Decline in Social Life
#46036 - 02/21/04 09:10 PM
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JBI
Reged: 01/25/04
Posts: 579
Loc: BC, Canada
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I'm sure a few people have noticed a decline in their social lives since being diagnosed with IBS. I guess I'm pretty lucky in that overall the IBS is not too bad, but still I've just found I go out a lot less. There isn't too much to do in my town except go to the bars, and I really have no desire to go out and drink considering it bothers my stomach so much. Combine that with a few other variables, and I rarely hang out with friends anymore. As well, the selection at restaurants in town is pretty lacking and therefore am now not a very fun lunch companion.
As I said it could be a lot worse. I've been taking a distance education course as well as focusing on work and a couple of hobbies. Anybody else go through this though? Any suggestions?
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That's great that you are getting into new hobbies and learning new things! I bet you never thought IBS could actually lead to learning something new!
Still, I know what you mean about socializing...sometimes it can really be hard to say that you don't want to go out. For instance, today my friends had stopped to get ice cream (we have a really famous ice cream company here in Ithaca) and they don't make sorbet, but we all thought they did and were excited to go. I could have cried as watched them enjoy their ice cream! I sooo wanted some and felt left out a little. Sometimes it can be very isolating and frustrating because either no one considers what you can/cannot eat or everyone's paranoid and asking "Can you eat this? What about this?" Either that or you feel so sick you have to cancel all the time.
But I've explained my diet to my close friends and they really try to make an effort to have snacks at parties that I can eat and to ask me before deciding on a restaurant. So really, I just have to say that I don't want to drink, but I still want to see them and talk to them. And, I bring my own pretzels to the pub and munch on those while everyone has beers. If your friends are really your friends they'll want to be around you, whether you can eat or not and should have enough sense to be understanding. If you had a life-threatening allergy or diabetes, they'd work around your needs.
On the practical side, you can always eat beforehand at home or bring something along with you and just order a tea at a restaurant. Or maybe you could organize a get-together at your house, have your friends over for an IBS-safe dinner (and I bet they won't even notice that the food is "safe" and you'll be able to eat everything!) You can also sneak safe snacks into the movie theater (bring a big purse)and sit on the isle, just in case...
I hope these suggestions help you and let me know if your social life picks up! 
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--Julie
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Where are you doing your distance education courses from? I am also taking courses, towards a BSc. I have had ups and downs in social life, from both IBS and from having to do school work at home! However, I don't mind, I still make an effort to hang out with friends, going out for tea (peppermint...) do you have a Tim Hortons where you are? I understand about the restaurants, not many places here that are "safe"...
I agree with having an IBS "safe" supper and inviting friends over...Have you made the antidepressant brownies yet? Mmmmm...
Is there a gym you can go to, where you can play things like Squash/badminton, or just simply work out?
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Yes, I too experienced a decline in my social life thanks to the IBS. But you got some good advice here from others, and I agree -- if they're really your friends they'll stick by you; if they don't, then they weren't your friends to begin with.
I think that things happen for a reason. I got my IBS and I lost friends. It was meant to be; why I don't know. But I picked up some great hobbies, and it sounds like you have some too. Those hobbies took me to classes, which I really enjoy. Five years ago, I took stained glass classes and discovered I really loved it, took more and more -- and met a lot of fun people who shared my interest. Now I do stained glass in my home and am going to join the stained glass club that meets monthly and does glass panels for charity.
Recently, I took rug-making classes and learned to make rag rugs. I met some people at the class and enjoyed myself a lot. Now I make rag rugs for our new home and am in the process now of making a huge 7-foot rug for under the dining room table. Fun stuff.
Is there a pottery studio near you? Pottery class is a GAS (especially if you like to get "down and dirty"); I made some great pottery pieces, and I would take more classes if there was a studio nearby.
I don't know what hobbies you are enjoying, but you might consider classes.
Hope my rambling helped a little.
Bev
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Thanks for the replies everybody  .
Leanne,
I'm currently taking distance ed courses through the University of Waterloo. Right now I'm just working towards an Arts degree, although I may decide to take some time off work and pursue things farther. Where are you taking your through?
And would you believe that the town of 13,000 mostly blue collar folks, in Canada, that I live in DOESN'T have a Tim Horton's ?!?! I still can't believe it and I've been here 3 years. Although interesting side note, Tim Horton went to my highschool.
There is a gym in town and should get off my butt and start working out more. I've been playing hockey with some of the guys I work with every week or so.
Julie,
I really like the idea of throwing an IBS friendly dinner party, that's something that I may try. Although for now I'm still figuring out what I can and can not eat. But that'll be something I'll definitely try.
Bev,
I'd love to take classes for those types of things. I think it'd be a great way to meet people and learn new skills, unfortately there isn't too much opportuity for classes where I live, and my work schedule is pretty weird that I can;t really book myself for those type of things. I think when I get back to 'civilization' I'll be signing up for more courses.
My friend's have actually been pretty good about the whole thing. They jokingly call it my 'butt and gut' diet but not in a malicious way. I think it's also tough because the group of friend's that I was in has sort of split up with people moving away, getting new jobs, dating new people and getting different schedules. And Unfortunately this town doesn't afford me many opportunites to meet new people. I figure I'll give it another year before I decide that advancing my career isn't worth being miserable.
Hmmm, well that was theraputic I think the IBS has been sort of icing on the cake for me recently. But chatting with you folks definitely helps. Thanks.
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I am taking courses through Athabasca University, unfortunately I have lab courese, which I will have to travel all the way to Alberta for (expensive, however nice trip)...
I have a final exam this friday, which will keep me locked up inside pretty much all week, and needless to say I will also have no social life. However, my friends understand.
I think you should keep up with the gym and hockey. Cardio and weight training is very good therapy for me, which reminds me I have to kick my self in the butt to go after my exam is done.
I can't believe you don't have a Tim's and we do, only 9500 people here!
Take care
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At all the restaurants here, you can usually take off whatever you can't eat and things like that, and if you go to a REALLY awesome restaurant, they'll take a few bucks off of your bill for doing that. I'm like you in the case that my IBS isn't very bad, and I can actually eat some chicken nuggets from McDonald's, especially since now they're with white meat and less grease! I just get 6 of those and a water when I'm on the road. Also, if I go to a restaurant and order something kind of greasy, I put it in my napkin and squeeze it to get off most of the grease. It usually works! I hope this was at least a little help!
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It comes down to the art of living on [color/red]
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Thanks for the tips. I shall keep them in mind
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Hi All
I've had IBS for almost 30 years, and yes, it has affected my social life. I am on the quiet, introverted side anyway, but even in high school, I remember declining social events that my friends invited me to. Today,I don't like driving long distances with anyone except my husband/family, and I also decline many outdoor type activities. For a long time, I thought it was just "me." But upon further reflection, lots of that was because I feared getting an attack in public.
I have had to consciously work to overcome this fear. One of my fears was stadiums. But my kids love baseball, and so slowly, I changed my perception of stadiums and now I can attend stadium events without a second thought.
IBS can be very isolating if you let it. I have the personality where I could quite easily hole up at home in front of a computer and think I was fine. But truth is, I need to be around people other than my family. I have to consciously change the way I see myself and this disorder. I have to challenge myself to take risks and be vulnerable. Nine times out of ten, nothing "bad" happens anyway. It is just my fear of "what if..."
Anyway, thanks for listening.
janet
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Janet, thanks for sharing your experiences. I'm the same way, I tend to be a homebody so if I don't force myself to get out I just stay at home a lot of the time... especially now while I'm in grad school and living at home. I was lucky in college to have a roommate who was very active and often gave me the impetus I needed to go out and do things, but lately I've been struggling to get myself to do it on my own. You're right, having IBS makes it a whole lot worse if you're prone to be that kind of person anyway. That's one reason I'm doing the hypno tapes, because I'm hoping that getting rid of those unrealistic negative perceptions I have about IBS will help me a lot. I'm glad to hear you've gotten over your fear of stadiums and that you're enjoying life more. I've been trying to take more risks, but your story makes me feel like I'm not alone. And it's good to know that you've done so well to overcome it!
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"Anyone can exercise, but this kind of lethargy takes real discipline." -Garfield
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