Need to vent big time! watch for expletives!
#236691 - 01/08/06 01:52 PM
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I had to go over to the in laws for lunch today. Keep in mind that I also had to work at 3:30 this morning a full shift. Ok so m.i.l. never understands what I can eat so she sent me this email a while ago (it is in reverse order):
Quote:
ok. thanks
----- Original Message -----
From: Tamara Hanson
Sent: Wednesday, December 07, 2005 9:22 AM
To: jennifer hanson
Subject: Re:
Low fat, no red meat, no raw vegetables on an empty stomach and absolutely no cheese In fact I am doing very poorly right now and need to be extremely careful. Spices do not bother me, but I detest cilantro and have to be careful with beans. I usually make rice along with my Mexican food as a nice buffer. I often make enchiladas with a soy cream cheese based sauce that are very good. I can eat chips and salsa if the chips are baked or are Garden of Eatin.
Here is an example of something I can eat:
Chicken Enchiladas with Spinach Cream Sauce
Conlan garnishes these enchiladas with a dollop of low-fat sour cream and fresh chives. He serves them with a side of black beans.
2 poblano chiles
Cooking spray
1 1/2 cups vertically sliced onion, divided
2 cups shredded ready-to-eat roasted skinned, boned chicken breasts (about 2 breasts)
6 cups fresh spinach leaves
1/4 cup chopped green onions
1 teaspoon ground cumin
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 1/2 tablespoons masa harina or all-purpose flour
1 1/4 cups fat-free, less-sodium chicken broth
1/3 cup chopped fresh cilantro or basil
3 ounces soy cream cheese (about 1/3 cup)
1/8 teaspoon salt
4 (8-inch) corn tortillas or flour tortillas- lowest in fat you can find
Preheat broiler. Place chiles on a foil-lined baking sheet; broil 10 minutes or until blackened, turning occasionally. Place in a zip-top plastic bag; seal. Let stand 15 minutes. Peel chiles; cut in half lengthwise. Discard seeds and membranes; slice into strips to measure 2/3 cup.
Place a large skillet coated with cooking spray over medium heat until hot. Add 1 cup sliced onion; cook 10 minutes or until golden brown, stirring frequently. Stir in chicken and 1/3 cup chiles; spoon chicken mixture into a bowl.
Steam spinach leaves, covered, 5 minutes or until wilted. Place spinach in a colander, pressing with the back of a spoon until barely moist.
Preheat oven to 350°.
Wipe skillet with paper towels, and recoat with cooking spray. Place over medium-high heat. Add 1/2 cup sliced onion and chopped green onions, and saute 3 minutes. Stir in ground cumin and minced garlic, and saute 30 seconds. Combine masa harina and broth. Add masa mixture, chopped cilantro, cream cheese, and salt to pan, and bring to a boil. Reduce heat, and simmer 5 minutes or until cheese melts, stirring constantly. Place the cheese mixture, 1/3 cup chiles, and spinach ina food processor, and process until smooth. Strain spinach mixture through a colander into a bowl, and discard solids.
Divide the chicken mixture evenly among tortillas, and roll up. Pour 1/2 cup spinach sauce in bottom of an 8-inch square baking dish coated with cooking spray. Arrange the filled tortillas on top of spinach sauce. Pour the remaining spinach sauce over tortillas. Cover and bake at 350° for 10 minutes or until enchiladas are thoroughly heated.
Yield: 4 servings (serving size: 1 enchilada with sauce)
CALORIES 265 (27% from fat); FAT 7.9g (satfat 3.8g, monofat 2.2g, polyfat 1g); PROTEIN 22.1g; CARBOHYDRATE 30g; FIBER 6.8g; CHOLESTEROL 51mg; IRON 4.2mg; SODIUM 723mg; CALCIUM 205mg;
The fat content is the most crucial. I screwed up on that this weekend and am still paying for it very severely, so I don't mean to be a poop, but I can't veer at all and not regret it. Thanks for asking!
----- Original Message -----
From: jennifer hanson
To: Tamara Hanson
Sent: Tuesday, December 06, 2005 4:55 PM
What can you eat in the way of Mexican food?
So what do you think she decided to make for me?
CHICKEN ALFREDO!
She couldn't have picked a worse thing to make for me. Alfredo sauce is the number one worst food for me and she thought because it had chicken instead of beef I could eat it! I mean how retarded is she? No that example is cruel to mentally challenged people.  Then the worst part was she wasn't sorry or sympathetic at all. I had bare noodles with salt and pepper and she didn't feel at all bad! How self-centered! I swear I am never going there ever again! I cried and swore all the way home. I felt so insulted to not care one bit about trying even a little bit to make me comfortable. She even said she had started to try to think of something I could eat and then gave up. I wish I had gone apesh*t on her for once. That might teach her to think of how others feel. I can see if she had 50 people over, or even 20, she might not be able to accomodate me, but when she is having us over special because my husband gave the talk at church she should try to make something I can eat. I mean alfredo sauce!?   I have to try not to think about it. But I am never going there again!!!
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IBS-A for 20 years with terrible bloating and gas. On the diet since April 2004. Remember this from Heather's information pages:
"You absolutely must eat insoluble fiber foods, and as much as safely possible, but within the IBS dietary guidelines. Treat insoluble fiber foods with suitable caution, and you'll be able to enjoy a wide variety of them, in very healthy quantities, without problem." Please eat IF foods!
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Oh, man!!! That absolutely sucks big flinty boulders!!  I would be beyond steamed, too.
What part of NO DAIRY is so hard to understand!? I'm sorry your mother in law is that way.
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So sorry that she wasn't willing to make something you could eat. Some people in our lives will just never get it no matter what we do or say.
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I can't believe she did this to you. How TERRIBLY inconsiderate! I'm glad you didn't eat the Alfredo. It would have killed me.
If it were me, I'd very politely invite her over to dinner, and ask if there is anything she can't eat or doesn't like. Then I'd make that item, and as I'm serving it, I'd flash her a big smile!
Bev
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Oooh, Bev!
#236709 - 01/08/06 02:47 PM
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Snorkie
Reged: 02/15/05
Posts: 1999
Loc: Northern Illinois, USA
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You are WICKED!  I might think to do something like that, but I wouldn't have the nerve to carry through. Well, not with a whole meal. Side dishes or desserts, I could have the nerve to do that.
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I can't believe they did that. How rude!
I like Bev's idea though. Or hit her up with lots of tofu/soy, especially if she's not used to it, so she'll be extra gassy!
OK, maybe not, but it's fun to imagine. 
In future, if you ABSOLUTELY MUST go, maybe just bring your own food. At least you'll know it'll be good and safe, and if she's insulted, oh well.
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I'd serve her my new Weight Watcher Tomato Spinach soup! THAT'S IT! If you want the recipe, just scream; I'll give it to ya.
I just made it, and hubby loved it. However, it had an IMMEDIATE effect on him -- he's STILL on the pot with "D"!
Maybe it'd get your MIL running......!
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Oh, Tamara, I'm so sorry! I will never understand people like that. It would have been bad enough if she just hadn't paid attention and then apologized for screwing up, but to actually admit she just didn't bother to make a sincere effort! And you're right, it's especially bad since this was a special meal for you and your husband.
I like your idea of never going there again, but if you must (families being what they are), definitely bring your own food. Make something really yummy and don't share - or share with everyone except MIL.
And someone should tell her that Chicken Alfredo isn't Mexican food. Humph!
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[Research tells us fourteen out of any ten individuals likes chocolate. - Sandra Boynton]
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My sister is allergic to nuts and when she was younger her friends used to try to trick her into eating nuts. And there are so many parents that are totally unsympathetic to the idea of peanut free schools. Your mother in law is cut from the same cloth. Deep down she thinks you are a drama queen and that your food issues aren't that big a deal.
Your mistake is engaging her. YOUR HUSBAND NEEDS TO BE THE POINT MAN FOR YOUR FAMILY'S RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR MOTHER IN LAW. HE NEEDS STEP IN, SIT YOUR MOTHER IN LAW DOWN, AND HAVE A SERIOUS TALK WITH HER. He can start by describing in graphic detail what your IBS attacks do to you. Then he can tell her that she MUST take your food issues seriously because IBS is a serious condition, he loves you, and she should respect you.
You taking on your mother in law is like a step mother trying to be the main disciplinarian with her husband's kids. Your husband should be taking the lead.
Been through it~!
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Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Geeeeeeeez! I am so sad to hear that! Minnie, you are a FAR nicer, better gal than me cuz I can assure you, if that were my MIL, my husband would have to drag me kicking and screaming from the house as I assaulted her with every nasty thought I'd harbored about her ill treatment of me!
I agree with another post - make your husband talk to her. Do not ask her to be more respectful of your problems, but demand it of her! There's no excuse for such blatant rudeness. If that doesn't work, then I'd go toe to toe with her myself, but that's just me. I thrive on constructive confrontation
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Hi Minnie,
I'm sorry that your mother-in-law doesn't understand. I have to tell you though, most people who don't have intestinal problems just aren't really able to understand it. I can understand that you are upset and I would be too. Try not to take it too personally, though. My husband is a doll and he still can't remember what I can't eat. Its too confusing for him, especially since he can eat everything. He brought home a scone to share yesterday and I told him I couldn't eat it, I can't have gluten besides the high fat. He's an engineer, not a nurse like me. I do almost all the shopping to make sure that I get what I need.
I always take food with me when I go to someone's house just in case, out of experience. This weekend I have a party to go to and I asked my friend what she is making. She is making chicken in a cream sauce over rice and asked me if I could eat it and she knows me very well. I told her not to worry, I would just bring my own food. Its just easier for me that way. I will bring my own chicken dish and rice and some veggies and salad with low fat dressing. One time I went to friends house for a party and there was absolutely nothing there for me to eat. I was pretty upset about it. I don't take any chances now.
My feelings are more about feeling different and not being able to eat what everyone else is eating. It makes me sad sometimes. I really miss dairy foods,especially ice cream.
Take care,
June
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I just think it's inconsiderate/rude that your MIL bothered asking if she didn't intend to play the "game" fairly. D'uh.
(okay, yes, the SIMPSONs are on! It's Sunday night)
I guess, I don't expect to be accomodated UNLESS it's a restaurant & I can EXPLICITLY order exactly how I want it (yes, it's almost pornographic in a "foodie" way how exact I am!). SO I always always always BRING MY OWN FOOD, regardless of who/what because rarely do they get it "right." Seriously...the hostess often neglects to mention something about a potentially safe food. I guess, food-oriented celebrations are more about the company than the food.
I just think your MIL is really ignorant & stupid for bothering to ask you. So...consider it yet another lesson re: food @ your MIL's place under your hat. Don't waste your time being irrate. Just bring your own food next time. Problem or potential problem SOLVED!
It is highly disappointing, though, so just "blow it off!" Invite her over for some real IBS-safe Mexican (nah, Thai is much much cooler!)
Kaboom!
Kate, IBS-D.
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Tamara - I'm so sorry! MIL's!!!!!!! Did I tell you the time when I made a safe macaroni salad with FF dressing and I found my MIL adding GOBS of REAL mayonnaise to it, saying "so it will be creamy." So that was the only thing what was safe for me - which she made unsafe. GRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
From now on, take your own food, sweetie. Tell your MIL you don't want to be a bother and will prepare your own food from now on, so that she doesn't have to go to any trouble. (Personally, I would be fuming, but you can put it politely to make peace)
Hugs, Alicia.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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because she obviously doesn't care that much about what you can or can't eat, and why should you bother to go over there just to eat bare noodles?!?! Eating at other people's houses is supposed to be a TREAT. Next time, if you're invited just say "No thanks, it would be too much for you to cook something I can eat, and I really enjoy eating."
Ginger
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next time she comes round to yours!! People like that make me so mad, I always already feel like i'm being a pain and a little awkward that I'm eating a different meal to everyone else, but you gave her so much info plus a recipe and you end up sitting at the table with a prison dinner!!!
Definately in future take your own dinner and pudding and take the most tasty thing you can think of and sit mmmmming and aahhhhhing at your brilliant cooking ha ha, that'll annoy her!!
P.s I realise this sounds childish but sometimes you just gotta get one up on thoughtless people!
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It sounds like something my mil would do. She of course would feel horrible and apologies 14 million times. They just don't get it and I find some people don't even realize there is diary in cheese or butter or crazy things like that. She put butter under the skin of the turkey at Thanksgiving! I was wondering why my stomach was hurting. It's like where are you from that you don't know that that is diary. I have to be so specific that half the time I want to say forget it.
I have a great friend that purposely makes things I can eat when all my friends get together, which is almost every week. She will even call to ask if she has it right and if I had any other suggestions. She is my best friend and I'm sure you can see why. She also defends and tries to get my other friends to try to accomidate me. One of my other friends told her she couldn't cook that way because it was too hard. I'm so greatful for my friend because she told her how easy it was and that she was complicating it too much. All my other friends would prefer not to try. Another girl called me and wanted to know why I was trying to make everyone else feel guilty for eating things I can't. Well, maybe because there was nothing I could safely eat! Why do I even bother going. Oh and then there is my sil who thinks it's all in my head. Dh is throwing me a birthday part in a couple of weeks and he is putting her in charge of the kids food since he felt she would purposly put something in it just to say see it's in your head.
Now you got me venting along with you.
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Dear Little Minnie,
Sorry that this happened to you. Alfredo Sauce makes me violently ill too. Is your mil that uncaring in everything else she does? Or is she just a bad cook  ?
I have had a doctor tell me to "wear a depend and get on with my life". People who aren't affected by this condition just don't understand. No matter how much you try to inform them. I hope things improve for you, until then, meet them at a restaurant where you know you can eat.
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I like the way you think.
I'd cook something very innocent looking for her, but have tons of gas producing stuff in it. Oh, and ex-lax cocoa for after dinner near the fireplace.
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Carol
nós somos o que nós somos e o descanso é merda
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I love the varied responses!  I wish there was something she couldn't eat but she has an iron stomach and she can be a selfish pig for eating and drinking. It was especially uncomfortable because hub had a big intervention/fight with her some weeks ago and I don't think we had seen them since. But then some friends had invited us for the same day a long time ago and she made them give it up to her! Last time I went she made buffalo and fatty side dishes and I brought my own huge side dish, but this time I was hoping she would make something safe since she had asked about it. Hub had told her yesterday before we ate that there was nothing I could eat and she defrosted some cottage bread. But I just decided to eat plain penne with a teeny bit of EVOO. I had a Luna bar before we went in. Also I did not help in the least bit with dinner or cleaning! Ha!
Sadly hub changed his nice opinion of the day later on and said he would not bring me with next time he gives a talk because I get too pissy when there is nothing I can eat. I was crying all the way home and then he said THAT to pour salt in the wound! Nice day! (I also got pulled over for speeding yesterday but didn't get a ticket). Maybe I will look back and laugh some day. Thanks for the support everyone!
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IBS-A for 20 years with terrible bloating and gas. On the diet since April 2004. Remember this from Heather's information pages:
"You absolutely must eat insoluble fiber foods, and as much as safely possible, but within the IBS dietary guidelines. Treat insoluble fiber foods with suitable caution, and you'll be able to enjoy a wide variety of them, in very healthy quantities, without problem." Please eat IF foods!
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Try something cold with Splenda in it. My DH has an iron stomach, and he gets horrible gas from Splenda. Maybe if it has HFCS and maltitol in it, it would be even more effective... >evil grin<
--AC
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IBS-A for 20 years with terrible bloating and gas. On the diet since April 2004. Remember this from Heather's information pages:
"You absolutely must eat insoluble fiber foods, and as much as safely possible, but within the IBS dietary guidelines. Treat insoluble fiber foods with suitable caution, and you'll be able to enjoy a wide variety of them, in very healthy quantities, without problem." Please eat IF foods!
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... Maybe you could make up a mass quantity of one of your favorite meals and freeze individual servings for such occasions .... that might be the path of least resistance for you, your MIL, and your husband.
Mother in laws are fun, aren't they? I have two boys and I am ABSOLUTELY DETERMINED to not do to their future wives what's been done to me.
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Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
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My husband (who is still being an a**) received this e-mail from his brother who was at the meal too with his favored wife.
Quote:
i do know mom severally fretted over what to make per tamy's dietary
restrictions.
she did make an honest effort to conform to tamy's wishes and was honestly
very hurt my both yours and tamy's reactions.
if she blew it, all that means is she doesn't know how to cook for that type
of ailment.
she thought the chicken with white sauce would work. i mean who know's what
has 18% fat in something?
i'm not choosing sides, i just know because we stayed later, that they were
both cut to the core by the both of you.
So I have to believe my mil and sil (who helped decide what to make) are beyond idiots. I guess since they are not gourmet cooks they don't know alfredo sauce has dairy and about 80% fat! I think those exlax brownies that were suggested might help make a point to be more careful! Eeeks I am still fuming like mad!
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IBS-A for 20 years with terrible bloating and gas. On the diet since April 2004. Remember this from Heather's information pages:
"You absolutely must eat insoluble fiber foods, and as much as safely possible, but within the IBS dietary guidelines. Treat insoluble fiber foods with suitable caution, and you'll be able to enjoy a wide variety of them, in very healthy quantities, without problem." Please eat IF foods!
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I think those Exlax brownies are a good idea.
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Anyone that age, who has cooked for that long, should know alfredo has dairy in it. And EVERYONE knows alfredo sauce is fattening!! even people who don't have IBS!!
And they were "cut to the core"? Geez!! How are you going to deal with this? Actually, I'd say it's your husbands job to talk to them, why is he still being a jerk? Does he think you overeacted?
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Hi Minnie, I should think it's pretty obvious that alfredo
sauce is heavy duty on cream and cheese! Are these problems
with your mil and bil and sil new or ongoing? -Bob
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<img src="http://www.math.mtu.edu/~rwkolkka/BritPicA.jpg">
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Good Point, epa!
#237610 - 01/11/06 10:48 AM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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This situation really IS getting out of control, totally. You can't help having this condition, and, quite honestly, if family members cannot work WITH you on this by fixing IBS-friendly dishes when you are invited for a meal with them, then you have all the right to speak up or simply not show up at all.
Your hubby really SHOULD have a little chat with his mom --and the rest of the family, for that matter. IBS is complicated for us, so we can't expect "outsiders" to understand it any better than we. But the family needs to understand that this is not your choice, certainly, and it is THEY who need to be empathetic to your situation. Hubby needs to clue them in.
If that doesn't work, then meals together are simply off-limits. It's too bad, but that's just the way it is. I too found very little empathy from my brother when I told him of my condition. His response: "Just eat what you want. You see something you like? Eat it!" What stupid, idiotic advice! So you see, it's in all families.
Ask hubby to have a little chat with his family.
Bevvy
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Seeing as mil and sil are being so non understanding and claiming innocence (yeah right!).
All i can suggest is trying to reason with them, say to them if they had somebody round for dinner who had a peanut allergy, wouldn't they go out of their way to make sure that nothing would contain any traces of peanuts ( I know i would), explain that although these certain foods don't cause you an anaphylactic shock ( sorry if spelt wrong!) but they do cause you to feel very ill and you spend a lot of time trying to keep your illness stable and under control, but to eat some of these certain foods puts you back at square one causing you pain and misery.
If your sis still insists its in your head tell her you'll be sure to phone her next time you have an attack everytime you visit the bathroom, am sure it wouldn't get too annoying
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Speaking from someone who had a mom who always spoke her mind and made people feel uncomfortable a lot, (especially with kids it is worse as they say the stupidest things sometimes) I wanted to just say that first I always made it my problem with my mom and not my spouse. It should be your husband that should be talking to his mom to understand and it personally sounds like he needs some juevos (Spanish term). I never could understand wy so many guys are afraid to stick up for their wives to their moms. It is like hey you married this women because you loved her and of course no women is ever going to be good enough for a mom's son so the husband always needs to be the buffer.
Don't get the wrong idea, I love my mom and miss her everyday and I think you can stick up for you wive and still love your mom. Just don't get it.
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