STAYING POSITIVE
#317724 - 10/31/07 01:54 PM
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AndrewIBSC
Reged: 03/23/07
Posts: 159
Loc: PHiladelphia, PA
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How do you guys stay so positive. This diet has made me more anxious than I have ever been. I miss my old life and I just can't get over it. My social life is terrible, I stress about my worklife becuase of IBS, and my wife is pregnant and I am so worried that this problem will keep me from being a productive father. How are you so positive, or are you just faking it like I do sometimes? Still in reality I can't help but say that my life has sucked since I got IBS. Sorry to be Mr. Negative but maybe I'm being Mr. Real.
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Also I tried hypnosis, twice, and I am still not positive.
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It probably took me close to a year before I could really stay positive. It was hard for awhile, but now it's just part of my way of life; one of the things I do to stay healthy like getting exercise on a regular basis.
When it was hard, I also consciously reminded myself of all the positive things I had in my life instead of fixating on the fact that I'd never have another cheeseburger or chocolate malt again. Positive things like the fact that I have friends and family who love me, a very, very understanding spouse, a job, a roof over my head, a sense of humor, and other than IBS, I'm reasonably healthy. I had to do that quite a bit for awhile, but it worked.
As far as social life, I never was much of a drinker, so I don't have that to miss. A lot of my friends have their own health issues, so I'm not a real standout. I don't make apologies for my IBS. And you know, eating something I shouldn't just to be social is very very rarely worth the pain it will cause the next day.
My advice, for what it's worth, would to look at the good things going on instead of focusing so often on that darn IBS. And keep on keepin' on.
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Hi Andrew...
First and foremost, congratulations on your wife and you having a baby!
I can totally understand what you are going through. I had a horrific 6 months focusing on IBS and it's been about 2 1/2 years of ebbs and flows of getting really bummed out and negative about it. My lifestyle was already very healthy and now it is VERY VERY healthy, lol...
In any case, I am counseling psychology student, and from looking deeply at myself and my situation, I have found that the negativity and the worrying CONTRIBUTE to the IBS issue and make it much worse! And since I have been hyperaware of my digestion for the past few years, I can see how much better my digestion is during the times of my life where I am very relaxed and happy! I can eat a wider variety of foods and when I go to the bathroom I'm happy. However, on the other side, when I am going through any type of anxiety, I am not as hungry, many things don't agree with my stomach, and I am going to the bathroom A LOT more...
So you can see I really believe that I have a "disorder," or as I like to look at it, "a sensitive stomach," but it is made worse or better depending on what is going on in my life and also how I am viewing it. When I stress about it, it gets worse. for me it's obvious that STRESS makes it worse.... so stressing about having IBS is still stress, thus making it worse! If that makes sense....
Does any of this resonate with you? Would you say your digestion is worse when you are under stress? Do you think the negativity you are experiencing because of the IBS is in turn making your IBS worse?
I view it as a vicious cycle, and you are in the depths of it right now.... something radical needs to happen to take you out of the negativity, and what that is, I have no clue... but that's at least what happened for me, and I haven't gone back to that dark place for more than a few hours ever since...
Good luck to you and let me know if any of this makes sense to you.
- Heather
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Hello Andrew,
You are totally being "Mr. Real". Heck ya', it's challenging to stay "positive" AND staying positive all the time just doesn't happen for anyone ALL of the time. We all visit our less than positive thoughts but the important thing is to not to stay in "that world" longer than necessary.
Yeah, it can certainly feel sucky to have IBS. AND, what gifts does having IBS bring to your life? For me the gifts are: compassion, eating more healthfully than ever before, self-love, understanding, patience, wisdom and tenderness. Spend time everyday here in the "gifts" place. Of course by doing so won't make your IBS disappear but there's something about how you "meet this experience" that puts you in a place of choice of who you want to "be" when you show up in the many roles you have in your life.
I tell ya' what...because of my IBS I "show up" as a human being that holds qualities I may not have ever known if I hadn't had IBS. If you get a chance, I posted something else today in the "Living Room" that may prove helpful.
You will allow IBS to keep you from being a productive father or even an unproductive employee at the workplace if you make that choice internally. Try this perspective..IBS can set you free into dimensions of yourself you never even dreamed you possessed. Choose to learn from your IBS experience and use those learnings to empower you!
Keeping it real,
Alicia
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Hi Alicia,
It's really difficult for me to think of any "gift" IBS has given to me. I am IBS-C and going thru a very difficult time right now, so I'm pretty low. I find that what IBS has given me is total frustration with doctors, great physical discomfort and depression. The good qualities I have turn to grumpiness and irritability. It's hard for me to believe that one can be very productive at much of anything when going thru a difficult time. Every day I say a prayer for all of the blessings I do have in my life, but by no means would I say IBS has made me a kinder, gentler, more understanding person. I am not happy at all with the person IBS has turned me into. HOWEVER, I am hopeful. I just ordered Heather's tummy powder and am starting to use her diet (although it's very similar to the diet I already follow). After reading a great deal on this website I pray that I will be able to give a positive testimonial in the not too distant future.
Sharon
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Hi Sharon,
Thanks so much for sharing with me. Believe me, I've hit my all time rock bottom dealing with my IBS. I too felt frustrated, depressed, lonely, and in a dark hole all by myself. I have never been so low in my life and I thought I would never know happiness or peace again! It's been 4 years since then and this IBS journey has been one of great personal growth being with "what is" for me, being my IBS condition.
So, I guess I'm acknowledging that I've been exactly where you are and when I was there, like you, it was impossible to see gifts. All I saw were roadblocks to living life normally. I guess all I can offer is that over time I've had a perspective change but it took a couple of years for that shift to happen. That period of time was a tremendous struggle, so I hear where your coming from Sharon.
I love that you are hopeful for a chance to feel better. So "hopeful", depending on how you want to look at it, can be a gift. And because you have "hope" you can be of great service and comfort to others who are battling with their own personal challenges. That is an example of how your IBS experience may benefit the lives of others.
Heather's diet and support network is excellent and discovering this website was literally a lifesaver for me when I had nothing else. I also hold great hope for you Sharon that you will begin to find your way to feeling better. You can do this!
Hugs,
Alicia
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Hi! Andrew
I sympathize with your pain.As I am back to work now a month and was on disablity for 2 months from my IBS and NOW GERD (acid reflux).
I am from Bucks county right out of philly. So if you need a friend to chat with I am here.. 
Have you ever thought of taking and AD? It has helped me out alot. My husband and I were trying for 7 months this yr to conceive but it didnt seem to go that easy. Doc's said all my stress and worrying about my IBS was holding me back. Now I am trying to treat the IBS and feel better so we can try in January. So I keep that exciting thought in my head plus the arcadia has been helping ALOT. Just started over the weekend and today is my 2nd day with out cramps..So what I am saying take a look at the POSITIVE things going right in your life. A beautiful wife carrying your child. Something new and exciting to focus on. Take the stress of you and care for your wife. Okay you cant have the ice cream and the treats. But you can rent movies, take a walk together. Take a ride to AC if you can this week to clear your head..
Anyways, if you need to vent I am here. I replied to the "get together" about putting a support group together. Perhaps you and I and our spouses could meet up sometime so we can swap stories..LOL
Take care,
Deb
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IBS-C gas, bloating and acid reflux
Babies is the plan for 2008!!Hope this IBS cooperates.
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Alicia,
You write: "You will allow IBS to keep you from being a productive father or even an unproductive employee at the workplace if you make that choice internally."
How oh how do you allow or disallow yourself to be productive or unproductive? I just got notice from my company. I have till the end of the month to brush up or brush out. I'm trying, really I'm trying. Heather's diet is wonderful and I am feeling a lot better, but I still cannot do things others do so easily, like sit in at meetings and be on time every time.. etc.. Maybe you are speaking of a time when I will no longer feel traumatized and scared to socialize under pressure, in a room with others in fear that I will have to jump up to run for the bathroom, or hear my tummy start grinding the way it loves to do. Maybe things will get so good that I will forget all the embarrassing, uncomfortable positions I've been in over the last 10 years. But for now, while I am dealing with the reality of the condition that I have and trying to calmly treat me with love and care, but big corporate brother can't wait for me....Tell me how can I control this? Is it my fault that I need time to heal, but they wont give it to me?
Is my being a productive employee in my hands when they won't give me the time I need to get it together?
I'd love to hear back from you.
feeling crushed
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Hello Sarah,
When I speak of choice internally, I speak of how "you" view yourself, not your employer. Do "you" believe that you are being as productive as possible given your circumstances? It sounds as if you are giving it your all to be what your employer wants given your IBS, however, in "their" eyes you may be falling short. It's what "you" know is true for you. That's all we have control of. Unfortunately, we cannot transfer this challenging journey of having IBS to anyone else to virtually experience so they can become more compassionate in understanding what we are going through. So, you're absolutely right Sarah, it's not your fault that you've been dealt this hand of IBS, it's not your fault that others may not understand and be patient with your healing.
I guess what I'm saying is do your best to not allow "big brother" to dictate your value in the world. And that is the internal shift I was referring to;what thoughts you choose to believe about yourself. That is the only thing we do have control over.
I hope this clarifies a bit of where I'm coming from. And who knows, you may be able to create or find a career that respects and gives you the freedom to be all of who you are...a person of tremendous value with a huge heart and a drive to always give her best!
I will hold that good intention for you. Thanks for asking me to clarify Sarah.
Take good care,
Alicia
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