How do we seperate ourselves from our illness?
#351635 - 11/04/09 02:25 PM
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I met with a new psychologist yesterday who got me immediately, which was great. I think cognitive behavioral therapy is a huge step in the right direction. But he said that my view of myself in the world is that I am sickly. I always used physical illness to cope with difficulties as a child, and frankly even as an adult. I don't intentionally not feel well, but I think I learned at a young age that it was effective for coping with bad things. He said it's really important to see my illness as only a small part of who I am. Right now I see it primarily as who I am.
My question to all of you who have suffered for years and years with this frustrating, chronic illness is: How do you do everything you can to seek treatment by visiting doctors, keeping a special diet, reading studies and literature on the subject, participating in support groups such as this one, and yet not let this disease define your life? How do you suffer with the pain and discomfort every single day and limit your social activities because of it, and not feel that this is who you are? I am not sure I know how.
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Let me get a little metaphysical,(or New Age as some would call it... I happen to hate that term), with you. What you focus on expands. That is just plain ole physics.
Haven't you ever had one of those days where one thing goes wrong, and then it just escalates into a million wrong things in one day? Your focus is on everything that is going wrong, which creates more of the same.
On the other hand, have you ever had one of those days when everything is coming up roses. Nothing goes wrong and you are on a high? Your focus is on all the good in your life that day, and as expected the better it gets, the better it gets, the better it gets and so on.
Frygirl, its all about focus and what you give your attention to. That is why Mike Mahoney asks that when you are doing the hypno cd's, to stay off of the boards. You want to focus on IBS the least as possible. Even Heather, herself will tell you this, and I believe she did in one post. Her total focus in life cannot be IBS, but she still manages to run a lucrative business.
If you would like some good reading and to get a better handle on this, read the Abraham-Hicks material.
You can manage the IBS without it becoming the total focus of your life, or let it define who you are.
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Geri, I hear what you are saying, I do. But I also spent years ignoring my IBS symptoms, then when I realized it wasn't going away, I spent a lot of time trying to get through my days the best I could, which got more and more difficult because it got worse. I tried to do things and pretend it wasn't there or it didn't bother me. None of that helped, and in fact only a few months ago I was feeling the sickest I ever had. That's when I decided it was time to listen to my body and take care of it. For the past 3 months or so I've been approaching it from every angle I can think of: doctors, special diets, learning everything I can about it, herbal supplements, anxiety management, hypnosis, exercise, and now therapy. I will say I am doing better and I've ruled out a lot of really horrible things, but my symptoms persist. I am debilitated some days. I fight with depression over my poor quality of life. I am isolated. I think there is hope that I will feel better, but feeling better is not going to happen by ignoring it. It takes active work on my part, which requires that I think about it a lot. I need to be in tune with my body to see what is working and what isn't. And I continue to tweek how I am treating it because I am still so symptomatic. The fact of the matter is, I can't get on with the rest of my life until I am feeling well enough on a consistent basis that I don't have to think about every single bite of food, every potential stressor, etc.
So I wonder in doing all that, am I making myself worse? A part of me thinks so. But it's difficult to manage it and not make it your primary focus. I feel sickly compared to the people around me, so I know I am defining myself in that way. But I also know I am much more than that. It's just hard to focus on that other stuff right now.
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You misunderstand. It's not about ignoring it and pretending it isn't there. Now, that would be foolish. Of course, you are in pain and it is THERE, however what I am talking about it is limiting your focus as much as possible, and things will start to improve. I have seen it over and over again in my own life.
What I do on a day I wake up feeling bad, is just allow it. I don't fight it nor dwell on it, but as soon as I change my focus off the IBS, things improve.
It's really hard to explain unless you have experienced it. It sounds like I am being Ms. Pollyanna, but that is not it at all.
The first thing I would do, not to focus on it, is to be on these boards so often. Do you see what I mean? You could be perfectly fine on any given day, but as soon as you are on here...where is your focus? It's on IBS, even on a good day and it does not have to be. You commiserate with others here, you discuss it to death, and you stay right where you are.
You start small, and then move on to other areas of your life, where IBS is your main focus.
Let me ask you, in the course of a conversation with friends/family/co-workers, how many times in a day do you bring up IBS, when there is no need? Again, where is your focus?
What is your reading material right now? IBS realted, right? There are so many ways we focus on it, when there is no need to.
I am trying to point out ways your focus is on IBS instead of life, when it does not need to be. On good days, forget about it. On bads days, allow it, but don't fight or fret about it, as much as is possible for you.
I have done this with my IBS, and along with the hypno cd's I am seldom bothered with it. I just don't think about it. It is a wonderful method, if you can grab onto it and understand what I am trying to get across.
If my IBS was in a bad way right now, I would not be here, for sure.
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Not that I'm an expert on this subject, as I do struggle with this so often, but I do have some advice. I spent quite a few years really struggling, mostly because I couldn't help but dwell on being sick. I felt like everything was piling up on me and I was so overwhelmed. I decided that IBS will NOT define me. I take a few steps to make sure this doesn't happen. First, when I feel great, I live life to the fullest! The times my belly feel good, or even just OK, I get out of my house, enjoy time with my friends and husband, etc... I always make sure to do something fun. The days when I am really sick, I let myself cry, moan, scream, etc. This way I am sure not to 'ignore' it...which can be a problem. I acknowledge how sucky it is to have a chronic illness. I do usually pamper myself with bubble baths and everything when I feel crummy. When I start to feel Ok again, I jump back into life. It's a VERY scary jump. I cannot describe the little panic attacks I have had when I know I need to jump back in but am questioning if I am well enough to...It's difficult, but I always have made it.
But, if you're having symptoms so often, which is what it sounds like, I am not sure if this helps you at all. But I do highly suggest figuring out what you want with your life. This summer I decided to start my own music studio. It's been a dream of mine for years and I went for it. I also was at my sickest this summer, with a 4 day hospitalization. I did not let this stop me. When I'm not feeling well, instead of being upset about it, I grab my laptop and work on some lesson plans. I have found that the studio is really my motivator at the moment to get me over this hurdle.
I hope this helps a little, I just really know where you are coming from and it's SO hard to separate yourself from your illness. I've also found it helpful that my friends know about my belly and we all laugh about it together when we go out to eat or something...I always keep it light hearted...
Good luck, hope you feel better emotionally and physically!
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IBS-A
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Aly, God Bless YOU! This is exactly what I was trying to say. When it's good, celebrate. Keep your focus OFF IBS. Whe it's bad, allow yourself the time to feel bad, don't fight it, just allow it. But, in the process of feeling bad, move your focus slowly and gradually onto other things, as you do with your music, and it does work wonders.
I feel you body is trying to give you a message with IBS, and once you get it, you will start to feel better.
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You've both given me a lot to think about. I truly appreciate your insights - I think it will take me a while to come to understand how I can not focus on my IBS, but still treat it. I have faith it will come to me in time.
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I really like the way you think, and deal with your IBS, Gerikat. As I read your posts I remember that in the past when I used to get really fleeting bouts of IBS, or whatever it is, it would leave as soon as it came because I didn't focus on it. I addressed it by taking a time out for myself one way or another, but then it would go away and I would just move on. Thanks for reminding me of this! Of course, this is a more serious "bout" since I've had it for over 3 months straight. But I feel I'm doing what I need to do for it, and now that I've been focusing almost entirely on it for all this time, I can start shifting my attention and energy elsewhere. 
I didn't know Michael Mahoney didn't want us on this board if we're doing his CD's! I just started a week ago. I guess I won't be on here for awhile?...
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Dana, I think the key is limited exposure, but go to the hypno board and ask Marilyn. I don't think this is in the instructions, but since Marilyn works closely with Mike, I think she will tell you this is the case.
Thanks for the compliment. I try to work outside of Western medicine, since it does not work for IBS.
I was the same way with the "fleeting bouts". I never gave it much thought. When I ran into real problems was when I gave it my attention and focus and dwelled on it 24/7. Then all hell broke loose.
I can remember driving to a soccer game for my niece, and this was awhile ago. When I got to the game, I had this bout of D, but I just used the port-a-pot, and didn't give it another thought. I didn't fret about driving, or finding another bathroom. or worry about another episode. I just forgot about it and enjoyed the game. It really does work, if you can get past your fears/anxiety.
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Your exactly right!! We do have some control over our "thinking" about IBS and the symptoms we are having. An example is a couple of weeks ago my new nephew was being baptized and my son and his g/f were the Godparents. Needless to say I was very touched my sister asked them. I ate breakfast and immediately started with horrible cramps, which landed me in bed. Every time I tried to get up the cramps were worse...in and out of the bathroom I went with no relief whatsoever..which is not common, usually something happens. I started to cry and get so mad that I was going to miss it. Then when his g/f came to the house I explained I wasn't going to be going, which broke my heart. I went and laid back down in bed and then told myself IBS was not going to control my life!!! I was not going to miss this!!! I got up, literally threw clothes on and went to the church, on a wing and a prayer!!! I looked pale and horrible...but I made it!!! I even felt good enough afterwards to go to my sisters for a while!! Sooo long story short, I do think there is a mindbody connection to a point. My belly still isnt' back to "normal" but its getting there. I have a lot of stress right now which isn't helping matters!!!
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IBS-C Sufferer since I was 18 and a FMS sufferer also!! Not feeling well enough to shop...Visit my online website!! www.youravon.com/bwethman
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My husband and I were just talking about this the other day. IBS is a part of who you are, period. That doesn't mean that it has to define you. For me I look at it like a diabetic would look at themselves. You have to keep your IBS in mind when you are eating, just like a diabetic would. I'm not trying to diminish the effect of diabetes but only to put it into perspective. Let's say you are out with friends for dinner. You choose your food from the menu keeping in mind your IBS, order, then move on to having a pleasant evening with stimulating conversation with your friends. Just like someone with diabetes you have to think about the effect your meal will have on your body, then you put it out of your mind. Like many people here have said, the more you dwell on it the more problems you will have.
For me personally all I have to do is look at my 3 kids and know that there is more to life than IBS. My kids are pretty well versed about IBS now, they need to be. They love me and are curious to know why I can and can't eat certain things. I have missed many, many things because of my IBS, but I am determinded not to let it ruin my life. It's not fair to me, my kids or my husband. When I am feeling bad they will offer to make me food to help me or just lay on the couch with me. When I'm feeling good they are always there to have fun with me. I don't want to get to the end of my life and have any regrets.....especially due to my IBS. For instance my oldest is graduating high school this year so we are planning our last family vacation with all of us to DISNEY WORLD!!! I could look at it and think of all the negatives but I choose not to. Bathrooms, food, stress, heat, spending 5 billion dollars? Who cares? I choose to look forward to this and know that we will all have a wonderful time. My kids deserve it, my husband deserves it and I deserve it.
I know sometimes it's hard to keep a positive outlook, especially when you are feeling bad. I'm having one of those days myself today. But I can't look at my life and think about being miserable. I have to believe I am here for a reason and it's not to be sick. It's part of who I am but I refuse to let it define me. I love to play games and be outside and to spend time with my kids. I would rather people think about that when they think about me than to think I'm the chick with the IBS.
Look around you and think about all the positive wonderful things in your life. When you start to think about feeling bad or saying no to an invivitation because of your IBS think about the people in your life that you love. What would happen if your first instinct was to say yes instead of no? Say yes to the next social inviation you get. Say yes to the next 10 invitations you get. Think about what fun you will be opening yourself up to. Food for thought.
If none of this works, think about someone who has problems that are worse than yours and how they are dealing with them. My sister in law has been diabetic for about 14 years. She doesn't dwell on what she can't have but makes substitutions and enjoys everything she eats. About 6 months ago she was diagnosed with MS. She had been having problems with walking and numbness. She now has to take 3 additional shots a week along with her daily 4 shots for diabetes and do physical therapy 3 times a week for the rest of her life. She just turned 40. She is honestly the most positive person I know. She is determined that MS will not interfere with her every day life. She is one who leads by example. She will be the first in line for a ride at any amusement park, the first in line for playing a game or the first in line if you need a shoulder to cry on. I look at her and think, if she can handle everything she's gone through and still be positive, who am I to complain?
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