I feel So depressed and Helpless and have no one to talk to
#313756 - 08/22/07 07:54 PM
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I posted earlier regarding my recent blood workup and my elevated creatinine levels. This is just part of the big picture. I feel like my health has been slowly declining ever since I developed IBS and new issues keep emerging. I had IBS with C and lactose intolerance for 4 years, then I developed various food sensitivites..and now, what, potential kidney failure? What's wrong with me? What can I do? Ive been to so many doctors, naturopaths, chiropracters, etc and am yet to get a definitive diagnosis. I talked to my doc today regarding my kidney concerns and his response was "i'm not sure what to do here...i'll call a kidney doc and get back to you. if you dont hear from me by this time next week call me up and bug me" WTF??? I feel lost and helpless. I have dreams of having a specific lifestyle and i feel like im drifting farther and farther away from them. i keep seeing myself as a 60 year old man on a dialysis machine with no family and no life. sorry for the drama but i don't have anyone to vent to and cant complain to my mother anymore cause im driving her crazy
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hmm well, im not really sure anything I say will be any help to you but just hang in there. Thats all we really can do. At the end of everyday, no matter how bad the day is, I try to recall a few good parts of the day and emphasize them. No matter how small they are, even if its just feeling well for a few hours. Or when I come home from work, I think, I did it today and ill do it again. I think something people tell us our whole lives is how hard life really is. Of course, I never believed them haha until i moved out recently and thats when my IBS flared. Its difficult to think that I may have to live a life of pain but what am I gonna do? At least we can walk..see..speak..hear etc. I try and really just think of how lucky I am to not be in as much pain as some people are. Idk im probably rambling because I myself have not got it all together but I try and its all we can do, ya know? Just try and calm down, accept that life sucks sometmes and just try and have a better day tomorrow. And although this may sound even more depressing...we really never know what can happen so we gotta try and make the best out of the little moments in everyday!
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and I really would try and calm down a little about the kidney thing. I know its scary and I know I would be freaking out no matter what anyone says but I think you're going to be just fine! So you may have a little less function in them, but they still work, right? Dont work yourself up to much until you know some more information.
And your doctor sounds kind of like an idiot to me and he is not doing a very good job of reassuring you not to worry. Maybe you can see someone else and they can probably refer you to a specialist right away...thats what happened for me and my gastro. I just saw a family doc and told her what was up and she gave me the slip.
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I agree with eyesofchina. Your Doc doesn't sound to great. Maybe you need to find another one. It can really take some time to find the right "fit" for you. The sucky part is going through all the same tests again because they have to see for themselves. But it is worth it when you find a great one. About the kidneys, I know how scarry it can be to be faced with a could-be problem. I worry myself sick. I will get ill to my stomach, go to the bathroom alot, be cranky, tired, snappy, and just plan unpleasent to be around. I have to try NOT to do that because it isn't good for anybody. Correct me if I'm wrong but it sounds as if you might be doing the same thing. Try to take it easy with the worry. You'll be better off.
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Crohns, lactose intolerant
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Hi Mark, I really feel your pain man. I too feel like just when I took 4 steps forward, life makes me take 2 steps back. Just yesterday I ordered from Amazon 2 books: The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook, Fourth Edition and also Anxiety, Phobias, & Panic: A Step-by-Step Program for Regaining Control of Your Life. My problems mostly lay with what I'm making my mind do to my body and honestly, I'm treading in unfamiliar familiar territory. (I'm also listening to the self hypnosis CDs.) I think I've also developed a fear of food when I'm outside of my home.
This is by all means not meant to make you feel that you're better off than me or that your issues are in your head. I'm just venting as well and am glad if anyone will make it through my long ass post! This is why:
I've been screwed up since I was a little girl. I was always sickly. If we went on picnics, my Mom had to make my own meal separate from others because I would always get motion sick. As I got older, I didn't get as motion sick anymore and it was said that as you get older, you grow out of it. Not true in my case. I still get motion sick, it's just that I can fight off the feeling better than I did when I was younger. As a kid, I missed out on playing on swings, seesaws, going on school trips, etc. Later on in life, I was diagnosed with Meniere's disease which would explain the motion sickness because Meniere's is just an inbalance of the inner ear. To this day, if I plan a vacation, I don't get excited about it like others do because I know I'm going to have to fight the feeling of getting sick. I've been traumatized since little 'cause the memory is there. The triggers for Meniere's disease are so friggin' delicate it's unbelievable. Smells, sounds, and sight of certain things can make me queasy/dizzy.
I've had done to me a colonoscopy, endoscopy, sonogram of my organs, and blood work. Everything is peachy and healthy. That's when I was diagnosed with IBS. BUT, I still have some more probing that I'm going to request from my GYN. I have HPV (since 2000) and a lot of the IBS symptons mimic those of ovarian/cervical cancer and/or fibroids. So yeah, I'm panicky. I've got an appointment with her on September 10 and I'm freaking cause it'll be the first time that I go further away from home since January. I won't go into detail about some things I've noticed as it would definitely be too much info and if this site were only women, then I would.
If my mind is making me get sick, then my mind can make me get better. I'm trying to reverse the thought process.
When the hell did I become this person???
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Wendy IBS A thru Z 
Taking it one day at a time...
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Oh, I hear you loud and clear, girlfriend.
Wendy, the anxiety will get you every time. I haven't forgotten about you and will get you the recommendation for a therapist. My friend said she'll tell me next week when the dr. comes back from vacation.
I've got 3 days left to go with the hypno cd's. I feel so much better. I really think the anxiety has lessened dramatically. Don't give up on them. Meanwhile, if you need to talk privately, let me know.
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Thanks Gaia! I know you didn't forget about me, besides, time is all I have anyway!
Wendy<---Going cuckoo for cocoa puffs! No seriousy, I miss eating cocoa puffs!
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Wendy IBS A thru Z
Taking it one day at a time...
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I am so sorry you are going through this. I got IBS and lactose intolerance in September 06. I have gone through hundreds of appointments with different docs, even had barium enema and colonoscopy. By the way, I don't recommend barium enema, that's what it must feel like when you're giving birth. Finally my friend told me about IBS and I started researching online. I had to take off work today because of my colon spazms. I made a mistake eating a biscuit that was made with butter and now it's the 3rd day that I'm paying for it. I get very sad and depressed because all of the food I eat now taste like grass and I'm so sick of reading labels and putting the foods down. I always considered myself a health freak and now I get IBS? Like you said, WTF? I felt like I was alone untill I found this website. I am so grateful now! I think I'm kind of used to that pain always being there but now I want to get pregnant and I'm scared because I don't know how IBS will affect my pregnancy. All the pregnancy pains plus IBS on top? I will probably have to quit working.
Anyway, don't want to depress you and myself. Please post more if you wish to talk.
Good night.
Tatyana.
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IBS-C since 2006. No signs of IBS now, it's been 4 yrs. Only dairy allergy now.
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That last sentence - when did I become this person - that's how I feel too. I've reverted back to disordered eating since getting onto this diet. It's bizarre because physically my digestive system is feeling better than it has in years, but now the phobia about food has just taken control of my mental life and I think I have seized on this diet as a means to define the eating rules again, which dictate my life. But I can't give up because my insides are working so well and I no longer bloat/have c/have stomach cramps daily. It's ridiculous. And I don't hide it, my family and boyfriend know what I'm doing again, I just don't know how to stop and go back to normal.
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I hear all of you! When I had the scopys and the blood work and sonogram, I don't think I've ever prayed so hard for the doctor to find something, anything. But no, I'm as healthy as anyone would want to be. It's like a double-edged sword, you're happy that nothing was found, but then again you're sad 'cause you know that something's wrong.
And again, it's my newly not so newly developed anxiety of getting sick or just totally go nuts somewhere where I can't escape and will get embarrassed. If I go to a movie, I have to sit in the aisle seat, if I'm in a meeting I have to sit near the door--all this just in case I have to get out. From what I don't know but I just have to know that I can get out. This is why I haven't been to a salon in a while 'cause I won't be able to just get up and go if they're still working on my hair!
Wendy<---put the mental in ornamental!
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Wendy IBS A thru Z
Taking it one day at a time...
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