I am so completely embarrassed I just want to die...
#3449 - 03/20/03 11:28 AM
|
|
|
|
ecmmbm
Reged: 02/23/03
Posts: 1622
Loc: North Carolina
|
|
|
I went to my Ladies Bible study this morning. I've been going since Sept, right after we moved here at the end of the summer. I don't know any of these ladies all that well but I enjoy it and they are a good group, very real and very mature in the Lord, I believe. So anyway there is always a ton of food there, but I am really feeling bad today, so I ate my oatmeal this morning which usually sits fairly well on the tummy, but I'm not about to load up on donuts and danishes that are only going to set me off and have me doubled over after I eat them! Well, at a particular RARE moment when the whole room was QUIET, this woman I barely know and have never spoken to about not feeling well or IBS, walks up to me and says, full voice so everyone could hear, "Why don't you eat? What's wrong with you? Why have you lost so much weight?"
Well, you all may not know if from my posting here, but I am a very private person. I just wanted to walk out the door and not come back, everyone is staring at me. I am first of all shocked that she could tell by looking at me that I've lost weight, I weigh what I weighed before having kids, I am NOT a waif and still within the BMI for my height, though on the low end now I admit, but before kids that was NORMAL for me. But to have everyone staring at me for that very reason was just the worst thing I could ever imagine. You may have the misconception that people who have trouble not eating want people to notice their weight and point it out, but it is NOT TRUE, at least in my case, I am already self concious about it and certainly don't want a room of people staring at me thinking about THAT. So I mutter out that I've been dealing with a lot of abdominal pain lately, that I'm having tests done for it next week, then my face flashes hot and I start to CRY like an idiot and say, "And for your information it hurst really bad right now!" Good grief, now I've got the whole room's attention and they want to hug me (sweet but ick!) and pray for me. I'll have to admit it was really sweet and sort of amazing to have them all pray for me when they barely know me. But it didn't take away the embarrassment I felt, especially from crying in front of all of them.
Anyway, I can share all that here because I don't care about being embarrassed with you guys! That's the beauty of online. I'm going to keep going to this group even though I'm embarrassed now, because I think these ladies genuinely care, and the one who asked the question in the first place felt horrible, she did not mean for the whole room to hear but was just not careful about the volume of her voice and the fact that the room had gone quiet for that moment.
Just had to get that out, makes me look at it a little more objectively just to write about it here. And one more thing - are you of you ever afraid that if/when the GI's tests turn up "nothing wrong", that people are going to think you were just making it up all along or that it is all in your head? That is something I think about a lot.
Thanks for listening as always!
--------------------
Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Don't be embarassed, we all go through that same scenario. I just went through the same situation when I had Bunco the other night. I just told them I can't eat fat any longer. when they pressed me, I was frank. So now everyone knows I have IBS, most had no idea what it was anyway. The more people that know about it, the more likely they are to be sensitive when they do hear someone is sick with an IBS attack. I wonder what my mom will say when she gets here on Saturday! I'm also on the low side of my weight, I know it but there's nothing I'm going to do about it, as you know, we CAN'T. Remember, others have their flaws and disorders, most of the time we just don't know about them.
Yes, it is upsetting that IBS is something you're diagnosed with when they can't find anything "really" wrong with you.
It does not give it validity to others.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
You can say that you prefer to eat healthy food. If you dont want to get into the IBS, just say you eat only healthy foods. Thats what I say when the subject of my IBS is too embarassing (which is usually!)
About the weight loss: I went thru something similar, except that I had ppl complimenting me on losing so much weight (I lost 100 lbs at least), and it annoyed me because I was not TRYING to lose weight! I liked being a big, beautiful woman. I didnt want to lose weight/be thin, but here I am. I wanted compliments for having the willpower to stick to my IBS eating plan, but never got that!
--------------------
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A waist is a terrible thing to mind".
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
One word of caution: dont cut fat out of your diet totally. If you do you will develop other health problems, and be constipated a lot. I learned that the hard way. Just cut it way down, but dont cut it out altogether.
--------------------
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A waist is a terrible thing to mind".
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I KNOW JUST HOW YOU FEEL! I've had my share of embarassing experiences! When I was a teenager (the worst!) I was at a group meeting and I passed gas  It was AWFUL! I was hyrestical, I ran out of the room crying! I've also had people tell me I'm too thin, etc.
I am SO SORRY that woman confronted you like that--even though she didn't mean to--but the good news is at least now they know and it shouldn't come up again (at least not in a negative way--it seems like they care--how nice!!!) This could also be a chance to educate them (who knows--maybe someone else in the group is going through the same thing you're going through?!) Just trying to put a positive spin on things...
I also would have felt completely embarassed--and shocked! I think you handled it really well--I probably wouldn't have stayed! Wow, you've got courage!!! I hope you do decide to go back--it sounds like you've got a good thing with this group.
Anyway, I'm sorry you had to go through that awful experience!  At least you have 2 adorable kids and a wonderful sounding husband to go home to--enjoy them!!! 
All the best,
Rcuhie
--------------------
Formerly known as Ruchie
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Yep, I've been there too. I HATE being the center of attention even in normal circumstances, but it is even worse when you are trying to hold off an attack.
For me it happens most often at restaurants. I don't feel comfortable in them and usually get something pretty small to eat. Then everyone starts asking me "is that all you're getting???"
I don't have the problem of being slim though... my weight ranges towards the high end of my BMI. It is a bit embarrassing when people ask if I'm pregnant.
--------------------
-h2
"Soluble fiber not included."
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I know how you feel. I had a similiar experience. I am 26, and I am fairly young in my place of work. We had a team meeting to get together have some fun time. We ordered food ahead from Olive Garden (I got something I thought I could handle, plus it was free).
Before the meeting, I wasn't not feeling good. I really didn't want to be there, and I was in no mood to eat. I didn't get up to get my food when everybody else did. I figured I would pick it up at the end of the meeting.
A woman who is just a few years older than me yelled out when everyone was quiet "Lynn, no one is going to bring you your food."
She always speaks in a very snobbish, crass way.
I felt humiliated, embarassed in front of my peers. I was angry, and I didn't feel I had to deal with the indignity of having to be in the same room as her. I left without my supervisor's notice. I was furious. Granted, she didn't know I felt unwell, but it seemed very obnoxious to say such a thing.
My supervisor tried to have me come back. She got annoyed but I explained the situation and apologized.
I later wrote an e-mail to both of them (because I shrink from confrontations) explaining how felt. I said graciously that I am sure that she did not mean to be rude as she had no idea that I was unwell.
She never said anything to me. She never apologized for embarassing me in front of my colleagues. I have never spoken to her since then.
Some people I suppose rejoice in hurting others, and they could careless how they feel as it makes them seem superior.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Well, I am overweight. However, since March of last year, I have lost a total of 42 pounds. I will admit loosing some weight has helped my IBS issues in a small way. I hope to loose 33 more pounds by the year which will place me at 200 pounds.
My weight issues stem from my IBS because I am not as active as I should be. I don't go out a lot. I don't exercise a lot because it aggravates my IBS for the majority.
I am currently 233 pounds. The highest I have weighed was last year when I went to see the doctor and he told me I that I weighed in at 275. I broke down and cried. I felt humiliated. Thus, I resolved myself, found Heather's book and the Weight Watchers Points System, which re-trains the way you eat.
I am working on my mental outlook now. I used to be really down on myself about my looks and weight. When it comes to it, you have to accept yourself. You are more than the sum of your body image. To me, what is inside is what makes you who you truly are.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Michelle - you're so cute!!!! Take my word for it, when you get older (like me) you won't even care. People are so uncaring sometimes--maybe she was trying to be a mother to you. Guess we'll never know. But that was sweet of everyone to pray for you right then and there.
I guess it's hard to be a private person when you have IBS and are trying to figure things out. In order to get questions answered, the question must first be asked. And, for a lot of us, that's a hard thing to do when you are a private person. Me, I'm an open book, but I never used to be. I think once you pass a certain age (like 55 maybe), nothing seems to private!...at least not to me anyway. I do embarrass my husband all the time. He used to kick my leg under the table when he thought I was going to be "bad"--that is, until I read him the riot act. I told him to just let me be me. I was this way when he married me, and I've gotten worse since!!!
Anyway, you made it through it and that was just great! These ladies sound like they care enough about you to pray for you. Actually, looking back on what you could've done--you could have given all those ladies an education in IBS and probably a lot of them have it and just don't know it.
Believe it or not, at 58 I still get embarrassed when I talk in front of more than 1 or 2 people. It happened the other night at WW. The leader asked if anybody had any more input (which is the wrong thing to say to me because I always have something to say) about eating fiber. So, I raised my hand and started telling everyone--which was about 11 people--about the two different kinds of fiber and asking if anybody was having "gas" problems with the WW eating plan. And, some people raised their hands and then I just started explaining the difference between fiber and what to do to keep "gas" free. Then I could feel my face get all hot and red and I thought, "does everybody see my face getting red?" Oh,s__t, how embarrassing," but I just kept on going. And I could feel my face getting hotter and hotter. I'm glad our leader stopped me or I probably wouldn've just passed out on the floor!
Anyway, you're in good company, Michelle. Don't fret over it. They're probably looking forward to seeing you again so they can inquire about how you're feeling. It would be a good time to tell them about IBS. Who knows, you may be helping others there, too!
I know what you went through--been there, done that (lots of times)!
Sharon
--------------------
Sharon
"Anything Chocolate"...that is all!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Lynn - I couldn't have said it better. Congrats on the weight loss. You and I are running neck and neck with the amount we've lost. It's such a major accomplishment for us to be able to deal with our self-images. I could care less what other people think of me because they don't know anything about me and what I have to deal with. But, we should be proud of ourselves for overcoming these barriers, whether it's having IBS, losing weight, having wrinkles, etc. You are the only person who can change you.
Bravo for you!
Sharon
--------------------
Sharon
"Anything Chocolate"...that is all!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
people who don't undrstAND OUR conditions and what we all go through don't have a right to make you feel bad and to take control over how you feel. It is just IGNORANCE. When I CIME across a situation where someone doesn't understand my situation(or someone else's for that matter,)I feel like saying,'your ignorance is showing! BOTTOM LINE; DON'T LET ANYONE TAJE AWAY YOUR PERSONAL POWER WITH THEIR INGORANCE. You don't have to explaingto anyone what you do and they have no,absolutely no right to tell you how to live your life. There is a saying that goes'walk a mile in someone's shoe to see how they live' there is a lot of truth in that! 
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Michelle,
I think most of us have been in a similiar situation. I face it each week too when I take my son to playgroup. It's one of those bring a plate setups. I only ever eat from "my plate" so that I know I'm safe and once someoene commented. For the first time since being diagnosed I briefly explained the problem and they were really understanding. Now they all look forward to what I will bring and I have passed on heaps of Heather's recipes to them.
I found that once I had explained Ibs It was easier the next time and then easier again the next.
I too sometimes worry about other people thinking I'm just fussy or it's all in my head because there is no tangible evidence with IBS. But I think you just have to figure that if they are true friends and really care they'll make the effort to understand. Anyone who doesn't isn't worth it!
At Christmas my cousin's husband rolled his eyes at me when he saw I wasn't loading up my plate with all the traditional fare as if to say that I was vain and didn't want to get fat or something. Even though I told myself it didn't matter what he thought it still hurt. I guess there will be times like this that crop up from time to time. It only makes us stronger!
Hope this helps,
Kerrie
P.S Your kids look soooo cute! How was you IBS during/post pregnancy?
--------------------
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Wow - you just made me realize something. My oldest son Luke has some "issues", nothing major and too much to go into here. But my basic rule as far as he goes and other people's opinions, has been, "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind!" Why can't I adapt that same STRONG stance for MYSELF? No matter what comes of the tests or how thin they think I am or whatever... same rule comes into play.
During preg'cy my IBS all came down to the big C, because add in the fact that I was anemic and taking lots of extra iron. Miserable! I also had a lot more of the "upper" stuff (burping, heartburn) that I don't typically deal with. And then after the babies were born I'd be all ready to check out of the hospital but they wouldn't want to let me leave until I'd had a BM. I'd be like, "Well how long are you willing to wait?"  So they'd bring me something strong to make me "go". Fun, not!!  But being pregnant is definitely worth all that! I actually have baby girl, too, but she's not in that picture.
--------------------
Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I first got IBS when I was 16...then it went into remission from about the time I was 22 until I got pregnant with my first child. It never left after that until I got Heather's book and followed her directions. Pregnancy triggered the return for me...its amazing how it can go into remission.
--------------------
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A waist is a terrible thing to mind".
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Thank you for letting me know. I posted a while ago asking about how people were after they had a baby. This is probable my biggest concern. I know what to expect now but I have no clue what may happen later. Do I really want to risk it? Then again I just finally convinced my husband another one would be fun and I miss those little new babies with their cute little arms that flail everywhere. Your daughter is at a cute age. Is she crawling everywhere? This is also the beginning of a stressful time when you visit others because you are always chasing them away from danger. Just as an aside, do your kids like VeggieTales? We watch Jonah everyday, sometime twice.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Zaftig - "A waist is a terrible thing to mind"...that's great.
Sharon
--------------------
Sharon
"Anything Chocolate"...that is all!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Do they like Veggie Tales?? YES!!! I think the interim between when Jonah left the theatres, and when it came out on video, was the longest couple months of our lives!! The day Eric brought Jonah home you'd have thought he hung the moon. Luke (oldest, 4) kept saying, "Look Mommy!!! Daddy brought us the Jonah movie from the movie theatre!!" So cute.
--------------------
Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Meike was suppose to get it for her birthday on March 9. Madeline's friend at school told her on the 5th they bought it so she strated asking me about it. I instant messaged my husband asking if we could get it early and he went to two stores to find it and I went outside and put a gift bag in the car. She got it a few days early and has watched it almost everyday. They are watching the Star of Christmas right now. Go figure. I love 3,2,1 Penguins too. Can't wait for the new VeggieTales video, Larry as Joseph and a Cowboy? It has to be funny. My dad loves them too. He got a tie for Christmas with the pirates who don't do anything and he will be getting Jonah for father's day!!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Some people have no tact. That was in my opinion a rude question to ask anyway. I lost tons of weight when my IBS started. It was embarassing and I didn't like to talk about it. As for the tears - don't worry about it. We all have moments like that and it seems like only us with IBS really understand sometimes. I have learned from having this for 6 or more years is that (although not in front of a bunch of church ladies) I have IBS. If I don't want to go into details I just say that I have a lot of trouble digesting food and that I have to be very careful with what I eat. If I do want to go into details I explain the hardships and pain. You did not ask to have this so there is no reason in the world to feel bad. BTW - I have relatives in Raleigh, and in Danville. Love your part of the country. God bless and feel better. I will say a prayer for you.
--------------------
Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Michelle, I'm really new here, hope you don't mind my replying to something that was so painful to you. I'm a Christian also and I'm glad to know that you'll go back to the Bible study and give the ladies another chance. It sounds like they really did respond with compassion by praying for you - and that's something I never turn down. Being in a relatively new group, new city, with young children AND dealing with IBS - and desiring to preserve a little privacy -- it's no wonder you burst into tears. One of my favorite verses of Scripture is Psalm 34:5 - "Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces." The whole passage, verses 4-7, is really comforting. Your willingness to go back shows a heart for God and a forgiving spirit. YOU just may be an example to THEM! And, God may be using this episode to work in the offender's heart - she may have trouble "guarding her tongue". I pray that your church is a blessing to you. God bless you. Oh, and by the way, I'm going for my colonoscopy w/biopsy to rule out colitis - and anything else - and I'm PRAYING that they'll find "nothing"! I could not care less about whether or not other people think I'm "making it up" - if they're judging me, they've got a bigger problem than my IBS! The Lord knows the truth, and He is ALWAYS full of compassion!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
KaybeeC - what nice things to say.
Sharon
--------------------
Sharon
"Anything Chocolate"...that is all!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Thanks, Sharon. I've been both the offender and the offended one - haven't we all, at one time or another, put our foot in our mouth? (Does that fit with the IBS diet? lol). Anyway, I've certainly needed to have extra grace extended to me and I'm always grateful when I receive it!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Hi! Oh, I have been there so many times, especially at work. Recently, due to the stress of my upcoming knee surgery (recuperating now)I used to have "gas" attacks in the afternoon. Oh my goodness! Talk about being embarassed. As far as telling other people, I no longer go through any long explanation, just tell people the truth, I find that works well.
You are amongst folk in this group who share your fears, please don't hesitate to express yourself.
Good Luck,
Olgis
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Re: Kaybee
#3734 - 03/22/03 05:22 AM
|
|
|
|
|
ecmmbm
Reged: 02/23/03
Posts: 1622
Loc: North Carolina
|
|
|
Thank you so much. Words of wisdom here, that is for sure. I've never heard that verse used in this type of situation, but you can be sure I will get up right now and read that chapter!
I am going back, I know that #1) they are caring Christian people, one of whom is just a little blunt in her concern, and #2) I have to be willing to make friends somehow, I have to put myself out there. I had a wonderful network of friends and family at home and here there is no one, so I have to make the effort, and I am. Bible study, BUNCO, playgroups for the kids - whatever I can find to plug in.
I really want them to find "NOTHING" too, but I have that weird fear that people will think I've been making all this up, or that I'm not "able to handle" the stressors of life and so "every little thing" gives me a "tummyache". I have a need to be and be thought of as a strong person! Hence being so absolutely mortified at crying in front of all those people. But Mom reminded me that these fears are wrong and I just need to give them over to the Lord any time they come up, and ask Him to give me the right kinds of thoughts about this, and He will. I know she (and you!) are right.
Thanks again.
--------------------
Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Michelle and kaybee,
My mom always says give everything to God too. When I was a teenager I used to get mad and roll my eyes, now my husband does when I tell him that.
BTW, if you ever get a chance in the morning from, I think, 6-9 am mon- fri. listen to FLN.org online. There are these two guys, John and Denny and they are so funny and I love the music they play and I on Wed. they have a morning show players and they do these really stupid/funny skits I find myself laughing so hard.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Posts
