Can't take it anymore
#216697 - 09/30/05 06:00 AM
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I decided I just can't handle this anymore. After 22 years
IBS-D I just don't think I can hang on. So let's see, if I was a smoker, and couldn't stand the coughing and shortness of breath I would just say okay I am quitting, alcoholic, get into treatment, IBS-D, Shitting my brains out for 2 to 3 hours every morning, like delivering a child every day for two hours every moring for 22 years. Then dragging myself off the toilet and going to work, because I don't have a choice in that matter then going straight in the bathroom again for round 4. Well okay, I guess my only choice, since I just can't bare it anymore, is hummm.
I will just stop eating all together. Yeah thats it I will starve myself. I did that a few years ago, it was the best I ever felt in my life. I ate only a few times a week. Was nice and thin too. Yeah I know, that is really unrealistic and unhealthy. You know if I had cancer and was suffering so much, I might just decide to stop treatment and let nature call me to heaven. But you know I have been told I am lucky it is nothing serious. Well, I don't know about that, because the only way I know for sure that I can make it stop is to kill myself. That is the only thing I can think of. Of course I will not do this I am level headed and not crazy, but yes I am desperate, but I love my family so. But in honesty it is almost the only option to make it stop. So in other words I must continue to suffer daily forever until I die. Do you think this is an exaggeration. Well come sit with me in my bathroom and I will show you. I have thought of taking pictures so people could just see what goes on in there. Yeah so I ate some raw carrots last night. Yeah they were in that bowl like a slice and diced salad would be. So I guess you would say well that is your fault. Yes I have gone on the break the cycle diet for 6 weeks and gave up. Did it break the cycle, no, it interupted it a little but there was still daily misery. So yes one will say once again, it is my fault I didn't stick to it. Should I start it again, I suppose, but I can guarantee I will end up back here shortly. With all the pain for so long you would think I could just do this and continue to keep trying, but I will inevitably cave for sure, because I am human and I know basicly there is not much my personal body can eat with out adverse effects. Even recipes for safe snack bring bad reactions. Only toast has ever calmed things down, but brought insufferable trapped gas to negate the good. I tried ISF acacia but it brought on terrible rumbling and discomfort. Peppermint tea is the onley thing that I truly do everyday with pleasure. I know this is a poor me post, but. I truly just feel like I have given birth daily for the past week and am feeling week and defeated and sad and mad and I want to cry and feel like I want to die( but don't worry I won't) It just is all that I can see and all that I feel is dear God, please make it stop, make it stop make it stop. I beg will all my might to you to please make it stop.
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My heart goes out to you! I am a newcomer to this site/board (3 days)and I am overwhelmed with all the information to learn! I feel ill equipped to know what to say to you, but I must tell you how much your post has helped me! Yes, believe it or not, your reaching out, in desperation, really helped me! For the first time I read about a person that is suffering the same way I am. I could identify with ALL your symptoms. For years I kept telling my friends that when I have an "attack" it's just like giving birth, so when I read you similiar comment I understood EXACTLY what you meant.
I have been following the SF (hope that's correct because I haven't learn all the abbreviations yet) diet, very strictly, for the past 3 days and this morning was the first BM I've had w/o pain! That has given me SO much hope!! For almost 8 years now, I've been afraid to have a BM..dreading the excruciating pain.
PLEASE hang in there! I don't want to sound "preachy" but I believe that God works in strange ways and that HE gave you the opportunity, in this strange way, to help me! Is there any kind of Rx medication a doctor could give you to make things better? Like I said, I'm so new to this site I don't know all the ins and outs of what you can do for help.
All I can say is, "thank you, for YOUR help and to pray that you will feel better, both physically & mentally, soon. PLEASE hang in there!
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Hi...
Although I don't have IBS-D as severe as you, I can relate to how you are feeling. Just today I prayed, saying, i don't want to live like this. Every time I go out, wondering if there will be a bathroom near by. Afraid when I eat something that I might have a reaction to it. Tired of always eating safe foods. Would like to have icecream with my kids sometimes. I just look at it and shudder, knowing I can't. Planning trips, outings, anything with my bowels in mind. I'm sick of it. For me, it's only been about 3 years so you defnintely have my sympathies. I just want to be normal. I don't want my bowels to be an issue. I don't want to think about them. I wonder when I see people if they are normal. Do they just eat and not think about it? Ahhh..sweet relief to be able to do that. I know that it isn't serious like a disease or something but it is debalitating sp?
I relate to your post. I wish I had an answer or better yet a cure!
HUGS,
Sandy
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Have you tried using Immodium as a preventative? Has your doctor tried any antispasmodics? With the Acacia, did you gradually increase it? Maybe you need a different SFS, Acacia doesn't agree with everyone.
I think you should try the BTC again, and make sure you are being careful of any hidden triggers like fat content, HFCS, or anything like that. Also, try keeping a food journal and see if that helps. *HUGS* Best of luck, I know this isn't easy.
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Melissa
Friendship is thicker than blood. ~Rent
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I've been there & have stopped eating to end the pain.
I know what it's like to literally '[censored] your brains out!'
Start taking Immodium immediately. See your M.D. It sounds like you need an anti-spasmodic. You mentioned 'toast' being something you can safely stomach. Have you had extensive testing re: Celiac, allergies, sensitivities? It sounds like you need to be 'pure' re: everything you eat. No trace of lactose should be in your diet, as well as additives/preservatives/m.s.g. This is what I had to be: pure. Consider organic food. Are you going through psychological trauma (yes, D is traumatic, especially years of it.)? Are you a survivor of something damaging/hurtful abusive to your lower body? No need to answer.
Perhaps an anti-depressant? They've made a huge difference in my life.
Don't eat anything RAW. Keep those electrolytes in balance.
Seriously consider trying the BTC diet and get extensive testing re: allergies/Celiac, etc.
Kate.
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I can't imagine suffering as you have for so long. I had truly horrible IBS-D for about a year (mild before that) and by the end of that time I would have been perfectly happy to just drop dead. Twenty-two years is simply unbelievable.
I have a number of suggestions, but I don't know if you really want to hear them, at least right now when you're so tired of everything. I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you're so miserable and have been for so long.
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[Research tells us fourteen out of any ten individuals likes chocolate. - Sandra Boynton]
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Sandy
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IBS-D. Hiatal Hernia, GERD
Unstable
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Thank you for your kinds words, I hope thing get better for you once you get more info from this site. Just so you know,
I am taking medication, I take lomotil,and anti-D, Librax, and antispasmodic and a shot of Pepto Bismol every day of my life. I have also taken immodium for long periods of time on top of the above drugs. I also have anxiety medications to deal with trips in the car when I am praying I will make it to my destination in time. I just thought I would let you know that I am trying medications, but I really don't think they do much and probably after taking them for so long your body gets used to them. I am not a get sick sometimes type of ibs person, it is basically the same badness everyday with usually a week of horribleness a week before my period. This is that week, so I think no matter what this would happen do to hormones. Well at least the pains of labor have stopped for now, but I am getting hungry and have just started a cup of peppermint tea. I hope you have a nice day and if you need anything feel free to reply back.
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Thank you for your concern. That's my whole point of sadness, it's that there is no answer and I have looked for 22 years. Best of luck to you.
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IBS-D. Hiatal Hernia, GERD
Unstable
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Yes I have used Immodium in the past. I used to drink it right out of the bottle and go aaaah. Like it was a shot of whiskey going down. Even though I have never had a shot of whiskey, but that's what I imagine it to be like. I always would think burn that stomach up as I swallowed it, I wanted my insides to suffer like they make me suffer. Silly I know. I have kept food journals before and went on extreme elimination diets throughout the years even eliminating any possible causes like tooth paste. They always end the same though, somewhat lesser symptoms, but not enough to make my life so much better that I wanted to give up everything. My triggers seem to be mostly everything, I think breathing makes me sick. Can't give that up though. I think I will start over with the diet though and give the acacia one more try, it is hard though to do all this and still work. It would be nice if you could take time off from work for a couple months and make a plan with no worries, but that can't happen in the world I live in. Thanks for you support
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Thank you for your suggestions. I have been considering going to the doctor and getting a test for Celiacs disease.
They never tested me for that, believe it or not. I have had some bad experiences with GI doctors. Only 1 did I truly like but then I moved. I have also never had any food allery tests either. All the doctors ever wanted to do was stick things up my butt. Many sigmoids, barium enemas, upper gi's and one test where they stuck a balloon up my butt and measured frequency to sensation. That was humiliating. So I have issues about going to a new doctor, because you know they will want to do all the other test over again and I will not subject myself to that again. I will consider the allergy testing and celiacs testing. Anti depress medications do not help me unfortunately. Effexor helped me for a short while, but then the side effects got very bad and I stopped, nothing has helped since. I haven't had any trauma down in that area except the one I inflict on myself everyday of my life, which is to use a roll of toilet paper on my left lower side and push on my lower intestines with all my might to get the trapped gas and other things out of my body to try to eliminate the paid so I can go to work. Other than that no traumas except living with this nightmare.Thanks for your help.
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I started writing earlier, but the post ended up too long and really I don't know how much you'd want to hear me go off about my early treatments with IBS (about 10 years ago). I had uncontrollable IBS for about two or three years, from age 17 to 20. At that time, my doctors had me on a tricyclic AD, Lomotil, Donnatal, Pepto, Tagamet, and ibuprofen for pain. The interactions, the side effects, suddenly becoming C for a couple of week which led to a horrible D attack left me feeling even more miserable and alone--I swear it was so traumatic I have flashbacks!
Another result of unmanaged IBS and the side effects of all those meds: I began to suffer from anxiety and then panic attacks. Today, I'm still dealing with that as well although now I feel more in control of the IBS and the anxiety.
A few things that worked for me, was stopping most of the medications (tagamet, pepto, ibuprofen, and the ad, donnatal, eventually Lomotil) and following a safer eating plan (Heather's diet pretty much) and eating at the same time everyday and having peppermint tea with meals. Something else that helped was going on the BC pill--I had really bad and long periods, but now they're shorter and I know when they're coming so I can take Imodium as a preventive and eat as safely as possible during that time. This has really cut down on those nasty period attacks.
I'm currently taking Buspar for anxiety; however, it has been mentioned in IBS literature that it is believed to reduce the responsiveness (sensitivity) of the sensory nerves to what's happening in the intestine. NO studies on its effect on pain-predominant IBS have been done yet, but I did notice a tremendous decrease in my IBS symptoms when I started taking it. Less pain, less rumbling, less urgency.
Hang in there. Please know that we take your pain seriously and it's alright to have days where you feel fed up. I have friends and family members who say it's all my head and like you I've kindly invited them to join me in the bathroom. Our pain and suffering is very real and anyone close to us who can't see that--well, that's their problem.  I'm glad I have a few good friends and understanding family members who respect me and want to help me.
Ack! This still turned out to be a long reply. Sorry. 
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The reply at least was much less than mine. Thank you for your advice. I do appreciate it. Have a nice weekend.
I will keep trying.
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I had to answer your post. I'm sure most of us have felt that way at one time or another. Have you tried antidepressants? They calm the spasms and are used for pain control..I'm talking about the old timey ones that have been around for many many years. Just ask your doctor and start at a low, low dose. DON'T get the new kinds that have just come out in recent years..the SSRIs because they won't help as well. I'm talking about Ludiomil, amitriptyline, etc.
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Also be tested for parasites, yeast, & bateria
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My only thought is to try Vipassana Meditation. Check on line for their website. The man who brought this to the states from India had migraines so bad he was on morphine and then he discovered this type of meditation. It's free, wonderful vegetarian food, and it's 10 days. You have clear access to bathrooms anytime needed also. I've done 3 of these meditations. It's amazing. They have centers all of the country and people go their for all different reasons. The one I like the best is in Shelburne Falls, Massachusetts. Good luck. Hope this helps.
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I wonder if this would help for my chronic constipation and pain. Do you know where the other centers are located? Please tell more!
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There is a center near where I live! I read the info. but I'm curious about what it is like to go there. I am very interested in this. Of course, my biggest concern would be the dietary constraints as raw veggies are pretty iffy for me. How does it work when you have problems such as IBS? They state not to take intoxicants (not a problem for me), but what about prescription meds? No writing materials...no journaling allowed? Just wondering about the specifics. 
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Me too!
#216980 - 10/02/05 10:55 AM
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Augie
Reged: 10/27/04
Posts: 5807
Loc: Illinois
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There's on a little further west of Rockford, Illinois which is doable for me...but I have the same questions as Meep!
There is a waiting list already and many of the sessions are already filled...so I couldn't probably get in for a while...plus, that's a lot of vacation days to take! But interested in this.
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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