How do you all emotionally cope?
#191851 - 07/05/05 11:58 AM
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Anthem
Reged: 10/01/04
Posts: 76
Loc: Phoenix, AZ
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I have been keeping a diary of IBS symptoms and food and emotional state since April. I just graphed it out (a regular calendar with colored bars that show if it was a GOOD day or a GAS day or a D Day - my patterns). This is like some never ending nightmare, and I know I have to somehow ACCEPT it before it tears me apart. But I know that I become despairing at times, and just want to curl up in a chair and not exist. We men are not known for handling body pain well, y'know (no practice with monthly periods or child birth).
But perhaps I should count my blessings. In April I had 26 days that I deemed good. In May it was 22. In June it was 20. Not sure why the numbers are going down, but I suppose it might be a matter of seeing the glass half empty or half full. The worst part is simply thinking that I do not control the body. I do everything right and still it flares up. Heather has great advice, but I have yet to find the formula that stabilizes me. If I had to swing a dead chicken around my head under a full moon and howl like a wolf, I would do it! Anything! I actually had the Faustian idea, if a demon showed up and offered you total health, would you do it? Of course not! But IBS brings up such images. I pray about it instead.
How do you cope? Have you learned to accept it, since how we RESPOND to events is what gives our life their quality.
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Interesting that you should bring this up. Until two weeks ago, I had come to the realization that I no longer really worried about my IBS because I had had it under control for so long. Sure, I had my attacks every now and then, but I always knew the trigger that caused them, and kept moving on after the attacks ended. Felt really nice not to worry about them.
Over the past week and a half, though, I've gotten the same anxiety that I had when I didn't have my IBS under control. Attacks when I thought I eating normally safe food, and feeling really worried about having an attack when I wasn't near my apartment.
So I guess I've had both sides of the spectrum in the last month or so. Right now, I'm just taking it easy and holding onto the fact that it will get under control again.. just hoping soon!
Love the dead chicken analogy. 
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- Jennifer
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Gradually.
Mark Pellegrino's written some great books for Fibro dealing with the different stages of coming to terms with a chronic illness...and that applies to all chronic illnesses, so if you've got a library near you, see if they've got any of his books. We have to go through all the stages and mourn for our old selves before we can move on and accept the illness. I went through awful anger when I was getting diagnosed.
Part of accepting it is also accepting that we will have bad days...and that it's not wrong to feel down/angry when we do.
Also, realise that it will take TIME to get control of this. It took me 6months to stabilise after I started really working at it...some people take even longer. But however long it takes, it's better than a lifetime of out-of-control IBS. So try not to get too frustrated.
Re. your calendar -that's a really amount of good days!  Also, I find hot weather affects my IBS more so maybe that's why summer is so far a bit worse for you.
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Have you considered a food elimination diary? Or do you feel it is not the food so much as anxiety?
Have you considered anti-anxiety meds?
I tried the IBS 100 (which I believe you said you have also tried in another post?) 3 times! I am STILL a wreck emotionally (I hve issues...so maybe not the best to compare?) I find that I eat a VERY restricted diet and this helps a LOT. No sugar (sugar can make anxiety FAR WORSE!) for me...you may want to try that? Also, I find if I don't get enough calcium/magnesium I get more anxious.
Do you eat meat? If not, you might not be getting enough B-vitmains.
Just some thoughts for you...hope you figure it all out soon.
One more thing: You are NOT alone in this!!! Keep posting...we're here for you!
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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I have to second everything Linz said. Sure, things could be worse, but IBS is still a chronic illness, and your brain has to do a LOT of adjusting to come to terms with it. I've had IBS since I was 12 - 18 years! - and I've gone through many, many years of denial, followed by a year of alternating anger and despair, to get to where I am now, which is *almost* acceptance. I highly doubt it'll take you that long - I'm especially pigheaded - but learning to live with a chronic illness takes time. I'm not sure I'll ever get to a point where I can just live life and not think about it anymore, but that's my goal.
How I got this far has been kind of mixed bag of things. I probably would never be so calm about attacks now if it wasn't for me also finally deciding to address my anxiety issues - I tried therapy, but ultimately ended up on anti-anxiety medication (Lexapro), which hasn't done anything long-term for my IBS, but it's changed my life in only good ways otherwise.
Other than that, I don't know what to say except that some small changes in attitude I accomplished simply with force of will - seeing attacks as an opportunity for some well-deserved downtime, for example - once the D slowed down a little, I'd take a hot bath, and then settle into bed (or the couch) with the heating pad, peppermint tea, and some fluffy reading (or mindless TV), and just *chill*. Relaxation and forcing my brain to stop, I found, actually made the pain pass quicker.
Tracking patterns is actually helpful too. If you know your attacks last for ___ number of days and happen roughly once a month, you can not only eventually learn to relax and enjoy the good days more, but also remind yourself that the bad days are going to pass relatively quickly.
I know I'm rambling... it's hard for me to really explain how I've shifted my brain, so I apologize if this got annoying!
Linz had another good point - the heat (and humidity, if that's a problem in your area) can really mess with your system. I have a feeling that's what's destabilized me - I've been back in almost full-fledged attack mode since the start of summer. 
Anyway, hang in there... stabilized or not, things can get much better if you let them.
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I find in the 5 years or 10 years, I've developed a healthy sense of humor. This comes in handy with life in general, not to mention IBS!
Life example: The morning of my wedding last year, I put my engagement ring on the WRONG ring finger - and it was stuck there. As soon as I realized it was stuck, I thought to myself, "You can freak out or you can be amused." I chose amusement. My Dad and I had to make a side trip to a jewelers so the ring could be cut off my hand. It was much less stressful than freaking out. And the wedding went off without a hitch...well, except for the "gettin' hitched" part.
IBS example: Tomorrow morning, I'm get the endoscopy and colonoscopy. I prefer to think of it as the gastric roto-rooter. Glib? Yes, but it's helped keep me a somewhat more relaxed. Not that I won't be nervous at all.
On bad days, I remind myself that things could be worse.
With food, with all those things we really should not eat anymore, I look at it a couple ways. I really haven't eaten all that much beef for the last 5 years, so I really don't miss it that much. I'm also glad I was never a picky eater, because if I was, I think I'd really be up a creek, what with the substitutions we use. Sure, there are things I don't eat anymore, but it doesn't keep me from expanding my culinary horizons. (Now if only tomato sauce would stop hating me.  )
And I know what you mean about the dead chicken. I just got the mental image of a bunch of us in a circle, howling at the moon, each with our own chicken to swing.
I'll stop rambling now.
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Anthem, you crack me up. Yes, coping is something that just simply takes time. You're doing well to have so many good days. Think of the glass as half full. As time goes, you will get even better at figuring out what triggers your attacks and what doesn't. Each person is unique. Some things I can totally tolerate that others probably can't and the other way around. It takes time to figure it all out. Maybe even years. But sadly, you to get used to it all. You've found Heather's diet, and it's as good as it gets. Are you taking a fiber supplement?
I've had IBS for 10 years now. Some times I am totally stable and some times I can't eat a darn thing. It's the nature of the beast. Sometimes you just have to accept where the chips fall. But with Heather's diet and careful eating, the bad times can be kept to a minimum.
So, after my rambling, so emotionally, you just do it. You cope. It's not as devestating as it was when I was first diagnosed. I'm used to the pain, the attacks. I'm used to the diet. I'm used to soy milk. You just learn to deal with it as best as you can and to accept it. And yes, it still sucks at times. And at times, I would twirl a dead chicken around with a hunk like you.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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I used to cry. I used to hide. Sometimes, I still cry when it is painful. I often gaze at the moon. I have a lot of D-days. I always have a stash of Immodium. I used to hate myself for cowering, for hiding. I quit a lot of good things in my life because of it. Now, things are changing or rather I'm exchanging the pattern of hiding and crying out in physical pain. I think I spent most of University in the bathroom. The bathroom became my temple, my office. The phrase, "Wives of Bath" takes on a different meaning. I guess I just roll with the punches and flow better and accept it as my nature. I trust myself to handle it more effectively and follow that girl scout/girl guide motto: "Be prepared!" I have a food processor and I use it. I'm socializing in eating situations, again. I just bring my own retro meal. I try not to laugh too hard though--I'd crap my pants. Yes, I just laugh it off...a good belly roar. But it still hurts in a way; it is a little isolating. Acceptance?
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Jen, if it helps any, I still get the anxiety flare-ups occassionally. I just had one last week for some reason. Thought I was going to have the really bad kooky I'm-about-to-stop-breathing flare up. But, after a couple of days, they go away. I don't know what causes them. Stress? Getting to sure of myself? Who knows. I know it will get back under control for ya - hope it's soon also!
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I'd totally echo what everyone else has said here but learning to accept, etc. I was thinking the other day how much better I feel about my IBS now, even though it's not necessarily always better than it was, say, a year ago. I've just become better able to cope with it - yes, I've become more stable too, but I don't need to think about it *all* the time. Oh it's always back in the back of my head there somewhere, but it's not my chief concern always any more. I'm not terrified of it, in other words - I know how to deal with it.
Anyway, there I go mostly just repeating what others have said but it *really* rings true for me. I think this is such a great thread because this aspect of IBS doesn't really get talked about much, and I think it's really important to both accept and embrace.
Thanks for starting this, Anthem! (Love the dead chicken thing, btw! )
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