BLAH!
#3244 - 03/18/03 11:01 PM
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Shawna
Reged: 02/04/03
Posts: 29
Loc: Middle of nowhere in the desert, Ca
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I need to vent!
I went to the Dr. on Moday. She said that on top of IBS and GERD, that I have GAD (generalized anxiety disorder). And put me on yet another medication.
I feel like I am a defective, broken, piece of junk! I just want to burst into tears, curl up in the corner, and never do anything, ever again. Why am I such a mess? And when did this all happen? Except for occasional IBS distress I was fine until 6 months ago. Now I feel like I am cracking up! The anti-depression meds don't take full effect for 3 weeks, but the side effects are quite immediate! BLAH!
I have no friends, a thankless job where I get verbally abused on a daily basis for not near enough cash, my fiance works 12-14 hour night shifts (God Bless the Navy) so I never see him, and I am trying to plan a wedding!
Someone please stop this roller coaster! I want off!
Sorry for my whining. Maybe when the side effects from the new meds subside, I won't feel so bleak!
Shawna 
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SLicK 
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Shawna,
You poor thing! I'm sooo sorry you're going through all this!
First off, good things in life can cause stress too--like planning a wedding (I know, I just had mine this past year!) So if you have symptoms flaring up you didn't even know existed until now--you're not alone! My job has also been way harsh this year! Another thing that has made my symptoms more visible. My symptoms had largely gone into remission (except for slight bloating and some gassiness) until about a month after my wedding (I didn't eat much while preparing for my wedding--so I wonder if that's why my symptoms were at bay then)?
You're TOTALY not alone!
Good luck with everything--how's the wedding planning going? I'm VERY excited for you! Being engaged is the best/worst time--and planning a wedding is tough. But, lucky you--you found the person you're meant to spend the rest of your life with!!!! 
Good luck--and keep us posted!
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Re: BLAH!
#3254 - 03/19/03 07:51 AM
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Lana_Marie
Reged: 01/31/03
Posts: 1968
Loc: Saskatchewan. Canada
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Oh Shawna Sweetie! I truly feel for you, but don't feel alone we have all been where you are at right now - it seems everything is going to hell in a handbasket. But really like Shania says: There's no where to go, but UP from here LOL.
I truly understand what you are going through. I remember planning my wedding last year...my husband thought it was more fun to hang out with his buddies then help me plan the wedding.....I finally burst and screamed "If we dont hurry up and start with some of these plans we are gonna have to postpone the wedding" And you know what the huge dork had the nerve to say "Till when?" That was the final straw I screamed back (Now caution there is swearing ahead) I screamed back "I don't know, how about 2000 and F**K IT" Needless to say he jumped in and helped after that. LOL. Not one of my proudest wife to be moments, but I just wanted to tell you that we are entitled to an emotional breakdown because of the wedding crap LOL.
As for your job....I realize it's not the best to run away from a job just because of some crap, but the fact is if you aren't making much money and it's not making you completely happy then you can always switch careers. My dad always told me that I have to know what I wanna do atleast by the time I'm 30. I still have six more years and have switched jobs 3 times since I have started working. And they have all been for bigger and better. Hardly anyone stays at one of their first jobs, so don't feel bad about making career changes. We are at the age where we can take risks and write it off as "learning" LOL. If you truly enjoy your job and it's just certain people and things that are bothering you, talk to a supervisor and get things fixed up....chances are they don't want to lose you as an employee and will do their best to make some changes (as long as they aren't new budgets or anything LOL).
I understand about your fiance being gone, but husband is gone for most of the summer. He works construction and travels to where ever the work is, my advice for that is to surround yourself with girlfriends...They are the greatest to have around when you feel so alone because your girls will know you the best and know what to say to make you feel better.
Anyways - Shawna - In summary I just wanted to point out you are not alone! All of us on the board are here for you. I don't mean to seem like an advice hound - it's just that I can really relate to your problems because I have been through the same stuff.
Thinking of you,
Lana_Marie 
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Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
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When I feel that way, I drive to the beach, plop down on the sand, and stare at the waves for an hour or so. It always helps to put things into perspective. I can practically feel my blood pressure come down. I see you're in California or I wouldn't suggest it. Maybe you could go this weekend.
Best wishes to you.
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Re: BLAH!
#3343 - 03/19/03 12:58 PM
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Shawna
Reged: 02/04/03
Posts: 29
Loc: Middle of nowhere in the desert, Ca
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Thanks for the suggestion, but I live 3 and a half hours from the beach, and I work every weekend! I wish I could have the luxury of the beach!
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SLicK
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Re: BLAH!
#3344 - 03/19/03 01:06 PM
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Shawna
Reged: 02/04/03
Posts: 29
Loc: Middle of nowhere in the desert, Ca
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Thank all of you for support. It's just one of those times that I need to suck it up and get through it. The situations all will change in about a year. I just need to grin and bear it!
The wedding plans are good, just about finished in fact. The wedding is in May, so, I don't have much planning time left anyhow! It's just a scary/exciting time, and I am ready for the Honeymoon!
Thanks so much,
Shawna
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SLicK
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I totally know where you're coming from, sweetie. I was just dianosed with Obsessive compulsive disorder this fall and I've had it almost all my life. I had to go on anti-depressants, too, and I had some wicked side effects for the first while too. It's hard dealing with something like "oh, you have this". It's one thing to live with it but it's totally another to face it. You are a very brave girl. You are probably feeling the effects of the meds, pre wedding jitters, and about another dozen things. Cut yourself some slack. You didn't ask to have these things. They suck. We deal with them the best we can. You are NOT a mess. You happen to have some MEDICAL conditions. Anxiety disorders are caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain. NOT your fault. IBS - God only know what causes it. Don't blame yourself. Cry if you think it will help. With any luck, the meds may kick in even sooner. If you don't mind telling, what meds are you on? I'm on Paxil. Another thing, I know what it's like to be away from your honey. My husband works in Cincinnati and we live in Canada! ???? We are nuts! I only see him weekends! We do what we have to do in life. Hang in there. In the meantime, remember that the job is just that - a job. IT is not you. Take care, and let us know how you're doing. Consider us your second "family".
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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