Your Relationships
#230480 - 12/09/05 08:54 PM
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Gracie
Reged: 11/25/05
Posts: 1967
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When you found out you had IBS, were you in a relationship? For those that were just dating at the time, did your boyfriend, or girlfriend help and support you, or did they give up on you and the relationship?
Has IBS put a strain on your relationship or marriage?
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My boyfriend has been an absolute gem through this. Now, I've had IBS since I was 12, so I've had it through my entire dating life, and I've definitely had some men in my life who were less than sympathetic, although none of them were really straight-up awful about it. My current bf, however, was with me when I got an actual official diagnosis.
Adam (the bf) had the dubious "pleasure" of seeing me through the absolute WORST spell of IBS I've ever had. I spent months unable to eat anything, wasting away to nothing, and having horrible panic attacks that actually had me convulsing. Through it all, he was nothing short of amazing. He made the first initial phone calls that got me some medical care. (We're very poor; no insurance.) He drove me to appointments. He took care of me, doing everything from fetching me peppermint tea when I was having a bad attack, to setting me up with an old laptop and a stack of trashy magazines when I was too weak to even get out of bed for weeks. Even better yet, he never blamed me, never got mad when I couldn't do things - if he ever felt like that, he kept it to himself, and for that I'm eternally grateful.
IBS has definitely NOT put a strain on our relationship. We're in it for the long haul, and nobody's life is a perfectly straight, smooth road... this was just another pothole that we had to deal with. Thank god he's mature enough to know that too.
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I was in a previous relationship when I found out. He was okay about it, but nothing to write home about. 
Now, for my husband, I told him the very first time we went out. It wasn't easy, but I just told him straight up that I have this problem and if he had any qualms about it, he could leave now. I explained a little about it since he'd never heard of IBS. He said so what, everyone's got problems, and he's been 100% supportive ever since.
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LOL, I love this Subject line!!!
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I got IBS after I'd met Si (now my hubby) so he's been there for all of it. He's been great 
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NOPE
#230503 - 12/10/05 06:51 AM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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Absolutely, positively not. If anything, it drew us closer together. Hubby has been extremely supportive and sympathetic. I think he realizes how lucky he is to be so healthy. He always serves me Tummy Mint tea and instant oatmeal in bed, then hangs around the house in case there's anything I need. He loves me and he wants me to feel better.
When he fell off his bike and broke his hip, I was just as supportive and sympathetic. I love him, and I want him better.
Bev
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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In a previous relationship, before I was diagnosed, I remember going through a spell that I am now confident was an IBS flare. The man I was in a relationship with at the time also had Crohn's yet he had no sympathy or empathy. (I know Crohn's is worse.) Though there were also a lot of other negatives in that relationship, I think our respective disorders did have an effect.
Now, the man I married, on the other hand, has been wonderful. In November 2004, another IBS flare began, and I was diagnosed in early February of this year. I spent most of the year getting stable. Through it all, my husband has been wonderful. He didn't give up on me. He did get frustrated now and then, but with the situation, not with ME. He put up with months of stopping so I could use the bathroom when we were only half way there when I couldn't handle the 20 minutes it took to get all the way across town. With just a few exceptions, he will eat whatever I eat. He's never made me feel like I have to cook two separate meals. He's been very supportive. I found a winner too! He's fabulous, really.
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I think people are actually a lot more supportive of it than you would think.
I got IBS in High School and I've been in three serious relationships since then. All three were very supportive of me, and it never interfered.
For example, my college boyfriend actually SPRINTED home a mile from a restaurant we walked to back to our dorm because I thought I was about to have a major attack within seconds. haha at one point he even carried me along the way.
The others have completely understood when I've gritted through my teething saying "NEED BATHROOM NOW!"
There's definitly hope.. and it sounds like many of us haven't had too many problems. good luck.
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My hubby is mostly good - sometimes impatient with it. I am stable -- but when I eat too much or the wrong things I get gassy or bloated (which means I am not in the mood -- which puts him in a bad mood) -- but other than that -- very understanding. He really likes a lot of the new recipes.
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