wish me luck...
#78891 - 06/14/04 08:42 AM
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Hi Ya'll,
I'm not having the greatest day.. (I feel like all I do is come on here and say that) so I figured I'd seek out some ibs lovin! 
I'm having some long distance love troubles.. I am so lonely here, and don't have a single friend. In turn i've been kinda jealous that Vinnie is out all the time and having so much fun. he's living where he grew up so he's out all the time. i'm here lonely and feeling sorry for myself and wrongly picked fights. I did a bad thing, and on saturday he was going out alone with a girl that is his friend and I got mad.. now in turn he's questioning me saying that i'm too insecure and jealous for his liking.
That really isn't me, but I can't seem to convince him of that. Things just go from bad to worse. A few months ago I would have guarunteed he's the man I would marry. Now there are so many things tearing us down. I think i'm losing him or already lost him.
My second day of training at work is today. I'm waitressing.. nothing too exciting but something to hold me over till I move to boston in August. I'm a nervous wreck, I can't sleep (and spent the wee hours of the early morning running back and forth from the bathroom with terrible stomach cramps.) and I'm afraid I will burst out in tears at my training today.
cross your fingers that he will realize that i'm truly sorry.. I love him more than anything and right now he won't even consider anything I say. I hope maybe he will soon.
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Aww :(
#78896 - 06/14/04 08:53 AM
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I'm sorry!  I know how you feel. I am not the jealous type either, but I know it's hard when you're apart. You think dumb things in your head and it's hard to get them out. He will come around! He needs to put himself in your shoes.
Is there anyone you can go out with where you are?? Maybe you'll meet some people at this job?
I'm sorry you're not feeling good. I've been having bad sleeping problems for awhlie now, and it sucks!
Take a deep breath, try and get your mind off of it for awhile at work, and hopefully things will turn around SOON!!
Take care.
~Cara
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~Cara~
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Poor you
#78908 - 06/14/04 09:10 AM
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Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
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Hey darlin',
Aww, poor you.. I so feel for you, believe me! I know how hard it is to be so far apart from the person you loove and for it to make things so difficult. I am the same as you, I am not normally a jealous person but being far away makes all those little demons come running out sometimes. I know that after I left my boyfriend in England, a girl he used to fancy thought I'd gone forever and was texting him all the time and he went out with her (and other people!) and even though I _knew_ nothing was happening, it drove me nuts. It's that little spark of jealousy that you can usually put out once he gets home, and you can realise how silly you were probably being.. trouble is, when you're far away and he can't come home and reassure you of the silliness, that little spark can get mighty big.
As for him not listening to anything you say right now, I am so sorry that boys are so frustrating and so not as good at communicating as us girls! My boyfriend will just shut down to me if I am really going on about something, and I think they must only be able to deal with so much before they just switch right off! Seriously, though, he will probably come around. If he were in your position, he would probably be feeling the same and if he thinks about it, he'll realise it. If the two of you were so close that you thought about being married, he must have more faith in you than to just turn his back because you got a little lonely and jealous! We're only human!
As for the waitressing, don't worry! I have been waitressing for so long and I can tell you there is nothing to it. As long as you can do a good amount of @$$ kissing for the customers, carry a few plates and try not to spill many drinks, you'll be fine (though I did spill an entire tray of glasses of water all over myself an 2 ladies once when I was a waitress in Canada... that was nice! And I had been a waitress for 2 years by then!) The other good thing about waitressing, is usually there are people of a youngish age who are usually pretty nice. Not all of 'em, obviously, but I made tons of friends when I worked at the restaurants I've worked at. Once you can get in with the people you are working with, and get a bit more of a social life in your new surroundings, you will probably feel so much better. AND then you'll have your boyfriend wondering what you're getting up to when you're always out and about!
Good luck, luv, I know it seems shitty now but I will be sending good thoughts your way!
*HUG HUG HUG*
--Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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Thanks for your support Steph! I'm so sad about all of this. Its so hard because I don't think he's willing to give me another chance, but at the same time we honestly did plan our life out together. I dont' want the fact that we had to be away from each other for the summer to ruin our relationship. I feel so bad. Vinnie isn't the most tolerant person in the world, and he's insanely stubborn. Which makes me sad that he might risk something so great. Its so hard because I can't even see him to assure him everything is ok. Its so easy to end somethign when your hundreds of miles away from them.
Friends have said to me, if he really loved you you wouldn't be apart this summer at all, but I don't beleive that. I would go to the ends of the earth for this boy, and I've tried to say sorry about being jealous. But something similar.. though not the same happened before and he's attributing that situation to this situation and saying that he has already gave me a chance before.
He says that jealously is just part of who I am, but when we were first together I wasn't jealous of anything, and I was so secure in his arms. I think the real problem was that I was bored and lonely and let that get the best of me and our relationship and there is nothing I can do to stop it. What would you do?!?!
As for waitressing, I've done it for a long time, but its a new place so I have train and learn their menu, and learn their rules and drinks etc... I'm just afraid won't be able to concentrate cause all I can think about is that I may not get to kiss him again etc.
I am hoping that I will make some friends at work, but he's not willing to consider that or think that anything might change. i've emailed him a few times cause he won't answer his phone, so hopefully he'll realizeI'm truly sorry. I've tried to tell him.. but he just sid no no no over and over again.
thanks for the help.
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thanks hun.. I usually sleep like a baby, but its so hard to sleep when a million other things are running through your head, an you've got a massive stomach ache. Plus, when I get really upset I puke ALOT, so I spent the night either crying, or in the bathroom. It was NOT fun time.
I don't know that he'll turn around.. I'm not confident this is something he wants to fix, cause everytime we've talked.. he's been pretty adament about not wanting to work things out.
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Ashley, honey, give him some time. You've only been gone a very short while.
Could it be that the reason you're going off the deep end is because you don't know anyone at your mom's? You need to meet people. The new job will solve that problem. It's a good thing. Instead of focusing so much on the BF, throw all that energy into your new job. It's a waitress job? Okay, then be the BEST waitress they've ever seen. I love to go to ihop for breakfast OR lunch -- I don't care which -- just because I LOVE one of the waitresses there -- Georgeann. She's an absolute delight. She hugs me every time she sees me -- and she's a good hugger too! I ask for one of her tables, and I always leave a big tip. I watch how she relates to others in the restaurant, and it's obvious she loves people -- and they love her! (By the way, she's such a giving person that she grows her lush, thick hair very long, just to have it all cut off and donated to the children's cancer society -- they make wigs out of it for the children who've lost their hair from all the chemotherapy; she does this every year.) I just LOVE GeorgeAnn.
I can guarantee you that Georgeann ain't lonely!
Vinnie is trying to tell you that he needs some space right now. Give it to him! The more you push, the farther he's gonna run from you. I know you love him, that's perfectly clear -- oh yeah! -- but you can't talk him into loving you back. If the two of you were meant to be together, then he'll come back to you. If you were not meant to be together, then it's best that you're apart; otherwise, you'd both end up miserable.
I'm sorry I'm not telling you what you want to hear, but you have so much going for you that others need to discover and appreciate, obviously far more than Vinnie can.
I hate to think of you back there with a broken heart. Please consider what I've said. Give him some time, let him miss you a little -- while you get out there and be the best damn waitress EVER, meeting people and enjoying someone else's company.
Bevvy
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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... I've done my fair share of arguing with my boyfriend lately, I know how it is. Well, except for the being apart, we get too much time together! I just saw you said that you emailed him, that is what I was going to suggest doing, things are different when you can proofread what you say! Open up to him, and as embarrasing as it may seem, be honest with him why you were upset and let him know that it didn't really have to do with him. Jealuosy is a part of everyone, especially in that situation, the key is just not letting your other know that it bothers you. There really is no way to win by telling someone that you are jealous.
You seem like a really sweet girl Ashley, and if in the end he doesn't forgive you, than you know that he is not worth it. Nobody has to be perfect and everybody goes through bad times, your bf needs to realize this!
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-Sheri
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Thank you so much. Your post made me cry. I'm happy about this new job because then I can put my energy into something else. I will be the best damn waitress I can be. haha. And I hope to make some new friends. Because I'm lonely here at my mom's is exactly why this all happened. Which totally sucks. I know its only been a short while, but he's already giving up.
I know I can't make him be with me, but its a hard realization when you realize that someone just isn't coming back. I'm trying to leave him alone, but i'm so bad at it.
I'm a total lover.. and nurturer. I love to fix things.. Its taking so much to refrain me from calling every five minutes and emailing every 2. Its so hard. Thanks for the tips. I'll write more later.. for now I'm off to training. hopefully it goes ok.
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I'm so sorry you are having a rough time about your BF. I have been married for 36 yrs and during that time I found out that if you can't trust your partner when you are apart then things will never work out. I think you need to find someone else that makes you feel secure so you won't have these jealous feelings. Since you have already e-mailed him your feelings, I wouldn't call him anymore..... let him call you next time.
Try to focus on your new job. I'm sure you will make some friends and that will help a lot in trying not to think about him so much.
Love can be very tough at times but things will get better. I have been around a long time and that's the way it works.
Sending bunches of luck your way
Barbie
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Re: Steph..
#78951 - 06/14/04 11:46 AM
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Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
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Hi Ashley,
I was just reading everyone else's posts and I think I agree with something Bev said (probably everything Bev said, she's a smart lady her!) - if he is acting like he wants space and distance, give it to him. I think one of things about people in relationships is that they can sometimes give too much, which makes one person run away. I know I've done it, where I've really smothered someone and it makes them want to spend more and more time away.. but if I just back off, they suddenly appear again!
I know how it is to be trying to think about something else (about anything else!) and all your mind will be is go back to that darn boy... But it will probably help if you keep busy, and do try and just throw yourself into work. At least if you've waitressed before, you know the ropes and it's just a matter of learning a new menu, etc.
The worst thing you can do is let yourself worry and worry 'cause if you're like me, it'll just make you more and more sick and then you'll have _that_ to worry about too, and who needs that??
When I was apart from my boyfriend for a while, I was really miserable for the first few weeks.. I really wanted to phone him every 15 minutes, and I couldn't sleep and everything.. but it does get easier. I think you kinda adjust to being an individual again, rather than half of a couple, and then it is so much easier to just get on with things. Plus, I found I was a bit more independent from him and less clingy when I did come back after that time apart. You never know, this might just make your relationship stronger. If it doesn't, it will definitely make _you_ stronger, and that is the most important thing. I really hope things work out for you, but if they don't you know you have us to talk to and the knowledge that you'll be okay. I tend to really get worked up when things don't work out, and I really let myself believe that my entire world is falling apart.. but it never does. It just stalls up a bit, and then you sort yourself out again.
You are such a lovely, wonderful person that you don't deserve to be feeling so sad, and up all night being sick - so just try to remember that. You are better than that, and you deserve all the fun things in life and you have to go out and get them.
Try and get some sleep tonight, you'll feel so much better for it if you can start getting into a normal routine - it'll help for work, too!
**** big hugs for you ****
--Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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Oh honey... I'm sorry your having such a hard time with the BF... I tell ya...MEN... they are interesting creatures aren't they?!?!!? Yes, I agree with Bev.... he wants his space.... that is not what you want to hear.... but that is what you need to do. The ball is in his court now.... if he does not want to play anymore then you will have to find someone(S) else to play with... and that should not be too hard to do. You are YOUNG... and beautiful....
Good luck at your training today and here is to hoping you can make some new friends.....
You will do just fine... give it some time......
{{HUGS}}
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www.facebook.com/shell.marr
www.myspace.com/shellmarr
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Ashley, I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. I've done the whole LD relationship thing and I know it's not fun. It must be especially hard in place where you don't really know anyone. You've gotten some great advice already, so just hang in there. If this doesn't end up working out try to remember that things happen for a reason. If it's meant to be it will be.
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"Anyone can exercise, but this kind of lethargy takes real discipline." -Garfield
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Steph,
Thanks so much for your reply. Training was so short.. which totally sucks. (I never thought i'd say that). I was hoping to get out of the house longer. Its so hard to keep my mind off things here because I seriously have no friends and my mom and dad are away from the week, so basically its just me and thats it. that makes it alot worse.. cause this was basically the worst week for this to happen.
I'm the same way as you.. I feel as though the world is gonna end. I am relatively dramatic.. sooo.. for me this is the saddest thing ever.. and drama aside.. it really is. It would be one thing if we could just take a break etc, b.c I know things would be stronger when we got back together, but I don't think he's willing to wait.
I'm sick of all this crap making me stronger and making me a better person. I don't feel like that great of a person considering I'm not worth waiting for or working something. I know that that is not true, but I love him, so I value his opinion above all others. this sucks so bad. Anyways, I know I'm just feeling sorry for myself. But this sucks. Like i don't even know what to do. I just wish I could turn back time and just take this all back.. I just wished I shut my mouth... like I said I'm dramatic.. and I should have just shut up. I don't even care all that much.. I know it was something I could have refrained from saying.. I was bored and lonely.. not to mention pmsing.. and picked stupid fights. huge mistake. now I'm paying for it.
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thanks shell... work was alright. I think I managed to make one friend... but she just moved here to be with..
*yup you guessed it* her boyfriend.
Anyways, I don't exactly want to drop this load onto people I just met, so I smiled and listened and nodded my head. all the while thinking man you are lucky. This is so tough.
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Thanks Barbie.. its not even so much a question of trust. I trust him ALOT. He's NEVER given me any reason not to.
I think it was more of a factor me feeling like i took a backseat to his friends now that we are seperated. I should have been more careful explaining that.. instead of acting out in jealousy. I think I felt left out of his life, which is inevitable being so far away. but I could have handled it better, because I did trust him.
mostly i was bored and lonely and got mad.. when i shouldn't have.
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...and it's not fun, it's not big and it's not helpful. What a poohey situation. I'd try and sit on your hands and NOT contact him for a little while.
In the meantime - you go be a smiley, happy and above all, SPICEY waitress, you hear? 
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they came out gross.. I needed some cheering up.. so I made them and they don't taste so good.. too floury or something. Maybe cause its my first time.. I won't give up on them and I'll try them again cause everyone loves them so much.. but its saaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.. I could really use those badboys right now.
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Wow I really stink at being a penpal. I'm so sorry I missed this whole thread. I am ALWAYS thinking about you and your situation with Vinnie. Hahah I hope that doesn't freak you out -- you just remind me a lot of myself, especially in the areas of usually coming off as really secure and confident, and then having insane moments of stupid jealousy that threaten to ruin everything ... sound familiar?
I'm not going to sit here and echo all the good advice you've already gotten. When I feel they way you feel, the last thing I want to hear is a bunch of cliches about how if it's meant to be, it will be, or how things like this only make you stronger, or any of that, even though I know those things to be true. I do have a kind of random question, and I don't want you to think I'm some kind of creepy Jesus freak or anything ... but what is your spiritual life like? I love going to church, I have a great relationship with my priest and with everyone there, and I always get a kind of peace from praying that I don't get from talking to anyone else. I mean, I do talk to my parents, my siblings, my cousins, and my sisters-in-law, especially when I am not in the mood for any sugar-coating, but somehow praying really helps more than anything.
I really don't want to sit here and preach, but there are a few things I want to say. First of all, prayer and the belief that God really is good and really does have a good plan for you, can help with the lonliness, bigtime. It's so easy, especially in your situation, to feel like you are totally alone in the world. I really try to remind myself as much as possible that I'm not alone.
In general, I'm a total control freak. If I'm meeting up with my boyfriend, I have to know all the plans for the night, how we are getting places, who is meeting us, what he will be wearing .... I need to know all the details in advance. It takes a lot of faith to say okay God, I don't need to know the details, I don't even need to know the general plan -- I'm just going to trust you to work things out for me, and I'm going to do my best to do the things you like in the meantime. That takes so much faith and so much patience -- two things I don't have a lot of, and two things I pray for more of!
Okay ... climbing off the pulpit now ...
That's really the best advice I can give you. Even if you are not a religious person, do your best to accept the fact that you can only control yourself, your actions, and how you respond to other people. If Vinnie really is the man to make you happy, then I hope things work out. If he's not the one for you, then really I hope it's over quickly so you can reflect on what you've learned, and move on to making yourself happy.
It's not easy being a 20-something girl these days, is it? I can never remember if we are supposed to trust men or not ... do you ever feel like the feminists ruined romance? We don't trust men anymore, they don't bother to earn our trust, and nobody knows who is supposed to pay ...
For what it's worth, I'm sending you lots of love and hugs, and you really are in my thoughts all the time, so you shouldn't feel totally alone.
xoxo,
Panda
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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Oh man. Nothing worse than a failed attempt at baking. Especially when it is a chocolate letdown.
Hey don't take this the wrong way, but are you by any chance PMSing? The picking fights for no reason, feeling hopeless and frustrated, and wanting chocolate sound a lot like me when it's my time of the month. Could this be it?
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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The mixture should be pretty runny when you put it in the baking tin. Did you measure everything right?
Have another go. I love licking the bowl while they cook!
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You are TOOOOO cute! You really crack me up. Boy, Winnie is a real idiot. (Sorry.)
It's saaaaaaaad, eh? ROFLMAO!
What did you do wrong? Too floury? Okay, just toss that batch and start all over. You won't be sorry. ADBs are to DIE FOR!
Alternatively, have you got any Jack Daniels?
Bev
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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hedonism
#79107 - 06/14/04 06:29 PM
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Linz
Reged: 09/01/03
Posts: 8242
Loc: England
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Ah, JD and ADBs. What a life that would be...
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I don't know what I did.. I measured everything out.. they were insanely runny as linz says they should be.. I dont' know what happened. baking is usually my forte. they just aren't so good
OH well i'll just try making them again!
I've got no JD.. but I do have vodka, coronas, etc.. Should I wallow in my sadness and drink by myself? Although, maybe it will help me sleep tonight.
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How long did you bake them for? I found 20-25minutes was all mine needed.
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ADB Baking Times
#79120 - 06/14/04 06:44 PM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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20-25 minutes? Mine take 40! I looked at them after 25, and I knew they weren't done, not even close. The recipe says bake for 35-40 minutes (the author's were done in 25 but she used a glass dish).
Ashley, how long did you bake yours?
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Hello Darling!
How are you? I don't think its weird that you think about me and Vinnie alot.. It really is a sad story. Anyways, I think about you lots too!
I think we probably are a ton alike.. which is probably why we think about each other haha.. I hate this stupid jealously.. that mostly stemed from boredom. I'm incredibly depressed because I feel like I could fix this, but he is basically pretty hell bent on not giving me another chance. Usually I try to be confident and pretend I don't care.. but this time I opened my mouth.. waaaaaay more than once.. and one time too many. It sucks so bad.
I just can't stop thinking about everything i'm gonna be missing without him or an us. Like everything makes me cry. For example the commercial I just watched for fifty first dates which reminds me of valentines day with vinnie, which reminds me of the story in the movie, which reminds me of love, which reminds me of vinnie. really this isn't so much fun.
Spiritually, I'm not that spiritual. I do believe in god, but growing up my family didn't go to church, so I didn't go to church. It would be pretty strange to see five year old me hoofing it to church by myself. I did attempt young life camp, but enjoyed the waterslides, ropes course, and rafting more engaging than the church stuff. I do pray though, and perhaps I should take your advice and try praying. I have prayed before.. and would be willing to try anything.
As for being a control freak.. I feel that way as well. Which is def partly caused by my stomach. I've always been organized, but with an unpredictable stomach I like to make sure I know where I will go, with whom, which stops we will make etc. I totally know how you feel. Which may make vinnie feel even more suffocated.. cause I like to know everything.
Man being a girl is tough.. the worst part is is that all in all i trusted vinnie alot.
By the way.. do you have AIM?
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Depends on your oven I guess. Plus the oven I was using had a pretty dodgy temperature control, so maybe I had them on a higher temp...? Anymore than half an hour and they started to get hard baked.
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I think Linzy hit on it. Ashley, you're not used to your mom's oven. All ovens seem to have their own temperature gauge, and they seem to vary greatly. I know 30 minutes isn't long enough for my ADBs. Yet 20 minutes is long enough for Linzy.
Ask your mom if her oven runs cold or hot. Try another batch and bake them a little longer. Don't give up, Cutie!
I can't help myself. I'm sitting here, picturing Ashley's cute picture, and her ADB frustration, and I can't help but smile. What a cutie-pie.
Say, Ashley, do you have any cocoa? Marshmallows? Rice Krispies? Hmmmmm???
Do you get where I'm going here?
Bevvy
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Maybe it's just your own personal taste? I never thought that they were anything spectacular, no matter how many times I made them! I always have to put frosting on them or else they're just not good enough for me to enjoy. But then you have Miss Bev who absolutely adores them, so maybe you're just kinda like me? Who knows! I agree, though, give it another try! Maybe it was just some freak thing!
And I think that everyone has given you EXCELLENT advice about your relationship. Just keep your spirits high!!
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It comes down to the art of living on [color/red]
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Hi! 
I am on AIM -- Manda728k
Sorry I just got a phonecall so I'll have to respond to your post later 
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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we actually just had this new oven delivered on friday and its pretty fancy.. so that could have been the problem. It has a conventional oven and a regular oven setting and I used the conventional oven setting.. I thought that was what is good for baking. Also, if anything I think they were a lil too overcooked, and crispy on the edges.
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That sounds pretty darn good to me! I love crispy edges! So what exactly was wrong with these anyway? You said they're too "floury"? Maybe they came out right, but you just don't like them. Is that possible?
Nah!
You must have left out the egg. Maybe the applesauce? You did include the applesauce, didn't you?
Damn I'm getting hungry...
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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I do like crispy edges.. BUT.. they just didn't taste like the real thing. Two days ago my bro made duncan hines real stuff with his girlfriend, andI cheated and ate them. and they were so good, these just taste to real or something. I can taste the flour.. I did add all the ingredients too.
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It comes down to the art of living on [color/red]
Edited by peaches (06/14/04 07:33 PM)
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Hey Ashley,
What about No Pudge brownies? Have you ever tried them? I find when I'm really down they're so easy and impossible to mess up...maybe you could try that
I hope tomorrow is a much better day for you! Hang in there!
Kelly
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Alright... they tasted like cardboard. yup.. thats right. The funniest part about it is.. I sitting there last night (trying to avert my mind from the boy.. or lack thereof) and trying to find the perfect way to describe my discusting ADB's.
Anyways, while at wine training yesterday.. our GM was telling us not to describe wine as tasting like things we've never ate. i.e.. his example was do not tell cusotmers that a wine tastes like leather. He said how many people chew on their shoes or their belts. Describe it using tastes people actually recognize.. no one is gonna be like mnnnn leather MY FAVORITE!
well the irony is.. I can only describe my ADB's as cardboard. Or what I would imagine cardboard to taste like. In some spots they were veeeeeeery chewy, but not yum chewy.. cardboard chewy.
Other than that.. nothing is new. I'm exhausted cause I spend the night on AIM with Amandapanda till 1:30am. Very enjoyable though and she helped me out tons! 1:30 doesn't seem too bad but I was woken up at 8 by extremely loud weed wackers and lawn mowers. Who the hell weeed wacks at the butt crack of dawn. I was really hoping to catch some more zzzz's due to my extreme lack of them the night before. 
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