am I right? Then do it. She's more important than anyone who treats you badly. I know from personal experience that family thinks they can be mentally abusive simply because they're blood relatives. I chose a long time ago, for my own health, to walk away from that kind of crap, and I've been estranged from my family for many, MANY years. I could NEVER have lived in your situation, not on a bet! I chose to put that abuse behind me, at all cost, and enjoy the rest of my life. It was the smartest (and toughest) decision I ever made.
Please, Gayla, PLEASE, take care of yourself. Do whatever it takes to make sure YOU are well first, before trying to take care of others.
Bev
--------------------
<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Hi gigi,
I am C too. I am so sorry about your situation.You have way too much on your plate,as you know. Something has got to go,and don't let it be your health.
Taking care of your own health and needs is most important.If you get too drained you have nothing to offer anyone else. Sometimes I can get in this way and it's not until I get sick that I have to give in and do what is right for me.
Don't answer the phone, give yourself some time alone. Others can wait at least long enough for you to relax in a hot bath and let it all go for 30min. or an hr.
For me the tension of all this would really upset my stomach issues. Please remember that it's not your job to help everyone.Some folks have to and need to learn to deal w/their own problems.
Try today or tom. to start out your day eating something good for you that feels safe. Do you have a list of easy things to have on hand or get that simplify our diet?
If you can get back on track you will begin to feel better and have the strength to do what is best for you.
I am having to learn that I need much more time to just be still and let my stomach relax,and to go for walks and keep my body moving thr. some of the day
My typical days have been way to busy and stressful,rushing all day and then feeling bad.It's a challenge but I am beginning to change that.
I will pray for you and know it will help.Please begin to take some steps to lighten your load. Suzy
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Gayla,
You know that you remind me a little bit of myself. I know just how you feel. Earlier this summer, I was going nuts and was on overload. I couldn't take much more. I told my husband that I needed to get away for awhile; where I couldn't be contacted.
We couldn't afford much, but we went to the state south of us and only drove 3 hrs away! We stayed in a hotel with a swimming pool for a few days, went sightseeing and just relaxed and went swimming. It was only for 3 days, but it was rejuvenating.
So, I STRONGLY encourage you to go somewhere, even if it's not anything spectacular. Everyone will find a way to get along without you for a few days.
If you really can't escape for awhile, then tell everybody that you need to recouperate because you're run down. Be strong for yourself. Do it! I know how hard it is to do; but counsel yourself as if you are one of the people you care for.
If it was someone else in your shoes, what would you tell them to do? Take your own advice, and do it! You know it's the right thing to do.
Living so close to all these family members can be so hard on someone like yourself. Yikes! I feel for you very strongly. You have a sense of obligation that rules your decisions at times, but Gayla, you must put you first right now. Believe me, everyone will be just fine while you tend to you! Treat yourself the way you would want your loved ones to treat themselves!
Please take care of you. If I was there with you, I'd make you go lay down and relax. Watch a little Lifetime tv, shut the ringer off on the phone. Lock the doors and turn on the fan to tune out the outside noises.
I'd make a big pan of macaroni, put some spray butter all over it or maybe a can of broth, toss in some canned white chicken, and a can of mixed vegeys. This is what I do when I'm going to need something I can just heat up for several days. It's good for you and safe. I have it with a piece of warm bread or a roll.
If you're too worn out to fix anything, then go to the store and buy some of those healthy tv dinners. Healthy choice has some good ones with baked chicken and roasted potatoes. You won't feel good, if you're not eating right.
You need rest, relaxation, and good nutrition. You know that I understand just how you feel. Do for yourself what you'd do for one of us.
I'll be praying for you,
Terri
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Aww, sweetie. I can only imagine. Sounds like your body is telling you what your mind already knows - you need a BREAK. Whether it's a day, a weekend or an afternoon out SOMETHING. If your Hubby can't go, why not go yourself or with your Mother? You'll get time with your M and that may help - does she live close enough?
Try unplugging the phone.
Your body and IBS seems to be telling you that if you don't take care of yourself, then they WILL force you to.
I will pray for you.
--------------------
Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I love you all, you just don't know how much it means to me that you would take the time to be so sweet!!
I can't cook right now, I don't feel like doing anything. I just picked my sweet little ones up from Bible School. Whent their mom gets here ( she took the baby to the doc). I am going to take a long hot bath....and lay down with the fan blowing on high. I am just going to enjoy the quiet of the house, sometimes I put a note on the door asking for some alone time. It works. Thank God for caller ID!!!!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
gayla!
#91494 - 07/19/04 10:34 AM
|
|
|
|
Sheri01
Reged: 04/19/04
Posts: 1731
Loc: New Jersey
|
|
|
You need a "me" day. When I really feel dragged down by stress I take a "me" day. let everyone know that it is a pre-arranged event, NO if-ands-or-buts. Do what YOU want to do for a day. You need it.
I am too young to have a mil of my own, but I know from seeing my fathers parents treating my mother badly that it can be really tough. Especially in your situation, when you are sacrificing your own health to take care of them!
If they start to get you down, just think of what an angel and good person you are, and that in the end what counts is that you treated them well.
--------------------
-Sheri
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Oh beloved, your pain jumps off this board and into my heart. I am going to begin to pray for you today, and will contiue to do so until God makes things happen. Please don't give up, no matter how hairy things get, go in the baothroom lock the door, lay in the tub with some bubbles, close your eyes and just "TALK" to HIM if you feel you can't pray than don't but He can still hear the pains of your heart without you even speaking. I am lifting you up in prayer today/now, do yourself a favor ok.... take all your hurts, pains,worries, and concerns to the foot of the cross and leave them with HIM, your not supposed to or you able to handle them. anytime you need support or prayer PLEASE email me
angelamongusca@yahoo.ca
remember, someone out there loves you above and below.
shirl
--------------------
if God brought you to it. He will bring you through it.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
Posts
