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Hiya,
I don't even really know what to say except that I'm sorry. After I read your post (Bev) I thought of about a million excuses for why I had stopped being so strict with myself on the diet but I won't make any of said excuses. I felt so terrible after reading the post, that I couldn't stop crying and wouldn't go out. We were supposed to eat Mexican food, but I was feeling so guilty about food that I just ate some rice and went to bed.
I realised that by going off the diet, and then admitting it, I could possibly lose basically the only support I've had about my stomach. Since I am away from home, the only support I have is my boyfriend.. and these boards. So I want to say I'm sorry. I shouldn't have thought that because my doc said I could, and because I was desperate for any excuse to go back to normal eating, that I could just up and 'cheat' and not expect any consequences.. I thought the consequences would be tummy aches, but since I haven't actually had an attack, I guess it came in another form. So please don't hate me - I have been so miserable, and I guess I thought that since I was finally feeling better that maybe my life was going back to normal.
Anyway, I'm sorry.. I really hope you don't all think less of me. I am especially sorry to you, Bev, because you have been so supportive of me in the past and I'm afraid you just won't bother with me if I'm not taking care of myself like I should.
--Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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I have to answer your question, almost every time.
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I have that too sometimes.
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Oh, dont feel like that. It surely wont help your tummy to feel guilty about it. You just live and learn. Its really tough, I know. My mother is pretty sympathetic, but I told her myself not to change HER life because I have to change mine, so she tries and eats what I do, but she all has Nestle Crunch bars in the freezer and there is a part of me that wants to just gobble one down. And sometimes you might get away with it. But you might not and pay for it later. But its up to only YOU to decide that. Maybe its worth a day or two of pain to feel "normal" again for a little while.
I've been pretty good once I started. I still have cheese sammiches maybe once a week because I can tolerate it (and I hate soy cheese), but I dont dare go for a ice cream bar or indulge in what WAS my favorite-Philly cheesesteaks.
We, or at least I, wouldnt turn our backs to you because you made a bad choice. IBS is all about learning your limitaions, I think. Some might scold you or tell you you know what you did wrong, but its only to be helpful.
I've only had IBS for a short time-less than a year. And I'm going as hard as I can to get myself better or at least stable. I'm on the CDs, I eat the way Heather has said-though I still have a hard time with soy and Im still in the dark on a lot of veggies. But, as foolish as it might be, I hold out hope that one day..hopefully soon...I can get back to a normal life. I worry that the longer I have IBS, the more I'll ALWAYS have it. Maybe you feel that way, I dunno. But I feel in my heart that someday, we'll all be able to eat things without consequence, though this IBS diet has taught me some good things about nutrition I'll probably always keep.
I rambled a bit...sorry   but I hope I was clear anough for you to get that we're all here for you and no matter how many times you stumble, we're all still here to pick you up.
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Steph!
You are being waaaaaay to hard on yourself.. no one is mad.. and i'm sure the majority of people here on the website have cheated.. or fell off the bandwagon.
Next time, don't feel sorry for youself (i'm probably doing enough of that for both of us lately), get to that mexican restaurant, have fun with friends, and each an ibs safe meal... and take an immodium before you go!
YOu're doing great, and you shouldn't be sad about that!
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Steph honey, I have done exactly what you are doing so many times. And I do understand, but listen...
I am blessed to have been a stay at home mom, raised my kids, helped my son with my gk (toddler and small infant, 2mo old), when their birth mother abandoned them...he had to work to make a home for them, many many long hours...it was heart wrenching for him and I. But we made it through. I digress, I am still at home, I help take care of my elderly father in law, he is very ill. There have been so many times when I have looked back at my life, I have no career! I have no marketable skills! If I were thrust in to the work force, what the heck would I do???? I have health issues also and a bad lower back, lots of pain....take meds for that also, and for depression. I live in a rural area, (out in the country as they say). Far commute for me to make daily for a job, without caving in to the total exhaustion it would have caused me in the process. I want you to realize how great it is that you have this new job.....I don't want you to loose it because of poor diet choices that are going to keep you sick.
My point here is this, YOU have been so blessed to find this new job to get you out of that crappy old one. DO NOT jeopardize it again !! I remember how hard it was on you working at the Pub, do you really want to go through the same things at your new JOB? I don't want you to either, I want you to be able to GET to work without getting sick on the way and have to stay at home, the cycle will start again, then you will be stressed more for worrying about the stability of your job!
Hey, get back on your diet, take CARE of Steph! If your friends and boyfriend are not as supportive as they should be, then it is time for you to have a loving, but serious talk with all of them. Tell them when they go out with you, why cant they go to places that offer you a safe choice.
Now listen, you CAN go eat Mexican. I do it all of the time, but, NO CHIPS and salsa!! Even if you munch on a few of the crackers, it is a better choice. Get the Chicken Fajitas, with the flour tortillas, (if the flour isnt an issue for you) plenty of rice, I always tell the waitress, no lettuce or sour cream on my plate, PLEASE!. And enjoy your meal, be very careful not to overeat (hey, I do that constantly and am trying to cut it back). You should do fine.
We all care about you, want you to be in the best condition for your health! I love the cookies too. I eat low sugar animal crackers, they do not bother me. But, be careful.
love to you doll, I am envious that you have a new job and brightness on your horizon!! TAke care of you, and your job and social life will fall into place. gayla
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Steph I feel ya. Just read my post from yesterday. It sucks being this way sometimes, not being able to go out, eat what you want without any pain and discomfort. I fight the voices in this head ALL THE TIME. I also understand your situation with work. Although you and I are opposite on the IBS spectrum, sometimes its hard to suck it up and I find myself just wondering, why me God?
ANYWAY, NO ONE IS MAD AT YA HUN, WE LUV YA! so don't worry pleaseeeeeeee!!! We're all here for ya. 
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Sweetheart, please don't! There is absolutely no need to apologize to me! Or to anyone. Oh dear, I think I was too hard on you, wasn't I?
My intention was not to make you feel bad, please believe me! I meant to try to just wake you up and get you to see what you're doing to yourself. I'm afraid I failed miserably....
Mexican food? Oh dear. So you just had the rice? Good girl! That must have been hard for you. (I hate Mexican food -- ewwwww -- but for those who like it, yeah, I imagine it's tough giving it up.)
Steph, I understand what you were thinking about your life "going back to normal," but I don't think we can plan on that happening. I think we have to accept the fact that we have this problem, and then work our diets -- and our lives -- around it. For example, you know by now of my love for coffee. Giving it up was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. So, okay, I discovered SoyFee, and now I'm a happy camper. I'll be drinking SoyFee for the rest of my life, never again to have coffee. Same with ice cream. I used to ADORE the stuff. I hated giving it up; however, I discovered Soy Dream Mocha Fudge. I buy it by the gallon -- really, when I go to the HFS I buy 4 cartons. Even hubby loves the stuff. So I'll never have real ice cream again, opting instead for Soy Dream. Red meat just grosses me out, so giving that up was nothing for me. I love chicken and turkey, and I'm delighted to stick with that forever.
What I'm trying to tell you is that you can substitute other things for all your faves. (Although I have no idea what you'd substitute for Mexican!) Cookies? Well, what about ADBs or RKTs? Luna Bars? For me, I used to love the crunch in cookies. RKTs and Luna Bars have lots of crunch.
French Fries? Okay, have you ever had a potato, cut into "French fries" and roasted in the oven with a little olive oil? They come out fabulous! Potato chips? (I used to ADORE these things!) Well, I discovered "Veggie Stix," which I have to order online; they're better than any potato chips and totally IBS-safe!
So try to substitute other things for all your faves. I imagine this is what everyone else does as well. You can do it too!
I'm sorry I was so hard on you. Sometimes I have a BIGGGG mouth. Just ignore me. Besides, we all make mistakes. Just because I don't cheat doesn't mean I don't screw up at times. When I scoop out my Mocha Fudge, don'tcha just know it's more than just one little scoop? Hmmmm? And I'm the idiot who took the maximum dosage of SFS and didn't realize it, all the while increasing it even MORE and having Big D attacks at the Post Office! Well, DUH. Pretty stupid, huh?
Sweetheart, you made a few mistakes -- just like everyone else. It's over and done with now. It's history. You learned from them and now you've moved on. How's your tummy now? Any better? Why not take some time this weekend to plan your diet for the week? Maybe make up a grocery list for all your favorite substitutes and be prepared next time the BF wants to go out; you can take something IBS-safe with you, then you can enjoy his company and still eat something that won't bother your tummy.
Hey! I just thought of something yesterday, and I was going to run it by everyone here. Tell me what you think:
We were down at the new property yesterday, actually at our little Post Office in our new community. Picture this: a lakeside resort, where people go on the weekends or on holidays or vacations, to play in the lake and get away. Fir trees and pine trees all around, and only a tiny little "shopping center" with only a little Post Office, a mini-grocery store, a realtor's office, a PIZZA PARLOR, and a burger joint. Got it? Okay, that's our new little community! That's where we're moving in 41 days, where our new home is being built. Besides the burger joint (and their food, once made IBS-safe, is bland and BORING), the pizza parlor serves the best pizza I've ever had. When we first came up here to stay at the "resort," I had to stop in and try their pizza because the smell permeated the entire area. OMG, was it FABULOUS! Yes, I had IBS at the time, but no, I did not know Heather or the Boards; I was suffering in silence -- I didn't know I couldn't have cheese, I didn't understand why the pizza tore my tummy up. I just figured it must have had too much fat. So the next night, I had just a little bit of pizza instead of half. Again, it tore my tummy up. So I haven't had any since.
Well, yesterday at the Post Office, I couldn't stand that smell -- it drove me crazy -- I wanted some of their pizza! Not Amy's frozen soy cheese pizza -- TINO'S pizza! All the way home from the Post Office, I kept trying to think of a way I could have it. And then I came up with this great idea: what if I took a package of soy mozzarella with me to the restaurant, went up to the order counter and asked them if they had any soy cheese (of course they won't), and then asked if they would mind putting my own soy cheese on my pizza? Is that tacky? Politically incorrect? What do you think? I suggested to Don that I just keep the cheese in my purse, and order my pizza with no cheese on it, then when they serve it to me, sprinkle the cheese on my portion from the cheese in my purse -- he HATED the idea! But he did like the idea of asking them to put it on for me. What do you think?
Steph, I hope you're doing better today and that your tummy is calmed down now. Above all, I hope you're still my friend.
Bevvy
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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Hi Steph,
Don't be so hard on yourself.
Everyone falls off the wagon at some time or the other. Like I said in my other post, if I eat a cookie or something I shouldn't sometimes I feel fine and sometimes I pay for it. I must confess I was a bad girl Thursday at my mom't birthday party.(don't tell Bev..ha ha)  I ate "two" pieces of pizza. I thought for sure I would pay for it later but so far so good. Maybe next time I will suffer. When you went out for Mexican food you could probably have chicken fajitas and rice. That's usually what I have and it agrees with me OK.
This whole thing is trial and error and I don't think anyone has the perfect answer.
Bev only has good intentions and is just trying to help. I am sure she will still support you and I know I will...that's what we are here for.
Come on, lets have a smile. 
Barbie
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