Would love everyone's input here.
#47231 - 02/29/04 05:11 PM
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1. My husband deals fairly well with my eating problems and eating out restrictions, well most of the time, but I know it definately puts a damper on some functions, partly from my attitude. How do your significant others deal with your eating problems and restrictions? 2. How do you deal yourself with these feelings (or do you even have the same anger feelings I have) I feel angry that everyone else if looking at menus and picking out the yummiest meal on the menu and I just have to try to find one thing I can eat. Eating at home, I feel angry trying to fix something yummy for my husband when I can't eat it. I no longer like to have company over and cook for them and just don't enjoy cooking at all any more.
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Good question!
My boyfriend and friends don't completely understand how sensitive my stomach is and just how crappy some foods make me feel. But they know by now that if I eat something that upsets me that I'll end up leaving early (if it's a diner party or gathering).
Try to find foods that your husband will like and you can eat too. I know how you feel about watching everyone eat anything they want and not being able to yourself. It bothers me too. But I've realized it's not worth the pain just to go along with sharing a pizza (or other IBS unfriendly food)with friends or boyfriend.
Get him to cook his own meals! 
Edited by Sara-Sage (02/29/04 05:21 PM)
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Oh man! I'm lucky in that both my fiance and I love cooking and there are some great foods that are IBS safe. Simon (HTB) loves experimenting with new recipes from either Heather's books or from other recipe books that have safe recipes - like Jamie Oliver's Herb Crusted Tuna Steak. Yummm!
There are so many nice foods we can eat - please don't despair! As for eating out, the only reason I get annoyed is that I now realise how much unneccessary crap goes on food in restaurants. All that cheese and butter and fat...euw!
If you eat somewhere decent (ie. not McDonalds or Pizza HUt! ) then you should be able to get something safe. Just remember to always ask for white bread to snack on first, no butter on anything, no cheese on top of dishes, sauces on the side, etc. If you eat fish or chicken, then I'd be surprised if you couldn't find something nice.
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Wow, lots of questions here. Okay, here's my input:
1. My hubby feels horrible for me. He's extremely sympathetic and often says he wishes there was something he could do for me. When I have an attack, he stays clear of the bathroom (we have only one right now), serves me peppermint tea in bed, and leaves me alone. He never EVER pushes his "wants" on me when I am cramped up; I think he knows how he would feel if it were he who was so sick.
As for a "damper on some functions," hubby and I are a pair; we do everything together. If I can't do something, he doesn't either. This is his decision. Sometimes I ask him to go because I really want to be alone when I'm sick. He'll leave for awhile, maybe go for a row, but he always comes back right away.
Yes, our social life has suffered a great deal because of me. I've lost friends. It bothers me a lot more than it does my hubby. He couldn't care less. What bothers him is the fact that it bothers me; he thinks I shouldn't care as much as I do.
2. I'm not at all angry when people eat things that I can't have. I just look at it as a whole lot of calories they're having that I'm not. Also, food that is a trigger for me does not look appetizing AT ALL; I look at it, and it can actually bring on tummy queeziness -- no thanks!
As for eating at home, I cook only one way -- the IBS way. It's a healthy way, and I enjoy different recipes. Hubby eats it AND LIKES IT. Anytime I make something that either of us doesn't like, it gets tossed, but I don't give up; I try a different recipe. I don't have the time or the energy to cook two different kinds of meals. I feel angry that I can't have my beloved coffee, but I consider the alternative, and the anger passes. I try to get hubby to go out to an espresso bar to get himself some coffee, but he claims he likes doing without.
I don't have people over because the stress is so incredible that it'll actually bring on an attack. Believe it or not, this is just fine with hubby.
I have an incredible husband.
Bev
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Well, I'm single, so that husband thing doesn't factor in... However, I've been AMAZED at the reponse I've gotten from men I date! They're soooo considerate, it's almost embarrassing. Now, granted, that's short-term stuff. I don't know how they'd be years into it. But for these men who I don't know terribly well to be so solicitous.... I'm really impressed. One guy got so upset when there wasn't something suitable on the menu that he MADE me get up and leave. Another asked me so many times if a certain restaurant was going to be "ok" that he actually started to get on my nerves! Another guy drilled me when I ordered a glass of wine. I thought he was going to take it out of my hand! It took me 5 minutes to persuade him I wasn't going to get sick off of one glass! MEN. God love 'em!
As far as family and friends go, everyone has been great. People ask a lot of questions (especially now that I'm steering away from wheat as an experiment!). At first, everyone assumed it was "going to go away." Now, it's obvious it won't. Everyone's quite kind. I was babysitting my niece Sat. and my sister-and-law was quite concerned that I have "safe" food. I had to tell her not to go to any trouble-- it was a treat for me to take some sushi with me! 
As is often the case, I agree with Bev. A) Unsafe foods rarely look good to me anymore. In fact it's become a joke that whenever ground beef is shown on the TV, I get a little oookie! B) Even if it does look tempting, I think about crying in the bathroom for a few hours, and somehow the temptation goes away!  C) When they're all pigging out, I get to feel a little superior in my head. Why? THE CALORIES! HA! Let 'em get fat on the cheese dip and the ice cream sundae! When I skootch into my size 6s, I'm reminded of one of the good things about IBS! (I'm not big on feeling superior, but hey, in this case, I think I've earned a little bit of something for all of the pain and discomfort I've gone through, right!?)
By the way, I don't know if your hubbie is a "picky" eater? But all of the great IBS safe recipes out there taste sooo good, my family sure doesn't complain whenever I cook. Sometimes if I've got a request for stuff I can't eat or don't like, I indulge them and make some extra rice noodles or rice a side dish. Then I have that as MY main course, with a little of their veggies and chicken or fish or whatever as my SIDE! It all works out. As for ground beef, cream sauces, pizza, wheat pasta, high fat food, etc..., they can go to any restaurant they want and find that stuff! More power to 'em. If I'm cooking, ya get whatcha get! And if I'm cooking, it's gonna be good! I am a little sad 'cause my specialty used to be Mexican food and a lot of it I can't eat anymore. But again, I make it when people request it and stick with a chicken fajita (soy cheese and sour cream and baked tortilla chips are blessings!) and rice and my favorite: guacamole! They can have the steak stuff and the cheesy stuff. Fresh, homemade salsa: YUM! I can do some of that! Just need to be a little adaptable.
Friends are kind about restaurant choices. Besides, I'm adventurous. I like going new places. Now, with the wheat issues, I have my hesitations about going to an Italian place, but pretty much everywhere else has something I can eat. If not, I have no qualms about getting up and leaving. As for parties, I eat first so if there's nothing for me, no sweat! (See C) above, too!) I don't go to a lot of dinner parties-- that may be another story.
Good Luck!
PS: Try "foreign" foods when you're going out to eat! I'm a Thai, Afghani, and sushi JUNKIE! Lots of safe foods, just be sure to ask for a description of the food-- some hidden cream dishes and so forth if you're unfamiliar with the cuisine. Check Heather's book for some great non-American dishes to give you the idea.
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My hubby is not very happy about it. It downright makes him angry sometimes. He is a junk food addict -- and likes to eat out at fast food places. It's especially bad when we have had a busy errand running day -- it's late and we're all really hungry --- they want fast food and I can't have it. 
When we're home it's all good -- they don't mind what I cook most of the time. They really haven't come around to really like it though. The only new recipe they really like is the salsa from Heather's book. It makes it hard sometimes. My dh keeps asking when it will go away.....
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I guess I'm one of the lucky ones too. My boyfriend and I have a deal that helps keep me on track with my diet. If I eat or drink something that he knows will upset my stomach, he'll drink a Smirnoff alcoholic beverage that will upset his stomach! This definitely makes me think twice about eating something bad for me (or at least, doing it in front of him!).
And out of all my friends, he's the only one who will try my different food. I got him addicted to the Soy Delicious ice cream and have to hide it now so he won't find it.
But like a lot of people, he also talks about "when the problem goes away" and I have to remind him that it probably won't ever go away.
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- Jennifer
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I was depressed and angry like you.The more angry I got the worst my symptons got. IBS was controlling my life. It is very very important to have a positive outlook it helps your IBS. Focus of other stuff that makes you happy and doesn't involve eating. I work out and go dancing do what ever keeps your mind off of IBS. My boyfriend is great I always pick the restaurant and he eats my food too. When I cook I make us the same thing but with different ingredients. I will have a chicken burger with baked fries and he will have the double bacon cheese burger with fries. It doesn't both me because I have found alternatives. At the end of the day If you are not in pain and enjoying the company of your family and friends that is what it is all about. The good times you spend with people not what you eat. My boyfriend always tells me when you are old and grey you look back on the wonderful memories you have with people not food. He helps me see the positive side of everything. You may want to speak to a therapist it helped me. Hope this helps you. 
Edited by Slymac (03/01/04 10:45 AM)
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Hi all
Well, my husband is pretty terrific. He's easy to please and doesn't care what I cook or where we go to eat. When my IBS is under control, I can eat pretty much everything I really want to eat. Lately my IBS has really flared up and I've been avoiding restaurants. Yesterday my husband and kids wanted to go to a restaurant after church, but when we got there, there wasn't really anything I could eat that I WANTED to eat. So I watched them eat, and after awhile, I decided to just leave and come back and pick them up. I think at that moment I was feeling sorry for myself but when we got home I had an IBS safe lunch and that cheered me up.
Socially, I do sense that my husband thinks I'm a hermit and perhaps a wee bit neurotic. He made a comment the other day when I declined a social invitation, "Well, Alex has a bathroom, too, you know!" That was frustrating.
I curtail a lot of activities because of my IBS. If there isn't a bathroom nearby (and if I'm not feeling pretty good), then I don't want to go. I know my husband wants me to do more outside stuff with our kids, like go camping, but I'm to the point that if I really don't want to go, I say no and stay home.
I think my worst experience with IBS came from my nuclear family. I was told I had IBS when I was in junior high school. To this day, I don't think my family understands what IBS is, but they were just glad that I didn't have a "serious" illness. I do believe they thought it was all in my head so my mom would always harp on me to "stop worrying." I also think they thought my frequent trips to the bathroom (and my unwillingness to go to places without bathrooms) was just my way of getting attention and trying to control the situation.
IBS isn't a death sentence. You learn to make your peace with it and co-exist with it. You find friends and family that understand and support you. At least that is how it's been for me.
Janet
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My answer to family in put is. After I got to the point where I understood what was going on with my body & mind. I printed out What IBS is & I gave a copy to each of my three children & my husband ! And I share with anyone who I have to deal with on a day to day basic. And someday when its the worst I get some caring words when I need them most. I have learn to eat to live not ,live to eat. Hope it helps!
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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