wish me luck...
#78891 - 06/14/04 08:42 AM
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Hi Ya'll,
I'm not having the greatest day.. (I feel like all I do is come on here and say that) so I figured I'd seek out some ibs lovin! 
I'm having some long distance love troubles.. I am so lonely here, and don't have a single friend. In turn i've been kinda jealous that Vinnie is out all the time and having so much fun. he's living where he grew up so he's out all the time. i'm here lonely and feeling sorry for myself and wrongly picked fights. I did a bad thing, and on saturday he was going out alone with a girl that is his friend and I got mad.. now in turn he's questioning me saying that i'm too insecure and jealous for his liking.
That really isn't me, but I can't seem to convince him of that. Things just go from bad to worse. A few months ago I would have guarunteed he's the man I would marry. Now there are so many things tearing us down. I think i'm losing him or already lost him.
My second day of training at work is today. I'm waitressing.. nothing too exciting but something to hold me over till I move to boston in August. I'm a nervous wreck, I can't sleep (and spent the wee hours of the early morning running back and forth from the bathroom with terrible stomach cramps.) and I'm afraid I will burst out in tears at my training today.
cross your fingers that he will realize that i'm truly sorry.. I love him more than anything and right now he won't even consider anything I say. I hope maybe he will soon.
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Aww :(
#78896 - 06/14/04 08:53 AM
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I'm sorry!  I know how you feel. I am not the jealous type either, but I know it's hard when you're apart. You think dumb things in your head and it's hard to get them out. He will come around! He needs to put himself in your shoes.
Is there anyone you can go out with where you are?? Maybe you'll meet some people at this job?
I'm sorry you're not feeling good. I've been having bad sleeping problems for awhlie now, and it sucks!
Take a deep breath, try and get your mind off of it for awhile at work, and hopefully things will turn around SOON!!
Take care.
~Cara
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~Cara~
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Poor you
#78908 - 06/14/04 09:10 AM
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Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
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Hey darlin',
Aww, poor you.. I so feel for you, believe me! I know how hard it is to be so far apart from the person you loove and for it to make things so difficult. I am the same as you, I am not normally a jealous person but being far away makes all those little demons come running out sometimes. I know that after I left my boyfriend in England, a girl he used to fancy thought I'd gone forever and was texting him all the time and he went out with her (and other people!) and even though I _knew_ nothing was happening, it drove me nuts. It's that little spark of jealousy that you can usually put out once he gets home, and you can realise how silly you were probably being.. trouble is, when you're far away and he can't come home and reassure you of the silliness, that little spark can get mighty big.
As for him not listening to anything you say right now, I am so sorry that boys are so frustrating and so not as good at communicating as us girls! My boyfriend will just shut down to me if I am really going on about something, and I think they must only be able to deal with so much before they just switch right off! Seriously, though, he will probably come around. If he were in your position, he would probably be feeling the same and if he thinks about it, he'll realise it. If the two of you were so close that you thought about being married, he must have more faith in you than to just turn his back because you got a little lonely and jealous! We're only human!
As for the waitressing, don't worry! I have been waitressing for so long and I can tell you there is nothing to it. As long as you can do a good amount of @$$ kissing for the customers, carry a few plates and try not to spill many drinks, you'll be fine (though I did spill an entire tray of glasses of water all over myself an 2 ladies once when I was a waitress in Canada... that was nice! And I had been a waitress for 2 years by then!) The other good thing about waitressing, is usually there are people of a youngish age who are usually pretty nice. Not all of 'em, obviously, but I made tons of friends when I worked at the restaurants I've worked at. Once you can get in with the people you are working with, and get a bit more of a social life in your new surroundings, you will probably feel so much better. AND then you'll have your boyfriend wondering what you're getting up to when you're always out and about!
Good luck, luv, I know it seems shitty now but I will be sending good thoughts your way!
*HUG HUG HUG*
--Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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Thanks for your support Steph! I'm so sad about all of this. Its so hard because I don't think he's willing to give me another chance, but at the same time we honestly did plan our life out together. I dont' want the fact that we had to be away from each other for the summer to ruin our relationship. I feel so bad. Vinnie isn't the most tolerant person in the world, and he's insanely stubborn. Which makes me sad that he might risk something so great. Its so hard because I can't even see him to assure him everything is ok. Its so easy to end somethign when your hundreds of miles away from them.
Friends have said to me, if he really loved you you wouldn't be apart this summer at all, but I don't beleive that. I would go to the ends of the earth for this boy, and I've tried to say sorry about being jealous. But something similar.. though not the same happened before and he's attributing that situation to this situation and saying that he has already gave me a chance before.
He says that jealously is just part of who I am, but when we were first together I wasn't jealous of anything, and I was so secure in his arms. I think the real problem was that I was bored and lonely and let that get the best of me and our relationship and there is nothing I can do to stop it. What would you do?!?!
As for waitressing, I've done it for a long time, but its a new place so I have train and learn their menu, and learn their rules and drinks etc... I'm just afraid won't be able to concentrate cause all I can think about is that I may not get to kiss him again etc.
I am hoping that I will make some friends at work, but he's not willing to consider that or think that anything might change. i've emailed him a few times cause he won't answer his phone, so hopefully he'll realizeI'm truly sorry. I've tried to tell him.. but he just sid no no no over and over again.
thanks for the help.
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thanks hun.. I usually sleep like a baby, but its so hard to sleep when a million other things are running through your head, an you've got a massive stomach ache. Plus, when I get really upset I puke ALOT, so I spent the night either crying, or in the bathroom. It was NOT fun time.
I don't know that he'll turn around.. I'm not confident this is something he wants to fix, cause everytime we've talked.. he's been pretty adament about not wanting to work things out.
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Ashley, honey, give him some time. You've only been gone a very short while.
Could it be that the reason you're going off the deep end is because you don't know anyone at your mom's? You need to meet people. The new job will solve that problem. It's a good thing. Instead of focusing so much on the BF, throw all that energy into your new job. It's a waitress job? Okay, then be the BEST waitress they've ever seen. I love to go to ihop for breakfast OR lunch -- I don't care which -- just because I LOVE one of the waitresses there -- Georgeann. She's an absolute delight. She hugs me every time she sees me -- and she's a good hugger too! I ask for one of her tables, and I always leave a big tip. I watch how she relates to others in the restaurant, and it's obvious she loves people -- and they love her! (By the way, she's such a giving person that she grows her lush, thick hair very long, just to have it all cut off and donated to the children's cancer society -- they make wigs out of it for the children who've lost their hair from all the chemotherapy; she does this every year.) I just LOVE GeorgeAnn.
I can guarantee you that Georgeann ain't lonely!
Vinnie is trying to tell you that he needs some space right now. Give it to him! The more you push, the farther he's gonna run from you. I know you love him, that's perfectly clear -- oh yeah! -- but you can't talk him into loving you back. If the two of you were meant to be together, then he'll come back to you. If you were not meant to be together, then it's best that you're apart; otherwise, you'd both end up miserable.
I'm sorry I'm not telling you what you want to hear, but you have so much going for you that others need to discover and appreciate, obviously far more than Vinnie can.
I hate to think of you back there with a broken heart. Please consider what I've said. Give him some time, let him miss you a little -- while you get out there and be the best damn waitress EVER, meeting people and enjoying someone else's company.
Bevvy
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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... I've done my fair share of arguing with my boyfriend lately, I know how it is. Well, except for the being apart, we get too much time together! I just saw you said that you emailed him, that is what I was going to suggest doing, things are different when you can proofread what you say! Open up to him, and as embarrasing as it may seem, be honest with him why you were upset and let him know that it didn't really have to do with him. Jealuosy is a part of everyone, especially in that situation, the key is just not letting your other know that it bothers you. There really is no way to win by telling someone that you are jealous.
You seem like a really sweet girl Ashley, and if in the end he doesn't forgive you, than you know that he is not worth it. Nobody has to be perfect and everybody goes through bad times, your bf needs to realize this!
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-Sheri
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Thank you so much. Your post made me cry. I'm happy about this new job because then I can put my energy into something else. I will be the best damn waitress I can be. haha. And I hope to make some new friends. Because I'm lonely here at my mom's is exactly why this all happened. Which totally sucks. I know its only been a short while, but he's already giving up.
I know I can't make him be with me, but its a hard realization when you realize that someone just isn't coming back. I'm trying to leave him alone, but i'm so bad at it.
I'm a total lover.. and nurturer. I love to fix things.. Its taking so much to refrain me from calling every five minutes and emailing every 2. Its so hard. Thanks for the tips. I'll write more later.. for now I'm off to training. hopefully it goes ok.
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I'm so sorry you are having a rough time about your BF. I have been married for 36 yrs and during that time I found out that if you can't trust your partner when you are apart then things will never work out. I think you need to find someone else that makes you feel secure so you won't have these jealous feelings. Since you have already e-mailed him your feelings, I wouldn't call him anymore..... let him call you next time.
Try to focus on your new job. I'm sure you will make some friends and that will help a lot in trying not to think about him so much.
Love can be very tough at times but things will get better. I have been around a long time and that's the way it works.
Sending bunches of luck your way
Barbie
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Re: Steph..
#78951 - 06/14/04 11:46 AM
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Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
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Hi Ashley,
I was just reading everyone else's posts and I think I agree with something Bev said (probably everything Bev said, she's a smart lady her!) - if he is acting like he wants space and distance, give it to him. I think one of things about people in relationships is that they can sometimes give too much, which makes one person run away. I know I've done it, where I've really smothered someone and it makes them want to spend more and more time away.. but if I just back off, they suddenly appear again!
I know how it is to be trying to think about something else (about anything else!) and all your mind will be is go back to that darn boy... But it will probably help if you keep busy, and do try and just throw yourself into work. At least if you've waitressed before, you know the ropes and it's just a matter of learning a new menu, etc.
The worst thing you can do is let yourself worry and worry 'cause if you're like me, it'll just make you more and more sick and then you'll have _that_ to worry about too, and who needs that??
When I was apart from my boyfriend for a while, I was really miserable for the first few weeks.. I really wanted to phone him every 15 minutes, and I couldn't sleep and everything.. but it does get easier. I think you kinda adjust to being an individual again, rather than half of a couple, and then it is so much easier to just get on with things. Plus, I found I was a bit more independent from him and less clingy when I did come back after that time apart. You never know, this might just make your relationship stronger. If it doesn't, it will definitely make _you_ stronger, and that is the most important thing. I really hope things work out for you, but if they don't you know you have us to talk to and the knowledge that you'll be okay. I tend to really get worked up when things don't work out, and I really let myself believe that my entire world is falling apart.. but it never does. It just stalls up a bit, and then you sort yourself out again.
You are such a lovely, wonderful person that you don't deserve to be feeling so sad, and up all night being sick - so just try to remember that. You are better than that, and you deserve all the fun things in life and you have to go out and get them.
Try and get some sleep tonight, you'll feel so much better for it if you can start getting into a normal routine - it'll help for work, too!
**** big hugs for you ****
--Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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