I need a little help from my friends...please read this !!
#91465 - 07/19/04 07:53 AM
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gigi
Reged: 03/21/04
Posts: 1442
Loc: South Texas
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I hope this post is not too long. I am a C, I need help getting back on the diet.
I am exhausted,mentally and physically. My mil and fil have both been in the hospital, since I am the only family member not working most of the responsibility has fallen on my shoulders. My h has taken so much time off from work that it is going to be very hard for us to take a trip...this is adding to my stress...if I don't get away from this place soon, when I finally do leave I am afraid that it is going to be extremely difficult for me to return. (I am heartbreakingly serious here).
A little history for those who don't know me:
mil and fil live next door, for as long as we have been married (29 yrs)
son and dil live across the road (we live in a rural area)
bil and sil live on the other side
son and dil have mega marriage issues (3 kids, who mean the world to me and most of the time I am the only stability they have) 
mil is a very hard person for me to be around (loves to hand out mental abuse, only to me). Most of this has stopped, she has become respectful of her sons, she doesn't want to deal with their wrath if she gets caught being a b!$#$. I try to stay as far away from their house as possible, I only go over if they are ill and in need of a Dr.'s care.
I have been on the go for my h parents non stop for about a month. When I come home, I am usually starving for lack of safe food. I eat the first and easiest thing I can find in the fridge, nachos, ice cream.......you get the idea.
My gut is getting ready to jerk me back into reality....I just don't have the time ( or stop and take it) to take care of myself. I can feel it, right now I am nauseated, mentally and physically exhausted. I really don't care if I have my meds...stupid mistake, stupid stupid stupid.....the thing is, I know I am getting sick and I am too tired to care. Actually, I don't know how I am going to respond if the phone rings and another person asks me to help them or do something for them. I need to be alone, just some time to myself, right now, I could care less if my h and I get to take a vacation together or not.
I haven't even touched on my family...my mom won't tell me about her health problems because she knows I already have a mountain on my shoulders. That is just not right, I love her so much, she is the best mom in the world. I would love to spend a few days at my moms, I am just not up to covering my pain so she won't be effected by it. After all, I am her baby, she still tries to fix my life...I love her, I just can't handle that right now.
(my mil has killed any affectionate feelings I have ever had for her, I honestly have no feelings for her what so ever, isn't that sad and disturbing?)
I know I need to eat right, I am in such a depression that I don't care, I tried to eat a bowl of rice last night, I gagged. I just could not swallow it, its not the rice, its me. It felt as if my emotions were pushing the food back up.
I need some help and encouragement from all of my friends here. For the second time in my life, I feel as if I could melt into the dirt and dissapear. I can't even pray for myself, if you pray, please say a prayer for me. I am just so sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I am trying to get dressed so I can leave for the day before the phone rings. I'm thinking if I spend a little money on myself I might feel a little better. Yeah Gayla, thats the ticket..... 
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Gigi, I'm not sure that I can give you any advice about what to do - sorry. But I will definitely be praying for you! It WILL get better!
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Just Say NO!
#91471 - 07/19/04 08:32 AM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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Gayla, sweetheart, you need to sit down and have a little chat with yourself. How 'bout NOW?
If you don't take care of YOU, who the hell is going to? And if you get sick, you're not going to be able to care for ANYONE -- so what's the point of wearing yourself thin like this, to the point where you get sick? EH?
Quote:
mil is a very hard person for me to be around (loves to hand out mental abuse, only to me).
This is totally unacceptable. If she cannot be civil to you, then turn her over to her sons and walk away. If someone calls you on the phone for some help, either don't answer the phone or simply explain (very politely) that you are not well yourself and cannot help them until you get better.
People can take, take, take, without even realizing it. You have GOT to learn to say NO. For your own sake, Girlfriend, say NO! I'm serious here. You cannot afford to be sick, I'm sure you'll agree with me about that, so stop doing whatever you're doing that's making you sick!
Your own mom sounds like a sweetheart -- like you. Something tells me that being with her might help YOU -- am I right? Then do it. She's more important than anyone who treats you badly. I know from personal experience that family thinks they can be mentally abusive simply because they're blood relatives. I chose a long time ago, for my own health, to walk away from that kind of crap, and I've been estranged from my family for many, MANY years. I could NEVER have lived in your situation, not on a bet! I chose to put that abuse behind me, at all cost, and enjoy the rest of my life. It was the smartest (and toughest) decision I ever made.
Please, Gayla, PLEASE, take care of yourself. Do whatever it takes to make sure YOU are well first, before trying to take care of others.
Bev
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Hi gigi,
I am C too. I am so sorry about your situation.You have way too much on your plate,as you know. Something has got to go,and don't let it be your health.
Taking care of your own health and needs is most important.If you get too drained you have nothing to offer anyone else. Sometimes I can get in this way and it's not until I get sick that I have to give in and do what is right for me.
Don't answer the phone, give yourself some time alone. Others can wait at least long enough for you to relax in a hot bath and let it all go for 30min. or an hr.
For me the tension of all this would really upset my stomach issues. Please remember that it's not your job to help everyone.Some folks have to and need to learn to deal w/their own problems.
Try today or tom. to start out your day eating something good for you that feels safe. Do you have a list of easy things to have on hand or get that simplify our diet?
If you can get back on track you will begin to feel better and have the strength to do what is best for you.
I am having to learn that I need much more time to just be still and let my stomach relax,and to go for walks and keep my body moving thr. some of the day
My typical days have been way to busy and stressful,rushing all day and then feeling bad.It's a challenge but I am beginning to change that.
I will pray for you and know it will help.Please begin to take some steps to lighten your load. Suzy
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Gayla,
You know that you remind me a little bit of myself. I know just how you feel. Earlier this summer, I was going nuts and was on overload. I couldn't take much more. I told my husband that I needed to get away for awhile; where I couldn't be contacted.
We couldn't afford much, but we went to the state south of us and only drove 3 hrs away! We stayed in a hotel with a swimming pool for a few days, went sightseeing and just relaxed and went swimming. It was only for 3 days, but it was rejuvenating.
So, I STRONGLY encourage you to go somewhere, even if it's not anything spectacular. Everyone will find a way to get along without you for a few days.
If you really can't escape for awhile, then tell everybody that you need to recouperate because you're run down. Be strong for yourself. Do it! I know how hard it is to do; but counsel yourself as if you are one of the people you care for.
If it was someone else in your shoes, what would you tell them to do? Take your own advice, and do it! You know it's the right thing to do.
Living so close to all these family members can be so hard on someone like yourself. Yikes! I feel for you very strongly. You have a sense of obligation that rules your decisions at times, but Gayla, you must put you first right now. Believe me, everyone will be just fine while you tend to you! Treat yourself the way you would want your loved ones to treat themselves!
Please take care of you. If I was there with you, I'd make you go lay down and relax. Watch a little Lifetime tv, shut the ringer off on the phone. Lock the doors and turn on the fan to tune out the outside noises.
I'd make a big pan of macaroni, put some spray butter all over it or maybe a can of broth, toss in some canned white chicken, and a can of mixed vegeys. This is what I do when I'm going to need something I can just heat up for several days. It's good for you and safe. I have it with a piece of warm bread or a roll.
If you're too worn out to fix anything, then go to the store and buy some of those healthy tv dinners. Healthy choice has some good ones with baked chicken and roasted potatoes. You won't feel good, if you're not eating right.
You need rest, relaxation, and good nutrition. You know that I understand just how you feel. Do for yourself what you'd do for one of us.
I'll be praying for you,
Terri
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Aww, sweetie. I can only imagine. Sounds like your body is telling you what your mind already knows - you need a BREAK. Whether it's a day, a weekend or an afternoon out SOMETHING. If your Hubby can't go, why not go yourself or with your Mother? You'll get time with your M and that may help - does she live close enough?
Try unplugging the phone.
Your body and IBS seems to be telling you that if you don't take care of yourself, then they WILL force you to.
I will pray for you.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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I love you all, you just don't know how much it means to me that you would take the time to be so sweet!!
I can't cook right now, I don't feel like doing anything. I just picked my sweet little ones up from Bible School. Whent their mom gets here ( she took the baby to the doc). I am going to take a long hot bath....and lay down with the fan blowing on high. I am just going to enjoy the quiet of the house, sometimes I put a note on the door asking for some alone time. It works. Thank God for caller ID!!!!
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gayla!
#91494 - 07/19/04 10:34 AM
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Sheri01
Reged: 04/19/04
Posts: 1731
Loc: New Jersey
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You need a "me" day. When I really feel dragged down by stress I take a "me" day. let everyone know that it is a pre-arranged event, NO if-ands-or-buts. Do what YOU want to do for a day. You need it.
I am too young to have a mil of my own, but I know from seeing my fathers parents treating my mother badly that it can be really tough. Especially in your situation, when you are sacrificing your own health to take care of them!
If they start to get you down, just think of what an angel and good person you are, and that in the end what counts is that you treated them well.
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-Sheri
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Oh beloved, your pain jumps off this board and into my heart. I am going to begin to pray for you today, and will contiue to do so until God makes things happen. Please don't give up, no matter how hairy things get, go in the baothroom lock the door, lay in the tub with some bubbles, close your eyes and just "TALK" to HIM if you feel you can't pray than don't but He can still hear the pains of your heart without you even speaking. I am lifting you up in prayer today/now, do yourself a favor ok.... take all your hurts, pains,worries, and concerns to the foot of the cross and leave them with HIM, your not supposed to or you able to handle them. anytime you need support or prayer PLEASE email me
angelamongusca@yahoo.ca
remember, someone out there loves you above and below.
shirl
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if God brought you to it. He will bring you through it.
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I don't even know where to begin. First of all, you really need to concentrate more on taking care of yourself. You won't be able to help anybody if you are sick.
Do you have an answering machine? If not you should get one and let it pick up the calls. If it is one of your relatives asking for help they can leave a message and then you can choose what you want to do. If you don't feel well then you can return the call at your convenience. I use that method with my sister & her family.....lots & lots of problems there. I have just had to realize that I can't solve every problem and listen to the recording and then decide if I want to get involved or not. Always feeling responsible for trying to fix everything was stressing me out big time...you just can't do it!
I know your relatives all live so close (geez) that they probably just drop by, too. You need to inform all of them that you have been ill lately and when you don't feel good you will be in bed and probably not answering the door.
It sounds like you have a good relationship with your mom. Why don't you make it a point to spend more time with her. Or do you have a friend that you could meet for lunch or go shopping with?? You definitely need some ME time. As for safe foods, even something as simple as chicken noodle soup (I lived on that for weeks one time) can be comforting when you are feeling bad.... Just try to find things that you can tolerate and have those on hand....if you don't start eating better you will not feel better.
About your meds....you need to start taking them especially if they were helping.
Remember, you are not alone in your suffering. We are all here to help. Hope you got to go shopping and bought something for yourself.
Take care
Barbie
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Oh Gayla!
#91521 - 07/19/04 12:11 PM
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atomic rose
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)
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I don't have anything to add to the wonderful advice you've been given already, but I just wanted to let you know that you're in my thoughts as well. *Please* take care of yourself, first and foremost!
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Oh, Gayla, honey, I'm so sorry to hear you're hurting so bad. I haven't had time to read all the replies to your post, but sweetie, you have GOT to learn how to say NO!! A friend of mine says that "No" is a complete sentence!! Meaning you don't have to add anything to it. Just "No." You've GOT to start taking care of yourself first. I insist!! Like Jen says, don't make me come down there and hurt you!! he he
Seriously, honey, feel better. Wish I could give you a
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BIG HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
PS, this is the real LauraSue -- I goofed up my password!
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Gayla,
I just want you to know I'm thinking good thoughts for you and hoping you get some respite very soon!
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Christine
Those who can do; those who want it done better teach.
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Oh Gayla,
I'm sorry you're having such a rough time That's awful. Please try your best to stick to the diet, I know how frustrating it can be, but you'll be better off in the long run. Try and think that while you're tired now, you'll probably be more tired if you start having bad IBS attacks because you're not taking care of you.
It's a hard thing to do, to take care of yourself, I personally struggle big time with it, I'm always putting myself last. But it sounds like you really need to try and focus on you, and get yourself taken care of.
Treat yourself to something nice, it can just be something small, doesn't have to be expensive, if you think it'll make you feel better I say go for it! You deserve it 
Hang in there and I'll say a prayer for you,
Kelly
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Hey gigi, So glad you are going to start taking time for you.
It WILL make so much difference.It can fuel you to gain the strength to take bettter care of you and saying no.
It's hard to do all that when you feel so depleted.
Everyonce in a while I decide to take a mental day off. Tell myself no negative thoghts allowed,and do what feels good or soothes me.When life has pushed me to the edge I need to do that often.
You will get better as you begin this journey. Having all this support will be such a strength and comfort to you.
Still praying, Suzy
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Boy don't I know what you are talking about... I took care of a sick Mother for yrs and yrs and yrs, while raising 2 kids and a husband. When my husbands Grandparents started getting old I just could'nt take care of them, too. I had it out with my Mother in law and told her to quit flitting off to fla. and Atlanta that she needed to come home and take care of her own parents. It helped she stayed and cared for her parents and we helped when we could. I loved my husbands Grandparents like they were my own. They all died and my Mother died and life was a little peaceful for a while. Now my kids are grown and my husband straightened his messes up. While all this was going on I went to therapists to help my marriage. And my Mother was bipolar all of my life and I started going with her to her psyciatrist appts. Then I stared going to this psyciatrist on my own some and boy did it help. Then Mother died after a 5 yr very difficult time, medical problems one right after the other , it seemed forever. Plus I had IBS-D all this time. I was exhausted as you are now. I didn't take care of myself and her psyciatrist taught me how to say no sometimes and learn to be selfish, don't give all of yourself to everybody. take time for you. Kick your husband and any of his siblings in the butt and tell them to HELP with their own parents. TAKE TIME FOR YOUR SELF NOBODY ELSE WILL!!!!@!@!!!!!! Spend time with your friends and family members only if you enjoy them.... Go off by yourself ... Boy I LOVE MY ALONE TIME!!!! Shout it to the rooftops if you have too. Now my DAD is dealing with lung cancer. I don't work either. But I go to all of his drs appt. with him . It's very hard and I love him very much. Seeing him sick hurts me soooooooo-o bad. Now also I am having to deal with my Stepmother ( she can be very rude and coldhearted toward everyone) Sorry that this is so long ... But just because you don't work at a paying outside job doesn't mean you are responsible for everyone every time the phone rings!!!!!!!! Get help for them from a nursing service, etc. RELAX TAKE A HOT BATH WITH NO INTERRUPTION.. GET A MASSAGE OR GET YOUR HAIR DONE OR GO ON VACATION BY YOURSELF AND ENJOY!!!
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-----Marilyn-----
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I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time. I wish I had some really good advice to give you. I'm not sure if this helps, but it sounds like you're so busy, and consequently tired, that you don't have the time to make/eat safe foods. I am also very busy and stressed (not on the same level as you, however) and I find that the following things work for me:
*During the week when I am really busy with work and then stuff at home I try to eat lots of small meals/snacks during the day and evening. Some examples are: minute rice (which I make a few servings at a time so I have some for a couple of days), bagels, Luna bars (great for taking with you to work, on errands, etc.), Arrowroot cookies, fat free saltines with peanut butter, Baked Lays, pretzels, safe cereal...that's all I can think of right now, but I'll send you more suggestions/ideas when I think of them. One thing that I really like to take to work with me are these Thai Kitchen Instant Rice Noodle Soups (I love Thai Ginger) Thai Kitchen. I just bring a rubbermaid container with me, add some hot water, microwave for a couple of minutes, then let it sit for a few minutes, and then I have a delicious snack/mini-meal! Just make sure you read the labels in case you have particular food sensitivities (peanuts, etc.) - but I've never had any bad reactions to the flavors I've tried (but the Lemongrass & Chili flavor is quite spicy).
*I love to bake so I try to make the Breads in Heather's Eating for IBS cookbook on a regular basis. I make enough to freeze a couple of loaves so I know I can pull one out of the freezer when I need to. I usually do my baking on the week-end when I have more time.
Like other people have said, it's important to learn how to say "no" to people. It's really hard to learn this - I know, I'm just starting to learn it myself - but you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else (easier said than done, I know!). Also, sometimes I just have to say to myself that this or that isn't going to get done today, tomorrow, whatever. I'm a perfectionist, so this is really hard, but sometimes I just need to let it go.
I don't know if any of this helps. I will continue to think about suggestions I can give you. I would really like to help you because back in May you gave me such a wonderful suggestion with regard to Clarks shoes Clarks shoes post . I'm having an awful time with my back and I recently bought a couple pairs of Clarks sandals, which I love. Thank you so much 
You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Good luck dealing with everything. 
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