SO frustrated....
#80709 - 06/18/04 07:53 AM
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ibsgrl
Reged: 04/18/04
Posts: 1060
Loc: Canada
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I feel like I'm back to square one again. Just as I thought I was starting to feel better, bam, I'm right back where I started.
I guess I'm just feeling a little sorry for myself today. I'm just tired of this. I began taking Zelnorm a month and a half ago, and it looks like its completely stopped working. I've started an SFS, and since starting it, I've been completely C. 
I've been eating right and drinking loads of liquids, but after 5 days of C I am in pain, bloated and just plain UNCOMFORTABLE. I just feel so limited and wish more than anything I could be *normal* for one stinking day. I'm tired of being 18 and not being able to do normal things with my friends like just going out and socializing. People encourage me to do them saying this will make me feel better, BUT I HAVE TRIED, I feel worse, and either bring others down with my unenthusiastic mood, or am forced to put on an act which to be honest, I just don't want to do.
I am frustrated that all my thoughts are focused almost 24/7 on my STOMACH. I hate that this is all I think about and feel so helpless for the majority of the time.
Most of the time I just want to be alone and by myself because I don't have any desire to socialize feeling as I am, but when I do so, my family says it is bad/unhealthy/annoying when I "hibernate" as they put it. Well, hello, I don't WANT to live in a little box...I hate it and the fact that I think about this almost every second I'm awake.
I'm really sorry for the vent but this is the only place I can express my frustration and wallow in my self pity without being judged too harshly for it. I'm trying sooooooo hard to fight the urge to just give up but I'm hanging onto a thread of hope that I might find SOMETHING that can help me. They say hindsight is 20/20 and I am starting to believe that whole heartedly. I didn't realize how lucky I was to have my great health before this all began...
Thanks to anyone whose reading this for listening to my vent. I truly appreciate your support.
--C
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you sent me hugs and i'm sending them back! i will have some awesome days where i feel great and "normal" and then there are days like today where i feel like i never made any progress. just remember you are not alone and we are here for you!! feel better!!! 
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Things happen for a reason...just believe
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Poor thing. I know exactly how you feel.  I was all excited almost a week ago - I felt ALMOST NORMAL. Now I'm back to being C again (3 days and counting...), even though I'm doing everything right, and the pain is almost nothing compared to the mental beating this is giving me. It really sucks that we can't stop thinking about our insides for ONE FREAKING DAY and just LIVE, isn't it?
I've been doing this for almost a month now (I started before I'd reg'd for the board), and a lot of days, the only reason I feel like I'm sticking to it is because my boyfriend keeps telling me that HE can see improvements in how I'm feeling.  But thinking about it, I guess he's right. I haven't had D (my main problem) in... huh, I guess it's been almost 2 weeks, imagine that.
Anyway, enough about me. I figure that a lot of what we go through the first few months is our bodies adjusting to this new way of eating. It IS a pretty big adjustment, even if you go slowly. Patience isn't my strong point, either, especially on the bad days, but hang in there... I have a feeling the end results will be worth the hassle.
And if you figure out how to safely get things moving again, let me know. Hehe.
*hugs*
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IBS girl....
#80738 - 06/18/04 08:53 AM
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BL
Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522
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That's ok. Go ahead and vent. We've all been there! I know it is hard when your family and friends don't understand, and sometimes it's easy to want to hibernate and crawl in a hole, especially when your tummy is hurting so much.
But maybe if you told us which SF and how much you are taking, and what you are eating, etc, someone could figure out what it is that's causing you such pain. Sometimes it's the little things we do that cause problems and we don't realize it because we are too close to it.
Take for instance, the stupid thing I did this past week. I had family in town and bought some Special K cereal because that's what they like. I usually eat Rice Chex or oatmeal, but I ate the Special K every morning while they were here and have been doing so every since. And I have had horrible problems with C, bloating, gas, and tummy pain.
This morning, when I got up, opened the pantry and saw the box of Special K, it was like a lightbulb went off in my head! I realized my problems started and have continued since I have eaten this for breakfast. So I ate some oatmeal this morning instead, and soon afterward had a BM---and I have no pain or bloating anymore!!!!!!
I feel very stupid for not thinking of this sooner than I did.
For those who are curious, I looked at the boxof Special K and the ingredients are: "rice, wheat gluten, sugar, defatted wheat germ, salt, high fructose corn syrup, dried whey, malt flavoring and calcium caseinate."
I suspect it was the wheat gluten or the high fructose corn syrup that was bothering me. I am throwing the box in the trash right now!
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Oh, sweetie, that's so not fair. Here's a {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BIG HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
And I was thinking this morning how cool it was that you've been doing such a great job answering questions and helping everyone on the board. I was going to post a special message to you today to tell you how impressed I am with you. You been around what a few months and you've already surpassed most of us in your knowledge and helpfulness. It's SO GREAT to have you on the board.
Remember, this too shall pass and go check out my sister's success story. Hers is about weight loss but she has IBS too. Martha's Story
You're only human, you're allowed to feel sorry for yourself and to vent. And guess what? You get to have the pity party hat for today!! How cool is that??
Feel better sweetie and don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle!! Okay??!!
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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Vent All You Want
#80774 - 06/18/04 10:08 AM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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Dear C,
I'm sorry that you are going through this at such a young age. You're right -- it's VERY unfair! I didn't begin suffering until I was in my 40's; at least I had a normal young life. You SHOULD be able to go out with your friends and have fun and do stuff they do -- and eat stuff they eat. Unfortunately, life dealt you a lousy hand. Now you have to live with it.
However, "that which you survive only makes you stronger." This awful problem you have WILL make you stronger. The way you handle it will determine your character. It's not going to be easy, as you've already discovered, but you're young, you have twice the energy of us old farts, YOU CAN DO THIS!
After starting something new, like a SFS, your body is going to wonder, "what the hell has she put down me -- and what am I supposed to do with it?!" It's going to take awhile before you see any results. Obviously your body decided to hold onto all your poop. Oh great. "Just when we were getting used to the Zelnorm, she throws down this damn Benefiber!" Give your body a chance.
Also, lighten up on yourself. You can socialize as much as you want -- LATER. Tell your parents that your body needs a little time to adjust to the new supplements you're giving it, which means you need to just "chill out" awhile. They'll understand. Ask them, CALMLY, to please be a little understanding of your situation, and that you will come around once you get stable.
And you will get stable. It took me a long time too.
Meanwhile, have you introduced any insolubles into your diet yet? I've talked about this before, but blueberries really make me poop. I'm not a C -- I'm a D -- and I really love these things (blueberries I'm talkin' about here), but I have to limit my portion because they'll really do a number on me. How about trying a blueberry smoothie? Toss a banana in a blender, add some soy yogurt or soy milk (I prefer soy "ice cream"), and some fresh (or frozen) blueberries. Maybe even a little honey. YUMMMMMMM.
If that doesn't make you poop, then fix some vegetable soup. Buy a can of chicken stock, chop up your favorite veggies, and throw them in the stock. Simmer for about a half hour. Them's poopin' foods!
Hope you feel better soon -- and remember, go easy on yourself.
Bev
BTW, vent all you want, Girlfriend! We're here to listen.
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Re: IBSgrl
#80777 - 06/18/04 10:27 AM
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Sheri01
Reged: 04/19/04
Posts: 1731
Loc: New Jersey
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Hey IBSgrl,
I know it sucks having the burden of IBS on you so young (I was seventeen when I started showing symptoms). It, among other problems, practically ripped apart my social life and I'm slowly trying to pick up the pieces, but it is hard. My goal is to make some new friends, or revive some old relationships, before my twenty-first birthday in October.
just remember, even though your family and friends are giving you a hard time, at least you know they are there and care about you and miss you when you are not around.
I have had some pretty hopeless times, but hope is the one thing that I have hung onto to get me through it.
I have been on the diet only a couple of months, too, and even though I've been an improvement, there ia a lot of stress still to keep things "normal". As upsetting as it is, every morning I go through a panic thinking that I won't be able to have a BM and may get a bout of D later in the day at work.
But, I just go about my routine and everything turns out fine. Just keep on trying, please don't give up! There is too much out there for someone as bright and young as you!
You'll get through this. 
Oh, and listen to Bevrs advice about poop'n. It's helped me!
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-Sheri
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Beaglelover,
Just wanted to let you know if you didn't realize, whey and calcium caseinate are "code words" for milk. Tarabara posted a list awhile back that had all the words that can be used to list milk and milk proteins in products, if you want to do a search for it.
I know any products that I eat that have those words on the label usually makes me sick!
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-Sheri
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Thanks for reminding me I am not alone in this. One thing that keeps me sane is knowing I have this great support and people who care and want to help. Thanks again
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atomic
#80781 - 06/18/04 10:49 AM
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ibsgrl
Reged: 04/18/04
Posts: 1060
Loc: Canada
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Thanks so much for the hugs - its amazing to have someone thats going through the same thing!! It is a big adjustment and I hope more than anything you are right - that it'll be worth all the "hassle" in the end.
Like you, patience isn't one of my best traits either so I guess I just get frustrated and upset from all this waiting....but thanks so much for your support.
p.s. - i am in the process of making that bread/loaf. I sneaked a taste from the bowl before I put it in and to me it tastes an awful lot like ADB's
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