Your advice needed
#276803 - 08/02/06 07:27 PM
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ambrella
Reged: 08/08/05
Posts: 10
Loc: Perth, Western Australia
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well a couple of weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me, we'd been together 2 and a half years. 5 days later, he met someone else  and asked me to come to his house asap and collect my things. While I was there we were chatting and he said to me "You used to be this bullet proof girl when we first met, now you get sick all the time...you need someone who cares when you get sick, because I don't" and it's true, he didn't...I would go to bed early if I wasn't feeling well and he would yell at me saying I was making convenient excuses to get out of having sex with him He used to care in the beginning, or maybe it was all just an act.
So as you can imagine I've been pretty stressed out lately so my IBS is a lot worse and I am so panicky, everytime I feel remotely sick I panic and just want to be with him in his arms, even though he doesn't give a [censored]
I haven't had much of an appetite lately, so I guess that has mucked things up, and whenever he has mentioned his new girlfriend I've gotten so upset I've ended up throwing up.
I have cut off contact with him now, and am moving on and know I am better off without him. I just want some advice on getting my proper appetite back and relaxing and not thinking about him everytime I get sick. I already do yoga once a week, don't really follow the diet as my IBS isn't that bad, normally just gas and cramps. Am thinking about trying hypnosis soon.
sorry for the rant.
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First, don't be sorry for the rant, what your going through really sucks. I'm one of those older ones that have been married since birth (feels like it anyway). Any major life change could surely through your whole system out of whack. Glad you said your moving on. My advice would be to get back to the very basics of this diet and start fresh with that too. Print out Heather's cheat sheet if you haven't already and keep it with you all the time. Read over all the information on this site, not just the boards, again. If you own them get out your books and review all that too. I love the hypno tapes and they definitely help with my stress. Good luck and hang in there, we care about you.
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Franny
IBS/D
Celiac
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Well, you've taken the first step by cutting off all contact with him.
I know you do yoga once a week, but maybe you can do the breathing exercises everyday. Always thought yoga was an everyday thing. Trying to start yoga myself, but my social anxiety has prevented me from seeking out an instructor.
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If one end don’t get yah, the other will.
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Stress is my biggest trigger for IBS. This is a time where you need to relax, focus and take care of yourself. I know your heart is aching and I'm not suggesting you ignore it, but do things that keep you calm and relaxed. Bubble baths, walks, books, WHATEVER.
Also, lots of peppermint tea can help calm your tummy. Eat with care.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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Hi ambrella,
Firstly, I just want to say I soooooooo feel for you with your boyfriend problem, I have been with my boyf for 2yrs 10 months but the thing about going to bed early to avoid sex etc is so something my boyf would say. They play on your already empowering guilt.
Well done you for getting on with your life. As for hypnosis I recon that this would definately be your best option - you should definately go fo it. I had my initial consultation with the guy who started the audio 100 hypnosis cds (see heathers shop) as he is only a half an hour drive from me. It is going to be expensive but I felt so calm after just talking to him. I will let you know how it goes so then you can decide for yourself.
If you want more info then feel free to email me about anything.my address is in my profile.
Hugs
Jo x
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http://www.myspace.com/jo_elsmere
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Although it may be difficult to do so right now, you should thank your lucky stars this man is out of your life. You need a loving, caring partner not a callous, insensitive one.
You show a lot of courage and determination to overcome this relationship and move ahead with your life. I have a lot of respect for you. Of course, it will take awhile for your heart to heal. But once it does, the world lies before you, including hopefully a much better man than the one you left behind.
Just keep working on getting better and keep your positive attitude. In time, good things will happen -- you'll feel better and you'll meet a much nicer person.
I have a wonderful man in my life who even bakes bread for me when I visit him in California because I can't find store-made bread there that agrees with me! He buys me organic food because he knows I have difficulty tolerating conventional food and he prepares and cooks things I can eat based on my instructions. When I get sick, he worries and asks if I am okay. He'll do anything to help me. As unblessed as I am to have IBS, I am totally blessed to have this man! He has been in my life for more than 25 years!
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I totally understand how you feel, I had exactly the same thing. I was with my boyf for 3 and a bit years and the main reason we split up was because he had no tolerance or understanding of my illness, he always made me feel like I was some kind of social outcast!
He wouldn't get why I wouldnt just go out for a curry and just put up with being ill afterwards or why if I was feeling really ill I didn't want to just sit in the pub whilst he got more and more drunk with his friends!
He would never go out of his way to try and help me or ease my anxiety's, I spent most of my time trying to hide my problems to be the 'normal' (his words) girlfriend he wanted me to be and when I tried to explain to him that maybe if he was a bit more understanding and helped me a bit more perhaps I could be all he wanted me to be, he said he couldnt be bothered it was too much hard work!! Well needless to say we eventually broke up, after yet another weekend of him acting like a selfish pig spending the weekend drunk in the pub, I told him I was no longer happy, he said he wasnt either and that was it!!
I cried and grieved for a couple of weeks, convinced myself that no-one would ever want me with all my baggage.
Then I found out one day that he was seeing someone else even before we split up! Suddenly it dawned on me what a prat I was being upsetting myself over someone who clearly didnt love or respect me anyway, took myself in hand and started making a future without him.
Well we split in february and in the 6 months since I have been on holiday for the first time in 18yrs (i'm only 24) having always been too scared to before because of my IBS, I've been going out every weekend having fun and dancing into the early hours, I no longer have to hide who I am or worry what someone else thinks of me and I've never been happier! I have my friends who love me for who I am, who dont make me feel awkward if I'm ill and who go out of their way to include me in things like lunches out and stuff and are just happy I'm there whether I eat or not.
I've realised I dont need to rely on one person who has no respect for me to make me feel that I'm an important worthwhile person. I've come so far without him, even just little things such as trying new foods, I was too scared before incase it gave me a really bad attack, then I'd be ill and the useless girlfriend again!
All I want to say is it hurts when a relationship ends, but if you look at it in perspective you realise that your worth far more than being grateful to someone for being with you! You will find someone who loves you for all that you are, who's priority is that you are happy and they will want to do all they can to make you happy, but in the meantime brush yourself off, have some fun and build your confidence back up and focus on you and your welfare. If you want a chat or some one to cheer you up and give you a boost you can always email me, its susieannah@hotmail.com
Keep your chin up babe x x
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Ouch! Please do not apologize for "ranting." He sounds like a rude b*****d. You really are better off now, though at times I'm sure it doesn't feel that way. I encourage you to try sticking closely to Heather's diet recommendations--I've had very good results very quickly, and hope you will, too. Be good to yourself and hang in there. 
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Check multiple sources and make the best-informed decision possible!
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It is so disappointing when people in our lives are so quick to judge our sensitivities because we all have them in some shape or form. In the long run this will be better than being with someone who isn't supportive but in the short run it really sucks! When my tummy is upset and stress is a huge trigger for me, I gravitate to "comfort foods" to keep my belly full and comfortable. I wish you all the best during this tough time.
Anna
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