All Boards >> Eating for IBS Diet Board

Posts     Flat       Threaded

Pages: 1
Family Understanding IBS
      #313772 - 08/23/07 06:39 AM
avjens

Reged: 09/13/05
Posts: 113
Loc: Iowa

I have had IBS - C for quite a few years with the last 1 year being the worst. Since I have really taken on the challenge of figuring out my triggers I do not always get the support of my family, especially on vacation. At times I feel like I am dampering their lives, and my 12 year old really makes me feel like it. None of them have IBS and want to eat whatever they want but I am the cook and the one who is struggling, so I cook the way I can eat so I don't stumble and fall (a healthier way of life). Some days at the supper table you would think I was killing my children with the food I make. I don't want to have to cook one way for myself and another for my family. I really limit trigger foods that I buy and that irritates my children, who do let me know about it. My husband is finally trying to understand and not make comments anymore (except he does like to go to DQ as a family and suggest restaraunts that I know are no no's but I do not have the heart to always say, I really can't eat there --- they just roll their eyes at me and then I feel quilty and say fine). I know I am rambling, just frustrated with cooking with a young family and a husband who can eat whatever he wants and likes it that way. Does anyone else struggle with their families and how do you handle it?

Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator    

Re: Family Understanding IBS new
      #313778 - 08/23/07 07:03 AM
Gaia

Reged: 11/16/06
Posts: 67
Loc: NY

I understand your frustration. I have 3 children 14, 12, and 8. I cook separately for myself. I don't mind making them a separate dish, but I don't go crazy. In my opinion, if the 12 year old is going to complain then s/he is old enough to help out with the meal prep.
We do compromise when we go out to eat. Either we go where I can eat or my husband will take the kids to their favorite places. I take advantage of the quiet time and relax at home!
For example, at my house, we share all the side dishes, but they won't eat fish. So, they'll have pasta as their main dish and I eat it in addition to the fish. It's not easy, and you can't make everyone happy, but I'm the one who suffers and they understand that.

Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator    

Re: Family Understanding IBS new
      #313782 - 08/23/07 07:21 AM
avjens

Reged: 09/13/05
Posts: 113
Loc: Iowa

Do you keep your meals pretty basic, chicken, fish, veggies, etc. or do you ever try and mix it up with a veggie lasgna, toffu, etc? I like to cook and try new and diferent things, but that would usually call for using soy cheese, toffu, etc. I have not tried those things but I would like to but am affraid of the response I will get.

Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator    

Re: Family Understanding IBS new
      #313783 - 08/23/07 07:24 AM
avjens

Reged: 09/13/05
Posts: 113
Loc: Iowa

You are very lucky that they understand -- I am not there yet with my family, but after the 4th of July mishap (due to eating out too much and not watching what I eat -- we could not stay and watch fireworks) I would hope they would start being a little more sympathetic to my problems. You know, I think I will bring up that suggestion that my 12 year old start helping with meal prep if she is going to complain about what I make. Thanks!

Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator    

Re: Family Understanding IBS new
      #313784 - 08/23/07 07:38 AM
BendeeWendee

Reged: 07/23/07
Posts: 392
Loc: Brooklyn, NY

The self hypnosis CDs come with a 5th CD (I think--I don't have them in front of me as I'm at work) and that 5th CD is not for the IBS sufferer, but for family members to help them understand what it is that we have to go through. I had my friend listen to it and he was taken aback at the way this IBS can debilitate a person.

--------------------
Wendy IBS A thru Z
Taking it one day at a time...


Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator    

Re: Family Understanding IBS new
      #313794 - 08/23/07 10:43 AM
MelanieR

Reged: 02/15/07
Posts: 306
Loc: Florida

I have 2 children ages 9 and 4. They almost never want to eat what I cook. The only thing is that I AM THE COOK. They have to eat what is in front of them. I'm not a short order cook. I make one meal. The rule is they have to take one bite of everything. If they don't like it fine, they don't have to eat it. If they are hungry later, they can have their unfinished dinner or nothing. I know this sounds harsh but there are so many people who don't get to eat the wondereful, organic, healthy, home made meals that I make. (Like me when I was a child. There were seven of us total and there wasn't enough to go around.) There are nights that I make what they want. (spagitti, chicken nuggets, salads-I would love to eat these but they are the death of me. PB&J, pizza, fish sticks.) I usually just eat left overs. They are getting better and better about not whinning about what there is to eat. One thing that helps is when they help me out. My son-9 will help measure, pour and mix. My daughter-4 helps set the table, put out condiments, breads and when I'm up to it help me bake. (Today we made banana-coconut muffins.)
I had a friend who's child was complaining about everything on the table. So she said fine for one week you have to make everything. Her daughter ate lots of PB&J, cereal, toast and hot dogs. She doesn't complain that much anymore. Another idea is to have your children cook dinner or lunch once a week. (You said you have a 12yr old but you didn't say how old your others are.) Try to let them make what they want with the exception that it has to be safe for you to eat. Make them find the recipe, check the pantry/fridge to see what is needed, write the list, take them shopping, have them pay for it (with your money), bring in the bags, put the food away, do the prep work, and cook/bake it. Maybe they will see how much time and effort is put into making dinner. When I go to the store and my son wants something that isn't on my list he has to buy it with his own money. He used to ask for something every 30 seconds. We would tell him no. He would still ask. So we told him that the next trip he could get what ever he asked for. Only he would have to pay for it out of his allowance. He bought over 30 dollars of junk and we made him pay us back. Now he is very careful about what he buys. He didn't know the value of a dollor and that helped him understand that we can't always get everything we ask for. You could try something similar for the stuff they feel they are missing out on.
It sounds as if your husband adding to the problem. If the kids see their dad giving you trouble then they will also. I'm glad that he is comming around to your condition though. My husband tries to be nice by getting/making dinner once and a while but he almost always gets something that I can't have. He just doesn't think about it. He's very space-y. I hope I didn't sound to preachy for ya. And ya know they still complain; they are kids. They test their limits. That is just what they do. Maybe some of this will give you an idea. Good Luck.

--------------------
Crohns, lactose intolerant

Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator    

Re: Family Understanding IBS new
      #313795 - 08/23/07 11:04 AM
MelanieR

Reged: 02/15/07
Posts: 306
Loc: Florida

One more thing I forgot. It is very hard on people with a family member that is always sick. My husband just told me a little while ago that he's angry that I'm sick. (Not at me just at our situation.) He has never told me this and we have been married 10yrs. I knew it was hard but I didn't know how hard. My husband wants to fix me but he can't so he feels helpless. My son worries about me terriably and hates that I have an ielostomy. It grosses him out. Your kids could be acting that way because they don't know how to tell you that they are scared. Because after all, all they want is for you to be healthy and happy.

--------------------
Crohns, lactose intolerant

Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator    

Re: Family Understanding IBS new
      #313796 - 08/23/07 11:27 AM
avjens

Reged: 09/13/05
Posts: 113
Loc: Iowa

Thank you for your post! My children are 12 and 8. My 8 year old is a very senstive child, our 12 year old (not very sensitive and very outspoken) knows what it was like before IBS. Kristin, my 12 year old, likes to get at me -- mother/daughter issues. Any way she can get under my skin she does The preteen years We also have the rule, what I fix you have to eat and there is no other option later on. I am not fixing anything foreign or unusual.

Do you ever fix things that have tofu or soy cheese in them? I have been scared to try anything like that with them.

I have used the illustration, that if I had diabetes you would be understanding of my diet and accept it. Their response has been, that is different that can kill you. Society understands diabetes and accepts it for what it is.

IBS is not always the easiest thing to explain, eat IF first and then you can have your SF carefully. SF, dairy and wheat can be GI stimulant's so you have to be very careful to not get things going. It is such a different thinking that I don't think people always take you seriously. My mother-in-law has IBS D, but she does nothing for it -- just lives in continual pain and diarreah, I suggested Heather's diet and she scrunched up her face and said that is so unhealthy that can't help and she continued eating her salad,later on D hit hard and she had gas pains. She still won't listen to me.

Thanks again for your post --- it is so good to hear from others and get what is working for them in their families.

Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator    

Re: Family Understanding IBS new
      #313797 - 08/23/07 11:39 AM
avjens

Reged: 09/13/05
Posts: 113
Loc: Iowa

When I told my husband at 4th of July fireworks that we had to go home, I was doubled over in pain and couldn't stay out of the bathroom (not close by us either)he would not speak to me all the way back to the car and into the house. He also said under his breath, that he was sick of IBS and I needed to figure out a way to stop it so it does not ruin our lives. Our 12-year old daughter told me I was ruining their fun again. You are right though, our children do see how we react to something and then they react the same way. My sweet 8 year old daughter came up to me immediately, gave me a hug and said it's ok mom lets go home. I was crying all the way home. My husband a couple of hours later came up to me and apologized for his behavior and finally admitted that he has never truly believed I could have this illness (denial) and that he figured it would just go away like a cold. Since this event he has been much more sympathetic, but it took me hitting bottom, and him seeing very personally how it affects my life for him to take the time to take off the blinders and really see what I was going through. Like a lot of illnesses this does affect everyone in the family. Everyone does need to adjust. Some people take longer than others.

Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator    

Re: Family Understanding IBS new
      #313802 - 08/23/07 01:07 PM
BendeeWendee

Reged: 07/23/07
Posts: 392
Loc: Brooklyn, NY

My best friend who happens to be my goto person who helps me out when I have to leave work or accompanies me to my doctor's actually told me the other day that sometimes he thinks I'm faking it because I'm being overly dramatic. I didn't cry. I simply replied, "Why don't you go outside and play hide and go [censored] yourself?" He couldn't understand how it is that I'm queasy and full of malaise, yet I'm eating Lemon Sticky Bread. That's when I shoved the CD in his face and told him not to talk to me until he listens to it. Needless to say, he was embarrased after having listened to the CD and only then realizing that it isn't fake.

--------------------
Wendy IBS A thru Z
Taking it one day at a time...


Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator    

Pages: 1

Extra information
0 registered and 2538 anonymous users are browsing this forum.

Moderator:  Heather 

Print Thread

Permissions
      You cannot post until you login
      You cannot reply until you login
      HTML is enabled
      UBBCode is enabled

Thread views: 2229

Jump to

| Privacy statement Help for IBS Home

*
UBB.threads™ 6.2


HelpForIBS.com BBB Business Review