Hi Everyone - My Update - Long
#328068 - 04/10/08 10:05 AM
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hi All!
I just want to check in and let you all know that I didn't fall off the face of the earth (though there are times I want to)!
First, as I've always suspected, I don't have IBS. Understandably, the GI docs diagnosed me with that because they're not head doctors, which is what I truly needed. As some of you know, up until the point I was diagnosed with IBS, I was eating whatever I wanted. When I came to this website, I really started to restrict my diet, losing 40lbs along the way. During the holidays, because I knew I didn't have to go to work and didn't have to leave the house, I would chance eating whatever--meats, salads, beer, etc. and I wouldn't get sick. I'd read all of the issues folks on here were going through but I wasn't going through all of that and was beginning to wonder if I was just a lucky IBSer. Meanwhile, I was beginning to make my world smaller and smaller because I was beginning to limit myself from things that I used to do--go to the hair salon, laundromat, shopping, visits, etc. I poked around for therapists and Gaia recommended someone to me who then recommended me to a CBT institute.
I finally started to go see a shrink on December 19. The reason I needed to see a shrink was for the very same reason that I didn't want to go. I was scared of being far from home. It was bad enough that I was torturing myself by getting on the train to go to work, now I had to go even further to the institute. I was extremely pessimistic that nothing was going to work. So anyway, I tell the shrink that I'm experiencing 3 things: I'm scared of having D or a BM while not at home, I'm scared of hurling while not at home, and I'm freaking out on the trains when they're stuck between tunnels. All of these worries were making me have nervous BMs, making me feeling lightheaded and nauseaus--which is what anxiety does. So through therapy, she was teaching me all of the maneuvers to handle those worrisome feelings. Ultimately, I can control my body. It's not easy because the mind is a powerful thing. I had to go through exposures--go to restaurants, go to movie theaters, go out to lunch, visit my sister--all with having eaten first. Then I had to start incorporating foods that supposedly are dangerous. OMG, I had to eat a bag of Doritos (which contain milk and wheat) during one of my sessions. I was so worried--I got nauseaus, I was panicking, all this while chewing on the chips and know that I had a 45min subway ride home. I did it, it was uneventful and it wasn't dangerous. Today I got Doritos all over the place. Last month I went to a billiards expo in Pennsylvania that I skipped 2 years in a row and I did it! I was away from home for 3 days and I had to eat whatever was available there. One sad thing for me was that I had to stay away from this website because I was relating to everything people were experiencing and that's how the mind of an anxious person works. That and having a really good memory! Anyway I found myself avoiding things. There were times that I wouldn't even drink water or eat anything while at work because I didn't want to have to use the bathroom. Oh, one of the big things that I had and still do is when I feel something may not be a good idea, I go ahead and do it to know that it's OK. The more I do this, the more I overcome the fear/anxiety. I also stopped taking the Acacia and drinking the teas back in December.
Yesterday I had an appointment with my shrink, and it was my last. I graduated! No, I'm not 100% where I'd like to be but I'm on the right path. I am no where near where I was a year ago today, or four months ago for that matter. I've been doing my exposures with minimal worry and I don't avoid it. If I feel antsy I go through what I have to do instead of running from it which would only enforce the fear. Foods that I would eat on the weekends I know eat in the middle of the weeks. I started going out to dinner with my friend on Fridays like I used to (the first time was nervosa hell!) I can always call my shrink again if I find myself reverting back to the avoidance thing and she's optimistic that I won't, and so am I.
To sum my ramblings up, I truly believe that I don't have IBS. Like I said, I'm not 100% as the thoughts are always there in my brain, sort of like a Doplar radar looking for that vulnerable spot to strike, but I am a work in progress in the right direction. I haven't gone back to cow's milk because I love soy milk. I love making salads, rice and beans, steak, pizza, my Everyday Italian recipes all without problems.
This post is not meant to gloat and I do apologize if I came off that way. I do want to thank everyone who was there for me with all of my questions and especially Gaia--if she still posts--for putting me on the right path.
This is an invaluable forum and I wish success for all.
Wendy---a work in progress 
--------------------
Wendy IBS A thru Z
Taking it one day at a time...
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I'm so glad you stuck with your gut (pardon the pun) feeling about what was really wrong and got the help you needed. It's great you're doing so well and I really appreciate your taking the time to come back and update us all - I wish everyone who fell off the face of the Earth would do that.
It's wonderful you can go where you want and do what you want and eat what you want. It's sounds like you've done a lot of hard, scary work and it's really paid off. Hurray for you!
--------------------
[Research tells us fourteen out of any ten individuals likes chocolate. - Sandra Boynton]
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
HELLO!!!
#328075 - 04/10/08 11:24 AM
|
|
|
|
|
Jordy
Reged: 08/12/06
Posts: 2095
|
|
|
I am so happy to hear from you...and that you are feeling so much better. I've been wondering about you and posted to you about a month ago here Wendy?
I see so much optimism in your post! Seriously...I am blown away! This was all from anxiety???? Maybe this is part of my answer except that I do go through the same issues as other posters. I had the symptoms before finding the website...so I'm not sure.
Quote:
When I came to this website, I really started to restrict my diet, losing 40lbs along the way.
Me too! The doctor is threatening to put me in a hospital because I have lost too much weight.
Who is Gaia? How did you find this CBT doctor? Were you able to keep working during this time...at the same job? Do you like your job better now?
Oh, I have so many questions (as usual)!
Did you have to take or are you taking any medications to help? Quote:
When I came to this website, I really started to restrict my diet, losing 40lbs along the way. During the holidays, because I knew I didn't have to go to work and didn't have to leave the house,
Any suggestions to share?  How long were you in therapy?
Can you drink coffee and diet soda and just eat whatever you want now? Like a "normal person"?  No more reading labels or anything? Wow! Real pizza and cheesy italian foods!!! French fries, burgers, any fruit or veggie, yogurt and ice cream and sugar free sweeteners, wheat bread and whole grain cereals....the culinary world is now so huge for you. And the freedom is the best part. The loss of the fear. I give you so much credit for being brave enough to try these new foods, Wendy. I'm afraid I am too ingrained in my thoughts by now.
And no supplements at all? Like SFS? WOW!
I will miss your posts and your wonderful sense of humor. I would love to email you sometime if you'd like...but I can certainly understand not wanting to hear from anyone or anything that has to do with IBS! 
And this was not a gloat post at all!!! You have given hope to all who have not found their answers yet.
I know what you mean about always wondering if you may have IBS....as I keep telling myself there was reason why I researched this website out. Do you think that ever goes away?
--------------------
IBS-C with pain and bloat
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Thanks Sand! Yeah, it was a lot of hard work but it was work that I had to do if I wanted to get better. Again, I haven't incorporated everything that I used to do but baby steps, as they say. There are some foods that make me nauseaus and its because, like anyone else, when you haven't fed your body the high fatty stuff etc., you'll get queasy. It's like shocking your body. Hell, I shocked myself!
--------------------
Wendy IBS A thru Z
Taking it one day at a time...
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Quote:
I am so happy to hear from you...and that you are feeling so much better. I've been wondering about you and posted to you about a month ago here Wendy?
Awwww, I'm sorry I missed it! But thanks for thinking of me. I always think of everyone here and wonder how they're doing.
Quote:
I see so much optimism in your post! Seriously...I am blown away! This was all from anxiety???? Maybe this is part of my answer except that I do go through the same issues as other posters. I had the symptoms before finding the website...so I'm not sure.
Believe it or not, yeah, it was and still is majorly due to anxiety. Throughout the months that I was reading and posting here, I found myself beginning to feel like a true IBSer. I guess sort of the way a man starts to feel the same symptons his pregnant wife has. I was even avoiding water! Can you believe it? I think I had read on here that its not a good idea to drink anything cold first thing in the morning and I totally always did that and I stopped. The one day that I did do it out of force of habit in October, I started feeling super queasy and I blamed it on the water when all in the meantime, it was probably anxiety and worrying about a panic attack on the way home. Yes, I do have real symptoms like Meniere's Disease and motion sickness, but I can tell the difference between those feelings and the anxiety feelings. It's a lot of mental fighting and eventually, the anxiety loses. It doesn't happen over night but I can certainly see everything going in reverse. Where nausea or the feeling of D would last all day is now going backwards and lasts maybe an hour or two at most. It's a lot of work and I'm a work in progress.
Quote:
Who is Gaia? How did you find this CBT doctor? Were you able to keep working during this time...at the same job? Do you like your job better now? Oh, I have so many questions (as usual)!
Gaia, and I hope I'm spelling her name correctly, is from Long Island (I think) and when I realized that I was going to need more help because the CDs didn't do it for me, she said she was going to a therapist and I asked her if her therapist knew of anyone in NY. She asked and directed me to Dr. Ellen Oler who I saw in October and after hearing me out, Oler said that it sounds like I need cognitive behavioral therapy and though she knows of it, she doesn't specialize in it. So she directed me to the Institute of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (www.cognitivetherapynyc.com). I chose and made an appointment with doctor Rene Zweig. The way my mind works, and has always worked as a kid, is that I remember everything. Details and all. If you and I were to see someone getting sick, you'd probably forget about it the next day. Me, I'll remember it forever, details and all, and I'll relate to it. Even if someone comes and tells me a story which I didn't witness, I'll store it in my memory and will relate to it. I've always been that way. Here's a story that kind of reminds me of me: Panic Stations by Dr. Zweig
Quote:
Did you have to take or are you taking any medications to help?
Thankfully no. The thing about CBT is that there are so many roads to getting better. Anxiety is something that we all have and just makes us alert to whats going on with our bodies, surroundings, etc. In my case, I was listening way too much to false things--I would turn a hiccup to all of a sudden feeling nauseas because something was wrong or gas would mean that I was going to have D. I tell you, it took a lot of work and though I still feel like that, I don't listen like I used to and know that gas is just gas, a hiccup is just that, etc.
Quote:
Any suggestions to share? How long were you in therapy?
Hmmm suggestions. I guess you'll need to be more specific? Any suggestions I may have would be to ignore antsy feelings but that wouldn't be the case for a true IBSer? I was in therapy for 4 months, twice a month.
Quote:
Can you drink coffee and diet soda and just eat whatever you want now? Like a "normal person"? No more reading labels or anything? Wow! Real pizza and cheesy italian foods!!! French fries, burgers, any fruit or veggie, yogurt and ice cream and sugar free sweeteners, wheat bread and whole grain cereals....the culinary world is now so huge for you.
I'm not a coffee drinker but I do drink diet soda be it Coke, Pepsi, whatever. I no longer read labels unless I'm comparing calorie counts. I had pizza for lunch today and I've had turkey burgers, steak, french fries, etc. I've eaten at Spaghetti Western where I had Rigatoni Bolognese. Bread with butter. Fruits and vegetables (god did miss veggies), I'm not a yogurt eater and I haven't done ice cream yet--I don't want to pack the pounds back on! I've had lasagna, ravioli--all with ricotta. Not only have I done wheat bagels with cream cheese and/or jelly, I eat wheat pasta too.
Quote:
And the freedom is the best part. The loss of the fear. I give you so much credit for being brave enough to try these new foods, Wendy. I'm afraid I am too ingrained in my thoughts by now.
The freedom is good. Though I had the freedom before this whole catastrophe, but something about finding it again makes it real good. The only way to find things out was to try. I would try first when I knew I didn't have to leave the house. Then I'd try when I knew I had to leave the house. Then came trying in a restaurant, etc. Reading a lot of the experiences on this form was beginning to make me ingrain the "safeties" in my head too and that actually turned out to be a negative for me because I was limiting myself thinking that I would get sick. Slowly but surely I'm beginning to see that I don't have IBS otherwise I'd be running to the bathroom! Pizza, salads, beef! Can you imagine?!
Quote:
And no supplements at all? Like SFS? WOW!
The only thing I ever took was the Acacia powder and I stopped taking it back in December. Come to think of it, I started getting sloppy and not taking it probably in November.
Quote:
I will miss your posts and your wonderful sense of humor. I would love to email you sometime if you'd like...but I can certainly understand not wanting to hear from anyone or anything that has to do with IBS!
You can email me at BendeeWendee@aol.com. I'm going to always have this site as a favorite because part of my recovery is to eventually read the stuff on here and not let it bother me to a point where I start to avoid again.
Quote:
I know what you mean about always wondering if you may have IBS....as I keep telling myself there was reason why I researched this website out. Do you think that ever goes away?
For me I'm like 90% sure that I don't have IBS. The other 10% lies on me still incorporating foods, mainly eggs and milk. I haven't tried them yet, even though I've eaten things like chocolate chip cookies that contain eggs and milk. My anxiety thoughts will never go away because like I said, we all have some form of anxiety. The fact that I had the thoughts at all makes them linger that much longer because an anxious mind has a powerful memory. The smell, sight, feel, taste, etc. can trigger a bad memory and from there, if I'm vulnerable, I'll start the whole panic thing going. I'm the one creating the anxiety and I'm the one who's got to get rid because the anxiety doesn't have a place to go but swirl around my head. At times when panic would creep in or nausea or the feeling of D, as quick as it would come, it would leave. How I did it I don't know and we'll never know what that switch is. What we do know is how to handle it and know that its not dangerous.
I hope I answered some questions for ya!
--------------------
Wendy IBS A thru Z
Taking it one day at a time...
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Hey Wendy,
I am so proud of you for taking control of your life. I told you anxiety can play nasty tricks on you as I have experienced before.This is the best news and I am so happy to hear you are finally getting back to a normal life. I have been quite distant here because I have feeling better. But I know I have IBS and heather fiber and recomendation have saved my life. And has helped my anxiety in many ways. I remember speaking to you about those "baby steps" and they were probably the hardest thing to do. But look how much you have accomplished just by believing in yourself!! HUGS to you.. and best a luck..
Have a fabulous italian dinner for me. Like manicotti or lasagna.. ummm
Keep up the great work!!
smiles from Deb
--------------------
IBS-C gas, bloating and acid reflux
Babies is the plan for 2008!!Hope this IBS cooperates.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Don't know how I missed this post --I see that it was over a week ago-- but I just want to say Wendy, I was thinking about you, too. I'm glad to hear you're doing well. Take good care of yourself...
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
Posts
