Insomnia
#334757 - 08/18/08 09:55 AM
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Nelly
Reged: 08/06/04
Posts: 4381
Loc: Within stray mortar fire of DC
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I feel horrible today! I'm so depressed, it's awful. I snapped awake at 2am, and stared at the ceiling all night, trying to will myself back to sleep. 
Insomnia sucka!!
My BF came home for lunch and he noticed something was up. I am not my normal self. I'm going through something so dark today, I can't explain it. I'm just so down. I feel like I'll never get happy again.
Arg! I know this is chemical... I mean, I get it that this is a function of horrible diet lately (been skipping almost all meals for the last 2 weeks) and no sleep.
Blah!! Anyone got something to cheer me up?? Am I suffering post-Phelps depression?? This sucks!!
~nelly~ 
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Re: Insomnia
#334762 - 08/18/08 10:59 AM
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Fen
Reged: 03/01/08
Posts: 574
Loc: Central NY
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You poor thing! Insomnia is absolutely the worst!!
Just out of curiosity, why haven't you eaten much lately? I know an empty stomach often causes me to have nausea, and nausea will certainly keep me awake. Not eating very well might have something to do with your inability to sleep. And your inability to sleep certainly will have an effect on your mood - what a vicious cycle you're caught in!
Not to try and diagnose you over the internet without all of the details, but have you felt down for a long period of time? Depression can wreak havoc with our sleep as well, either making us sleep too much or not nearly enough.
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IBS-C
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Insomnia is a horrible thing! My sleeping trouble usually comes when I switch medication (or have IBS flares). Sometimes I just try to watch bad T.V. or soft music and it helps me to at least doze. A few people have said that warm showers or lavender scents help.
And if not, then morning comes and I make baggy eyes my fashion statement 
I have to agree with Fen, though. Eating is important, so even if the idea makes you nauseous, see if you can just eat a slice of bread or a handful of rice.
Good luck, Nelly, and do something fun for yourself today!
T.G.
Digest This Comic! - The Lighter Side of Chronic Pain/Inflammation
P.S. -
One thing I like to do is throw an official "pity party" during a particularly bad spell. I get people over and we complain about crappy things that are/have happened and find ways to laugh about it.
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I hear I have been in the same funk for the last month I think. I just feel like theres no light at the end of the tunnel. I know part of my depression is I eat the same old crap day after day. Maybe thats part of yours. Try doing something like playing a game or just writing. hth. I do know were you are though I am there. ((hugs))
emmasmom
ibs-c gas
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I fit 100% every diagnostic test for depression. In the past I've been on anti-depressants and they haven't worked. Some of them have made me suicidal. I don't take them anymore. 
The only thing that's worked for my depression is pain medication. I have pain-predominant IBS-D, and when the pain has been taken out of the equation, the depression lifts, I can eat without anxiety and all the fear goes away.
When I become insomniac, it messes everything up and I get thrown back into fear, anxiety, not eating. Despair, really.
For the last 2 weeks I eat maybe 4 bites a day. Also, for the last 6 weeks, I've left my apartment twice. It's definitely getting worse.
I tried to break the pain-anxiety-insomnia-not eating cycle by taking more, then MORE of my pain medicines. Then more of my anxiety stuff. My appetite returned for a couple days, I got hungry, but then wasn't able to eat so much because I'd get full so fast.
Then I ran low of all my medicines and extinguished all outlets of "extra possible stuff" I could take, and now I'm scared to call my doctor because #1) I'm a mess to look at now (pale, gaunt), and #2) I'm afraid he'll take me off everything and try the bogus A/D route again (Very Bad).
I'm in despair and I'm afraid to act. Lonely? Have I mentioned Lonely? I'm that too, and putting up a Very Brave (Translucent) Front for my dear boyfriend, who pays my bills, lets me be in my room, and brings me lunch and a smile, and just wants to know how I'm feeling.
Well, I'm feeling very unlovable at the moment. I wish everything would work right, so I can get back to eating, feeling less anxious, and please! sleeping.
Then I could look my BF in the eye occasionally when I lie to him that "everything's great, I'm doing so much better now." 
~nelly~
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You don't need to share if it makes you uncomfortable, but I'm just curious what meds you've tried in the past. I'm not a doctor, but I am a counselor, so I have a tiny bit of knowledge about psychotropic meds.
One other thing to keep in mind, is that if you're misdiagnosed, antidepressants can make things much much worse. Specifically, if you have Bipolar Disorder and are prescribed an antidepressant, it can cause lots of problems, including an increased risk of suicide.
In the past, did you receive your meds from your family doctor or from a psychiatrist? Have you seen a counselor?
One more thing to maybe keep in mind - different people have differing opinions on this, so keep in mind that I'm not trying to push you one way or another. You mentioned that your boyfriend is paying your bills - I assume this is because you are unable to work (or work enough). Have you thought about applying for SSI? IBS alone does not usually qualify a person, but IBS along with a diagnosed mental disorder usually does qualify someone. I totally understand and respect those who do not want to live off of the government, but on the other hand it might help you feel more independent and not so reliant on your boyfriend. Just a thought...
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IBS-C
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Tunnel people
#334781 - 08/18/08 12:52 PM
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Nelly
Reged: 08/06/04
Posts: 4381
Loc: Within stray mortar fire of DC
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Are you in this tunnel with me too? Maybe I need a bigger candle!
We need another person. Maybe with a flashlight. 
~nelly~
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Love having pity parties, love throwing them! Anyone wants to pity, come to this post and let's do the virtual pity thing!
I'll make the drinks. They're called "Tropical Depressions." Some rum, some grenadine and orange, and toss in a couple pills of prozac!
Come one come all! Can't sleep? We can go all night! 
~nelly~
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Hey I'm so sorry to hear you are having such a hard time.
Depression is so tough.I have tried no presription drugs however I have tried St Johns Wort .It will help with mild depression, anxiety AND insomnia.I was stuck in my house too
for more than a year we rarely went anywhere do to my IBSd and I couldn't sleep I was crying all the time Oh and afraid to go to the docs.My father inlaw suggested St Johns wort and I asked the pharmacist who was also trained in herbals and she told me to take 4 a day for two weeks then taper off each week until just one a day.
It was a miracle for me.I was tired at first and had NO problem sleeping and all of a sudden, my anxiety was gone.I eventually stopped with them but in the winter I find I have to take them a bit more.I think tey are way safer than the drugs docs give you.Maybe you could try them and see if they help at all.
We've all been depressed about the way our lives have turned out and why we have to deal with IBS but we are all different and are at different levels in this misery.Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it cause we can all help.
Good luck I hope you feel better soon.
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IBS-D since 1999...mostly stable..i do cheat too.Bad me.
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A/Ds (Past Medicine):
Prozac, paxil, Wellbutrin, and Zoloft (worst, made me suicidal).
I'd never take them again because I don't want to put my family through my suicidal depression again. I was running out of excuses for hiding my bloody arms from my BF anyway!
All of the a/ds made me anxious, insomniac, and in the morning would turn me into a houseplant.
And I have reactions to a/ds. Not all people become suicidal, but for those who do it is very scary. Currently there is a push to stop prescribing these drugs to teenagers because of the suicidal side effects. It'd be a shame to the have legislation imposing even more restrictions on helpful drugs, but I'm glad somebody's sticking up for these children who are otherwise at the mercy of hapless parents and doctors who would rather prescribe a pill than listen to the child. There, I said that.
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The Very Last a/d I Tried:
I took Nortriptyline for a few weeks, but not at the prescribed AD strength, which is 175-300mgs. At that higher dose, reported symptoms include anxiety, nervousness, weight gain (especially in breast size for some reason!), and sleeplessness.
Since I take them for insomnia, I only take 25mgs at bedtime, to help me sleep and not clench my jaw or kick myself awake, and help with my fibro when I got up. I noticed a decrease in my morning D attacks, and inability to know if I were awake or asleep.
AND I turned into a houseplant-- spacey and less on the creative/personable side as well, sorta of staring at the wall for 3 or 4 hours after waking. Not compatible with quality of life. I Don't take any a/ds ANY MORE.
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MEDICATIONS I TAKE TODAY:
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Pain Medications:
Tylenol #2 for IBS-D attacks, and as preventatives before eating. Vicodin for Fibromyalgia pain.
Sleep Medications:
Soma for back spasms, Baclofen for RLS and tossing and turning, Ambien to fall asleep.
Anxiety Medication:
Ativan (Lorazepam) 1 mg, 2ce a day for daytime anxiety as needed. Works for sleep too.
IBS-D Medications:
Imodium, 3 at rest and 3 when I wake, 2 before meals, as preventative. Donnatal and oral Hyoscyamine for muscle spasms great as a preventative or for rescue after.
That is the most complete list of things I'm on right now.
~nelly~
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The Wort
#334796 - 08/18/08 01:35 PM
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Nelly
Reged: 08/06/04
Posts: 4381
Loc: Within stray mortar fire of DC
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Thank you for your kind reply. It's good to hear that with love and care and a good medicine, we can get out of our messes. It gives me hope, dragonfly!
I remember taking St. John's Wort back in my twenties. I didn't notice the sleep effect, but the pills themselves gave me such painful D, I stopped trying them. Herbal Prozac, they were marketing them as, I remember.
I remember thinking it was the first new thing I'd tried in a while, and it sort of shut down the want to try anything new when it didn't work for me. I had a friend who had serious manic phases and this was the only thing that'd worked for him. I gave him my stash, and he's still doing well, as far as I know.
~nelly~
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Aww, Nelly, this upsets me! You have always been able to make me laugh, but I don't know what to do to help YOU feel better! Just know I'm thinking of you and I hope things turn around. Are you getting all the help you need??? And your BF sounds AMAZING! What a guy!!!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lisa, IBS-C (Vegan)
Stable since July 2007!
Mommy to Rhiannon Marie (Dec. 13, 2008)
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Nelly,
There's got to be a breakthrough soon for you... I've been where you are. I was diagnosed with PTSD and Gen. Anxiety Disorder, but when the PA's were at their worst, I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat for at least 2 weeks. I took my meds, but they didn't help, I'd just lay there shaking, my heart pounding, hoping I'd be alive in the morning - only to go through it all the next day.
Like you, I can't take ADs, especially SSRIs - they actually cause anxiety and PAs for me. The last one was Lexapro and I ended up in the ER. The only thing besides God's grace and mercy on me every morning - is Xanax. I know it's controversial, but I've been on and off it for years and my doctor says it's just a band aid until I get well. When I go to get my meds, my doctor always asks me about depression and I tell him I'm only depressed when I'm sick - so, it's a cycle, isn't it???? Everyone says, go do something, but, when you feel you can't even move - it's like you want to slap them! But.... I can promise you, you will come out of it. Listen to the advice you have received - lots of good ideas. There were days I, like you, only ate a few bites of bread, or crackers, or for me, a few sips of Slim Fast. But, the more often I ate, the better it got. Never in my life (always been overweight) did I ever think I would not be able to eat - but, it's horrible!!! I told God, I'd rather weigh what I used to (lost about 60 pounds) and not be sick... really I'd rather have both! I used to be able to throw up and still eat - so, this was a shock to me. Also, like the others said, when you don't eat, the nausea is even worse.
If you don't want to take meds - just based on research, have you checked into taking something like Valerian, Kava or GABA. Most people who have anxiety are lacking GABA...
A good naturopath or clinician could advise you.
We may not know each other, but we all share a commonality that makes us care and right now, that care is centered on you. Sending prayers for an answer - a special prescription from God, just for you - wisdom to know what to do! {{Hugs}} - Dorothy
P.S. You give that BF a big hug and let him know what a great guy he is. I think he knows you are special and he wants to be there for you - many people would give an arm or a leg for that....
AND, if it helps, we'll have an on-line Nelly Pity Party tonight. What do you want us to bring?
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"I Will Survive! :-)... I shall live and not die and declare the works of The Lord..."
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I'll bring the flashlight! Do you have extra batteries! I hear ya theres days when I would like to go to bed and just not have this stupid ibs and be normal so i can order pizza and eat ice cream with my daughter and go to super with my husband. Like you I have a wonderful dh he gives me my space and sometimes a kick in the but. Then other times he just leaves me alone. I tried taking zoloft again about a month agao and I was so sick up all night with a horibble stomach ach not ibs either and felt like crap for the next 2 days! Just know your not alone. I eat some days just so me and dh don't fight but I really don't want to. I am like you if I could just eat again I feel like my prolblems would be solved. I'm here if you need to talk!
emmasmom(Sheila)
ibs-c
gas
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Since it's "pretend" party - we'll pretend we're all completely stable and can eat anything. So, the menu & plan for tonight is:
Chick Flix
Popcorn w/ lots of butter
All the chocolate we can eat
Coke, Sprite & Pepsi - or something stronger - your choice!
Hamburgers or Big Fat Cheeseburgers
Pizza
We're going to eat all night and no one is going to feel bad tomorrow! Remember the slogan: "Fake it until it becomes real?" (And I am not referring to 'something else' - LOL!!!!!
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"I Will Survive! :-)... I shall live and not die and declare the works of The Lord..."
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Re: Insomnia
#334813 - 08/18/08 07:41 PM
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Toady
Reged: 04/06/06
Posts: 1299
Loc: A small city, Northwestern Ontario, Canada
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Hey Nel!
Sorry you're having trouble sleeping. I'll join your pity party!! I'm feeling alright IBS wise, but my hands are so swollen and sore I can barely type and couldn't write at work today. Plus I'm broke. And I can't seem to stop spending money that I don't have. I don't wanna get a second job - one is stress enough and I don't think working a few hours a week to make a few dollars is worth my while.
For your insomnia have you tried melatonin or Valerian root? I go through bouts of insomnia myself and have found Valerian works well and its herbal. It sucks not sleeping. I hope you candle / flashlight stays lit and you're feeling better soon
HUGS!
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Cassandra
Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like you've never loved before.
IBS A 20+ years, Chronic Migraines, Chiari Malformation (decompressed June 22, 2010), Brachial Neuritis, and ??? the list just keeps growing, but I'm still shiny side up!
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IBS-D since 1999...mostly stable..i do cheat too.Bad me.
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LOL!  Excellent! Oh, popcorn with butter *slobber*!
I think I have batteries... somewhere...
I am killing time before my PT appointment today at 2:30. I was up again, this time at 4:30am, just staaaring at my ceiling, waaiting to go to sleep. Didn't happen!!
~nelly~
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Thank you for your kind words, GaGa. It really helps to think I'm not alone. I feel extremely isolated and it's so good to have people here to talk to... Thank you.
I need to adjust my lorazapam (ativan) prescription, I think. It seems I go through them so fast, then I crash midway through the month! It's the kind of thing my doc tells me just to take when I need them. It seems things are always better when I cave and rely on them! And then they go, and then I'm down in the dumps worse than I was to begin with! Arg! Rxs and their side effects!!
~nelly~ (This is for your anxiety... They make you more anxious when you stop taking them tho!)
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YUM!!
~nelly~
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OK, double yum!!! I think I will start with dessert!!! (Nelly dropping her candle and falling face forward in the darkness, face first into the brownies)!
~nelly~
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Be very careful about runnung out.The withdrawl effects are sometimes more severe than the original problem.You start to withdrawl within a few days so be careful and maybe get a supply so you can takethem on a reg basis instead of as you need them.Then you won't have the ups and downs with the meds
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IBS-D since 1999...mostly stable..i do cheat too.Bad me.
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Hi, Nelly, I'm new to the boards (today) and know what you're going thru. I also take lorazapam (when needed) after being on them twice a day. I cut back as things improved but was also taking an anti-depressant. Now, not on the AD, I think I need to get back on because I'm so up and down emotionally and with my IBS pain, bloating, gas and alternating C and D. The Loraz usually wipes me out so I can sleep. I hate taking it during the day because as a mom of four I can't handle my day or my kids when I'm groggy.
I hope you find the right dosage or RX combo!
And to add to the pity party I bring a "dump cake" as I just experienced a horrible period with IBS distress and mood swings that probably frightened the kids and scared the husband.
Everyone, enjoy the cake!
Dana
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IBS-A
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There should be games too. How about an IBS pinata (but nothing that looks too gross)? We could put in your choice of candy!
TG
Digest This Comic!
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I'm sorry to hear this. I've recently gotten a taste of it myself with this pregnancy & I agree IT SUCKS!
You might want to start eating again, even if its something small. It will help give you energy. Hope you feel better soon
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Kiwi
IBS-C
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