IBS girlfriend... any advice?
#64586 - 04/25/04 02:31 PM
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BrianO
Reged: 04/25/04
Posts: 4
Loc: Washington state
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Hello, my name is Brian and I'm new to this message board. Anyway.... My girlfriend was diagnosed with IBS, with constipation, 3 years ago and she is having an awfully hard time dealing with it and taking care of herself. Also, I assume it's not uncommon for women with IBS to become easily frustrated and irritated with every day life. I'm struggling to give her the help and support she needs because, "I just dont understand." Can anyone give me some suggestions?
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Welcome to the Boards!
Your girlfriend is SOOOO lucky to have you! Oh, BIG time.
Yes, I have many suggestions for you.
First of all, the sooner your girlfriend accepts her diagnosis, the sooner she'll get better. I speak from experience. You can help her by investing in Heather's books, especially "The First Year." Check out the link to your left.
Who's the cook? You or her? Heather's other book, "Eating for IBS," is a cook book with excellent recipes. Also, check out the Recipe Board here -- there are fabulous IBS-safe recipes that are totally delicious.
If your girlfriend drinks coffee, get her off it. I wouldn't give it up for the longest time, and my IBS just got worse. When Heather got me off the stuff, I got better -- overnight! (Oh, and that includes decaf as well!)
Invest in a heating pad (for the tummy), some tummy teas (check out the link to your left), soluble fiber supplement (Acacia is my fave -- check out the link on the left), and peppermint capsules (excellent as an anti-spasmodic for those inevitable cramps). All of this can be purchased from Heather's website. You can e-mail her: Heather@helpforibs.com
Following the eating program, strictly adhering to the rules, cutting out all triggers, exercising, taking the solule fiber supplements, and drinking all the water, your girlfriend should do MUCH better and feel better too.
The best thing you could do for her, besides all this, is provide SUPPORT. It's really hard for people with IBS to socialize, because we want to be just like everyone else, we want to go places and do the same things everyone else does, including eating Big Macs and Chocolate Shakes (oooh, I'd kill for one of those!), but the truth is we CAN'T. Instead, take her to places where food isn't the main focus.
Oh -- and invest in some Equalactin. You can order it from your pharmacist (although a lot of us have been able to find it at the WalMart pharmacy). It's a chewable soluble fiber supplement that, for some reason, tends to settle the tummy better than the others.
Last, but certainly not least, try to introduce your girlfriend to this website and these boards. Everyone here is VERY helpful -- we've all been where your girlfriend is now. I was in total denial just a year ago, but my IBS got to such an extreme point that I was completely home-bound; I had to deal with it, I had no choice. But when I did, when I stopped being in denial, when I accepted it, I got better. I have these boards, Heather, and the hynotherapy program to thank for it all.
Good luck, Brian, and keep us posted on your progress. You ARE a star!
Bev
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Thanks be to you! You've been mighty helpful and I appreciate your concern. I will indeed reccomend all those things to her. 
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how lovely!
#64606 - 04/25/04 04:38 PM
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jenX
Reged: 08/11/03
Posts: 3252
Loc: Richmond, VA
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geez, i hope i meet someone as understanding and nice as you. 
Bevrs said everything there is to say! read it, study it, have your girlfriend live it! sometimes i wish that everyone with IBS could try these changes for 3 weeks. if, after that time, they noticed no improvement, then what have they really lost!? but i know they'd all notice some kind of improvement, however subtle (and most times it will be dramatic!).
i'll tell ya a something: i have had the IBS for a few years now... it kinda snuck up on me and hit me really really hard last year. i was quite the unhappy (and therefore unpleasant) gal. it's so hard to be upbeat and pleasant when your stomach feels like it's grinding up razorblades. if it's not your stomach stabbing at you, then you get to contend with a ridiculous bloating that makes wearing your normal clothes impossible! some of us get terribly painful and can't go to the bathroom. others spend hours in the bathroom with our "D" and it's not just that: there's the crying, sweating, shaking, dizziness, nausea.... er... you get the idea. then most of the time people just look at you and think "she doesn't look sick." or worse, they have the attitude i had before i got really sick. i used to think that people who spent a lot of time being concerned about what they ate were neurotic. well, that's not the case, as i've learned. the people i've met through IBS are lovely people battling an illness, and they will do just about anything to feel better!
so now i check ingredients, take my soluble fiber supplement (acacia), carry my Equalactin, avoid dairy (not as hard as you may think!), eat low fat (it's better for you anyway), drink my fennel tea, and eat smaller amounts more frequently. subsequently, i haven't had an attack since.... hmmm.... i really can't remember!
i agree with Bev... see if you can get your girlfriend to come online, even just to look and lurk. there's so much to learn and i swear if she follows the directions she'll feel tons better and then feel less frustrated and irritable. right now, being sick, it's a wonder she has any kind thoughts at all! the diet helps you regain control of something that makes you feel helpless, and that's a wonderful feeling!
hopefully your girlfriend appreciates how wonderful you are and how concerned you are! it's great!
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well, damn it looks as though many people know how to deal with this, eh? Well, that's great! I'm super pumped to introduce her to this site. Thanks for the support!
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Brian,
My husband helps me so much, above everything he keeps me calm which really helps your tummy. He also helps me follow the food list and not eat the things that make me sick.
Another thing is that he knows that I have to be a "dificult" orderer in restaurants. I used to be embarrased, but now he understands and it does not bother him when it takes me 5 min to order a meal 
You are so sweet to care!
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I will indeed keep her calm at all costs. thanks!
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You sweetheart! The others have given great advice so all I'm going to add is some advice for you! The best thing my lovely boyfriend can do for me when I feel ill is tuck me into bed, warm up my heating pad (put it in a pillowcase so not to burn the tummy!) and make me some herbal tea! That is BLISS to me.
I'd get some of Heather's tummy teas...or you can get Peppermint, Fennel, Chamomile, etc in loads of grocery stores. Peppermint is general all-rounder (though it's not good if your girlfriend gets heartburn). Chamomile's good if you can't have Peppermint and is very good for relaxing. Fennel is best for bloating. Oh, and Ginger is best for nausea (but aging, not if she has heartburn!).
And a soluble fibre supplement can make an amazing difference!
Good luck! Hope to hear from your girlfriend soon.
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*lurk* ...
hi. i'm Gretta, and that's my Briano! I'm the luckiest girl in the world <3
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hi! I'm the girlfriend; Gretta. Good to be here! Well, sort of... Not good to have IBS, but good to have people to talk to about it, ya know?
I've been doing the Metamucil (works better for me than others I've tried, though I haven't tried Equilactin [that's a fiber, isn't it? I need to do my research]) everynight, and I guzzle the chamomile... My real trouble is with stress. Eh, I'll work on it.
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i'm soooo glad. you've got quite a sweet guy there, girlfriend!
Equalactin IS a soluble fiber supplement. i keep some on me all the time in my purse. i use it when an attack is coming on, and i also chew some up before i eat out. as you go through the site, you'll see tons of helpful hints. one of the best is to eat soluble fiber as the base of each meal. since i don't eat bread, i can't exactly dive into the breadbasket at a restaurant to get my soluble fiber. i take the equalactin instead. it works great! it's a little pricey if you were to try to take it as your supplement for each meal, but it works great the way i use it. (learned from the best: Bevrs!)
glad you're here. sorry you're sick.  at least you have found this place, and that was what it took for me to get better. really, it's not so hard to eat this way once you set your mind to it. i'm hardly ever sad about stuff i can't eat. know why? 'cause i don't spend all my time in the potty and thinking about being in the potty. no pain (well, rarely and only then when i've been bad!), no crying in the bathroom, no cancelled plans.... life can be almost normal again!
as for the stress: have you tried yoga? check out the boards there and the yoga pages (link on the left)... there are some nice postures that help keep you well and they destress, too. (i'm a mongo stressed out chickie!   i'm just now learning how to avoid that!)
anyway, enough babbling from me. glad you're here, hope you stick around.
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Gretta
#65790 - 04/28/04 06:11 PM
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Linz
Reged: 09/01/03
Posts: 8242
Loc: England
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Welcome! You're our first couple (I think)! Least you don't BOTH have IBS  . Sorry you're ill, but glad you've found this place. It's the best - has helped me more than anything else.
Btw, I love your name!
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you ARE the luckiest girl in the world! well, maybe.... you may have to fight JuLee for that title. actually, there are lots of great hubbies, wives, and significant others on these boards! just lots of great folks all around. (it's like a little love fest at all times!)
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BrianO
#66112 - 04/29/04 06:25 PM
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Shell Marr
Reged: 08/04/03
Posts: 14959
Loc: Seattle, WA USA
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message from my hubby Shane.......
Quote:
Kudos to you bud for caring so much and supporting your girlfriend!
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www.facebook.com/shell.marr
www.myspace.com/shellmarr
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YES..... I'm soooo happy that Brian got you to come check out this site.... you will NOT regret it. Just take some time and look around... if you need anything or have any questions...just ask.
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www.facebook.com/shell.marr
www.myspace.com/shellmarr
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WELCOME, GRETTA!
#66120 - 04/29/04 06:34 PM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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Welcome to the Boards, Girlfriend!
By the way, you have a real gem in Brian. He's a keeper!
We're all in the same boat, Gretta. We've all been there. (And still are, actually....)
I'm a D. I'm 59 (okay, so I'll be the big 60 in November, damnitall), and I have diverticulosis as well as IBS. Great fun stuff!
You're in good hands here, Gretta. Everyone is very helpful, so please feel free to ask any and all questions you might have. I left your boyfriend a very long post for you, so I won't repeat it all again. Suffice it to say that you will get better by staying here and asking all the questions you have. Of course, sticking with the program is essential. I got SOOO much better when I got real about it all and stopped being in denial. Accepting the fact and then dealing with it is absolutely the only way to "heal."
Any IBS questions you have, just feel free to post them in the IBS Diet Board. You'll get a lot of response there. This Board (The Living Room) is where we all just "natter" and "schmooze." You'll enjoy the "What Is It?" Game. (I'm terrible at it!)
Again, welcome! You came to the right place.
Bev
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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welcome Greata to the best IBS site known to man love to have u with us.
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if God brought you to it. He will bring you through it.
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Quote:
message from my hubby Shane.......
Quote:
Kudos to you bud for caring so much and supporting your girlfriend!
So when is Shane going to get his own user name and come reek havoc on the boards? 
- Jennifer
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- Jennifer
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Quote:
Quote:
message from my hubby Shane.......
Quote:
Kudos to you bud for caring so much and supporting your girlfriend!
So when is Shane going to get his own user name and come reek havoc on the boards?
- Jennifer
We have thought about this....but it is easier to keep it like this. Shane is not able to view this site at work, only email....(so I do a lot of copy/paste) for him. When we are at home..... he is so busy working on other projects that he really does not have much time. It is when he hears me laughing etc that he will take a few minutes and read over my shoulder and then voice his opinion if he has one.
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www.facebook.com/shell.marr
www.myspace.com/shellmarr
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