I am so completely embarrassed I just want to die...
#3449 - 03/20/03 11:28 AM
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ecmmbm
Reged: 02/23/03
Posts: 1622
Loc: North Carolina
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I went to my Ladies Bible study this morning. I've been going since Sept, right after we moved here at the end of the summer. I don't know any of these ladies all that well but I enjoy it and they are a good group, very real and very mature in the Lord, I believe. So anyway there is always a ton of food there, but I am really feeling bad today, so I ate my oatmeal this morning which usually sits fairly well on the tummy, but I'm not about to load up on donuts and danishes that are only going to set me off and have me doubled over after I eat them! Well, at a particular RARE moment when the whole room was QUIET, this woman I barely know and have never spoken to about not feeling well or IBS, walks up to me and says, full voice so everyone could hear, "Why don't you eat? What's wrong with you? Why have you lost so much weight?"
Well, you all may not know if from my posting here, but I am a very private person. I just wanted to walk out the door and not come back, everyone is staring at me. I am first of all shocked that she could tell by looking at me that I've lost weight, I weigh what I weighed before having kids, I am NOT a waif and still within the BMI for my height, though on the low end now I admit, but before kids that was NORMAL for me. But to have everyone staring at me for that very reason was just the worst thing I could ever imagine. You may have the misconception that people who have trouble not eating want people to notice their weight and point it out, but it is NOT TRUE, at least in my case, I am already self concious about it and certainly don't want a room of people staring at me thinking about THAT. So I mutter out that I've been dealing with a lot of abdominal pain lately, that I'm having tests done for it next week, then my face flashes hot and I start to CRY like an idiot and say, "And for your information it hurst really bad right now!" Good grief, now I've got the whole room's attention and they want to hug me (sweet but ick!) and pray for me. I'll have to admit it was really sweet and sort of amazing to have them all pray for me when they barely know me. But it didn't take away the embarrassment I felt, especially from crying in front of all of them.
Anyway, I can share all that here because I don't care about being embarrassed with you guys! That's the beauty of online. I'm going to keep going to this group even though I'm embarrassed now, because I think these ladies genuinely care, and the one who asked the question in the first place felt horrible, she did not mean for the whole room to hear but was just not careful about the volume of her voice and the fact that the room had gone quiet for that moment.
Just had to get that out, makes me look at it a little more objectively just to write about it here. And one more thing - are you of you ever afraid that if/when the GI's tests turn up "nothing wrong", that people are going to think you were just making it up all along or that it is all in your head? That is something I think about a lot.
Thanks for listening as always!
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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Don't be embarassed, we all go through that same scenario. I just went through the same situation when I had Bunco the other night. I just told them I can't eat fat any longer. when they pressed me, I was frank. So now everyone knows I have IBS, most had no idea what it was anyway. The more people that know about it, the more likely they are to be sensitive when they do hear someone is sick with an IBS attack. I wonder what my mom will say when she gets here on Saturday! I'm also on the low side of my weight, I know it but there's nothing I'm going to do about it, as you know, we CAN'T. Remember, others have their flaws and disorders, most of the time we just don't know about them.
Yes, it is upsetting that IBS is something you're diagnosed with when they can't find anything "really" wrong with you.
It does not give it validity to others.
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You can say that you prefer to eat healthy food. If you dont want to get into the IBS, just say you eat only healthy foods. Thats what I say when the subject of my IBS is too embarassing (which is usually!)
About the weight loss: I went thru something similar, except that I had ppl complimenting me on losing so much weight (I lost 100 lbs at least), and it annoyed me because I was not TRYING to lose weight! I liked being a big, beautiful woman. I didnt want to lose weight/be thin, but here I am. I wanted compliments for having the willpower to stick to my IBS eating plan, but never got that!
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"A waist is a terrible thing to mind".
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One word of caution: dont cut fat out of your diet totally. If you do you will develop other health problems, and be constipated a lot. I learned that the hard way. Just cut it way down, but dont cut it out altogether.
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"A waist is a terrible thing to mind".
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I KNOW JUST HOW YOU FEEL! I've had my share of embarassing experiences! When I was a teenager (the worst!) I was at a group meeting and I passed gas  It was AWFUL! I was hyrestical, I ran out of the room crying! I've also had people tell me I'm too thin, etc.
I am SO SORRY that woman confronted you like that--even though she didn't mean to--but the good news is at least now they know and it shouldn't come up again (at least not in a negative way--it seems like they care--how nice!!!) This could also be a chance to educate them (who knows--maybe someone else in the group is going through the same thing you're going through?!) Just trying to put a positive spin on things...
I also would have felt completely embarassed--and shocked! I think you handled it really well--I probably wouldn't have stayed! Wow, you've got courage!!! I hope you do decide to go back--it sounds like you've got a good thing with this group.
Anyway, I'm sorry you had to go through that awful experience!  At least you have 2 adorable kids and a wonderful sounding husband to go home to--enjoy them!!! 
All the best,
Rcuhie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Yep, I've been there too. I HATE being the center of attention even in normal circumstances, but it is even worse when you are trying to hold off an attack.
For me it happens most often at restaurants. I don't feel comfortable in them and usually get something pretty small to eat. Then everyone starts asking me "is that all you're getting???"
I don't have the problem of being slim though... my weight ranges towards the high end of my BMI. It is a bit embarrassing when people ask if I'm pregnant.
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-h2
"Soluble fiber not included."
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I know how you feel. I had a similiar experience. I am 26, and I am fairly young in my place of work. We had a team meeting to get together have some fun time. We ordered food ahead from Olive Garden (I got something I thought I could handle, plus it was free).
Before the meeting, I wasn't not feeling good. I really didn't want to be there, and I was in no mood to eat. I didn't get up to get my food when everybody else did. I figured I would pick it up at the end of the meeting.
A woman who is just a few years older than me yelled out when everyone was quiet "Lynn, no one is going to bring you your food."
She always speaks in a very snobbish, crass way.
I felt humiliated, embarassed in front of my peers. I was angry, and I didn't feel I had to deal with the indignity of having to be in the same room as her. I left without my supervisor's notice. I was furious. Granted, she didn't know I felt unwell, but it seemed very obnoxious to say such a thing.
My supervisor tried to have me come back. She got annoyed but I explained the situation and apologized.
I later wrote an e-mail to both of them (because I shrink from confrontations) explaining how felt. I said graciously that I am sure that she did not mean to be rude as she had no idea that I was unwell.
She never said anything to me. She never apologized for embarassing me in front of my colleagues. I have never spoken to her since then.
Some people I suppose rejoice in hurting others, and they could careless how they feel as it makes them seem superior.
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Well, I am overweight. However, since March of last year, I have lost a total of 42 pounds. I will admit loosing some weight has helped my IBS issues in a small way. I hope to loose 33 more pounds by the year which will place me at 200 pounds.
My weight issues stem from my IBS because I am not as active as I should be. I don't go out a lot. I don't exercise a lot because it aggravates my IBS for the majority.
I am currently 233 pounds. The highest I have weighed was last year when I went to see the doctor and he told me I that I weighed in at 275. I broke down and cried. I felt humiliated. Thus, I resolved myself, found Heather's book and the Weight Watchers Points System, which re-trains the way you eat.
I am working on my mental outlook now. I used to be really down on myself about my looks and weight. When it comes to it, you have to accept yourself. You are more than the sum of your body image. To me, what is inside is what makes you who you truly are.
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Michelle - you're so cute!!!! Take my word for it, when you get older (like me) you won't even care. People are so uncaring sometimes--maybe she was trying to be a mother to you. Guess we'll never know. But that was sweet of everyone to pray for you right then and there.
I guess it's hard to be a private person when you have IBS and are trying to figure things out. In order to get questions answered, the question must first be asked. And, for a lot of us, that's a hard thing to do when you are a private person. Me, I'm an open book, but I never used to be. I think once you pass a certain age (like 55 maybe), nothing seems to private!...at least not to me anyway. I do embarrass my husband all the time. He used to kick my leg under the table when he thought I was going to be "bad"--that is, until I read him the riot act. I told him to just let me be me. I was this way when he married me, and I've gotten worse since!!!
Anyway, you made it through it and that was just great! These ladies sound like they care enough about you to pray for you. Actually, looking back on what you could've done--you could have given all those ladies an education in IBS and probably a lot of them have it and just don't know it.
Believe it or not, at 58 I still get embarrassed when I talk in front of more than 1 or 2 people. It happened the other night at WW. The leader asked if anybody had any more input (which is the wrong thing to say to me because I always have something to say) about eating fiber. So, I raised my hand and started telling everyone--which was about 11 people--about the two different kinds of fiber and asking if anybody was having "gas" problems with the WW eating plan. And, some people raised their hands and then I just started explaining the difference between fiber and what to do to keep "gas" free. Then I could feel my face get all hot and red and I thought, "does everybody see my face getting red?" Oh,s__t, how embarrassing," but I just kept on going. And I could feel my face getting hotter and hotter. I'm glad our leader stopped me or I probably wouldn've just passed out on the floor!
Anyway, you're in good company, Michelle. Don't fret over it. They're probably looking forward to seeing you again so they can inquire about how you're feeling. It would be a good time to tell them about IBS. Who knows, you may be helping others there, too!
I know what you went through--been there, done that (lots of times)!
Sharon
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Sharon
"Anything Chocolate"...that is all!
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Lynn - I couldn't have said it better. Congrats on the weight loss. You and I are running neck and neck with the amount we've lost. It's such a major accomplishment for us to be able to deal with our self-images. I could care less what other people think of me because they don't know anything about me and what I have to deal with. But, we should be proud of ourselves for overcoming these barriers, whether it's having IBS, losing weight, having wrinkles, etc. You are the only person who can change you.
Bravo for you!
Sharon
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Sharon
"Anything Chocolate"...that is all!
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