Can't take it anymore
#216697 - 09/30/05 06:00 AM
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I decided I just can't handle this anymore. After 22 years
IBS-D I just don't think I can hang on. So let's see, if I was a smoker, and couldn't stand the coughing and shortness of breath I would just say okay I am quitting, alcoholic, get into treatment, IBS-D, Shitting my brains out for 2 to 3 hours every morning, like delivering a child every day for two hours every moring for 22 years. Then dragging myself off the toilet and going to work, because I don't have a choice in that matter then going straight in the bathroom again for round 4. Well okay, I guess my only choice, since I just can't bare it anymore, is hummm.
I will just stop eating all together. Yeah thats it I will starve myself. I did that a few years ago, it was the best I ever felt in my life. I ate only a few times a week. Was nice and thin too. Yeah I know, that is really unrealistic and unhealthy. You know if I had cancer and was suffering so much, I might just decide to stop treatment and let nature call me to heaven. But you know I have been told I am lucky it is nothing serious. Well, I don't know about that, because the only way I know for sure that I can make it stop is to kill myself. That is the only thing I can think of. Of course I will not do this I am level headed and not crazy, but yes I am desperate, but I love my family so. But in honesty it is almost the only option to make it stop. So in other words I must continue to suffer daily forever until I die. Do you think this is an exaggeration. Well come sit with me in my bathroom and I will show you. I have thought of taking pictures so people could just see what goes on in there. Yeah so I ate some raw carrots last night. Yeah they were in that bowl like a slice and diced salad would be. So I guess you would say well that is your fault. Yes I have gone on the break the cycle diet for 6 weeks and gave up. Did it break the cycle, no, it interupted it a little but there was still daily misery. So yes one will say once again, it is my fault I didn't stick to it. Should I start it again, I suppose, but I can guarantee I will end up back here shortly. With all the pain for so long you would think I could just do this and continue to keep trying, but I will inevitably cave for sure, because I am human and I know basicly there is not much my personal body can eat with out adverse effects. Even recipes for safe snack bring bad reactions. Only toast has ever calmed things down, but brought insufferable trapped gas to negate the good. I tried ISF acacia but it brought on terrible rumbling and discomfort. Peppermint tea is the onley thing that I truly do everyday with pleasure. I know this is a poor me post, but. I truly just feel like I have given birth daily for the past week and am feeling week and defeated and sad and mad and I want to cry and feel like I want to die( but don't worry I won't) It just is all that I can see and all that I feel is dear God, please make it stop, make it stop make it stop. I beg will all my might to you to please make it stop.
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My heart goes out to you! I am a newcomer to this site/board (3 days)and I am overwhelmed with all the information to learn! I feel ill equipped to know what to say to you, but I must tell you how much your post has helped me! Yes, believe it or not, your reaching out, in desperation, really helped me! For the first time I read about a person that is suffering the same way I am. I could identify with ALL your symptoms. For years I kept telling my friends that when I have an "attack" it's just like giving birth, so when I read you similiar comment I understood EXACTLY what you meant.
I have been following the SF (hope that's correct because I haven't learn all the abbreviations yet) diet, very strictly, for the past 3 days and this morning was the first BM I've had w/o pain! That has given me SO much hope!! For almost 8 years now, I've been afraid to have a BM..dreading the excruciating pain.
PLEASE hang in there! I don't want to sound "preachy" but I believe that God works in strange ways and that HE gave you the opportunity, in this strange way, to help me! Is there any kind of Rx medication a doctor could give you to make things better? Like I said, I'm so new to this site I don't know all the ins and outs of what you can do for help.
All I can say is, "thank you, for YOUR help and to pray that you will feel better, both physically & mentally, soon. PLEASE hang in there!
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Hi...
Although I don't have IBS-D as severe as you, I can relate to how you are feeling. Just today I prayed, saying, i don't want to live like this. Every time I go out, wondering if there will be a bathroom near by. Afraid when I eat something that I might have a reaction to it. Tired of always eating safe foods. Would like to have icecream with my kids sometimes. I just look at it and shudder, knowing I can't. Planning trips, outings, anything with my bowels in mind. I'm sick of it. For me, it's only been about 3 years so you defnintely have my sympathies. I just want to be normal. I don't want my bowels to be an issue. I don't want to think about them. I wonder when I see people if they are normal. Do they just eat and not think about it? Ahhh..sweet relief to be able to do that. I know that it isn't serious like a disease or something but it is debalitating sp?
I relate to your post. I wish I had an answer or better yet a cure!
HUGS,
Sandy
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Have you tried using Immodium as a preventative? Has your doctor tried any antispasmodics? With the Acacia, did you gradually increase it? Maybe you need a different SFS, Acacia doesn't agree with everyone.
I think you should try the BTC again, and make sure you are being careful of any hidden triggers like fat content, HFCS, or anything like that. Also, try keeping a food journal and see if that helps. *HUGS* Best of luck, I know this isn't easy.
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Melissa
Friendship is thicker than blood. ~Rent
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I've been there & have stopped eating to end the pain.
I know what it's like to literally '[censored] your brains out!'
Start taking Immodium immediately. See your M.D. It sounds like you need an anti-spasmodic. You mentioned 'toast' being something you can safely stomach. Have you had extensive testing re: Celiac, allergies, sensitivities? It sounds like you need to be 'pure' re: everything you eat. No trace of lactose should be in your diet, as well as additives/preservatives/m.s.g. This is what I had to be: pure. Consider organic food. Are you going through psychological trauma (yes, D is traumatic, especially years of it.)? Are you a survivor of something damaging/hurtful abusive to your lower body? No need to answer.
Perhaps an anti-depressant? They've made a huge difference in my life.
Don't eat anything RAW. Keep those electrolytes in balance.
Seriously consider trying the BTC diet and get extensive testing re: allergies/Celiac, etc.
Kate.
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I can't imagine suffering as you have for so long. I had truly horrible IBS-D for about a year (mild before that) and by the end of that time I would have been perfectly happy to just drop dead. Twenty-two years is simply unbelievable.
I have a number of suggestions, but I don't know if you really want to hear them, at least right now when you're so tired of everything. I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you're so miserable and have been for so long.
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[Research tells us fourteen out of any ten individuals likes chocolate. - Sandra Boynton]
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Sandy
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IBS-D. Hiatal Hernia, GERD
Unstable
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Thank you for your kinds words, I hope thing get better for you once you get more info from this site. Just so you know,
I am taking medication, I take lomotil,and anti-D, Librax, and antispasmodic and a shot of Pepto Bismol every day of my life. I have also taken immodium for long periods of time on top of the above drugs. I also have anxiety medications to deal with trips in the car when I am praying I will make it to my destination in time. I just thought I would let you know that I am trying medications, but I really don't think they do much and probably after taking them for so long your body gets used to them. I am not a get sick sometimes type of ibs person, it is basically the same badness everyday with usually a week of horribleness a week before my period. This is that week, so I think no matter what this would happen do to hormones. Well at least the pains of labor have stopped for now, but I am getting hungry and have just started a cup of peppermint tea. I hope you have a nice day and if you need anything feel free to reply back.
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Thank you for your concern. That's my whole point of sadness, it's that there is no answer and I have looked for 22 years. Best of luck to you.
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