Stress: Getting It Under Control
#83845 - 06/27/04 06:51 PM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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This morning, we went down to the new property; we hadn't been there in quite awhile and were very disappointed to discover that very little has been done. My stress level began to rise.
We have 33 days 'till closing. 33, that's all. It's on our contract with the builder. He's very much aware of it, but has a commitment in Haiti for missionary work, and is leaving on Thursday for 10 days. That's 10 days when nothing will be done on the new house. Oh yeah, I'm stressed. You bet.
I talked to his wife about this the other day, mentioning the fact that we can ill afford to have the work come to a screeching halt while he's away. She told me he has hired a crew to install the flooring while he's gone (he was intending to do it himself.)
I was pacified -- until we got to the property this morning. There is no way the house will be done in time!
I reached for the broom and began sweeping the house out, as I do each weekend, aware of the fact that I was pressing too hard and the brushes were smashing the floor. I could hear myself mumbling, not too softly, "he's got 33 days; I am going to hold him to the terms of the contract, he's gonna have to work damn hard when he gets back from his missionary work, DAMN hard, to finish this mess."
He hired a finish carpenter to do all the mouldings on the floor and ceiling, but nothing's been done since last week. There was a little wood shavings around his workbench upstairs, but not enough to warrant my sweeping up there. My stress began to get worse; my sweatband was struggling to hold all the moisture dripping from my head, I could feel my blood boiling....
I drove back home with hubby, who had wanted to stop by the lake, but I snapped at him, "what's the point!?" and continued driving. He said nothing. I said nothing. By the time we got home, I was boiling.
I came online and found an e-mail from an online self-help group to which I subscribe. Today's newsletter was most timely: "How Stress Limits You." I printed it out and read it, and been concentrating on doing what it said -- focusing on TODAY, not tomorrow -- and I feel soooo much better. I'd like to share some of the article with you:
Quote:
"Stress is the by--product of thoughts. These thoughts that cause stress fit into 2 categories: (1) they are thoughts related to an event that has already taken place (the past), and (2) they are thoughts that relate to a situation or event that may or may not take place (the future).
"If your mind is not in the present moment, if your thoughts are not in the prevent moment, then you are sure to experience stress and anxiety.
"Your mind is not where it should be -- in the present moment -- and your subconscious is only getting more confused because it is trying to create opportunities for you in the present moment -- but you're not there -- so you can't see them. Then you get angry or frustrated because things don't improve. But you're not there anyway, so even if they did improve, you wouldn't know.
"Shift your thoughts to focus on what you want, what is happening now and focus on all the positive aspects that are taking place in your life right now. If you're not doing this, then you're not living; you're simply wasting time stressing out and filling your life with anxiety.
"Lets face it -- if you live in the past or the future, if you constantly think about the past or the future, then you are going to be continuously stressed out. The key is to start focusing on the present moment -- which we are constantly experiencing and which is always changing.
"The events that cause stress all have one thing in common: you have to think about those events. If you don't think about them, you eliminate stress. It is the single act of thinking about them and not the present that causes stress. At this point, right now, only the present moment exists. The past, which consists of events that have already occurred, no longer exists; it's over. The future, which consists of events that have yet to take place and is undetermined, does not exist; it hasn't happened and may not happen -- so why worry about it?
"The key to eliminating your stress and anxiety is to re-direct your thoughts. Once you focus on the present moment, your mind can no longer think about the past or worry about the future. When this happens, you are no longer a slave to the mind, you are no longer a slave to the past, and you are no longer a slave to the uncertainty of the future. Instead, you become the master of the present moment, and if you can master each day, you'll never have stress, fear or anxiety."
Interesting stuff, eh?
Ahlmmmmmmmmmmm.............
Bev 
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Thanks Bev. I needed that! I'm going to work on it. Harder said than done, but I'm going to try.
I know nothing I say about your house will help - BUT....I just want you to know that our house had SOOOOOOO much left to do and we were only 7 - yes, 7 days from closing....and they seriously finished it in 7 days!!!!!!! Everything seemed like it was at a halt for almost a month, and I was panicking just like you, and then all of a sudden it was done. Those workers will finish it for closing, believe me - they want your money.
The one thing that still stresses me out though - is that now we have a punch list of 30 things that I want done before this Wednesday (walk-through), and Friday (closing). We are going to hold back money until those little things are done, and hopefuly it'll make them get them done faster. We are all packed and ready to go!! 
Thanks a lot for that article, it makes a lot of sense. My husband NEVER stresses out, I wish it would rub off on me!
~Cara
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~Cara~
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Hey Sis,
Sorry you are having so much stress about your new house. Please don't let your blood boil....that is not good for your blood.
Just focus on this picture...... Bev sitting on front porch of beautiful new house joyously sipping her soyfee and watching the birds happily chirping in the trees. Oh look, there is a squirrel scampering about.... It will happen.
That article was great. I understand the concept and I will try to do that more often. The trouble is that sometimes my mind<<<<<has a mind of it's own>>>>>> I wish there was some kind of on-off switch in my head....that would make it much easier. Anyway thanks for sharing the article.
Barbie
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Thanks Bev! I needed that today more than ever! I start my new position at work on Thursday and although I am excited, of course I am stressing about everything which in turn leads to the stomach pain....
I will read your article over and over again 
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Things happen for a reason...just believe
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I have it saved in my favorites till I can print it out and hang it somewhere to remind myself. I have a hard time with thinking in the present - always have. Like barbie, I wish I had an on/off switch for my brain. But maybe it gets easier with time and conscious effort. Thanks for posting that!
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thanks, Bevrs.
#83974 - 06/28/04 07:57 AM
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jenX
Reged: 08/11/03
Posts: 3252
Loc: Richmond, VA
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this is something i try to remind myself of all the time. in fact, it's one of the things i remind myself of when i see my new tattoo!
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Great article, Bev, SO TRUE. One thing that helps me remember it is the following little saying:
The past is history, the future's a mystery, today is a gift, that's why we call it the "present"!!
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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Great article Bev. I am terribly sorry that your builder in not on schedule with your new house. Somehow these things always seem to work out the way they are supposed to. The builder is experienced so he should have the timing down.
Just hang in there and it will all be over soon. You will be sitting in your new house relaxing and enjoying all the space.
Janey
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Janey
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