Woke up with D....
#183640 - 06/05/05 10:01 AM
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Tinkerbelle
Reged: 04/17/05
Posts: 231
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
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I get so confused and upset when I feel like I am doing everything I can and still get sick! I'm sorry if it's overwhelming that I post here so much but I don't know what else to do right now. I'm home all alone and feeling really scared... I haven't had proper D in months, just tons of BMs in the morning. But this morning I woke up, had 4 BMs, starting out solid and getting increasingly more loose, then ate an egg white omlet my dad made me, with all safe ingredients, and then within minutes I had D. I don't understand. Yesterday I don't think I ate enough because I wasn't really hungry, and then I ate toast and avo at like 11:45, then went to bed at like 1:30. I couldn't sleep all night because I was bloated and my tummy was rumbling like crazy and I was cramping. I had one of those nights where I woke every hour. I got up at like 6:30, went to the toliet 4 times, had a banana and probiotic, then went back to bed for an hour... then had the omlet and got D! I'm sure there are some things I did wrong here, but I'm just so incredibly sick of this... Everytime this happens I just cry and cry, because I'm really angry at my body.
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Hey there Tinkerbelle,
I know how you feel. You may very well have been doing everything right. Sometimes, our bodies want to give us a hard time despite our best efforts. Again, please don't worry about posting. Having IBS is traumatic and we are your support group and your cheering squad. When nobody else understand the pain and anguish that accompany this terrible illness, we do. I can remmeber having a HORRIBLE attack about 2 weeks ago after being fairly stable for months and I was a complete and total WRECK. I couldn't stop crying, my husband had to rent a car and drive home early from his job out of town, my parents came over because I was literally suicidal I felt so horrible. I couldn't take care of my baby, all I could do was lie in bed in with pain and terrible D and cry. It passed after about 10 days of misery.
It is those times when we feel like "what did I do wrong?" or "what more can I do?" or "am I going to feel like this forever because I just can't cope?". It is a terrible feeling to feel so bad. You feel so alone, like nobody is there for you and nobody truely understands. You are scared because your body is doing crazy things that hurt you and don't make any sense. I know there were many times when I would ask myself "how in the heck did I get this when I felt perfectly normal the first 32 years of my life.".
I am writing this because I always felt better knowing that others were feeling or felt the same way I did. It helped me not to feel so alone during the bad times. Hopefully, with this diet, you will begin to feel better. It takes time for your body to adjust. I am sure others could give you much better diet advice as I have a different medical condition along with the IBS that precludes me from Heather's diet (with exception to the trigger foods which I stay far far away from).
Please know that we are here for you and know EXACTLY what you are going through.
Dana
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Dana
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Eatng after a period of not eating enough is always tough on your tum...you have to be so gentle. It's so much easier to just try and NOT let yourself get too empty.
I would really recommend taking Immodium as a preventative...try one tablet every morning. REALLY helped me. 
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Hi Tinkerbelle,
You poor thing!!! It sounds like you are having a rough time-Im really sorry to hear that. I agree with Linz words that, after not eating for soem time, your body literally freaks out when you put food and almost doesnt know how to handle it (sees it as foreign) and expels it!!!! Try introducing slowly as you are doing, and I do believe that even in a few days, your body will be able to handle/take in what you feed it.
Im really sorry to hear of your troubles!!!! You are doing a great job with trying to be gentle with your body, and BELIEVE ME, crying is good!!!! haha!!!
Hugs and take care,
Kristen
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1. I adore your hat, Tinkerbelle (I'm totally a hat person having been bald--not by choice)(my hair incidentally just magically grew back--okay, I made a lot of changes that quite likely encouraged the spontaneous regrowth of HAIR! I still hide under hats, bandanas, etc. just because I feel safer, i.e. less anxious and more me)
2. How varied is your diet? Do you rotate what you eat?
3. Could you be sensitive to something that you've been consuming on a daily basis? Egg whites? Avocado? Something in the bread? A preservative? I don't know, I'm probably way off base.
4. I go through phases like you, too. What I do basically is eat mostly really plain rice/sf. Lots of organic no-chicken broth--for the SODIUM. Keep Immodium handy and gastrolyte/pedialyte. Keep your electrolytes in balance.
5. This is really a mystery. Sometimes there is no known explaination.
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My tummy actually feels good. I also took Immodium. I'm totally scared to eat, and this often throws me into a really bad cycle. All I've had today really is a half a piece of toast and a banana (aside from the breakfast eariler), and it's already 2:20. I'm making a potato and may try to have some chicken with it and maybe a little avo. But this is how my IBS eating disorder started- getting an upset tummy, not eating much for 4 days, then cutting out more and more foods each time I do eat. I'm just very sick and tired of this cycle, I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL AGAIN!
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Sorry you are feeling bad today. We have all been through it that is for sure.
If I am feeling bad and know that I will be home all day I will eat safe foods without worry. If I have D I am at home and it is no big deal. I don't like it but I am home and have quick access to a bathroom. The biggest worry for me is being caught away from home and having an attack.
Try to relax and eat foods that you know won't bother your tummy. I know that my tummy is so sensative that sometimes even if I eat the right things I will feel bad and have D. Are there a couple of foods that you know for sure won't make you have to run to the bathroom or cause stomach cramps? If so then stick with those for a few days.
I hope you are feeling better soon.
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Janey
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I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. You sound like I felt up until about a year ago. BMs that start okay, then repeat and repeat and repeat until there's nothing left but liquid. Hang in there, stick with safe foods, and this will pass.
I agree with Linz that you probably let yourself get too hungry. I've found that if I'm hungry, even the smell or sight of food can trigger my digestive system to start up - and it definitely starts over enthusiastically. Also, it sounds like you didn't rest well last night - before I got reasonably stable on Heather's diet, a sleepless night practically guaranteed diarrhea.
When I get up in the morning, I try to coax my digestive system into starting up slowly and safely by feeding it some soluble fiber. For me, it's applesauce with acacia in it, but anything SF will do. If it's a bad day, I'll pretty much stick with SF stuff - bread, dry cereal - into I've got a fair amount into me. Only then will I attempt protein. Asking my gut to handle protein first thing in the morning would cause it to throw a hissy fit.
I feel a little weird about referencing myself, but here's a post I wrote a while back that contains an analogy I find helpful in reminding myself to eat often and start my day with SF. Maybe it will make sense to you, too.
Have you considered trying the "Break The Cycle" diet? It might give your system a chance to level off and, since it's all SF, maybe you'll feel safer eating it.
HTH.
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[Research tells us fourteen out of any ten individuals likes chocolate. - Sandra Boynton]
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I've almost worn out the excitement of my morning soy protein-fruit-soymilk-metamucil smoothie. Almost!!
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Strange that you all seem to do so well with applesauce and soy- I don't feel like I can handle either of them! And my IBS isn't even super severe!
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maybe. I am not overly triggered by fat, so i have regular vanilla soy milk, and it never bugs me. And applesauce may be a bit too acidic for you.
PS- I will write you back, LOL!! 
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I've heard from many people that soy can just be a difficult bean to digest, which is why I find it so interesting that so many people with IBS do great with it! I wish I did, I love soy products!
I don't know what it is about the applesauce. I should try it again. I read somewhere that if something triggers you once you shouldn't totally cut it out because the trigger could have been from something else.
Take your time writing me back! No worries!
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Quote:
I've almost worn out the excitement of my morning soy protein-fruit-soymilk-metamucil smoothie. Almost!!
That's funny, because I've been thinking of adding a smoothie. Although I'll still keep my applesauce and acacia - that's my pre-breakfast or, as the Hobbits would call it, First Breakfast. ("Daily hobbit meals include Breakfast, Second Breakfast, Elevenses, Luncheon, Afternoon Tea and Supper, supplemented with plenty of snacks in between." I wonder if they all have IBS.  ) I guess the smoothie would become my Elevenses.
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[Research tells us fourteen out of any ten individuals likes chocolate. - Sandra Boynton]
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Tinkerbelle: I note that you're eating avo's frequently. Could the fat content be hyper-stimulating your tummy? I know that avo's do that too me as I am ultra fat sensitive. Just an observation. Note: Don't worry, you'll find a comfortable groove, routine, rhythm. Thank goodness for Immodium, though!
I have lots of days just like you. I guess it's just a general uptight nature. I do eat everyday, though even if I just nibble and graze and snack. A nice steady flow. Often
just because I am who I am I find it hard to sit through a meal. This is quite likely because I primarily dine in my own company and well I never let myself go hungry and basically have to remind myself to eat.
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Wind,
Yes I do eat a lot of avos, but they are really my only source of fat right now, and I am so scared of losing anymore weight I feel like I need them!
How often do you have days like I did today? How long have you had IBS for? My best friend apparently has D every single day but doesn't let it bother her at all. I wonder how many people are like this but just don't pay attention to it and just go on with their lives? She eats really crappy and doesn't even care that it upsets her tummy- she just keeps eating what she likes. However, she doesn't feel any pain with her D, so maybe I wouldn't be bothered either if that were the case.
How do you not let it get you down? I can't wait until I find some kind of flow or relief from this, it has effected every aspect of my life even though I don't have a very extreme case of it. I truly believe that my paying such close attention to it has made it much worse, as I've always had tummy issues but just popped some tums and went on with my life, whereas now I've stopped my life to focus on this and change it, making it much much worse!
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And it's making my tummy grumbly! All I'm eating is steamed carrots on steamed white rice, and trying to eat a little bowl of oatmeal with some protein powder in it. Today is a day where I really don't want to eat at all, but I know if I don't it will mess me up for a long time. I've eaten less then 1000 calories today, which is so bad! I can't seem to eat much more then 1000 calories on a given day without getting really bloated, as my tummy just isn't used to much food anymore.
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1. Re: Fats/avos. I only get about 10-12g of fat per day without adding a drop of fat. The fat in my food is only what exists naturally in the fruit, vegetable or grain. I used to eat a little avo for a little fat, but my system went haywire.
I've had really bad IBS-D since my early twenties, but IBS berfore that. Honestly, a tsp. or two of nut/seed butter would have me hugging the toilet all day long. Fat just runs through me. However that is me. The fat in not-milks is too high. So, I just do not add fat and my IBS is personally a billion times better. I love avos., and occasionally I do have a little but they are just too rich for my system.
2. Trust me, I understand your fear re: continuing weight loss. I have the same problem. I basically I eat, nibble graze all day long. ("Eat like a hobbit?!!!" to bum a quote from Retrograde).
3. I weigh 113 lbs. and am 5'6" in height. I should weigh a tad more. Sometimes my weight does drop lower and that's when I up my liquid calorie intake or add a smoothie or too or some raw soluable juice or just extra calories. Not necessarily protein, but just calories--not fats. Basically I just EAT and never let myself go empty. This is embarrassing, but sometimes when I get too thin (usually if I drop less than 107, I actually wake up at 3 or 4 in the morning and need a few crackers to tide me over until morning! No joke.) I think this is just a natural famine mode survival mechanism kicking in, though. Can you add a smoothie or two? Some sort of yummy safe dessert or snack?
An extra half sandwich? Seriously, with anxiety and stress and ocd and just being me, I get FULL or satiated so fast!
3. The pain is the worst part of it, though. That and the isolation. My heart goes out to you, Tinkerbelle.
4. It still gets me down, but I don't let it get the better or the best of me. I just shift my focus unless the pain is unbearable. MEDITATION, music, creative visualization, Buspar, the diet and just knowing that each day is new helps. Yoga helps ground and release energy.
5. I still have lots of days like you did, today. Especially now that its summer (heat is a trigger for me, a stressor). They're just more managable and less of a hassle/interference. My worst problem or habit is my social phobia. I have major grocery store/shopping paranoia/anxiety of late. Food shopping. YIKES. I just go blank. Do you ever just go blank or walk through a grocery store or food place and just feel ill, etc.?
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I have numerous days like yours, Tinkerbelle where just getting 1000 calories is a challenge. I just can't tummy a lot at once and hate feeling too full and get full pretty quickly and forget to snack or am too stressed out to nibble and then even less hungry and rice and something is a prominant feature or potatoes and something. It's worse because I am young and single and don't really devote a whole heck of a long time to cooking and could care less about baking--it's a nice idea but I think I got over my "easy bake oven days" when I was six! I'm also beyond picky too. I also think skinny skinny bonerack is gross and feel crappy without enough energy to be a domestic hyper-type. I don't know what to tell you. Eat in stages? Eat some rice? Then later eat some carrots or what ever and then eat something else? Let it digest a little before adding more? That's what I do. Still, though, it's hard for me to chart a thousand calories. It's terrible, though, isn't it? Personally, I don't have a big sweet tooth and baked things really nauseate me.
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Wind we are so much alike! I totally think that volumptious pin-up women are the hottest type of women, and I'm usually a fairly rounder petite woman (big boobs and a little belly normally), but now I look like a stick with boobs! I'm 5'2 and around 90 lbs right now, usually 105-110. It's so frustrating because when I look in the mirror I think I look so ugly, like some anorexic soap opera actress, and it makes me hate myself more. It's horribly sad but right now I really don't like myself, because I feel so depressed and like I'm letting my body and mind get the best of me- which makes me feel so weak. I'm usually confident and outgoing and fairly high energy, so you can imagine this weak little waif feels so alien when I see her in the mirror...
In any case, yeah it's crazy when just eating 1000 calories makes you feel so full! I get really motivated sometimes by people telling me to just eat a lot, and I start pigging out, which a few days later I poop out and then am back to square one. This poor tummy is sure getting a workout these days!
Yeah I adore baked goods, but they make me feel terribly. Growing up I always ate pizza, crossants, fried chicken, choc chip cookies, etc... but at a certain age they started to make me feel so gross, so I cut them out and started eating healthy. But food has NEVER made me feel really good. I just wonder what food allergies I have and am unaware of.
I just found out that IBS runs in BOTH sides of my Jewish family! Of corse I would get it then! But my dad and bro are so lucky, they don't have it at all. My mom, grandma and I sure do!
People on this board seem to say that D is easier to control than C... I wonder if that's true? It seems that most people that use this board have more severe cases of IBS, as the ones who have probably found relief probably don't come back much to post on these boards. I really hope I find relief soon! And I'm glad to hear that you don't let it get you down as often as you used to, that's very hopeful. I guess you just get used to things like this after awhile... you'd have to, or else live your life totally miserable. This is all so new for me so I just feel like a little baby who wants to cry until it goes away. It's horrible because everyone who loves me wants to help so badly, but they cannot. It must feel so sad for them to see me like this, crying so much. I don't want anyone to see me, however, being alone makes it worse. Depression is crazy, it's never never hit me like this before.
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I'm sorry your day had to start out so rough! Aargh! I agree with Linz's recommendation to take 1 Immodium in the morning. I think it's a really helpful med to use regularly, even daily, when you're starting to get stable.
I hope you're feeling better this evening and eating both frequently and carefully.
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Thanks Maria!
I did take an Immodium this morning and I haven't gone since, although I've had lots of gurgles and gas and a hard time eating!
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LMBO!
#183810 - 06/05/05 09:07 PM
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_Willow
Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.
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that's why I'm so dang short, and why I have toe hair! Just kidding!!
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Poor Tink!
#183814 - 06/05/05 09:16 PM
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_Willow
Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.
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If it's any consolation, I'm alternating but tend toward C, and am currently working on LOSING a ton of weight. I am presently 183 lbs and the same height as you. I used to be 110. i remember those days well too, and that's my goal too!
So here's to you and me meeting at 110!
By the way, I far prefer my D days to my C days. Don't know why-I guess being empty feels way better than being relaly really stuffed.
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and really, beyond that, there's nt.
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Keep on keepin' on...
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[Research tells us fourteen out of any ten individuals likes chocolate. - Sandra Boynton]
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Yes, I totally agree about that anorectic soap opera actress look in the mirror! I totally understand that feeling of being stuffed, really FULL on 1000 calories a day. I totally agree that boneracks are gross! I hate being all knobs. Heck, if I were a chicken I'd be terrible eating, something you'd have to redeem with a spicy sauce and a pitcher of beer at a sports bar.
I'm being absurd. I have a suggestion as you seem to like baked treats. It would also up the calories very safely and pleasantly and get you back the vibrant voluptous radiance you formerly owned. Investigate some of Heather's recipes or those on the message board and BAKE SOMETHING. It's rather fun, I confess. Even I at thirty love and need to have one of those "Easy Bake" oven relived experiences! Although, I'm more a "Surreal Gourmet" type! Very saucey, you know! Make one of the breads or some muffins or something! You'll have a blast and some safe snacks too and the smell of something yummy and safe for your tummy perfuming the air. Yes, Tinkerbelle...I think you need to play Betty Crocker for an afternoon. TREAT yourself like a princess, a queen, somebody very special and important to safe and extra especially homemade treats. Whenever I make something my inner child has a field day, I'm distracted and
it's like my whole being is just playing. I'm not just talking about messing up the kitchen or stinking up the house. Get crafty. Sometimes, I get in such a
funk that all I can do is crank up the music and set a new mood with new music, rhythms and tunes and do something with my hands, i.e. crochet, knit, embroider, pottery etc. It will get you out of a gloomy mood, one of those it's sunny outside but something inside of me is stopping me from going out to play moods.
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