how to help a co-worker
#16415 - 08/05/03 09:20 PM
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TessLouise
Reged: 01/21/03
Posts: 540
Loc: Nashville, TN
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A woman at work has IBS. I was out with her today and she had an attack--cold sweat, shakiness, "Do they have a bathroom because if not we have to leave RIGHT NOW!" (They did.) Unfortunately, this woman is a very picky eater, very much a meat-'n'-potatoes gal. Like, for lunch today she had a frozen dinner (spaghetti with marinara sauce), a can of Coke, and a chocolate-PB snack cake. I know what that would do to *me*, and I'm IBS-C! So, she copes by taking Immodium Advanced as needed (we had to stop so she could get more as she had run out). How can I help her to deal with her symptoms more effectively? I only own _Eating for IBS_, not _The First Year_, and I think the recipes might just scare her off...but I could buy a copy of _The First Year_ and loan that to her.... Any suggestions? I knew a lot about my body and about nutrition well before my diagnosis--and I grew up eating "weird," "healthy," "hippie" kind of foods. I don't know how to approach someone who eats pot roast and potatoes for dinner one night and steak and green beans the next. Help!
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I think the main question here is does she want to help herself? Many people I've encountered that have a minor case of IBS won't even consider changing their diet. I tell them that the way they eat could lead to a worse case of IBS but they say they won't change their diet, period.
My step mom has high cholesterol, is on medication, but won't change her diet one bit. She eats beef and fat like it's going out of style. She said she's not changing, even if it would mean she would live longer. Go figure!
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Does she know you have IBS also? I was thinking maybe she might be more willing to take advice from you if she knew you had it too.
I think the loaning her a copy of The First Year sounds like a good idea. Just tell her how it helped your IBS and you can loan it to her if she's interested. And if she's not, then I guess that's on her. Like Karin said, she has to want to change to help herself.
The only other thing I can think of is to maybe bake one of the breads or something like that and then you can maybe offer her some of at work. You know, kind of bait her in. 
Good luck and let us know what happens. BTW: How is the new job going anyway?
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I knew someone who told me she had had chronic D for six years and hadn't told a doctor. I encouraged her to tell a doctor and to get tested, and that I could loan her a good book. She knew all about my IBS for years, and then only told me this after we'd been friends for two years already. I gave her all sorts of advice, she didn't implement any of it, and avoids the topic of her digestive health now. She survives on deep fried food, cheese sauces, rich foods, low fibre, and continually drinks Pepsi all day. It is hard to hang out and go for dinner when I know why she is running to the bathroom continually. Anyhow, after six months of trying to help, I eventually had to give up trying to help her with her health issues, and I have actually had to pull away from being friends because I find it so hard to be around her, watching her eating habits, and knowing how much pain and D she is suffering with. I guess as someone who has gone through this myself, yet have worked so diligently to cope with my IBS, it is just too heart breaking to watch her go on hurting herself. And what if she didn't have IBS, but something worse...I had to let go and stop worrying about her, cuz in the end it is up to her to take her own steps towards recovery.
Best, Kris
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Be the change you want to see in the world.
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I have a friend who is a D (I'm a C). She actually recommended her GI who I liked and diagnosed me in about 30 minutes of talking. He never did her, but she ended up (I think by mistake) with his associate who did indeed FINALLY diagnos her with IBS. I loaned her _The First Year_ book and she actually bought one for herself but refuses to follow much of any of it. Fine. Case closed. When we go out with she and her husband and she's eating biscuits and gravy for bkfst. and I'm eating oatmeal or plain toast and egg beaters I just tell her how lucky she is she can eat those things without an attack. (For some reason she actually can.) I would say to you what is the friendship worth? Is it worth risking loosing just because you are trying to help? Remember you can do everything in your power to help (it's frustrating I know) but you still can't "save someone from themself". Hope this helps.
Kandee
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She's a very private person and that she has shared what she has with me implies a level of trust I want to encourage because I'd like to see her feeling better. Actually, over sandwiches at lunch on Thursday she said, very softly, "Maybe I ought to think about changing the way I eat." Aha! Breakthrough! So I'll order a copy of _The First Year_ and loan it to her, I think. I've already encouraged her to see a doc, but that's a touchy issue right now because she doesn't have insurance and doesn't know when she will have it again....
As for the job, well, the kiddies start Monday. My room is in order, I've met all the babies and assorted parents and grandparents, I typed up a "welcome" letter...we've even got a class mascot sitting in the window! So, we're as ready as we're going to be, I think.... I'll post more about this in the Living Room on Monday  .
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