Feeling bitter sweet...need some encouragement
#286099 - 10/11/06 06:28 PM
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line415
Reged: 09/09/06
Posts: 976
Loc: New Jersey
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I just successfully returned from a family trip (only took Immodium 3 times) where we had to fly and spend lots of time with my in-laws (who have a general understanding of my IBS but as you know, no one really understands unless they have it). Anyhow, I am thrilled and extremely thankful to have found this website so that I have a bit more control now over my IBS but I just need to vent that I feel like I am on a typical regular diet that people go on to lose weight and I'm angry that I can't eat half the foods that I love, including coffee and ice cream and things with mozzarella cheese. Yes, I know...think substitution, not deprivation, yet this is difficult when on vacation and I was getting depressed after eating about my fourth grilled chicken sandwich in 3 days. (It didn't help that my Soyfee came in the mail the night before we left for our vacation, so I spent the week drinking that and going through caffeine withdrawal..talk about cranky...I had a headache and one day was SOO close to going to the Starbucks RIGHT DOWNSTAIRS!!! and cheating but I'm proud I didn't.)
One night, we planned on going to an American style restaurant so I was looking forward to ordering something IBS safe but at least tasty and nutritious...then the wait was too long for our kids so everybody said let's just go to "Cheeseburger- Cheeseburger"...I almost cried right then and there. My kids were cranky and I didn't feel comfortable protesting, so I just wound up taking it out on my husband when we were ordering when everyone got a hamburger and a milk shake!!! I ordered a stupid grilled chicken sandwhich AGAIN and watched/smelled the french fries, onion rings, and ice cream faces on everyone...UGH!!! I was so annoyed...I just wanted a piece of fish and rice or something nutritious, but worst of all, I am not good with willpower and it's dreadful/depressing to feel left out and have your IBS difference basically thrown in your face.
On the plane ride home, I was hoping the "snack" would include something IBS friendly but instead I watched everyone eat the trail mix with peanuts/white chocolate/raisins, M&Ms, salami and cheese. There were saltines that were stale so I just ate my graham crackers b/c I was petrified to eat anything else. Okay, sorry I'm carrying on and sounding like a martyr...when put into perspective, I know there are worse things in the world...I know this is best for my health and I truly appreciate all of Heather's suggestions and the advice from all of you wonderful comarades. I am just at the beginning, but I can see already that I will have less anxiety and better quality of life if I can get myself stable. I just needed to vent and I'm wondering how often others feel this way and what you do to stop yourself from being angry/depressed. (I was on an anti-d that I think I might go back on but I don't think that will stop me from these momemtary outbursts!!!)How do you all have so much willpower and courage to stick with this diet and remembering to take all the supplements, etc.. without getting frustrated and just wishing you were "normal"?  Thanks for listening!
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Originally IBS-D for a million years!
Then IBS-A, Now a transformed slightly C
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Quote:
How do you all have so much willpower and courage to stick with this diet and remembering to take all the supplements, etc.. without getting frustrated and just wishing you were "normal"? Thanks for listening!
Well, I don't. I'll be good as gold for a while then I'll give in or slip up or say to heck with it and eat something I "shouldn't". Then I pay for it. And the paying for it means that - very gradually because I'm not good with willpower either and, apparently, I'm a very slow learner - I slip up less and less often.
Beyond that big picture, though, remember that you're just starting out. I figure I spend the first 3 months on the EFI Diet scrambling like crazy to readjust my thinking, my shopping, and my cooking habits to accommodate eating a whole new way. Grocery shopping alone took twice as long because now I was reading every label on the shelf. (And if I forgot my reading classes I had to go home empty-handed.) Eventually, though, I found a solid set of IBS-safe foods and recipes I really like so I no longer felt so harried or so hungry.
If I'd had to cope with eating out every day for a week on top of that, I'd have starved to death. It *is* difficult to eat at restaurants especially in the beginning. Now that I've been doing this for a while I have a general sense of how far I can push things, but in the beginning I was pretty much eating just rice or bread at restaurants and filling up at home either before or after. So I think you have far more willpower than you give yourself credit for to have made it through an entire week of restaurant eating without cracking and grabbing a plate of chili-cheese fries with a triple espresso mocha latte on the side.
For future trips, see if you can figure out some portable snack foods you really like and either take them with you or buy/make them when you arrive. That way you can eat your nine millionth chicken sandwich happily, knowing that you have something delicious waiting for you later. Maybe you'll discover you love Luna Bars or the Honey Snack Mix from EFI or the IBS-safe version of Chex Mix. Maybe you could make finding such a "trip snack" your own personal project. I can think of worse assignments than trying every single portable IBS-safe snack to see which ones I really love. 
I hope this helps. I'm glad your trip went well IBS-wise and I promise you it does get easier.
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[Research tells us fourteen out of any ten individuals likes chocolate. - Sandra Boynton]
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I'm not sure how bad your IBS is, but I think that the willingness to give up food is correlated to the severity of your symptoms and/or the amount they've disrupted your life. When you're constantly missing work and in danger of losing your job because you're having regular bouts of hideously painful gut-wrenching cramps and D, not eating ice cream or pizza is a very small price to pay. It's a matter more of desperation than anything else, I think.
I don't really buy the whole "substitution, not depravation" thing. Oh, sure, it works for probably 75% of things (and that includes ice cream and desserts, thank God) ... but for some stuff, there IS no good substitute. On the bright side, when you've been on the diet (with no cheating) for several months, at that point you figure out which of the no-sub stuff you actually care about. I really don't have a problem doing without fast food, for example, but I still have desperate cravings for Cherry Coke.
Also, my husband is an excellent source for controlled quantities of forbidden food. He eats all kinds of junk food that I can't have. But, if he's eating pizza, he'll let me have a bite, and that really helps satisfy the cravings without making me sick.
And you do already possess one piece of encouragement -- the success of your trip. That speaks loads for itself. If you could do so well while constantly surrounded by fast food, think about how well you're going to manage when you're in your own environment and can prepare your own meals.
It does take awhile getting used to it -- and yes, you'll often have surges of self-pity. But if you stick to it, you'll find that the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. You'll also find that when you do cheat that the foods you used to love might not even taste that good anymore. I can't stand "real" chocolate chip cookies anymore, they just taste disgustingly greasy.
Hang in there!! It sounds like you did really well on your trip and I think you need to think of that as a success and not an example of how you're "different". I know, I know, easier said than done. I promise you, it WILL get easier -- you're in the most difficult stage right now. You need time to adjust and to get into a routine. As Sand said, I really highly recommend finding some IBS-safe foods that you really like -- it'll definitely help with the deprivation feeling. I recommend the peanut butter brownies in the recipe index. If you don't cook, Newman-O's and Soy Delicious ice cream are fabulous (higher in fat, though, so eat only a bit after a low-fat meal).
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jen
"It's one of the most serious things that can possibly happen to one in a battle -- to get one's head cut off." -- LC
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THank you Jen and Sand. Your encouragement was just what I needed. I know this sounds terrible, but every time I feel sorry for myself, I pretend like "what if I had cancer or some other horrible disease?" ...then I think I have it much easier than others. I suppose the will power thing is sort of like being a diabetic who has to watch everyone else eat a piece of cake. I need to find time to try some of those recipes (I tried a few breads but I didn't have the ingredients for the sweet treats). Last night I ate a Tofutti Cutie sandwhich...wow...I was so excited b/c I thought it was going to taste disgusting. Like you said, it seems to be most difficult when out or when everyone else has the "real" thing. Incidentally, what do you do when people just order out pizza in a social situation? I have 2 little ones so I'm not being lazy...just realistic...I already pack a million things for them in the diaper/bottle bag so what I did at the last party was ate a safe snack beforehand and then took all the cheese off the pizza that was served at the party place. I seemed to be okay with it that way...although it wasn't awesome tasting! At my mom's the other day, I packed some safe shredded cheese in the bottle bag and wiped off the real thing to microwave my own on. Of course my brother teased me but all in jest. Anyhow, thank you for making me see my progress already. I guess I just want immediate results. I appreciate your words of wisdom!! 
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Originally IBS-D for a million years!
Then IBS-A, Now a transformed slightly C
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I know exactly how you feel!! I'm especially worried about feeling "left out" as the holidays approach. I'm already dreading my husband's company's holiday party, which is always at a restaurant. I'm terrified to eat anything that I didn't prepare or doesn't have an ingredients label. But it's paying off. After daily symptoms for ~3-4 years, I've actually been symptom-free for 10 days now!! I miss some things, especially ice cream (COLD STONE!!), but I totally agree with what one person said. If my husband is eating something absolutely delicious and unsafe, I'll just have a bite and that will satisfy me. I'm also terrified of traveling, especially if it involves staying at someone else's house. I'm hoping I'll be stable for several months before I have to face that situation.
You did great!!! You survived! You should be proud of yourself. I think I would have had attacks just from all the stress, but you didn't! Give yourself more credit.
I SO wish I was "normal". I would give just about anything to be able to spend ONE DAY eating whatever the hell I want, with no consequences. I'm hoping that everyone's right and this WILL get easier. Right now, I'm just grateful for the progress I've made, and THAT makes it all worthwhile!
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Lisa, IBS-C (Vegan)
Stable since July 2007!
Mommy to Rhiannon Marie (Dec. 13, 2008)
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Hang in there. One thing to remember is that it will get better! I am proof of that. I was so bad off about four years ago, and yet I have learned how to manage it and my system has gradually gotten better and stronger over the years. Some things - french fries, ice cream - I haven't had in so long that I don't miss them. I know what you mean about the fast food places though. Been traveling with friends and they say "let's go to Burger King" and we might as well be going to an auto parts store for dinner, there's so few options.
But my stomach has gotten stronger over the years so now I can eat things like mozzerella. I still have to eat soluble fiber first and such, and I still have attacks, but my quality of life is so much better! Hang in there.
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It's nice to know that others feel the same way (not meaning that misery loves company!) Just good to know that it will get better and I am not the only one who longs for missed foods. Thanks for the uplifting advice...I guess I should feel proud that I did well on my vacation (relatively speaking that is...I did have to leave a football field watching my nephew's game, but the difference now was that I could actually make it to the bathroom instead of going in the woods!)...yesterday I had to stop at a port-a-potty driving my son to school (like 9 measly minutes away...I still couldn't hold it)...so embarrassing...maybe it was the spaghetti sauce and eggplant I had the night before (check that off the list!  )...but today I went to the mall with my kids IN THE MORNING!  ...huge progress...nervous of course...almost had a panic attack b/c I didn't know where the bathroom was...but I survived once I put it out of my mind. Thank you everyone.
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Originally IBS-D for a million years!
Then IBS-A, Now a transformed slightly C
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Oh my god! Just like me. I have made my son late for school becuase I was stuck in the bathroom. When I take him in the morning, I have to rush and sometimes leave him off at the corner and he has to walk the rest of the way so I can make it home on time. Is it the sense of urgency? Cant we really hold it in or do we just panic that there isnt a bathroom nearby. It is a terrible feeling. I have to miss some of his baseball games because of this. Isnt it terrible? Well, good luck to you and I am glad Im not alone. I think I will try some antispasmodics next time I have an attack in public. Stay well.
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As far as the urgency, I think it is both what you said...physical urgency on one hand but exacerbated by the fact that there is no toilet around. Sometimes I am freaked out like that and then once the stressful thing passes, I miraculously feel okay enough to wait to find a restroom. The goal for me after finding this website is to get to a point physically where I feel comfortable enough to not think of my IBS so often, thereby triggering an attack in my own brain (and maybe with a little help from a food I ate). Being a mom of young children is torturous though...I totally hear you...I am already stressed out that my husband can not make my son's soccer games for the next three Sundays!!! I plan to eat safely the day before, take immodium the night before, and probably immodium the next morning which will throw my system all off balance but it's the only way I'll be able to cope. It seems so ridiculous too b/c it is just an hour long out of my whole weekend and I am obsessing over it. Afterwards, I'll be starving...I used to go right to Dunkin Donuts and get a coffee and a donut!! Can't do that anymore though...I realize now it's just a vicious cycle and like all diets, I guess we have to be pretty strict all the time if we want to get stable. I find myself taking immodium less often now that I am taking the acacia and following Heather's diet, but I am still too scared. Are you new or do you take a SF supplement and follow the diet? I'm about a month or so new to this site and am feeling some relief already. I know you probably feel terrible about the things that you miss with your son...I completely understand and often feel guilty that I don't do more adventurous things with my kids (you will never catch me out camping!!!!  ) and it stinks b/c that's something fun I'd really like to experience with them. Maybe one day...for both of us....hang in there!!
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Originally IBS-D for a million years!
Then IBS-A, Now a transformed slightly C
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I am not a mom and am c so I'm probably shouldn't reply but I do take on a busy scheduel fulltime work and school and have a lot of ancxiety. A few things ask for help. Could you have like a nanny or can your husband help more? You need relaxing time too. As for food I go to a nutritionist and though expensive even if you just go once an awhile can help menatlly and physically. Could you bring food with you? Like a sandwich,snacks,etc that way your kids could have and you will be nurished too?Take care
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