Nausea and my sanity (ranting)
#103056 - 09/01/04 08:08 AM
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atomic rose
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)
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Observation: 9 times out of 10, I wake up in the morning feeling FANTASTIC. I mean, seriously. I literally bounce out of bed, get a drink, and for the first hour I'm awake, I'm fantastic. I even get hungry. Then I eat breakfast, and the rest of my day is downhill from there. I felt spectacular this morning - gorgeous day, bright and sunshiney mood, actually hungry - then I ate toast and fruit, same thing I eat every morning, and WHAM - I'm nauseous, shaky, and I feel horrible.
WHY am I getting so freaking nauseous all the time?? It was suggested that it's because my stomach is empty, but I eat and I feel WORSE. I thought maybe it was gas, caused by eating too fast, so I forced myself to slow down, and that made no difference. I get really nauseous before I have a BM, and I'm so nauseous for the entire day AFTER I have one that I typically don't eat, because I just can't bring myself to do it.
I used to think that the D was my biggest problem, and that if I could control that, I'd be happy and get my life back. Wrong! I haven't had D since the middle of July... but the nausea won't go away, and in fact, it seems like it's getting worse. I'm afraid to add anything new to my diet, and I'm scared half to death to even take any of the medications my doctor has given me, because all of them have nausea as a side effect. That's all I need - to make my worst problem even worse.
I can't live like this. If this is what the rest of my life is going to be like, I don't even want to be alive anymore. I realize there are people even right here on this board who have worse problems than I do, but I'm just sick of fighting. I've been dealing with this nausea since I was 7 - my other symptoms didn't kick in till later - and I've never had any relief. Oh wait, yes I did. When I was an alcoholic and a drug addict, I felt perfectly fine. Argh.
Maybe it's stress, I don't know. I'm under an extreme amount of stress right now - I don't think about it consciously, but maybe my body has just gone haywire because of it. It's just really frustrating. Heather's diet/plan/advice has been a godsend in a lot of ways - I NEVER thought I'd be able to eat and not worry about D! - but I feel like I'm never going to really be well again, you know? I will ALWAYS have stress, and if this is how my body reacts to it, then I'm ALWAYS going to feel like this. That's really depressing. 
PS - I wish ginger worked on me, but it doesn't. Phooey.
Oh yeah... and I know I still have some tests to be done on me, and maybe that will show up something, but I have to wait at least another month for that. Argh.
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Oh Casey, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. You always have such good, sound advice for me and I don't know what to say to make you feel better except the usual, it will be okay just give it time.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care; vent it out of your system on this board where you have friends that care about you and the way you feel. I wish I had a magic wand that could make everything go away for you and all of us, but I don't.
Just hang in there and fight! Maybe your doc will be able to give you something for the nausea.
BIG BIG, BIG HUGS AND CARING FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!
Lene
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God never promised life would be easy, but he did promise to provide a way out!
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Lene...
#103064 - 09/01/04 08:26 AM
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atomic rose
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)
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You're such a sweetheart... I'm glad you're here with us, ya know? Hugs back to you! Hope you're having a good-insides day. 
My doctor actually did give me something for the nausea, but... *gets really embarassed*... I'm afraid to take it, because it has NAUSEA as a side effect! I laughed at the ridiculousness of that, but days like today, it just makes me afraid to take it at all, you know?
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Oh your post was so bleak today. I do sympathize with you and understand your outlook but from another point of view. I have been operated on 15 times. My problems stemmed from accidents. Lots of time spent healing alone waiting to get better. Looking back thinking of ending it all and wondering why do we live? But one day the bones healed and I got off my prescription painkillers like morphine and tylox. It was really the happiest time of the whole period (using). Drifting off to sleep. When I had my scope a couple weeks ago it was a flashback to surgery years earlier. The sedative went in my veins I closed my eyes and drifted off.
Adding new food that's creating fear and most of all fear of having a BM cause panic in my life. I like you will skip meals and then eat and then my colon goes into spasms that make me feel worse. I took my new levison last week and it made me dizzy and I really should not have driven. I sometimes wonder why does this happen to me?
A reformed drug and alcohol addict? Feeling fine when you used it? Funny isn't it? We use these items and feel fine until we stop using them. My wife has fear of me becoming an alcoholic since it runs in my family. I can make any mixed drink in the world without leaving my kitchen. I guess I just have all the stuff so I can prove to her that I can have it and not become an alcoholic. It is tempting. I do drink wine a couple glasses a week. My tryglicerites are to low.
Stress: I once read that a person under continuous stress is doing more damage to their body than a person who smokes a pack a day.
Depression: Did you ever go see a Physiologist? I always wanted one like the Lady in the Sopranos on HBO. Just to be able to spill my guts out to her. I could never have a male shrink.
I remember being very young 5 or 6 lying on a pillow because my stomach hurt so bad.
I am sorry that this letter may not make you feel better but you should feel better knowing someone reads your great posts.
Ranting on and on. Derek
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IBS -D since about 1984. Its stress not food that kills me!
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You poor thing! I've had nausea on and off my entire life, but it is small potatoes compared to what you're dealing with.
For a while in high school, I was nauseated every morning without fail. I found that it was more bearable if I had candy in my mouth - I particularly liked the tropical fruit Lifesavers because I didn't know which flavor would be next in the roll. 
In the end, it was really fixed when they started teaching aerobics in gym (which I had late morning). I'm a total exercise wimp, but it was gentle enough to get me sweating without getting winded or requiring loads of coordination. Magically, after half an hour, my nausea was gone for the day. After a couple of weeks, it was pretty much gone from my teenage life (and I started doing Jane Fonda's tape at home with my mom).
Casey, I know you've had some problems with exercise leading to a very unhappy colon, but maybe it might work for you too. The secret for me, I think, was that it allowed me to be busy and sweaty without getting stressed or hurt.
On a totally unrelated note, there's meds that work for nausea for people going thru chemo - I had friends that used them and they ended up with very happy tummies throughout that process. A doc should be able to come up with one for you that would not make your nausea worse!
--AC
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Casey I am so sorry your feeling bad. You have been such a huge help to me and I don't know what to tell you. I am sending BIG HUGS hon and will send up a prayer. I hope your Doc can figure it out. I also hope you feel better soon.
Just hang in there casey were all here for you.
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Heather7476
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I though I was having a bad day, week, month, year...
I would take the med that your doc gave you for nausea. Could it be worse than how you already feel? Probably not.
As for your statement "I can't live like this. If this is what the rest of my life is going to be like, I don't even want to be alive anymore." I HEAR YA!
I feel like that too but it always passes. You're just having a very rough time (so am I X 100) but it can't last forever. There has to be some kind of treatment to make things better.
Are you on an anti-depressant? I'm not but am going to ask my doc about that tomorow. If you're not, maybe you should look into it too. All this digestive sickness nearly every day is so much too handle.
CHEER UP CASEY! Just put on some comfy clothes and do whatever it takes for you to feel a bit better. That's what I'm doing today. Tell your boyfriend to give you a big smooch and maybe that will help. 
Feel better soon, tattoo lady! 
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Casey - aarrggh I don't know what I can say to help. I know we are all different - but for me the nausea has gone practically completely. I was the same as you - fine until I ate then really ill afterwards. A good day was only feeling slightly sick rather than 'oh god I'm about to vomit'. For me cutting out wheat helped. Also I can only stomach a banana first thing in the morning - I know you can't have this, but would rice be OK, or just too disgusting at that time! Secondly the anti-depressants have REALLY helped. I can't stress how much. Don't be afraid of the side effects. My first lot made me feel really sick and my second lot gave me the shakes - but after about a week the side effects DO GO - and you feel so much better (whats a little nausea, you are obviously used to dealing with it). I remember you once said that someone called you nails, because you are hard as nails - well now is the time to remember that person, take the medication and know that whatever happens, however sick you feel it is only temporary and at least you are in control and trying to do something about it. You must be pretty tough to have kicked the drink and drug habit, so you can do this.
Also, please remember that moving house is one of the most stressful things ever - added to to the problems you are having with your eviction AND the therapy AND the new meds. Seriously, if you wrote down all the stressful things that you have been through in the past and that you are going through at the moment you shouldn't be surprised that you are feeling ill - even superwomen would have difficulty dealing with all that!!
Also, to put things in perspective, remember a few months ago when you were so sick you weren't eating anything. I've seen your posts on the Vegas board, and you've come a million miles since then.
This won't be forever, once you get settled in your new house I'm sure you'll feel much better. This also won't be the way you deal with stress forever. A lot of people my parents know who have had nervous breakdowns etc say that once they get better (which can take years) it forces them to re-prioritise their life so that they learn coping strategies and how to spot the warning signs to stop it before it gets too bad.
I know what you mean though - life generally sucks when you feel this ill.
However remember, you have -
A beautiful house that you are going to move into
A boyfriend that I presume you are very happy with (hope I'm right)
Cats
The chance to go freelance and take control of your working life
TONS of friends on this board
Lots of kick ass tatoos!!!!
Take care of yourself - try a little pampering to cheer yourself and repeat after me - I WILL GET BETTER at least 20 times a day!
AND TAKE YOUR MEDS!!!
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Oh, my darling, darling girl.
I'm so upset that you're so upset. God, I wish I had the power to take you in my arms and heal you, make you whole and healthy and happy again. I'm glad you told us how unhappy you are. Troubles shared are troubles halved and joys shared are joys doubled. There is definitely something going on with your body. I hope they find it soon.
As far as the antinausea prescription, do what I do, test drive it! Pick a day when you won't be too busy and take one tablet. If it makes the nausea worse then you can report that to the doctor. And if a miracle occurs and it makes the nausea better - WHOO HOO, wouldn't that be grand!!
Now, picture yourself surrounded by, wrapped by pink cotton wool, you know the fluffy stuff, with angels watching over you. Go have a good cry, then a good nap, then meditate for a while. You're allowed to be upset, this darn disease we have is incredibly frustrating. But you are one strong lady. You licked your substance problems, you got the D under control, you can get through this too.
Now, how about just a little tiny smile for your friend Laura Sue? Okey doke?
Love ya!
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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I laughed out loud when I got to the "kick ass tattoos" part. Hah!
I'm feeling a little better now... I think ranting and then having a good cry helped. 
You'll be pleased to know that I finally just buckled down and took my first Lexapro about an hour ago. I can't believe what a wimp I've turned into. You're right - what happened to the chick my ex used to call "nails"?! Sheesh. Anyway, the first pill's down, it hasn't killed me (LOL), and I have a feeling things are going to get better from here.
Wanna hear something funny? The last really bad D attack I had was on plain rice. Since then, I can't even stand to LOOK at the stuff, much less eat it. I nibbled on some the other night, and it sat in my stomach like a rock. Wheat products don't *always* bother me - a good example is that last night, I was feeling especially crappy, I ate some pasta, and I felt *better*. Once I can eat rice and potatoes again, though, I might try cutting out wheat... can't hurt, might help. I did go almost a year eating NO refined wheat products (white flour) when I did the low-carb thing, so maybe my body is still having a hard time figuring out what to do with the stuff.
Thank you. Truly. I have nothing on my agenda for today, so although I really can't afford or justify it, I'm going to the yarn store and treating myself to something fun to knit with. That'll keep my brain out of overdrive for the rest of the day, I'm sure.
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