Just can't eat...scared...
#264431 - 05/19/06 07:05 PM
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Memmles
Reged: 04/07/06
Posts: 101
Loc: Silicon Valley, CA, USA
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Hey guys,
I'm feeling really down at the moment. I'm at a conference in LA with our staff. Wasn't really hungry all day (felt slightly nauseous this AM), felt o.k. for a few hours so participated in the conference a little, then came back to housing to rest 'cause I felt bad again. But was determined to hang out with staff for fun, so tried to go out to eat with them tonight. I bucked out on them last night when they hung out too.
Got to restaurant, ordered a side order of corn bread (we were at Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles- all fried stuff!), and couldn't even get more than a bite in before I felt completely nauseous & had this gag reflex kick in. I just couldn't (physically) swallow anymore - I wanted to gag.
I'm really scared - I lost 15 lbs in the course of the month of January (& a little of February), and if I weighed myself right now, would probably find that I lost more. I weight approx. 105 at 5'1", which isn't terribly underweight, but I'm slowly starving myself & I JUST CAN'T EAT regularly. This is dangerous. And it's scaring me a lot more than I normally admit.
I also have emetophobia (fear of vomitting), which doesn't make this IBS thing any easier & plays into the not eating issue a whole lot (if I don't eat, I won't get sick...).
I just wanted to vent a bit. I cried all the way home from the restaurant 'cause I had to leave early, couldn't do anything fun, and just couldn't eat when I know I desperately need to. If anyone else has worked through the not-eating issue, please let me know HOW you did it!!!!! I fear I'm going to end up in the hospital or do irreperable damage to my insides here... I just want to be well & whole again...ya know?
~ Emily 
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East Palo Alto, CA (San Francisco Bay Area/Silicon Valley)
IBS-C, pain, nausea
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I may be 12 but I have some pretty good Advice.
1. You need to eat I wouldn't eat because I was afraid I'd hurt then I'd get nauseas then when I go thome from school I'd binge like heck thats what actually part of what brought on my symptoms
2. Eating dosn't hurt you when you eat the right food you just think you're gonig to throw up but logically you won't if you have little meals
3. Last thing is to relax know that you won't throw up while eating relaxing really helps trust me my symptoms are mostly brought on by Stress!
I hope you can use my advice and don't Binge Out eat little meals 
{Emily too  }
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Puppies Are Cute But I'm Cuter
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..there comes a point where you dare not put anything in your mouth. Just had a nasty attack this morning and have just eventually managed a very small bowl of health shop cereal with soya milk.
Emily is quite right though. Small sensible meals eaten more often is the answer. Make sure you're drinking plenty of water and if you're really struggling have soup or smoothies. I often find that fools my body into thinking I'm drinking rather than eating! 
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Never EVER give up!
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I have been there you don't want to eat because it will make you sick but not eating makes you sick....
I would suggest that you get medical help asap and explain your problem. Unfortunately I think this is part of the viscious cycle of IBS that can very easily turn into an eating disorder. I know your fears and anxiety with food but you have to eat.
Eating at restaurants would not be your best option right now. You would probably be best to eat in the comfort of your own home or space. Start eating things that are safe and eat slow. Once you build your confidence back up that you can eat and not be sick then I would go back to venturing restaurants.
Also the smell of cooking your own food and waiting for it to be ready might also bring on some hunger. Just be easy on your tummy!
You were probably nauseated because you were too hungry, but couldn't eat because you were nauseated.
Snack all day if you have to!!!!! and drink lots of water!
I really hope you find some comfort soon, please keep us updated!
Bethany
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Microscopic Colitis, IBS-A, GERD, Hiatal Hernia
Bethany, Ontario, Canada
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Often, food gives me the sensation of "stage fright." I am literally afraid that what I intend to eat will cause an attack. The anxiety alone will actually give me attack, versus the foods.
So, I literally spoon-feed myself. My food processor is my best friend. I know, it sounds rather childish or infantile--but it works, especially when I'm scared. The fibers are broken down. There is something soothing about using more gentle eating implements. I breathe deeply. I take my time--rushing always spells disaster. I make sure it doesn't smell extremely of anything. It is warm. I TRUST the food and the style of preparation because it has worked so well, previously, for me.
Most importantly, I get the nutrients that I need.
I find plant protein infinitely less stressful than animal protein.
So, that is my strategy--and it works.
Kate, IBS-D.
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Sorry you're scared
#264572 - 05/20/06 04:35 PM
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Toady
Reged: 04/06/06
Posts: 1299
Loc: A small city, Northwestern Ontario, Canada
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I'm like that too, a lot of the time. I paranoid to eat anything, even though I've made it myself sometimes, for fear of the attacks. I was on a trip in Feb and I was so scared to eat I just ordered the cheapest thing on the menu and only ate the Italian bread that came with it. And I sat in the restuarant, facing the corner, crying because I was so scared to eat. I go through this lots. I'm sorry you are going through it too. If you know you safe SF foods, maybe you should stock up for when you're away for work. I take snacks everywhere. I keep graham crackers or animal crackers in a ziploc in my purse! I totally sympathize with you sweetie!! It is aweful. And, I too have a complete phobia about vomiting. I can't even discuss the topic, see it on tv, anything. It is aweful. I will shake myself (shivers) beyond all reason rather than throw-up.
I hope you found something to eat that agrees with your tummy!!
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Cassandra
Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like you've never loved before.
IBS A 20+ years, Chronic Migraines, Chiari Malformation (decompressed June 22, 2010), Brachial Neuritis, and ??? the list just keeps growing, but I'm still shiny side up! 
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I'm so sorry you are feeling afraid to eat--I feel like that so often and for a long time I felt very alone with that trauma of having to eat. For months I would completely fast during the day while I worked so I wouldn't have to use the bathroom. It only aggravated my attacks. Every time I ate then, my body was in shock.
So now when I am sick (IBS-D) like I was this morning, I stick to room temp water and 100% soluble fiber. Today I could only handle crackers until late this evening. I discovered that trying to fast and then eat was hurting me more than if I ate small amounts stretched out throughout the day.
I also avoid tea if I can, because I find that even the chamomile bothers me if I am having D and cramping. The only beverage I drink is the water and that keeps me hydrated after losing so much water from the D!
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IBS-D!
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Hey guys,
Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. You all are a HUGE blessing to me - I stand amazed at how God can use the internet for His purposes - including sending me a "cheerleading squad" like all of you! Who knew God could be a techie?!
I had a good day today. Also had a therapy appointment (my second! It's GREAT!!!!!). We're switching things up so the #1 priority is getting this eating disorder ('cause that's what it is, essentially) under control. I have that emetophobia thing really tying me down, so we're looking at that primarily right now.
I'm so hopeful at this moment. If I can even overcome this one barrier, I really believe the others will be so much easier to handle. You can't function when you're starving yourself.
So - thanks again to all of you who responded. You truly bore me up...
~ Emily
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East Palo Alto, CA (San Francisco Bay Area/Silicon Valley)
IBS-C, pain, nausea
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I'm so sorry you feel so hopeless and afraid right now. I know how terrifying and lonely this whole process can be...do you have anyone to talk to who understands what you're going through, or is at least sensitive to it? Do you see a nutritionist, or a therapist in addition to you primary M.D? They can really help you with learning to cope with the emotional side of this condition, which has really been the worst part for me...
I truly hope you feel better soon, and that you're being gentle and kind to yourself...if you ever need to talk, come to the boards, and feel free to email me!
P.S. I grew up in Palo Alto, and have several friends living it E.P.A! Small world...
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Julia
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Emily, please keep posting. I also know what it's like to feel so terrified of putting any food into my body because it is associatied with pain and gas and bloating and all that yucky stuff. It's a basic learned connection...and it is natural not to want to do that to ourselves.
It is a very lonely disorder. No one understands the pain. It's scary to feel so alone, isn't it.
Please come here when you need to. We can't physically hold you, but does help to hear how others are living with this life stealing disorder.
I hope you remain hopeful! Sounds like the couselor is helping you to be not so alone anymore.
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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