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Littlethree,
Please believe that my post was not directed at you. I was addressing the larger community here.
My belief is that you are dealing with is normal, and not in any way your fault. I am like you. I can't just stop eating! I just weigh 145 at 5'9. But because the food is just fine for weeks at a time, I just have a hard time believing it is the food that causes me to have a "D" period (which I am also having right now). I just don't know. Maybe I'm going to start tracking the phases of the moon. Maybe like werewolves, we go "D" when the moon is full. Seriously, IBS is an ailment and not your fault. Stress is a trigger that can make the condition worse, but does not create it from scratch. You are going through a lot right now emotionally and it would be predictable to think your IBS would get worse, but that is hopefully just a temporary condition as you deal with issues.
Trust me, as a gay guy, I got a lot of abuse at home and in school, and there are scars inside me that may never go away, NOT because I am gay but because how the rest of the world brutally reacted to that fact. Yet I do not think I created IBS.
The best medical minds don't know what causes it yet - they just aren't sure. They can describe it but not why it happens.
Please stay on the forum because the people here are very nice and kind, and they empathize and care. I just do not think you failed in any way just because you are having a flare-up. For all we know, it is some sort of periodic chemical imbalance in the brain/body that causes this, and that imbalance is impervious to anything you are doing. My sister had diabetes and she has very down periods (today, for example, she said she didn't want to leave bed), and I don't blame her for having diabetes.
Be kind to yourself. I just worry about some of the unspoken expectations that Heather and friends sometimes give in her books, e.g., that you will "get stable" and then she sort of gives the assumption that this will last forever. There are many levels of IBS. Such blanket statements are probably great for keeping us positive, but when we fail to stand up to those expectations, it can feel like a personal failure. I just don't see it that way, unless you go out and drink a gallon of whiskey or do something stupid like that to irritate your colon.
Take care, and keep writing. Don't be alone with this.
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To quote Tamara (Little Minnie), when you have IBS, you need to treat your body like a spoiled child.
I have phases where honestly, all I can DEFINITELY, POSITIVELY tummy is GATORADE, organic applesauce and organic carrots and organic vegetable/no-chicken stock. So, take heart and know that you're in a phase or cycle and your body will bounce back. Just treat it lovingly, attentively and tenderly.
If I may make a few notes, though...
1. Lose the deli meat (additives/preservatives/m.s.g.--big time triggers!!!)
2. I would be ultra wary re: what is in your bread
3. Potatoes should be fine, peeled and well cooked. Are they organic? I'd eliminate the baked beans completely.
4. Your cereal could be a potential trigger. I suspect that it is a HUGE TRIGGER!!! Cereals are filled with additives/preservatives/chemicals and colours/vitamins.
5. Bananas are "iffy"
6. Personally, I cannot tolerate any rice or soy milk.
7. Don't laugh, but mustard is actually good for D, or so I've read.
8. Honestly, I don't know what the ultimate cause is, and I know you're supremely stressed and a survivor of trauma. All you can do is baby yourself.
Finally, I don't think you're doing anything wrong. I think you're just in a phase and honestly...I get this way too and all you can do is take Immodium and be conscious, treat your body as a "SPOILED CHILD" try different approaches, rest/meditate/hypno. etc. I does pass...
I know you'll isolate the triggers, if indeed they exist.
Maybe you just have a very violated and sad psyche expressing itself via a huge root chakra rebellion. HUGS.
Kate, IBS-D.
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Many of us feel the same way. It is frustrating and confusing and depressing. I, like you, have no family support. It makes this all much harder, especially when following the diet guidelines to a tee and eating foods that are suppose to be safe for us.
I too, blame myself and think that I am being punished for something I did in my past. Oh, your post really hits home with me.
One piece of advice. You'll go crazy if you listen to what foods everyone tells you to avoid or that cause you problems. I got to the point were everytime someone listed a food that caused them a problem, I eliminated it from my diet. It left me with virtually NOTHING left to eat, big stress and anxiety over why someone was telling me that a food was unsafe when Heather's books say it is okay. I sometimes think it would be better if I stayed off the boards because they can cause more stress and anxiety than I am able to handle. I know people are only trying to be helpful by sharing what is safe, but I think someone once told me that if the food is considered safe by Heather, then chances are pretty good that it will be okay for you. Some you may find, over time, may not be safe. But it might help to just eat the foods Heather recommends and only remove one at a time if you are still having problems. I don't think there is anything wrong with deli meats, homemade bakery bread from a good bakery if there is no triggers in it.
I have driven myself insane by eliminating all the foods that others consider problems. You, and I, must learn to not fear food just because it is considered a problem by other people. We must try and find our own problem foods while following Heathers advice.
I struggle with this to this day. It is hard to not get caught up in everyone elses problem foods...but to try and experiment on our own without the anxiety of expecting a bad outcome because someone else had a problem. I think my stress over how I will react to a food does more harm than the food itself! So, it may not be the food, but the fear and anticipation of how our body will react to the food.
Enough rambling for now! Sorry to go off on that tangent. I have symptoms everyday of my life...and I suppose I am venting too. It hasn't been a good few years for me now and I'm tired of hurting and fighting for some relief and asking God what I have done to deserve such pain. Why I follow the same guidelines as everyone else on the board which works miracles for them, yet I still suffer. I feel all alone and terrified that my life will always be filled with pain.
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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Quote:
Here is what I've been putting into my body in general:
...Sourdough or French bread from a bakery
...bananas
...cheerios/kix/oatmeal/rice chex with some rice or soy milk
...i put deli turkey or chicken on the sourdough/french bread with mustard
...occasionally i have potatoes (with the occasional dollop of baked beans)
...i made the "Brown Sugar Banana Bread"...
...sometimes i put some Rice Dream or Soy Dream ice cream on the Banana Bread, slightly warmed in the microwave.
...sometimes i have had the occasional bowl of "Graham Cereal" or "Post Honey Bunches of Oats".
...Carrots
...Beets
...Fat-Free "Saltines" It looks like you're doing a really good job taking care of you--choosing the right foods, following what Heather has written. I'd just like to suggest something that doesn't work for everyone. I see you have a number a dairy-alternatives: how many servings of soy/rice milk or ice "dessert" do you have a day? Although they may be lactose free or even dairy free check to see if carrageenan is one of the ingredients. For me, this was a big trigger--causing a lot of gas, pain, and frequent BMs. I eliminated products containing carrageenan for about two weeks and found that much of the gas and frequency went away. When I reintroduced it after two weeks, all those problems occurred again. I think it even bothers me more than HFCS!
Monday night into Tuesday AND Tuesday night into Wednesday I worked 12am-8am shifts at work. Lack of sleep and changing schedules are stressors. Do not underestimate the toll stress takes on your body. Unfortunately, with work, there's probably not much you can do as far as changing your schedules. Perhaps you should follow the BTC starting those days you work graveyard (if it's only two days a week). Maybe even start it the day you have to go in at midnight. This is what I do before a trip or during my period or during periods of high stress. I figure my intestines are getting irritated enough by outside stressors, so I should help out by eating easily digestible, soothing foods.
Yesterday when I got home from work at 830 am, I had bananas and oatmeal with a couple pinches of brown sugar for breakfast. An hour later, I took a warm bath, sipping on some water. An hour later, I had a bowl of kix cereal, with some Soy Milk. Then went to sleep for about 6 hours. When I woke, I had a banana and a Mission Flour Tortilla and a few Saltine Crackers. I had a "normal" movement (though the "movement" was a bit light in color (but most of the food I've eaten over the past several days has been pretty light in color)). I went to pay a bill. Came home, had another "regular but light" movement. Then I went out shopping for a few hours, then came home and had a banana, 1/3 of a potato and serving spoon of carrots. I sipped some water in between. About 2 hours later, I had a warm flour tortilla, and another warm flour tortilla with some deli turkey (warmed in the Microwave), with mustard. About 1/2 hour later, I had some Mango Flavored Gatorade (about 8-10 ounces). About 2 hours later, I had some Kix, with Soy Milk. About 1/2 later, I had more of Gatorade. I fell asleep about 2 am, then woke at 8 am. What are the ingredients in your flour tortillas? I find that certain brands bother me because they contain a lot of additives. I do best with homemade or locally prepared brands.
This morning, I woke and had one of my IBS-D attacks. I had a cold banana (i keep them in the fridge sometimes) Then I went to get some more "food" supplies. I went for about a 20 minute bike ride. When I got home, I drank some of the Gatorade. Then I had a bit more of my IBS-D attack.
That is what I'm physically doing. (I do NOT usually drink Gatorade)
Mentally, I wonder if i'm more stressed out and if that is adding to it. This is what is going on mentally:
...over the past year and 1/2 I've been going to see a therapist for depression and stress and, after it became an apparent "trauma", we started working on the sexual abuse i was subjected to when I was a young child.
...in therapy recently, we've been dealing with what my therapist says are very "core" issues dealing with my abuse.
...at the end of this month, i'm flying across country (from Spokane, Washington to Buffalo, New York) for the wedding of my sister. And my family has been a big "issue" in therapy.
....in reality, i'd rather not fly back to New York for this wedding. First because of my IBS. I don't want to travel with IBS. Second, because I have not been back to see these people in over a year and a half, since before I started therapy. That's a lot of stress, a lot of things to be dealing with in addition to your IBS!
i'm not really feeling all that great about anything at the moment. i'm sleeping bad, especially with allergies and sinus headaches; my work schedule keeps changing (which is unavoidable...since i'm a meteorologist and the weather is not on a 9-5 schedule); i'm in therapy; i have a wedding to go to soon; I DON'T see anything in my diet that is particularly bad...perhaps "HOW" i'm eating is still not great.
But IN THE END, seeing my IBS flaring up, I immediately just blame myself. (Though there is something whispering in me that says, my body isn't defective, but that this is just how my body works and it isn't wrong or right...it is just the way I am.) What's happening to you is not your fault. While you're responsible for taking care of your body, you're NOT responsible for a disorder that's still not fully understood by doctors. Like others have pointed out, IBS won't go away, but at least we now have the skills to manage it. Please remember that managing it doesn't mean no attacks.
But I think, I must be doing something wrong and stupid and I want to "yell" at my stupid body for being defective! And I just am so tired of this. I just want to cry, literally.  Go ahead and yell! One day, I just cried out, "Cooperate brain and gut! Work together!" and I started feeling better. I cried a bit and that seemed to relieve some of the stress of trying to hold in the pain and be brave.
i don't know if anyone here can actually help. I don't think I was able to offer any help or anything new, but I just hope that you don't blame yourself. Please take care. 
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i hope the Soy/Rice Milk aren't bad.
i don't have much, just about one serving a day (with a bowl of cherrios or rice chex). The Rice Dream Ice Cream, I have maybe like once every few weeks. I haven't had any in the past three. There is "carrageenan" listed in the ingredients in the 4 cartons of Soy Milk I have in my fridge right now. I haven't had any trouble with them before, so I don't see why it would suddenly change. I don't like to "waste" food, so i hope I don't have to toss these cartons of milk out.
I don't have the flour tortillas much. In fact it is a very rare thing.
I work a lot of midnight shifts (usually at least 5 every few weeks) Then I shift to like days or evening shifts and that rotation continues.
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I don't think it's the soy or rice milks either (especially if hasn't bothered you before). I wouldn't toss them out!
I remember when my dad was working a rotating shift (two days, two swing, one graveyard shift a week). He's a pretty resilient person but it really messed with how his body functioned. 
I hope you're feeling better today. 
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HI all ,been about hovering you know how it is,I just want to add that i myself feel that my whole enviroment is the main coarse of my ibs-c.This is something i just have to ride with,i have a very hyperactive 3 yrold(yes i know they are all active)and a very unsupportive partner,so like the last few days i have had very bad attack,but i can not relax i have to keep everyone else happy.I know that to sort my ibs out i have to change my life in ways i can't.Im sure if i was able to relax for just one day i would feel better.Eating the safe foods has helped ,my attacks are painfull but i find not as painfull as they were when i was eating all the wrong foods.impxx 
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