How do I convince family members that I do not want to go on vacation with them due to IBS problems?
#268265 - 06/08/06 07:36 AM
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ccckkk
Reged: 11/06/03
Posts: 48
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These are extended family members that asked me to go away with them. They know I have IBS and that it keeps me from doing things. I told them I am not interested in going on vacation due to my problems and they keep asking me. How should I explain and convince them, so that they get the point and stop asking me without going into too much detail about my condition? I also don't want to hurt their feelings or have them think I don't want to be with them.
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I can 100% relate to you! My family, as well as my husbands family are all big eaters, and they DONT have IBS... Theyre favorite hobby is in fact eating. Theyre always asking me to go places and vacations with them, and i always say no, because they just dont understand. They always stop at mcdonalds and then go on the highway (with no bathrooms at all in miles) and they cant understand why i dont want to go with them. Sometimes, I do miss out though. For instance, my husbands going on a family reunion. For dinner, they are planning on have fried chicken, potato salad, soda and lots of other unsafe things. I try to bring my own food but they always stick up their noses at me. So now I just rather stay home. My husband understands, but no one else does. So when they ask, I just say that im not feeling well enough to go on a long trip.. no questions ask.. its so hard for me to make people understand.
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Why not go into detail? If it were something else like diabetes you would. Just tell them in plain English that you don't want to **** on their car seat. That will stop them from asking.
Sorry, but I gave up being nice a long time ago. Sometimes you just have to tell it like it is.
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Carol
nós somos o que nós somos e o descanso é merda
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I'm with Carol on this. I'm not quite as blunt as she, but I explain what my issues are. If there's a car trip involved, I explain that we WILL be stopping every couple hours.
I also pack a "safety kit" for road trips - a couple Luna Bars, a sleeve of FF soda crackers, some apple sauce, Gas X or Phayzyme, Pepto-Bismal, a couple bottles of water, my prescription Levsin, and maybe a banana. If it's an overnight trip, I bring my oatmeal.
If people are going to be offended because I CAN'T eat something, well, that's their problem.
At the same time, I do understand it's hard to watch everyone else eat fried chicken if you can't. Just make sure you have plenty of your own food choices even if you have to bring your own.
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Hi Lyndeigh,
I clicked on your profile last week and tried to e-mail you privately at your e-mail address that is posted, but it would not go through. From your profile, we have a lot in common that I wanted to tell you about. I just did not want to tell you on this post, because I did not want to reveal my identity too much on here.
Anyway, yes food on vacation is a problem for me too. It is so hard when everyone can eat anything they want, especially in nice restaurants and I can't eat anything. I also hate going away to an island or something and having to lay on the beach all day long. It is like you can't escape if you want to. When I am home, I will go to the beach, but be sure I drive myself, so I can leave when I want. I also make sure that before I leave I feel alright for the most part. When on vacation, all of this is so hard to deal with. It is just so exhausting. I need a vacation after my vacation.
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Hi Lyndeigh, it's me again. I meant to give you my e-mail address, so you can e-mail me if you would like.
It is: MMTTTTTT@aol.com
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Listen to your "gut". Pun intended (tee hee!) But seriously, if you're not up to it, be kind but firm. Tell them tactfully that you are thrilled that they want to include you and that you would love to go, but you are just not stable enough to enjoy the vacation and you don't want to be sick while there and spoil their time. If you have to, you can also tell them that you have to be extremely careful with foods right now until you are stable. Then suggest that perhaps you could go with them next time when you are feeling better.
If you really DO want to go, we could try to get you some pointers to get you stable enough to go, and stock your suitcase with safe foods. If that's the case, let us know!
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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Be firm. You know what? If they choose not to be understanding then it's their problem. If bringing your own food offends them, that's their problem, too. At least then you could attend!!!!
If they ask, you could get your husband to say that you have a very sensitive stomach and can get extremely sick if you eat the wrong thing. Ask them what would they do if people expected THEM to eat food that made them very sick. Ask them how THEY'd like to live like that! So there!     
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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It took me a while to reach the comclusion that unless I flat out told people what I was dealing with, it wouldn't make sense to them. Either they need to accomodate you or you can't go. I'd just tell them. "Hey, if I eat that junk and sit in your car, we're all gonna be suffering cause nasty things will happen." I know most people want to be more delicate than I do but unless they here from you they won't get it. I used to show people the photo of colon activity in IBS: The First Year. The ones that shows the activity of a "normal" colon and then next to it is one of an IBS colon. That usually got people to see the difference. That way they had something physical in front of them. It's hard for a lot of people to understand or believe someting they can't see.
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***********************
If you're not dead, you've still got time.
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I'm glad you have your husband on your side. We are going on a trip next week and I always run up against people wanting me to ride in their car instead of mine. I have to have that security blanket of freedom to stop whenever I need to. Just feeling trapped in a vehicle will get my tum to roaring!
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Franny
IBS/D
Celiac
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Well the more I read the notes on this board the more I empathise with all the different problems. I can relate to yours very much. I travel a great deal world wide. It can be a pain in the.... In car trips I make various things I can eat and take them with me in an ice box. When others stop at a Macdonald for example I just pull out my goodies. It is wonderful to feel APART from the crowd but as you know it is either that or ..... in the car at some later stage. I have had supposed close friends tell my I should just eat whatever and go to the loo the next day .. as if, or tell how fussy I am. So I am with the "How would you like me to.... in your car" or " Would you eat something that will sit you on the loo for an hour in gripping pain" If it is a function - maybe you can ring ahead and tell them you need special food. It can be a pain but at least you can go, I do that sometimes it works and sometimes not. If it is a restaurant, I have found it is much better to go directly to the chef rather than the waiter - belive me waiters DON'T listen. Chin up and the very best of luck to you.
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