frustrating discussions with husband brought on attack this morning...
#1072 - 02/19/03 07:48 AM
|
|
|
|
|
Nugget
Reged: 02/10/03
Posts: 2167
|
|
|
Good morning everyone....
my husband and I rarely "argue" but last evening he really had me upset and he can't understand my side of the situation which really frustrates me. So now, today, I am having a rough "tummy day" because I was so mad and upset and didn't sleep well....
The whole situation started the night before when we were invited to his mother's house for dinner last evening. He was to go to a meeting with her to get some legal matters rearranged with her estate. Since he was going to miss some work he would be working late to make that time up and we wouldn't be going to his mother's for dinner. Perfectly fine with me. So I went about with my evening last night. Made sure I had some dinner fixed that would be easy for him to heat up when he got home, etc. Around 7:00 I got a phone call from one of his assistants at work asking if he was home yet because he had a question for him. I told his assistant that he wasn't home yet and took a message. With that I figured he must be in route home which would take no more than 15 minutes. Well, an hour later he finally shows up after I am worried sick that something happened on his way home. I told him I was starting to get worried because of the phone call and when I thought he'd be home. He informed me that he had gone back to work and made up his time and it didn't take as long as he thought. So he went to his mother's for dinner and to discuss more about the meeting they had. My point was that he could have called me from his mother's to let me know that plans had changed....he told me he didn't know he had to "check in". I told him he doesn't....but out of courtesy to me he could have let me know so that I wouldn't worry and wouldn't have taken time out of my schedule to make dinner. I could have made something simpler for just myself. He has done this before but has been real considerate since then...I don't know why all of a sudden he didn't call. It's so frustrating!
Thanks for listening....
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
You and I must be married to the same type of men. I completely understand how you are feeling. Best thing you can do is get him a cell phone...he will think about you on the trip there and call in his truck. I have found this works.
My husband never called because he didn't like to use other peoples phone for a fear of being rude (I don't understand that one either). Now that we have him a cell phone I can either call him or he can call me. Best is get him on that plugs into his vehicle that he can leave on all the time so he doesn't have to remember to turn it on!
I totally understand your frustration!
Lana_Marie
--------------------
Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Cell phones work great for us too. My husband calls me when he leaves work and then I know I have 35 min. to get dinner on the table. He also calls if traffic is bad or he has a errand to run. We also IM each other all day long. He works at a computer that is hooked up to the internet all the time. It is about the only time we talk though. Our evenings are becoming so busy and I don't understand why.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Thanks for the suggestion, Lana. We have thought about getting a cell phone before, but when we checked into it they were so expensive and so we decided against it for the amount of time we would use it.
We have been together for 8 years and happily married for 4 1/2. I always feel like the bad guy when I bring up something that is bothering me about something he has done. He rarely brings anything up about me and says that it is because it ends up in a disagreement...so he keeps quiet. I tried to explain to him that if he doesn't bring it to my attention...how can I change it for the better? I hate it when this happens.
Thanks again.... :crazy:
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Thanks for the suggestion, Torbetta. We have thought about getting a cell phone before, but when we checked into it they were so expensive and so we decided against it for the amount of time we would use it. One good thing is that we are able to e-mail each other at work throughout the day. But a conversation through e-mail just isn't the same.
We have been together for 8 years and happily married for 4 1/2. I always feel like the bad guy when I bring up something that is bothering me about something he has done. He rarely brings anything up about me and says that it is because it ends up in a disagreement...so he keeps quiet. I tried to explain to him that if he doesn't bring it to my attention...how can I change it for the better? I hate it when this happens.
Thanks again.... :crazy:
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Hello Nugget,
I am sorry you had such a stressful evening, I don't think our husbands understand how much effect they can have on our digestive systems. As far as cell phones go, (and I don't know what area you are in) a lot of companies offer very reasonable phones and plans. My husband and I have Sprint PCS, and with free voicemail, the only time we can't reach each other is when we are out of range. I do have some advice if you do decide to get cell phones, only purchase plans that have a 1 year or less contract. I learned the hard way and was stuck in a 2 year contract I couldn't break (from verizon many years ago) I hope this helps and I hope this evening goes better for you!
Take care
SharShar
--------------------
Who knew life was possible with out chocolate?!!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Seriously - I will say it again - I think we are married to the same man, my goodness!
We have exactly the same problems. I can't remember exactly how we got over this hump ourselves, I know it had something to with my saying how worried I was about him when he doesn't call because I think all bad. I enforced that I know he isn't cheating or anything and I trust him very much, but that other drivers and driving conditions are not in his hands and that's what I worry about. When all else fails give him the ol: I'm a women and we worry!
As for the cellphones: I don't know where you are from - but I know Roger's Cantel AT&T gives away free phones when you sign up for a certain contract and package. That's how I started - they aren't the prettiest phones, but it is not a beauty phone contest just a life line between you and your husband.
My first contract I signed up for two years and never had any trouble. The only time is if you find a cheaper phone somewhere else and you wanna switch, but I have honestly found every competitor to be the same. It doesn't matter what package they charge - there are always hidden charges to make up the rest of the costs.
I have had a cell phone for about 5 years now and I love it, especially when I travel out of town and snow hits us - it's nice to know I don't have to walk anywhere in the dark. And with the contract I had was only $35/mo and that's a huge bundle, but now I have been able to change my bundle and I only pay $15/month. So they are reasonable - you should atleast go and look into it.
Hope this helps.
Lana_Marie
--------------------
Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Thank you for the advice, Sharshar...
I am in Wyoming. Where are you from?
It's so nice to have this forum to talk with others with the same problems.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Thanks for the additional advice, Lana...I don't know what we can do about our men...but it sure helps to have this forum and talk with others with the same problems.
Since my discussion with my husband the other night...now I am going through the "down in the dumps" attitude, I feel, with him. Where he isn't talking much or touching much, etc. You know what I mean? Arrrrgggghhhh! It's so frustrating to get them to understand sometimes.
I've told him that it's not that I'm trying to keep track of him or that he has to "check in" as he calls it...it's just that I am a worrier and get concerned when he doesn't show up when he should. He just doesn't get it. He did say that he'd try harder. When he acts this way I feel so horrible for even bringing it up. But if I don't bring it up...then it just builds up until I explode.
P.S. I am in Wyoming....
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I actually went to counceliing (as you can see I didnt attend spelling classes so I spelt that wrong haha) and he gave me the best piece of advice.
Remember - once you have expressed your feeling and he has tried hard just remember that what happens after this point is not your responsibility. It's easier said than done but it does work and helps with the anxiety. Don't dwell on the fact that your feelings were hurt from the discussion because they can sense that (men are like horses - they sense fear haha) just remain normal. If he has said he'll try harder take it as that. If it happens again - then worry about it. Don't dwell on it now.
Like I said it's easier said than done. I have used this method and it does work for me. You and I seem to have alot in common with our husbands.
Hope you can try this and see if it works. I know it helped me alot because I always dwelled on the what-ifs now I just deal with the what-nows.
Lana_Marie
I am in Saskatchewan, Canada
--------------------
Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Posts
