Since we are getting personal. I have a sex question.
#267134 - 06/02/06 06:40 AM
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ccckkk
Reged: 11/06/03
Posts: 48
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I have been meaning to ask a question like this on the site for a while. Maybe you women out there with IBS can give me some insight. I am in my early 30s and have suffered with IBS-C/colonic inertia all my life.
How do all you IBS sufferers find boyfriends and how do you deal with having sex? I don't even want to spend time with a guy let alone have sex due to my IBS always acting up. I am always bloated and gassy. How do you women handle these situations when with a man? I am still a virgin and due to having IBS all my life, I just try to avoid social situations, so the opportunity never came up. I had a few boyfriends but I am always the one to put the relationship to a stop after a couple of months because I feel I cannot handle spending time with the person, even just sitting and watching a movie makes me uptight. I feel I struggled all my life and I feel so much more relaxed when I am alone. Why should I keep struggling when it just upsets me? Can anyone give me some insight to start chaning things on this issue?
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I know that feeling. But I just did it anyway, I just went ahead and did it. ..Sometimes though, I admit that I make excuses when I'm bloated/gassy. I sort of have a long distance relationship, so when we schedule time to be together, I usually try and calm my stomach down before that time comes. It works well, because he isn't with me all the time, probably once a week.
I don't know if I have broken any barriers here, and I don't know if I should apologize if I have but this seems like an emotional issue as well that needs to be discussed. Lately, my ibs is horrible, so when me and my partner have sex, I usually just lie back so my stomach doesn't hurt as much or doesn't look as bloated. I also try not to think about it. Thinking about my future stable days, also helps! I get excited about having a flat stomach and developing newfound confidence. I hope things work out for you. I also find that keeping your shirt on or something during sex may help hide the bloating.
The thing that is making me nervous, is when I might be moving in with my boyfriend to go to college. What will he think when he sees me spreading babyfood on a peice of toast? Hah!
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My advice...just embrace your IBS. Don't try to hide it or make excuses. When you're comfortable with it and yourself you'll be able to relax more. I was always so worried about what people would think...it just made things worse. I now have a wonderful husband. I always thought he would get annoyed by what I do for and how I react to IBS or think I was weird for the way I ate...but he doesn't. He does everything he can to make me feel comfortable. He supports me with everything I try...as long as I'm trying to make progress he doesn't care what it takes. He wants me to feel good as much as I do. So, be up front about your condition. You'd be surprised at how small of an issue it seems for some people. It's like having allergies or something...you have it, you have to deal with it, but it doesn't define you. So, be up front. If the guy is really interested in you he won't care if you have to eat a little differently or need to take things easy sometimes. You just have to give him a chance to get to know you...not the IBS-influenced you. Worrying less is the key. I should know. I'm the world's biggest worrier. I just started seeing a psychologist to get it under control. That may be another thing to consider. HTH.
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~Mary
Had surgery for rectal prolapse in Sept. '06 and feeling good now! Loving life with our IVF miracle #1.
 
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Hi Alli,
I'd just like to say that if your boyfriend really cares about you then I hope he'd be more interested in WHY you have to spread baby food on toast, and also WHY you prefer not to swallow semen.
Love and affection and truly caring for someone includes trying to understand how it is for the other person and truly taking this on board.
If you are seriously considering living together, I suggest you share these aspects of your very personal life with him before you make the move.
On a practical basis it should be easy enough to spit out into something rather than worry about swallowing.
Brave lady ~ you don't need to apologise to anyone on this board ~ some of us are in full admiration of your ability to be upfront.
People didn't have to open your post knowing that it was about sex!
Best,
Joanna (Lorien)
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Yes, you are right, I think part of it is emotional, but it all started with all my IBS problems and trying to get out there and socialize.
A guy seeing me bloated is not what worries me, my bigger problem is the gas and how to handle that. I am usually gassy all night long and could not handle even sleeping in the same room with a guy.
Regarding you moving in with you boyfriend, I think you really need to tell your boyfriend everything about your situation before you move in with him. I would never be able to handle that without him knowing what I go through. You should talk with him about your diet, etc.
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I really do not have a problem with telling people about my IBS and them knowing if I am on a certain diet, etc. My main problem is I hide the real details. How am I supposed to tell him the details of my IBS? Also, even if he does know, it is still embarassing day in and day out.
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Thank you for that! I appreciate the fact that people are supporting the way I sometimes speak without thinking.
My boyfriend usually laughs when I eat things like, plain rice with salt or something, but I have developed a helpful habit of making people laugh about it. I'm usually humourous anyways, so it's easy for me to do that. I just usually make fun of myself. People really laugh when I carry around a plain peice of bread with me somewhere and just eat it. That's not really necessary, but I think it's hilarious. Good stuff.
I know he wouldn't mind about the spitting. He cares enough to ask me to move in with him and everything, so I think I can trust him to understand.
Anyways, ccckkk, don't let ibs control your life to that extent! I think the stress will just make it worse. Best wishes to you, and everyone.
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My best advise to you is to find a man who loves you for everything you are. When I met my husband, I was very embarassed and shy about the whole 'ibs' thing. However, after a month or so, I just came clean and told him everything about my condition.. and let me tell you, he completely understood. Sometimes, when we're 'intimate' I feel a roaring in my stomach and I have to flee to the bathroom, but he understands. He never gets mad at me for it, or makes me feel embarrassed or guilty about it. He just understands.. because he loves me. I know it can be hard to be comfortable with a man when you have active ibs, but just relax and know that when you find the right one, he'll love you for all that you are and will accept your ibs. By the way, me and my hubby waited until marriage before having sex. If youre very nervous about sex with a boyfriend because of ibs, maybe you should wait a little bit. After all, a guy who is willing to wait to have sex before marriage is a keeper! 
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Ya know, when I first started dating my fiance, i was scared like you wouldn't belive about *oh no, what if i get ill at his house, what will he think when i stink up the place* and all of those kinds of things but honestly, as of June 4th we will have been together for four years and when i'm having a really bad attack, he will leave me alone or rub my back to make the pain feel better. (of course not while i'm in the bathroom or anything... before the whole D starts up) He will even get me my peppermint tea or pick up pretzels on his way home from work.
We went on a trip to Calgary last week and on the last day we were there I had such a violent, painful, loud, and smelly attack that when i got out of the bathroom (which was right beside the bed in the hotel) I was so embarrassed, and so guilty about being so ill, and he had no problems with it. He understood it wasn't something I can always control and even though i'm sure the whole hotel heard me, he said he didn't hear or notice a thing..
He even completly understands my odd eatting habits and doesn't make fun of me at all. If he wants something I can't have, we always go somewhere where there is safe stuff for my stomach... You will find someone that understands.. Hell, even for our wedding next year, the menu doesn't have alot of things I can handle but he is more than willing to pull some strings just so as I can have something that won't make me ill on our special day.
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Thank you so much for answering. You really give me hope. Just knowing there are other people who have gone through this and are really making a life for themselves gives me hope.
I know your fiance understands what you are going through, but how do you handle being with his friends and his family? Is that difficult for you? Do you find they understand?
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