Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | Please help me! I feel I'm loosing hope!

I have read all over this site. I have read more posts than I can comprehend. I am frustrated. I have joined all kinds of chat rooms to talk about my IBS situation and no one seems to ever be in the chat rooms. I only know one person in my area with IBS and we don't talk much. I am litteraly in tears ever day. Here's why:

I'm 28. I was diagnosed with IBS over a year ago. Fortunately I got put on Lotronex pretty much from the get go. That pretty much got things settled for me and I was living life pretty close to normal. I did make some changes but for the most part I only had occasional problems. A month and a half ago my insurance company said they wouldn't cover my medication anymore. It took my breath away. But from reading this site and posts here I felt there was still hope. So I ordered everything. I have stuck to the diet and changed my lifestyle 100%. I think that has been the hardest thing for me. I used to go where I wanted when I wanted and didn't think much of it. I was very active and had a lot of friends. Things didn't change too much for me after the diagnosis because I had the Lotronex which worked wonders for me. But now...now...I feel so aweful. I am stable and next day I'm not. I barely eat anything (what I do eat is from Heather's diet) and only drink water and peppermint tea. I even stopped drinking alcohol which was part of my weekends and occasionally weekdays. I'm no alcoholic but it was nice to be able to come home from work on a Friday and take the edge off with a beer or glass of wine. I take the Acacia fiber and calcium and peppermint caps and and digestive enzymes and lots of water. But still I feel tired and my tummy grumbles. I exercise. And my bm's are loose. So I take Immodium when I feel I need it and I'm ok. I have a regular bm or two and then loose again. I can't take all of this change! I can't eat much that tastes good. I feel like there's no variety of food for me to eat. There's a lot on Heather's diet but it only takes me so far with my cooking skills. I take all the snacks to work and where ever I go but by the end of rotating them for a couple of weeks I just feel like it's all blah. I miss having a regular dish of spaghetti and garlic bread.
I know everyone here has probably felt like this. But I can't stand feeling like a shut in. I am too embarresed to go out. The girls at work make fun of me when I cry from pain. I try not to cry but when you feel like crap all the time some days it is overwhelming. I try to talk to my friends at work about it and other people over hear it and then make fun of me. I know that I shouldn't care but how do you make fun of someone for something they can't help?

I am very depressed lately and I have thinking about seeing a counselor or something. I don't know where to start though. Am I depressed enought to need medication? I really don't know. My emotions are a roller coaster and lets not even talk about "that time of the month". Gosh I really have to focus on my emotions so I don't sob myself thru my work day or lash out on people.

I feel like I am being punnished and I just don't know what to do. These boards make me feel less alone but it's hard to find a live person to talk to that really understands. It's hard to meat new people if you only leave the house to go to work. Everyone I know just makes fun of me or feels sorry for me and what I am going thru. The support I get is nice but it still leaves me feeling alone and empty.

I don't even know what I expect to get out of this post. All I know is that maybe I need a nudge in the right direction or at least a hand on the shoulder that means "I know how you feel and it will get better". These days I don't feel like it will.

To top it all off, Thursday is my mother's birthday. We are going to the Golden Corral for dinner. Leaving the house gives me anxiety because I prefer to be my toilet. So I fear getting there and spending the duration of the meal in the bathroom. My boyfriend is very supportive so that helps. But I feel bad for him. The routine it takes for me to get out of the house. And never wanting to go anywhere because I don't feel good. How long can a person take that?

Thanks so much for reading this long post. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm having a pitty party for myself. I just don't know where to turn.

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T
IBS-D

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