Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | just curious about everyone...

50's and 60's? OMG! Don't tell me that stuff; I can't take it! I can't take it, I tell ya!

The anxiety happened well after my colonoscopy, really when I finally came to grips with the truth about my IBS. I felt alone with this -- it was before I came on the boards -- and I was scared. My GI wasn't helping me at all (and in fact showed me the door). I had Heather's books, and that's what I was going by, nothing else. I had some REALLY stressful stuff happening at the time, and I just couldn't handle it all, the stress and the IBS, the constant cramps, and NOT GETTING ANY HELP. I felt like my body was breaking down inside, that this was a part of aging, and every time I had an attack and was stuck on the toilet, doubled over with cramps, I just knew it was cancer. I was scared to death.

The worst panic attack occurred in Canada. I was at a Home Depot store, far away from anyone I knew, in a foreign country. I just panicked. I stood there, frozen to the spot, sweat pouring down my face, which had turned white as a sheet. Hubby looked at me and said, "Wow! What's WRONG with you?" I ran to the bathroom, locked myself in a stall, sat on the pot and clutched onto the walls for support. I knew I was dying, I just knew it, dying in a foreign country, away from everyone I knew and loved, my body totally falling apart, while sitting on a public toilet.

I truly believed that my whole problem was the fact that my body was dying inside -- whether from cancer or something in my colon -- I just didn't know what it was, but I just knew that this was how I was going to die.

When I got myself home, I stayed home. And it just got worse. Every time I tried to leave the confines of this little condo I had an attack. I scouted out all the public bathrooms in the area -- and across the border -- because I knew I'd need them. The more I worried, the worse my fears became, the worse my IBS was, and the more often the attacks occurred. It was a vicious cycle. My conscious mind kept telling my subconscious that it was time to panic, which manifested itself in the form of cramps and hot flashes, which had nothing to do with my menopausal hot flashes (I know the difference!). It was just total panic.

Finally it got so bad I couldn't leave this place, not even to go for a walk with hubby around the golf course. One time I ventured out anyway, trying desperately to get out, but two blocks down the street the diarrhea hit. I ran back home here, barely making it in time, and spent the rest of the evening in the bathroom.

After that, I wouldn't go out at all, not even to the grocery store. I spent a lot of time crying in bed; sometimes I wouldn't get out of bed because I knew I'd have an attack if I did. I was a mess!

It was then that I e-mailed Heather. She turned me onto the Boards and the hypnotherapy program. The rest is history.

Is anxiety a symptom of IBS? I don't think so, Cindy. I think it's just a part of stress and nerves, worrying over something so much that your conscious mind tells your subconscious to panic and flee, that it's in trouble. Michael's program totally took care of my anxiety, completely calmed me down, while the boards made me realize that the IBS had nothing to do with my age or my body "falling apart," and I came to the realization that this was NOT "how I was going to die."

When hubby and I were trying to decide where to build our new home, it was at the same time as I had just started Michael's program. The area I loved the most was very wooded -- like Maine -- with the beautiful lake where we could row, but I was worried about being so far from my doctor, away from any public bathrooms. How would I be able to drive all the way down there without a bathroom? It was a big worry -- but Michael helped me through it.

Now I drive down to the property all the time. And, do you know, even though there's an outhouse in front, I've NEVER had to use it! Yes, I owe Michael SOOO much gratitude.

Okay, I'm rambling now. Sorry this turned out to be so long. I get going and I can't stop.

Enjoy that gorgeous weather -- in God's Country!

Bev

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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy

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