Trouble Socialising?
#321404 - 12/31/07 05:30 PM
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Amandarosko
Reged: 08/15/07
Posts: 10
Loc: Ontario, Canada
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Ever since working on this diet I've felt tremendously better, but am still playing the Where's The Nearest Bathroom game in my head. I'm still getting tested to find out exactly what it is that I've got, but I'm sure that it's ibs related somehow.
Anyway, I was just wondering if any singles on this board had a fear of dating because of this. I'm not particularly ready to start dating since I just got out of school and need to get everything sorted out, but whenever I picture myself finally going out on a date the mental image is ruined by the thought that I would have an attack, or he would want to go to a restaurant I couldn't eat at and I'd have to explain to him that I have "food allergies."
I've also noticed that several members are married, and was wondering how they explained it to their significant others. Were you married before you found out how to treat your symptoms, or did you find out what to do while you were still dating? If so how did you work up the courage to go out knowing you could have an enormously painful attack any minute?
Hope these questions aren't too personal.
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Amanda,
I dated and got married while suffering IBS symptoms, not knowing I had IBS. It was tough. I didn't date a lot and always insisted that we be somewhere close enough to a bathroom. Marriage didn't last (his issues believe it or not were more sorry than my IBS  ) and I'm divorced now. At this point Im not even entertaining the thought of dating until I get better. I don't think it has to be this way. People are for the most part understanding and as long as you can be upfront about your condition I think it's doable. Especially because once you let the cat out of the bag, psychologically you can handle it a lot better. I told my dentist that I have trouble sitting for a long period of time and that I might have to jump up at any time to use the bathroom. Until I told him this, I would freak out and sweat a day before my appointment and while waiting for my turn etc.. I've stopped having manicure/pedicures and other such appointments because of this. However, with time, I'm able to be frank about my condition and I'm hoping that this will open my social abilities and I'm hoping for even more, that my condition heals and I won't ever have to talk, think, dream about it anymore.
I wish you luck, peace of mind, and only understanding, caring people in your life.
Sarah T
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I was diagnosed with IBS at age 17 (I'm 29 now), and I don't even remember explaining it to my first serious boyfriend (we were together 4 years, lived together for two), but in the beginning I used to go through these long periods of "remission" (I remember being completely symptom-free for almost 2 years at one point). Then I would go through a maybe 6-8 month long flare-up, and go into remission again. It was much easier to explain my problem in terms of "flare-ups" rather than a constant, chronic condition. When I started dating my husband at 23, I was still experiencing the flare-up/remission cycle, though the gaps between were becoming shorter. On our dates I was always mentally checking the location of the bathroom, but I wasn't ever really nervous about having an attack - I guess when you've found the right guy, you know that he'll understand and you'll feel comfortable with him. I know it sounds lame, but I was comfortable with him from day 1.
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IBS-A since age 12, and fructose sensitive; with the exception of my pregnancy, have been following Heather's diet since Nov. 19, 2007.
Taking 12g of Acacia per day. Relatively stable since March 2008!
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Thank you SaraT and Erilyn, your posts have helped tremendously I think that just because I'm still having symptoms I needed to hear other people say that it's going to be fine, but I also need to remember that I don't know for sure that what I have is IBS yet, and even if it was I've only been on the diet for a little while so far, and I can still improve.
Thank you both again, I think I can handle it now 
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Amanda, you're welcome. lots and lots of success and good days!
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Yes, socializing is a problem, but believe it or not it gets better as you get older! Now that I am almost 50, I find people in my age group are more understanding when you mention you have a "health problem requiring a special diet." (That's usually how I phrase it to new people when the issue of diet first comes up.) If they want to know what the health problem is, I simply say: "When I get to know you better, I will be happy to send you a link to a website that describes the problem and the required diet." That website is Heather's website (www.eatingforibs.com) of course!
By the way, I was wondering where in Canada you live. If you live in the Toronto area, I would be happy to give you some leads for some IBS-safe foods (bread, etc.) that are available here.
I've had IBS all of my life and was quite severe until I went on Heather's diet. I've made some modifications to her diet that have yielded even more improvements, and I am well 95 per cent of the time now! I would be happy to share these suggestions with you. Please contact me at belinda958@yahoo.ca if you want some help.
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I definitely do have problems socializing. I've decided to not let it keep me from going out, but I'm having to constantly hold in my gas while I'm out, so I'm always happy to get back home and "release".
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Ugh...I feel your pain. I am afraid to go out as well. I'm not dating anyone, haven't ever actually, but lately I am realizing I don't know what I would do if I did go out on a date. I have the same fear, that I would go to a restaurant where I couldn't eat anything, it doesn't help that I also have to avoid wheat and all follow the IBS guidelines as well.
It is just so frustrating, not being able to freely enjoy sitting a restaurant and letting someone else cook my meals. I cook for myself all the time. And tonight it is my sister's birthday so my family is going out to dinner. I think I am going to eat an early dinner before we actually go, for I am afraid to eat in the restaurant. Plus, the reservation is for 6:30, which is late for me. I am usually eating dinner by 5:30, I know it's only an hour, but I really do like to eat early so I don't feel like I have food stuck in my belly all night.
This is so frustrating!!! It is even difficult for me to travel anymore, for I have to take mostly all my own food and even then I still have to face the questions, why can't you eat this, what are you eating, on and on and on. I don't even know what to do anymore. Somedays I feel like I have to plan my life around IBS and trying to stay on a schedule. It's really rough somedays and even makes me depressed I think.  I just hope that once my university starts up again in a few weeks, I can forget a little about struggling with IBS and just focus on becoming an elementary school teacher.
This just really stinks sometimes. 
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Hello,
I just wanted to add my 2 cents in here. I was diagnosed with IBS in June of 2006, so I've only dealt with this for over a year and a half. I was not dating anyone when I was diagnosed and couldn't even think about the possibility of doing that. the thought of being intimate with someone and having to deal with my IBS was just way too overwhelming. Then in June of 2007 I was introduced to someonewho asked me out on a date, I was immediately terrfied. I had not gone out to eat anywhere since I was diagnosed. to make things worse the guy wanted to go to Olive garden which was the one place I was always gauranteed to have an episode even before I knew what was wrong with me. I had to tell him I couldn't eat there. He thought that was odd but agreed to go somewhere else.
Well since that date we have been inseparable. I eased into telling him about IBS. At first I just told him that I had stomach issues and couldn't eat certain things without getting sick. Eventually he asked what it was called, I told him but did not elaborate. Soon he was staying at my apartment on the weekends and I had to give him all the details because he kept asking about all the wierd food I had at my place. He was very cool about everything, and never once has complained about it. One time when at Red Lobster after eating just our appetizer I had an episode, and without even asking me he asked the waiter for our check and our entrees to go and we left immediately, He knows me so well now that he can tell by looking at me if I am getting sick. He understands when I have to sleep with my heating pad which is quite often because I am convinced it helps to fend off attacks quite often. So don't fear there are guys out there who this is not a big deal to at all. I even cook for him now and as long as it tastes good he doesn't care what is in the food.
We go out to eat almost every weekend and I have learned what I can and cannot have at every place we go to. I am always apprehensive to go to a new place but so far so good. good luck with this, good things can happen!
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Melinda
IBS-A but leans toward C mostly
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Yup, these guys do exist. My husband is one of them. He even eats all the crazy food I cook now – even the vegetarian stuff - with no complaint!
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IBS-A since age 12, and fructose sensitive; with the exception of my pregnancy, have been following Heather's diet since Nov. 19, 2007.
Taking 12g of Acacia per day. Relatively stable since March 2008!
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Hi Melinda,
Can I ask what restaurants you go to and what kinds of foods you order? Thank you!
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I've had "stomach issues" since I am a toddler and I am now 23. I was diagnosed with IBS when I was about 14 and have had numerous other possibilities since. Right now I have IBS, SIBO and it's looking like Fructose Malabsorption. The three of those make me a complete weirdo when it comes to eating. Regardless of whether it's a romantic relationship or just a friendship, it makes things difficult. All of my friends tend to eat when socializing. "What do you want to do?""I don't know, let's go grab a bite to eat" or "let's go to starbucks" "or lets hang out, drink, eat junk food". Thankfully, my friends are for the most part understanding. Unfortunately a few of them have varying degrees of "tummy issues" themselves. When it comes to dating it is very hard for me. I find it embarassing to explain, but I see it as if they cannot deal with it, they aren't worth it. Thankfully the people I have dated recently have been pretty good about it. Although it can be tough when sometimes they don't see that asking you to go to Taco Bell or Checkers is a big no no. I used to not even go out because of my IBS. I used to skip meals and go a day or two without eating. Now I eat and if I get sick I get sick. However, one of my biggest fears is having "tummy issues" while being intimate. There is nothing that could kill the mood more than having to run to the bathroom. 
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Pud
Long Island
IBS-D & SIBO - main symptom GAS
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The social aspect was what convinced me to find help. I was afraid to eat out. Like you, playing the "where's the nearest bathroom" in my head game. It wasn't until the "worst" happened in a restaurant and I ended up at my car with my best friend's sweat jacket wrapped around my waist that I knew I needed to find out what was wrong with me. Luckily I was with someone I trusted and wasn't on a date. I had a colonoscopy and that proved to show nothing, thank GOD. My father died of colon cancer, so that was a relief. I found this site, and have put the diet into place and am drinking about 3 cups of the peppermint tea a day. I take a quarter teaspoon of the soluble fiber and I am so much better. For me I am narrowing down what my specific triggers are and to what degree they affect me. So far fat is the biggest one. It seems I can occasionally indulge in a few things ( coffee, chocolate )if I stay completely away from red meat and fatty foods. Good luck to you, and while dating the right man will be sympathetic and understanding! And he will never suggest Taco bell!
Good luck!!!!
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I have often not gone over to someone's house because I know they only have one washroom and if my stomach got upset and I had to be in there for a long time I would be embarrassed.
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we actually go to almost all the regular kinds of restaurants. I don't think my IBS is as severe as some people's right now. I am going through chemo because I have breast cancer and my symptoms have subsided since then. But mainly at every restaurant I go to I ALWAYS eat the bread or rolls first. My boyfriend likes to get dips a lot which I can't eat but they always come with bread, so even if we go someplace that does not have rolls, I can eat those to have a good base before I eat. This always seems to help me be able to eat things. I also have to say that dairy does not seem to affect me like it does with other IBS-ers so I dont stay away from that. My usual order at any resaurant is grilled chicken with veggies. That I can usually manage to eat with no problems, sometimes I get gas from the veggies though. My favorite place to go is Red lobster because there rolls are great and I get the Broiled seafood platter, that way there is nothing fried on there. And i get things that do not have butter on them so in general no shrimp scampi but other than that I love that place!
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Melinda
IBS-A but leans toward C mostly
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i worry about having to use someones bathroom... it took me forever to start using my now ex girlfriends bathroom... if i started to feel as though it might be an issue i'd go home or stay home..
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Pud
Long Island
IBS-D & SIBO - main symptom GAS
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hi,
so I have been with my boyfriend for three years. I've had ibs for at least seven. we met at a dance club and were friends there for awhile, our first date was a coffee house, I had tea, he was too much of a gentlemen to ask, for a month we just didn't do date stuff with food, finally we were out we were hungry, and I just told him, I have a stomach condition, I have to be crazy picky about what I eat Or I'll have to go home because I'm sick, he was ok with it, still is three years later, we eat at japenese places, I cook, we eat at seperate restaurants,where I have a tea to be company for him. when we find places we can eat it is exciting and speacil. The right person will see YOU not the ibs tummy problems, they will just be part of the package! good luck
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ibc a but c predominent doing hypnotherapy and taking it one day at a time
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I think that going out to eat is one of the most stressful things. What makes that hard is it used to be the most enjoyable thing for me. Now I am not getting any enjoyment out of food or the socializing that goes with dining out. I have been using the diet, tea and soluable fiber since just right after xmas and am so much better. My last "attack" was Christmas day. I seriously thought my kids were going to have to take me to the hospital. Since then I have been better. When I go out to eat, I generally stick to chicken, fish and baked potatoes. Not glamerous but well worth it. Plus most of the people in my life know about my IBS, so that helps a lot. My hardest change is giving up coffee. I am about 98% free of it, but I have found I can have a few "no no's" if I stay away from my biggest triggers, which seem to be fatty meats.
Hang in there and trust me, it gets better and there is a lot of hope!!!
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SO
#322270 - 01/13/08 05:37 PM
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Sneaker
Reged: 12/31/07
Posts: 9
Loc: Montreal
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I'm 21 years old and until recently was actively dating. The guy I'm with now is fantastic. He knew me before, though, although not that well. I dated his ex-girlfriend for a wee bit, and when they were together, we went on a few outings as a group. I remember this Canada Day, we went up to her cottage in LaChute (middle of nowhere, Quebec) and I was FREAKING OUT because I needed to find a pharmacy, nownownow. I have IBS-A and was feeling like...well, you know. Immodium ahoy. I had to explain this to her, her sister, her friend, and her boyfriend...luckily there was one pharmacy open in the entire town. I digress.
Because of that he sort of knew I had 'tummy troubles'. When we started dating I just outright told him. "I have a condition called IBS, you can borrow my book on it, I can't eat much dairy, high fat foods, etc, sometimes I bolt to the bathroom, and I feel bloated and gassy a lot."
His reaction? "Oh, does that mean we can fart in front of each other?"
He spends at least two nights a week at my place, in my single bed, even when I'm having attacks. I'm not ashamed when I take out my daily Metamucil, when I need to take a Gas-X or an Immodium, or, and this is the TMI but best part, when I need to pass gas.
We've been together for two months and I can see us being together for a long time. I don't feel uncomfortable around him.
My advice? If you're around my age, you might be a bit more in luck...guys tend to like a girl who is open about her tummy problems and (gross) isn't afraid to fart in front of her boyfriend. If you can't pass gas in front of your SO...there's something wrong in the relationship!
My friends and close co-workers know I have IBS, and they're fine with it. My roomies even know, and they went out of their way this weekend to make me a special IBS-friendly cake for my birthday.
IMO: if you go on a blind date, or on a date with someone you barely know, tell them up front that you have some tummy issues, nothing you can't handle, but you can get sick. If you go on a few more dates and sense that the guy or girl is interested in more than dating and so are you, just TELL THEM. Gently, of course. If they're too grossed out (don't be graphic), or if they laugh at you, or if they just can't deal with it...dump 'em. Plain and simple. They are NOT worth your time. If someone truly likes you and wants to form a relationship with you, they won't be bothered. By weeding out the bad ones early, you save yourself a lot of heartbreak.
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