Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | My Year in 2007 Review (Long)

In April of 2006, I'd noticed that the thought "What if you get sick" started to creep into my head. It was always there from when I was a kid because I get motion sick, but it would only pop up when I had to go on a flight or a long bus or car ride. Now it was progressively coming up bit by bit in whatever I did. In September of 2006 I cancelled out of a billiard tournament to which I had always flown out to and On December 13, 2006, that thought became a reality as I tried to make it home on the subway at about 11ish AM from work because I felt sick. I never did get sick and by the time I got to my stop, it was as if nothing had ever happened.

Jan. 07 - I find that my nervous BMs haven't let up since June of 06. Why am I so nervous? Because I'm scared of getting on the train and possibly embarassing myself if I get sick. I go to a GI Doc who schedules a colonoscopy. I never mentioned what was going on in my head except that I felt nervous.

February 07 - I had my traumatic colonoscopy (I woke up in the middle of it to hurl due to the anesthesia). The result was an insignificant internal hemerrhoid. Other than that, my colon was fine. Since the c-scopy, I noticed that milk was giving me D. The GI Doc said that c-scopies don't result in lactose intolerance.

March 07 - I cancelled out on another billiard tournament that I always went to because I was always filled with malaise and moreso if I knew I had to get on a train, plane, car, etc.

April 07 - One year from when the thought crept into my mind. I hadn't gotten better (I gave myself a year).

May 07 - Nervous morning BMs continue. I now start to get nervous if I even go out to lunch, supermarket, laundromat, etc. I have no choice but to go to work, so I still have to fight the fear of getting on the subway. I'm beginning to break down at work.

June/July 07 - I go to another GI Doc. I had an endoscopy which only revealed that I had minor Acid Reflux, probably due to the saucy foods from the Nutrisystem Diet. I go on Omeprezol for that and the Acid Reflux clears up. I had blood work done--no lactose intolerance, no parasites, etc. I had a sonogram of my organs done. Healthy as a horse. I was then told that I had IBS and was directed to this web site.

August 07 - I take the first 3 weeks of August off to acclimate myself to this new diet. Up until this point, I had been eating whatever I wanted as usual without any problems. I also start to listen to the Audio CDs. I start to follow the regimens of the diet, acacia, etc. and though it is good for me 'cause it's a healthy way of eating, I thought I was getting better because I wasn't having nervous BMs. The reason for that would be because I know I didn't have to get on the train to go to work. I return to work on the last week of August only to have the return of the nervous BMs, and the breaking down at work continue.

September 07 - I think I've developed an eating disorder. If I'm away from home or if I know I have to leave my house, I don't eat or if I do, it's very minimal. Breakfast is about 3-5 teaspoonfuls of oatmeal, lunch is 3 slices of French bread with soy butter, and dinner varies from 6 potatoe perogies to ground turkey with pasta. At work I drink a 1/4 of the amount of water I used to drink because I read that cold liquids first thing in the AM is bad. Meanwhile, it's the first thing I do when I don't have to step out of the house and nothing happens.

October 07 - I had a vaginal sonogram. Nothing wrong there. I've come to terms that I need to see a shrink because I'm beginning to question whether or not I truly have IBS because my anxiety is now taking over me.

November 07 I finally finished listening to the Audio CDs. They didn't help me. I sure as hell don't want to go another round listening. I start to have a pattern of 2-3 good weeks with no anxiety and 1 really bad week with. I continue my "diet" and have now lost a total of 40lbs. I would've been working to get down to this weight but it's happening this way instead. Highlight: On Thanksgiving I had pork, skins, dark meat, BEER--NOTHING HAPPENED. Why? Because I was at my sister's house around the corner from me and I wasn't nervous.

December 07 - I start to see a CBT therapist. The first session she teaches me to breathe. My 2nd session is tomorrow and I'm scared to death because from work, I'm only 4 stops away and on one train. From home (I'm off), I have to take 3 trains. Meanwhile, on the 21st, I enjoyed 3--count 'em 3 slices of pizza without a problem! Would I have tried that if I were away from home? Of course not because in my head, I'll get sick if I do. I won't even eat "safe" foods at work because I think I'll get sick.

To sum it up, I still question whether I truly have IBS or not. I'm sure I do, but it's got to be a very subtle case of IBS if that's possible? I don't have D several times a day like some, nor do I get constipated for days on end like others. I can have foods that are supposedly huge No-No's for IBSers. Hell, I had salad before my meal on the 24th, lasagna, roast pork, macaroni salad and nothing happened. I started to get gassy because I kept telling myself that I shouldn't have these foods and therefore I was beginning to make myself feel like I was going to have D but still, nothing happened.

Now, in a rational state of mind, I'm embarrased to say that I attempted to slit my wrists in August and then again in September. This is very uncharacteristic of me and when you're not thinking rationally, anything goes. I figured if I don't exist, neither will this problem. It's a new year and I've put myself back on the path to getting my sanity back. I hope that everyone has a healthy new year and hope that things get better for all of us.

If torture is your thing, this is an article of a girl who went through what I'm going through:
Panic Stations

Thanks for taking the time to read this!

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Wendy IBS A thru Z
Taking it one day at a time...

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