How do you all emotionally cope?
#191851 - 07/05/05 11:58 AM
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Anthem
Reged: 10/01/04
Posts: 76
Loc: Phoenix, AZ
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I have been keeping a diary of IBS symptoms and food and emotional state since April. I just graphed it out (a regular calendar with colored bars that show if it was a GOOD day or a GAS day or a D Day - my patterns). This is like some never ending nightmare, and I know I have to somehow ACCEPT it before it tears me apart. But I know that I become despairing at times, and just want to curl up in a chair and not exist. We men are not known for handling body pain well, y'know (no practice with monthly periods or child birth).
But perhaps I should count my blessings. In April I had 26 days that I deemed good. In May it was 22. In June it was 20. Not sure why the numbers are going down, but I suppose it might be a matter of seeing the glass half empty or half full. The worst part is simply thinking that I do not control the body. I do everything right and still it flares up. Heather has great advice, but I have yet to find the formula that stabilizes me. If I had to swing a dead chicken around my head under a full moon and howl like a wolf, I would do it! Anything! I actually had the Faustian idea, if a demon showed up and offered you total health, would you do it? Of course not! But IBS brings up such images. I pray about it instead.
How do you cope? Have you learned to accept it, since how we RESPOND to events is what gives our life their quality.
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Interesting that you should bring this up. Until two weeks ago, I had come to the realization that I no longer really worried about my IBS because I had had it under control for so long. Sure, I had my attacks every now and then, but I always knew the trigger that caused them, and kept moving on after the attacks ended. Felt really nice not to worry about them.
Over the past week and a half, though, I've gotten the same anxiety that I had when I didn't have my IBS under control. Attacks when I thought I eating normally safe food, and feeling really worried about having an attack when I wasn't near my apartment.
So I guess I've had both sides of the spectrum in the last month or so. Right now, I'm just taking it easy and holding onto the fact that it will get under control again.. just hoping soon!
Love the dead chicken analogy. 
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- Jennifer
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Gradually.
Mark Pellegrino's written some great books for Fibro dealing with the different stages of coming to terms with a chronic illness...and that applies to all chronic illnesses, so if you've got a library near you, see if they've got any of his books. We have to go through all the stages and mourn for our old selves before we can move on and accept the illness. I went through awful anger when I was getting diagnosed.
Part of accepting it is also accepting that we will have bad days...and that it's not wrong to feel down/angry when we do.
Also, realise that it will take TIME to get control of this. It took me 6months to stabilise after I started really working at it...some people take even longer. But however long it takes, it's better than a lifetime of out-of-control IBS. So try not to get too frustrated.
Re. your calendar -that's a really amount of good days!  Also, I find hot weather affects my IBS more so maybe that's why summer is so far a bit worse for you.
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Have you considered a food elimination diary? Or do you feel it is not the food so much as anxiety?
Have you considered anti-anxiety meds?
I tried the IBS 100 (which I believe you said you have also tried in another post?) 3 times! I am STILL a wreck emotionally (I hve issues...so maybe not the best to compare?) I find that I eat a VERY restricted diet and this helps a LOT. No sugar (sugar can make anxiety FAR WORSE!) for me...you may want to try that? Also, I find if I don't get enough calcium/magnesium I get more anxious.
Do you eat meat? If not, you might not be getting enough B-vitmains.
Just some thoughts for you...hope you figure it all out soon.
One more thing: You are NOT alone in this!!! Keep posting...we're here for you!
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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I have to second everything Linz said. Sure, things could be worse, but IBS is still a chronic illness, and your brain has to do a LOT of adjusting to come to terms with it. I've had IBS since I was 12 - 18 years! - and I've gone through many, many years of denial, followed by a year of alternating anger and despair, to get to where I am now, which is *almost* acceptance. I highly doubt it'll take you that long - I'm especially pigheaded - but learning to live with a chronic illness takes time. I'm not sure I'll ever get to a point where I can just live life and not think about it anymore, but that's my goal.
How I got this far has been kind of mixed bag of things. I probably would never be so calm about attacks now if it wasn't for me also finally deciding to address my anxiety issues - I tried therapy, but ultimately ended up on anti-anxiety medication (Lexapro), which hasn't done anything long-term for my IBS, but it's changed my life in only good ways otherwise.
Other than that, I don't know what to say except that some small changes in attitude I accomplished simply with force of will - seeing attacks as an opportunity for some well-deserved downtime, for example - once the D slowed down a little, I'd take a hot bath, and then settle into bed (or the couch) with the heating pad, peppermint tea, and some fluffy reading (or mindless TV), and just *chill*. Relaxation and forcing my brain to stop, I found, actually made the pain pass quicker.
Tracking patterns is actually helpful too. If you know your attacks last for ___ number of days and happen roughly once a month, you can not only eventually learn to relax and enjoy the good days more, but also remind yourself that the bad days are going to pass relatively quickly.
I know I'm rambling... it's hard for me to really explain how I've shifted my brain, so I apologize if this got annoying!
Linz had another good point - the heat (and humidity, if that's a problem in your area) can really mess with your system. I have a feeling that's what's destabilized me - I've been back in almost full-fledged attack mode since the start of summer. 
Anyway, hang in there... stabilized or not, things can get much better if you let them.
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I find in the 5 years or 10 years, I've developed a healthy sense of humor. This comes in handy with life in general, not to mention IBS!
Life example: The morning of my wedding last year, I put my engagement ring on the WRONG ring finger - and it was stuck there. As soon as I realized it was stuck, I thought to myself, "You can freak out or you can be amused." I chose amusement. My Dad and I had to make a side trip to a jewelers so the ring could be cut off my hand. It was much less stressful than freaking out. And the wedding went off without a hitch...well, except for the "gettin' hitched" part.
IBS example: Tomorrow morning, I'm get the endoscopy and colonoscopy. I prefer to think of it as the gastric roto-rooter. Glib? Yes, but it's helped keep me a somewhat more relaxed. Not that I won't be nervous at all.
On bad days, I remind myself that things could be worse.
With food, with all those things we really should not eat anymore, I look at it a couple ways. I really haven't eaten all that much beef for the last 5 years, so I really don't miss it that much. I'm also glad I was never a picky eater, because if I was, I think I'd really be up a creek, what with the substitutions we use. Sure, there are things I don't eat anymore, but it doesn't keep me from expanding my culinary horizons. (Now if only tomato sauce would stop hating me.  )
And I know what you mean about the dead chicken. I just got the mental image of a bunch of us in a circle, howling at the moon, each with our own chicken to swing.
I'll stop rambling now.
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Anthem, you crack me up. Yes, coping is something that just simply takes time. You're doing well to have so many good days. Think of the glass as half full. As time goes, you will get even better at figuring out what triggers your attacks and what doesn't. Each person is unique. Some things I can totally tolerate that others probably can't and the other way around. It takes time to figure it all out. Maybe even years. But sadly, you to get used to it all. You've found Heather's diet, and it's as good as it gets. Are you taking a fiber supplement?
I've had IBS for 10 years now. Some times I am totally stable and some times I can't eat a darn thing. It's the nature of the beast. Sometimes you just have to accept where the chips fall. But with Heather's diet and careful eating, the bad times can be kept to a minimum.
So, after my rambling, so emotionally, you just do it. You cope. It's not as devestating as it was when I was first diagnosed. I'm used to the pain, the attacks. I'm used to the diet. I'm used to soy milk. You just learn to deal with it as best as you can and to accept it. And yes, it still sucks at times. And at times, I would twirl a dead chicken around with a hunk like you.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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I used to cry. I used to hide. Sometimes, I still cry when it is painful. I often gaze at the moon. I have a lot of D-days. I always have a stash of Immodium. I used to hate myself for cowering, for hiding. I quit a lot of good things in my life because of it. Now, things are changing or rather I'm exchanging the pattern of hiding and crying out in physical pain. I think I spent most of University in the bathroom. The bathroom became my temple, my office. The phrase, "Wives of Bath" takes on a different meaning. I guess I just roll with the punches and flow better and accept it as my nature. I trust myself to handle it more effectively and follow that girl scout/girl guide motto: "Be prepared!" I have a food processor and I use it. I'm socializing in eating situations, again. I just bring my own retro meal. I try not to laugh too hard though--I'd crap my pants. Yes, I just laugh it off...a good belly roar. But it still hurts in a way; it is a little isolating. Acceptance?
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Jen, if it helps any, I still get the anxiety flare-ups occassionally. I just had one last week for some reason. Thought I was going to have the really bad kooky I'm-about-to-stop-breathing flare up. But, after a couple of days, they go away. I don't know what causes them. Stress? Getting to sure of myself? Who knows. I know it will get back under control for ya - hope it's soon also!
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I'd totally echo what everyone else has said here but learning to accept, etc. I was thinking the other day how much better I feel about my IBS now, even though it's not necessarily always better than it was, say, a year ago. I've just become better able to cope with it - yes, I've become more stable too, but I don't need to think about it *all* the time. Oh it's always back in the back of my head there somewhere, but it's not my chief concern always any more. I'm not terrified of it, in other words - I know how to deal with it.
Anyway, there I go mostly just repeating what others have said but it *really* rings true for me. I think this is such a great thread because this aspect of IBS doesn't really get talked about much, and I think it's really important to both accept and embrace.
Thanks for starting this, Anthem! (Love the dead chicken thing, btw! )
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'cause I think that everyone else has offered really great advice so far, and I agree 100%. It really does take a lot of time to figure out how to really cope with your IBS.
I think it sounds like you are doing really good things by tracking your symptoms and good days vs not so good days.
How is your stomach in general? Do you feel like you have a handle on your belly yet?
Okay, anywho, here is my little bit of advice about coping:
It's all about the people you surround yourself with. Doctors and stuff are obviously important.. I know that I was a total emotional WRECK when I was so sick and having a doctor who was basically just like, "I dunno, eat more fiber" over and over again made me feel even worse. The first time I sat down with a really good, really understanding GI doctor I almost burst into tears.. but happy ones. And you know, I felt WAY better when I walked out of the office than I had in weeks JUST because I had a good doctor.
Other than professionals, I think the other people in your life are so important as well. There are so many people who won't be as understanding as you'll want them to, be it people you are close to or just random people or whatever..
As the barenaked ladies say, "If there's someone you can just shove out, well do so!".
I had a best friend who was a horrible so-and-so.. probably mostly evil. When I got sick, she turned her evil ways on me. It turned bad days because of my stomach, into really horrible days. She ended up ditching me, and I was so upset.. She was my best friend since we were like 9 years old, I thought I had really lost someone!!.. until a couple of weeks later I realised how much better I felt by NOT having her around! By not having someone to make me feel bad about myself, to make me feel guilty, to belittle how I was feeling... It was very liberating.
Alright, that's my two cents.
Good luck!
--Steph
P.S. You have a very, very lovely picture.. Lovely! 
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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Well I've had IBS my whole life. After 26 years you'd think I would have learned to accept it but I find that when I'm feeling at my worst I just can't. On the good days (and yes your glass is half full, I get about 3 a year if I'm lucky and have no idea what it is like to feel truly well)I am grateful for not feeling too ill. On the worst I quite often cave in and let myself have a cry if I need or I get angry. Mostly I cope with it by researching. I know almost everything there is to know about what is going wrong with my body and why. I guess I feel like if I know as much as possible then it helps me cope with what is happening physically. Does that make sence at all? Some days I seriously contemplate jumping off my roof, if I'm not here I can't be hurting like this all the time, but those occassions are rare and I know that I would never do that to my DH or my children or parents. If I could swing a dead chicken and howl at the moon I'd do it too and yes, I have days where I'm sure I would consider doing a deal with the devil just to be "normal". I hope you find your way of coping with it all soon.
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Amy
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It is good that you keep a calendar like that to somehow try and make sense of things. I have also tried doing that and after years and different diets I have had no luck unfortunately.  The only thing that I can tell which may not make sense is.. My Mom has had Multiple Sclerosis for 15 years and she is in a wheelchair now. She can't do anything by herself and she struggles with everything on a daily basis. Everytime I look at her all of my pain goes away because I think to myself, even on my worst days I am no where near her. So everytime I have a really bad attack or I just feel like I am so sick I think of all the people out there who have it so much worse than me and I somehow always get through it. I try to stay very positive for myself and for her. I hope this helps! 
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I've had IBS (well, been diagnosed with it) for about a year now. At first it was absolutely terrifying, and I refused to believe that something so large -and chronic- could be wrong with me. As soon as I started to deal with it, though, it got better. Even though I was still in pain and constipated and not all that sure what was going on, I regained enough confidence to go out with my friends (even to eat!). I think it really helped that I had a job at the time, as well. No matter how I felt, I had to get up and go to work, no excuses. Having no choice made it much easier. All the same, it took me about 3 months to feel confident about going some place (like my university classes) where I had to sit in one place for a long period of time. Even now, I try to sit in seats near the door and with easy access to a bathroom. Then, about 6 months ago, my C suddenly changed to D and I was terrified again. Now I was completely out of my league and my old diet was obviously no longer working. So, I had to start back at the beginning, work through my symptoms again and get used to a new kind of IBS. I missed a lot of school, and spent quite a while feeling sorry for myself. Eventually, once I relaxed about it and decided that, darn it, I was just going to GO places, no matter how I felt, it got better.
So, in a very roundabout, rambling way, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I cope by saying, "Ok, I feel crappy, and I don't really want to go anywhere. Too bad." I make sure I'm prepared for anything (you should see the stashes of Immodium in my purses!), I carry safe snacks in case I'm stuck somewhere, and I religiously follow the diet and take my fiber. Beyond that, I figure it's not in my hands and I'm not going to let IBS dictate what I do. Sometimes, yes, I crash and have to just lie on the couch with my heating pad and watch TV. Most of the time, though, I find that if I soldier on, I'll be ok.
Hang in there, Anthem.
-Emily
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Seriously - I count the blessings I have. Like before I found this board and Heather's eating plan -- I had nearly no good days. I couldn't go out to eat without fear of being in the bathroom for sure - and I was 60 pounds heavier. Now I have a bunch of cool recipes (like the beloved anti-depressant brownies - which are easy and yummy!) -- a wonderful support system - the good days way outnumber the bad days - I know why my body is doing what it is - and how to manage it (mostly)... Instead of dwelling on the neagtives that are still around - I try and focus on the positives that are there. It has been worse -- and there are people around me who have it worse. My sister has cancer. It's hard to feel too badly about my gas & bloating when she is fighting cancer. It keeps it all in perspective for me. I still want to get better - and it still hurts and gets me down sometimes -- but I know that I've come a long way and have a lot to be thankful for.
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I hear what you are saying it took me awhile to accept this and to move on. I was having so many bad days that out numbered the good days but now it is the reverse. Anti-depressants help and so does going to a counslor. I also believe that having family and friends around help. I know they don't know what you are going through but most of the time they are there for you and can listen to you. I have a great friend who was the one who suggested I get the counsling and he also would sit and listen and let me cry whenever I needed to.
I know this will never go away but learning to deal with it helps. This website and message board also helps. I love it here and love all the advice and knowing that any time you write there is someone here who is more than willing to help.
I have been stable now for 8 months so I know that if I can do it so can you. Just remember this could be worse it could be cancer and I just keep reminding myself of that. Though at times it is hard to think about that but I try.
Keep thinking this will get better. If I can be of any help please do not hesitate to write and ask.
I sure hope you get better and just remember the good days will out number the bad days. 
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Michelle
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I agree with what the others have said. It's a day to day thing. What usually gets me out of a rut is reminding myself that IBS isn't life threatening and that there are so many others out there suffering more than I am. My sister has diverticulitis and just found out that she could have to have part of her colon and her spleen removed. Learning that really helped me put my IBS into perspective.
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***********************
IBS-A, with bloating and gas as my predominant symptoms
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I swear alot, either when I can't eat something or when I'm writhing in pain because I did.
Seriously,you just get used to it. Years ago I gave up smoking and now I can't stand the smell of cigarettes. You just do what you have to.
Carol 
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Carol
nós somos o que nós somos e o descanso é merda
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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I keep thinking it will go away if I get my mind off it. I was sick in the past for about 3 years but different symptoms. I felt like throwing up 24/7. Dropped out of school, couldn't work, was addicted to Gravol. I was depressed and I've always been slightly suicidal. I don't think I'd ever have the guts but it's always a thought in the back of my mind. I hate being sick, especially without a reason.
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Hi, my name is Alesha. I've been reading these posts for about a year and I've gotten to know you the most because you write so well about your life. It's always interesting to read your posts. I have a very hard time fitting in no matter where I am, and getting to know people or building relationships is a struggle for me. Even though I've posted a few threads, no one on here probably remembers me because if anyone replied to them I may not have replied back to them. I've always distanced myself from people, kept that space between us to protect myself from getting hurt. I feel like people don't understand me, they are going to get bored of me, sick of me complaining etc etc. I hate my life, but I love being alive. I can't be like "normal" people, and I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. When I start getting to know people they start asking me to go places, to drink with them, to have dinner with them, and so on. When I turn down the invitations so often they stop asking me, even when I try to explain why I can't go they always assume I just don't want to or I'm stuck up. Well....I am lonely, and tired of being afraid of this. I want to get to know people and I want to be accepted for who I am and what I have. I thought what better place to start building friendships than right here, where people understand me? So, if anyone wants to get to know me, or replies to me I promise I'll keep in touch on here. I can learn from you guys and maybe, just maybe some of you will learn from some things I have to say. Goodluck to everyone in getting better and staying better!
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Hi! I'm very much like you. I don't have a whole lot of friends for the same reasons as you. People get tired of me always dipping out at the last minute, they get tired of me saying "oh I can't I'm sick" and they think I'm either a snob who is using her health as an excuse or that I'm faking it cause I just don't want to go. When I do go to someone's party or a friends child's baptism or something I don't eat. There's never anything "safe" to eat and even if there was food makes me feel so ill that I probably wouldn't risk eating it while I was out anyway. It's a very hard life when you're lonely and can't meet people cause you're always so sick. At least we all understand
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Amy
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Aerobics Angel, glad your here and hope your life gets better. I know about turning down the invitations and people do stop asking....duhhh I keep saying no
I am sorry you feel suicidal so much. Been there, tried that! The devastation it reeked on my family took ages to heal and longer for trust to return. Keep writing and visiting around here. I try to not take it personal when I don't get much response to a post. Some posts go on and on some just sit there. But I've always found any info given very helpful. Hang in, life's a beach
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Franny
IBS/D
Celiac
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Just reading you & Aerobics post made me tear up because you both totally sound like me! I don't have very much friends because I can't go anywhere. I am so afraid of going places especially if I don't know the bathrooms.
My boyfriend gets upset with me sometimes because he doesn't understand. In fact, we just got into a fight because he said that I never go out with friends anymore.
It's so depressing and lonely. I can relate to you guys. Thanks for your posts! It makes me feel little "normal" to know that I'm not the only one.
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Your board name sticks in the brain! 
My advice is, unless you're actually mid-attack, say yes and go out! If you're going to a restaurant, suggest one that will do something you can eat...if you're going out for a drink, be the designated driver ...if you're going to a party, take some brownies!
But I totally understand all the same. I just know that it gets increasingly harder to say yes the more times you say no....and getting out and enjoying life makes IBS easier to deal with.
Oh...and Immodium and painkillers are my friends!
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Hey. I love your board name btw (you're not a virginia andrews fan by any chance are you?). It's really hard on our partners. I've been with my DH for 8 years (married 4 1/2) and as much as he tries to get it he doesn't and I'm sad to say we still have arguments over it. And with every new symptom I get I have a barrage of tests to see what's wrong and every single one of them comes back clear (looking on the good side I might be ill but I know I'm not dying of anything terrible for a while at least!). I think a lot of us go through this. The worse the pain is the more "hermit" like we become. I don't even like making doctors appointments cause I'm always scared I'll be sick while I'm there and going to the hairdressers? HUH! Forget it! Sitting still that long and having nothing to do but think about how my belly is behaving is just darn scary. Just know you're not alone. (((hugs))))
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Amy
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Coping was something that takes alot of time and patience.
I personally tried to cope with my IBS without the help of medication for close to 2 years. Needless to say I was quite unsuccessful. I currently take Zoloft 75mg a day to "help" me get through the days when things just seem like they can't be any worse because of my sore tummy....
Zoloft has been a savior for me.
Understanding from friends and family certainly make my coping with this terrible condition much easier.
Best of luck to you and hang in ther-
It isnt fair- but it's a part of life.
Melissa
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First, *hugs* to all three of you!
AerobicsAngel--Hey! I remember you! I can also be wary of new people and making friends (partly because of some IBS limitations, partly because of an ex-friend of mine who suffered from a personality disorder and what happened to her, partly because of the expectations and responsibility of having friends). It's scary posting here, because there are a few people who I'd really like to get to know better, but I feel sort of anxious about it.
Heavenlee--You're not alone. My dad and sister used to call me a "party pooper" because I wasn't able to go out with them all the time. I finally got through to them by making them read stuff about IBS and telling them over and over what and how I was feeling, crying, inviting them to come to the bathroom with me and see what the "party pooper" is experiencing (they never accepted the offer). But they're family and I thought I had the right to be as obnoxious with them as possible to get my point across. lol. IBS is a functional disorder, a real illness that needs to be managed by the person who has it. It helps when family, friends, and partners understand this, but it can take a while for them to "get it"--especially since it's not a life-threatening disease and most of us probably don't even look sick.
Doubletrouble--At times, I feel like hermit; I've always had these tendencies to be a loner but with the IBS (and anxiety) I find myself actively isolating myself. At this point, I don't worry about the quantity of friends of I have, but the quality. I have a few really good friends who visit me and know about my IBS and plan get-togethers accordingly, so in that way I feel pretty lucky that they don't leave me alone. Like you, it's hard for me to go to the doctor's or dentist's office--oh, and getting my hair done! It's not the act, like getting my teeth cleaned or blood drawn, but just the fact that I have to sit there, waiting, wondering about what's going on with my belly--and if I hear one gurgle, I FREAK! I'm trying to stop thinking so negatively because it feeds into my anxiety and that triggers more IBS symptoms. But it's difficult to break old habits and thought patterns!
I'm sort of rambling, I had a rough night and took some meds that are making me woooozy. I hope this reply made sense. I just wanted to reach out to you all because I know what you're feeling and I feel relieved I'm not the only one.
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wow...
#192711 - 07/07/05 09:05 AM
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maikko
Reged: 05/30/05
Posts: 62
Loc: maryland
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...it's like someone reached in my heart and wrote out what i could never properly express. Seeing what you guys wrote reall ymakes me feel like less of a freak and perhaps even willing to open up to people as well. Ive been going through a lot of transitions on top of being sick and feeling pretty depressed and alone, but right now i feel a slight glimmer of hope that i can also be accepted, and if nothing else, receive understanding..thanks...
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--maikko
IBS-A, mostly C-- many foods intolerant
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It is VERY difficult to deal with IBS. Sometimes it just seems like whatever u eat it just triggers symtoms. I know just how u feel. Sometimes I just wish I didn't exist because I don't want to live with this for the rest of my life. It is hard to think that we're stuck like this and we have to try our best to control it. And sometimes it just doesn't help it. It is just so confusing to deal with. Sometimes I wish they could do some kind of surgery and fix the pain, but I know that isn't possible since there's no surgery that can fix this. I just look at the people around me who don't have this problem and ask myself why me? Sometimes even when I eat something like a grahm cracker and that even bothers me. While everyone else can eat all the sweets they want and not get sick, how come I get sick on one little grahm cracker? It just doesn't seem far and it isn't. But life isn't fair and it is up to us to do our best to control this problem, and it might not always work but we have to try.
Edited by Jessica Anne (07/07/05 09:16 AM)
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I've been called the same things: snob/party pooper, etc. I can't tell you how many "Christmas" celebrations I deleted. I forget how many parties I never considered attending. My strategy re: coping with IBS, socially, has been to avoid. It's become a habit, this being a "hermit." I just choose to eat alone because I know it is safe. I despise myself at times for not sharing eating times/situations with those that I love. Only very very recently did I venture beyond my "bubble," on my birthday. It actually turned out better than okay. I take a pill for the anxiety and it's helping me "ease" up tremendously. It's still hard, though, being accused of being a snob or literally a "party-pooper" by my loved ones. Some people just don't understand, but there are a few people that do, now, to the best of their ability, due to the literature I've shared and test results, etc. It just really hurts beyond description sometimes.
You nailed this one, Maria! Maria! Feel better soon, and hugs. You reminded me, too that I should get my hair trimmed and my eyebrows waxed.
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i cope really well some days and not so well other days....i know my topic of discussion today is my dbf....but he's been so supportive and understanding, and when he buys food he checks every single food he gets for trggers, thanks me for not being able to eat out...because it saves him money...ahaha...and alot of it is knowing that there are other people who deal with it too. one of my co-worker's husband has ibs, so it helps to know that people around you deal with it too. there are some days that my tummy can't handle anything, and it's so hard to eat, and it makes the day that much worse, but my daughter who is 5 is really nurturing about it, my dbf will rub my back or make tea and such, and the heating pad does miricles!
i'm more ibs-d...but the c comes but not as bad as most of you others, so watching what i eat helps so much
my family tries to be as understanding and supportive as possible too...but like most other people's family they constantly forget that i have tummy problems...that can being emotionally distressful just becuase it feels like they don't care, though they arne't living with the symptoms so it's hard to relate....
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Hi. Really good question. I have had IBS since I was fifteen and now I am almost 26. Lately it is getting much more on top of me then it ever did. It is causing psychological damage to me and its like a constant fight to remain that spontaneous, happy, carefree girl I know I was born to be, if this IBS wasn't here. I think a few things make it harder to deal with - the feeling of lack of bodily control and the unpredictability of it is huge. I always said, if I KNEW from 8am to 10am every day I would be in pain and with D or C or whatever, I could revolve my life around it accordingly. But the whole 'one minute I feel ok and the next awful' is soooo hard to take. Thinking about others worse off then me really helps. I have a list on my cellphones notebook that gets me focused. I've also started keeping a diary on the toilet when I am able to write and that helps me process my feelings.
The emotional support and compassion of people that are meant to love us is also vital. I have three brothers. One is and always has been completely insensitive and arrogant about his ignorant opinions on IBS. It was a source of tension between us for a long while, now I guess it still is inside me, but I try not to let it effect our relationship. My other brother and his wife are sometimes caring in words ie how are you feeling - but their actions are not. They are also not the most compassionate helpful people. Too wrapped up in their own analysis of what THEY think is wrong with me without actually ever googling IBS or even trusting my own description of what happens. I am also, of course, the local hypochondriac. I have started to relax about them lately though and not let them bother me, I have realised I should pity them and their lack of compassion. Their lack of ability to just give me a hug and say 'this must be so hard for you'. I KNOW if the situation was reversed, I would be there for them. Even when they have colds I help. My little brother is the only one I trust to bawl my eyes out on and to know that he is there for me.
On the other hand, my best friends and my in laws and my parents (especially lately) are incredibly supportive. My husband is unbelievable. They carry me through all of this.
Its sooo important to surround yourself with the people that will help you, understand you, BELIEVE you, not BELITTLE you. It really lifts the spirits.
What has brought my spirit down in this last year is the whole 'I've tried every diet etc and its not going away' feeling. Loss of hope. But it IS a day to day thing. And I've stopped fighting the tears and suppressing the frustration. I put a brave face on a lot of the time (hubby says I am the BEST at hiding nausea at social events!) but I let myself have a good moan and cry every so often, I think I deserve it.
Its hard to explain to people the deep set emotional and spiritual stress of dealing with a disease like IBS. This board has been an ABSOLUTE LIFESAVER.I wish I would have had it in my first 9 years.
Good luck
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Feel the fear and do it anyway!
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It's so nice to know you're not alone. Maria Maria your post could have been written by me. As a teenager the IBS wasn't as bad but after the birth of my first daughter it became out of control and has steadily gotten worse as time has passed (that being said so have my stress levels, which doesn't help at all). I too haven't had a haircut in 8 months (AHHH split ends galore!) and I wax my own eyebrows. Even the thought of my own wedding day struck fear into my heart (for IBS reasons not because I didn't want to marry him ). It's great to know we're not alone
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Amy
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That's exactly how I feel, too. I am learning and coping. Soy milk tasted like beans before, now regular milk tastes like COWS and diarrhea! Soy cheese was a gross thought, but again, now it all tastes like animals and weird.
And yeah, we have to be careful and it's for sure unpredictable(remember, July 1 I was D? Today I'm quite C! ah, the fun...)
The best therapy for me is to laugh about it. i mean, hey, it's a POO disorder! How can it not be funny? how is it NOT funny that we talk about marbles and scoots and logs? it's a freakin riot!
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Keep on keepin' on...
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Thanks for replying! Cool that you remember. Do you have a boyfriend right now? I've had boyfriends in the past who tried to understand and said they were ok with it, but now I'm single and having such a hard time getting to know someone because I can never go anywhere far from home. The first date "wanna go out for dinner" is a right off for me. I hate this...I'm getting more and more depressed hearing that some of you have had IBS for 10 years and it's proof that it's never going away. I still have hope though, that's the only thing that keeps me going.
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Nope no boyfriends (my husband would kill me he he ). He married me knowing I had IBS and while it's not easy for him he's still there for me (we DO have arguments about it though sometimes, mostly when it's frustrating him, men like to fix stuff and this I'm afraid he can't fix). If a guy suggests going out to dinner why don't you come up with some places that you'd feel comfortable going to (anything but a restaurant) so you can say "that sounds great but would you maybe be interested in .....". If they ask just say you have food intolerances and eating out can be a bit hard for you but you'd love to do something else. Going to the beach, a walk in a park, ummm a movie? Sadly I've had IBS ever since I can remember. Some of my first memories are of mum dragging me round doctors trying to figure out what was wrong with me and why I was always sick in the tummy. I still battle with it now (a whole 26 years later). I just hang in there for the good days. Feel free to chat anytime and if you'd like to email me that's okay too (amyemadden@hotmail.com).
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Amy
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If we can't laugh at it, it will be worse. I'm glad other people use names for it besides me. Raisins, marbles, meatballs, gummy worms, little snakes and tree trunks. LOL Let's not forget Dairy Queen "soft serve". I tell my friends I am going on line to check out the FECAL FORUM and they just look at me like I'm nuts.(well, maybe I am, but IBS has driven me there)
I can't say I joke or laugh too much during an attack. It isn't pleasant, but I know it isn't life threatening, like so many other things. Just keep a on your face and the toilet paper handy.
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Carol
nós somos o que nós somos e o descanso é merda
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Quote:
Linz had another good point - the heat (and humidity, if that's a problem in your area) can really mess with your system. I have a feeling that's what's destabilized me - I've been back in almost full-fledged attack mode since the start of summer.
I'm going to start my story by addressing this point. I've been the same way for the past month or so! After not having a single full-fledged attack for over a year and a half, I've started having them at least once every couple of weeks again. I had been doing a great job coping during that time when my IBS was so undet control, but now that I've gone back to being an A I've been getting down about it from time to time, too. It's tough to know that something that's out of your control, like the heat and humidity, can wreak such havok on your body! Yes, it's very dperessing at times, and has been causing me a great deal of anxiety lately. For me, coping at times like this is about putting it all in perspective. Yesterday I started feeling sorry for myself, and then reminded myself that hundreds of people had been killed or injured that very morning in the terrorist attacks in London. Is my IBS really that big of a deal compared to something like that?? No. It's things like that that bring me back to reality and force me to realize that things could be a heck of a lot worse. Plus I try to pray about it and ask God to help me cope as much as possible. Remembering that I'm not going through anything alone is also a comforting feeling. Which is also why these boards are so awesome! Knowing that so many people are going through similar things is a huge anxiety-reducer.
One more thing... the hypno CDs were a HUGE help when I first started having problems. I would highly recommend them as a coping strategy. I'm done rambling now.
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"Anyone can exercise, but this kind of lethargy takes real discipline." -Garfield
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Quote:
For me, coping at times like this is about putting it all in perspective. Yesterday I started feeling sorry for myself, and then reminded myself that hundreds of people had been killed or injured that very morning in the terrorist attacks in London. Is my IBS really that big of a deal compared to something like that?? No. It's things like that that bring me back to reality and force me to realize that things could be a heck of a lot worse.
Kree, that's the same thing I do. I think about how I could be so much worse. I don't have something fatal, I have use of all my limbs, my sight, etc. It usually helps me get over my self-pity party. Sometimes it's still not easy though....
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Maria,
I feel like I could be your twin. We both have anxiety driven IBS and a tendency to be loners which is made worse by IBS. When I did work, I used to work in a library at the reference desk. I hated it, because you just never knew who was going to walk through that door and what they were going to ask. Anyway, now I stay home with my kids and it's real easy to get isolated. Sometimes I almost wish I worked so I would go out a little more, but it was so hard on my tummy.
I also asked you about buspar a couple of months ago and I wondered if you are still on it and how that is going? In typical fashion, I am anxious and undecided about whether it would be a good thing for me to try. I don't want to feel like I am drugged and I need to be able to drive, etc.
P.S. Sometimes I lurk on the eating and diet board to get ideas about what else I might try eating and I find that I eat a lot of the same things as you too by coincidence!
Laura
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I'm cursing all living things for the torture. but then again, more fodder for the days when I'm not in spasm!
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Keep on keepin' on...
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Hey, how have you been doing? It does sound like we have a lot in common! You should post here more often; I'd love to hear what you're eating and how you're managing your IBS. I find posting here builds up my social confidence.
Patrons always have to comment on something, don't they? People are always asking me why I'm wearing a sweater "when it's 80 degrees outside!" (Because I'm inside an air-conditioned building and I have no fat to insulate me!) I also wear a tag that says "Hablo espanol" because we have a large Spanish-speaking population, but one patron thought that meant I couldn't speak English. He just kept saying "jefe, jefe" over and over; I thought he was joking around, but when I said, "I'm sorry, my supervisor's not available, but maybe I can assist you," he replied, "You speak English?!"
I'm still taking 15 mg Buspar everyday and it's really helped me get a grip on my GAD. I'm still working on the panic attacks, but they're getting to be fewer. I don't feel drugged on Buspar; I feel like myself but without the constant worry or on edge/spooked feeling. I have a 50-minute commute each way and I'm doing fine with that. Last week I actually made a 7-hour road trip; my passengers (bf and cousin) said I drove very well. I'm still having some insomnia--a lot of early morning wake-ups--but I'm able to fall asleep. I would still recommend talking to your doctor about it! Have you brought it up with him/her yet?
Good to hear from you again, Laura!
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Alesha
#193510 - 07/08/05 09:44 PM
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jen1013
Reged: 05/06/05
Posts: 1322
Loc: the wabe
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Your post so described me! I too have been lurking here a long time (about a year, just like you) and not posting. I think the main reason I've started posting is because I felt kinda like a weird scary stalker knowing so much about all the people here and not reciprocating.
I've drifted away from my friends for the same reason. They just don't understand -- they think that because I don't have gaping wounds that I'm not really "sick". My relationship with my in-laws is a little tough, too. But, on the plus side, my family is really great about it. They know when to shut up and when to be concerned.
Linz (I think?) posted a new thread awhile back about making friends. What was hysterical about the thread was that several people replied, but to say they had the exact same problem. I literally have no friends anymore except for one, and I never see her. I have no idea how to make new ones, because all I do is work. I don't have time to do classes or extracurricular activities. I have wanted to join a church for a long time, but I can't right now (long unrelated story). I've been at my current job for nearly four years and there's really no one there with whom I can connect. I tend more towards being a loner, so most of the time it doesn't really bother me, but sometimes I just want to be able to call up a girlfriend and go shoe shopping.
Good luck in getting your life a little less lonely. If anything works for you, pass it on to the rest of us -- I think quite a few of us are in the same boat.
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jen
"It's one of the most serious things that can possibly happen to one in a battle -- to get one's head cut off." -- LC
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I 100% depend on God and count my good days as days that i live my fullest in. Also, I have a wonderful fiance that helps me and gives me support. there are so many days when i like just beg the Lord to take my life away, but then i realize that i have yet to see the full picture. Everythings gonna be okay, be strong, believe.
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~*Passion*~
Without Love, where would you be now?
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I too, have had many nights and days where I pray to God to take me home, where I know I will be free from this Earthly pain and suffering.
I look forward to hearing more of your thoughts, posts, and encouraging words on how you bare with all this.
I'm glad you have such an understanding fiance....IBS is not an easy thing for a loved one to deal with...my family is so tired of me and my "diet" hang ups. Bless his heart! And bless you for sharing!
BTW, Do you have C, D, or A IBS?
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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