wife is feeling ill, and surprise, I'm panicking
#330862 - 06/09/08 08:29 PM
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hawkeye
Reged: 06/16/03
Posts: 705
Loc: NYC
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Blah. I'm really worried about my wife, who is feeling sick right now, and the sad truth is, while I feel empathy for her very much I know that the extreme feelings I'm having right now are more out of worry for myself. (I hate that - I feel so self centered in these moments on top of feeling panicked) - I'm feeling very down on myself in addition to feeling panicked, bc I haven't made the sort of progress I'd hoped for in therapy so far. I def. have made progress in day to day obsessing over getting sick. But, as for how to face it when I or anyone else feels nauseous or worse - I fall apart pretty much like usual. I guess that's not true - I'm not crying, I'm still breathing - thats actually progress. But I'm still feeling like the world is ending, all because my wife's dinner disagreed with her. ARGH! I feel stronger about this on a daily basis - its not consuming my life in the same way it was, but I sure hope I can feel stronger about situations like tonight soon. Hope you'll all send hugs my (and my wife's) way.
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Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
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Hope you and your wife feel better soon.
If you need hugs here they are{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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IBS-D since 1999...mostly stable..i do cheat too.Bad me.
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Hey Hawk!
I hope your wife is feeling better, and you are too. Don't be so hard on yourself! You are relearning an automatic response to someone feeling ill. You have to cope with yourself first, then with time I am sure you will be able to handle other people's ailments too.
Wishing you well, as always!
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Cassandra
Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like you've never loved before.
IBS A 20+ years, Chronic Migraines, Chiari Malformation (decompressed June 22, 2010), Brachial Neuritis, and ??? the list just keeps growing, but I'm still shiny side up! 
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I'm coping so much better day to day, but I don't think I'm much better equipped to face being ill - or anyone in my family for that matter.
I slept on the couch until 2 or 3 in the morning when she came and asked me why in the world I wasn't in bed - she still doesn't quite get it. I think she was a little insulted that I was acting as if she had the plague or something, but I did what I needed to do to cope. I took care of her, brought her a heat pack, pepto, and when she didn't need me anymore, I stayed away to calm myself. She was fine after all that, but I'm still in a heightened state of anxiety. I keep hearing about stomach bugs the last week or 2 from other parents and worry its going to hit my family too.
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Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
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Out of curiosity, are you an emetophobe? I ask because I am, and I act the exact same way. I can't stand to be anywhere near my husband when he is sick to his stomach, I really freak out and try to hide. Then I feel like a jerk.
Like you, I do my best to take care of his basic needs, then get the hell away. I think he's accepted this - the last time it happened (fortunately, it doesn't happen often), he just went and slept in the guestroom. I still got no sleep from the anxiety, but I probably would've hyperventilated if he'd stayed.
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IBS-A and GERD since 1983
Low FODMAP since 2012
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yes I am. Actually can't even say the "v" word without getting freaked out. A lot of traumatic history with it from childhood, unfortunately. I'm in therapy now, and am working very hard on facing it. I still vent here when I need to just because I don't have anyone who really understands that I'm close to and feel comfortable sharing this with. I'm also trying to report my successes now and then, because there are several of us on this board with similar issues and I'm hoping I can be a little helpful to others in addition to my pleas for help and hugs!
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Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
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Vent away, I'll listen - AND understand. (virtual hug)
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IBS-A and GERD since 1983
Low FODMAP since 2012
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thank you!
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Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS HAWKEYE!!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Get some distance until the feeling subsides. She doesn't blame you. She's busy sleeping it off and you're going to be OK. Until then, please talk it out with us as much as you want!! The more you vent, the better you'll feel. It's true what they say about a burden shared... 
~nelly~
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Thanks Nelly! In some ways I'm doing much better but at times when I face the prospect of throwing up directly, I still get VERY anxious. Still meditating though, and so far, working on this without taking more meds. Thanks for your note
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Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
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