Any vegans? help!
#330805 - 06/08/08 06:02 PM
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I have been thinking for a long time about cutting out the final animal products and becoming vegan or almost vegan. This would be for conscience reasons. Of course, I am married so it is not that easy!
Today I started reading a weight loss book called "Skinny B***h". It is more than a diet book but turned out to be a pro-vegan book really. I was so upset by the chapter describing slaughterhouses I decided right then to cut out poultry (already don't eat red meat & dairy). I am not so sure about fish yet. I certainly knew a great deal about the cruelty of slaughterhouses, being a USHS member, but this was the last straw.
I tried to tell my hub about how I was feeling and that I didn't want to buy poultry anymore and tried to get him to read the chapter. He has been very good about my diet changes in the past but this time he freaked out. This evening he tore up the book and told me I had to cook poultry for him. I never suspected him to be that kind of man. It was like I didn't know him. Normally he isn't the I'm The Man kind of guy. He said I was being extreme and needed to settle down. He did make some good points about not being able to do something about every bad thing in the world and about me being very single-minded and getting high-horsey. (It is hard not to get that way about a lot of things!!!)
At the end he said I could switch to buying all organic meats. The book said that organic meats are generally butchered in the same inhumane ways regular meats are, but I suppose organic local farmers probably butcher humanely. I also feel buying local farm eggs from people that have a few chickens is probably ok too. Questions would need to be asked though.
So I don't know what to do. My husband really insulted me with the arguments he made and the things he said. It is now a much bigger issue of course. I could personally be vegan very easily but to cook his food and my food would be too time consuming and I don't want to buy meat at all anyway. I told him I wasn't telling him what he couldn't eat; I just didn't want to buy it. He could still eat whatever he wanted (like at restaurants- not veal of course!). This did not settle it at all. He was mad that basically I made a decision for him. I decided not to buy and cook poultry and that meant his life would change (or something). He seemed to (out of nowhere) say that it was my duty to cook dinner for him. I pointed out we had several friends whose wives never really cooked. Anyway it was terrible. I had planned chicken for Monday and Wednesday (I had reluctantly talked him into one meatless night a week previously but it doesn't always happen). I guess I hadn't wanted to throw out the meat in the freezer and so I will probably use it up and see what happens.
Sorry this is so long! It is embarrassing to talk about a fight to close friends and I really need 'veggie' advice!
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IBS-A for 20 years with terrible bloating and gas. On the diet since April 2004. Remember this from Heather's information pages:
"You absolutely must eat insoluble fiber foods, and as much as safely possible, but within the IBS dietary guidelines. Treat insoluble fiber foods with suitable caution, and you'll be able to enjoy a wide variety of them, in very healthy quantities, without problem." Please eat IF foods!
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Congratulations on your food lifestyle and changes. It is more challenging but well worth it. I feel better inside and out...I am making a choice that affects alot more than just my food choices.I have recently become a lacto-ovo vegetarian...I began my changes about 4 months ago.I couldn't do vegan because I needed to access protein easily, and eggs were it. I do buy organic free range though, not conventional. All of my dairy is organic and humane. You need to check labels closely.I also read about factory farming and it is appalling that feeling creatures are subjected to such torture and "inhumane" treatment (to put it lightly).
I think alot of people, sometimes more so for men, have great difficulty with not eating meat. Unfortunatley, meat is tied very closely culturally to masculinity.(hence the job of cooking meat such as grilling is almost always given to men...hunting and gathering history I presume)
My husband was willing to eat less meat at first, we tried one day first: Meatless Mondays, and actually we enjoyed researching new recipes and chose to be creative. Check out epicurious.com or buy Mark Bittman's book "How to Cook Everything Vegetarian"... it's super informative, and explains things very thoroughly. Deborah Madison has some great books as well. As for your dh, he may come around, he may not. It isn't your job to convince him, just give him the facts, not opinions, and if you can, buy the happy cow/chicken etc...it is better to buy meat that has had a humane existence than not. We are what we eat, and if we are eating something that has had a terror and fear filled miserable life we are consuming that as well. I firmly believe that. Good luck with your changes. 
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Amy
IBS-A
Stable and thankful!
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Congratulations on your decision! I know it is a difficult one to make, but you will feel SO much better once you fully commit. I am a lucky one; I went vegan with a very supportive husband. He still eats meat once in awhile at restaurants (though no red meat), and once in awhile during the summer he will buy a (free range organic!) chicken breast to grill. But for the most part, we don't keep meat in the house. When we first met 9 years ago, he drank only 2% milk; now he drinks exclusively rice milk like me! He actually does the majority of the cooking, too. We cook one meal every night for dinner - and it's always vegan. He has been pleasantly surprised every time we try a new fake meat product. They really do taste good!
I can understand why your husband reacted the way he did; he feels like you made this decision without him having a choice. But I think there needs to be compromise. He needs to understand why you feel the way you do, and allow you to be vegan if you want. If you truly do ALL the cooking, then I guess he'll just have to eat what you cook whether he likes it or not.  But you could do some things side by side like stir fry (he can cook up some chicken while you cook tofu), or grilling outside. But if he truly wants to continue eating meat in the house, then he needs to understand that it's something you are morally opposed to, and he'll have to start doing some of his own cooking. I also think having one or two vegan nights a week where he HAS to try something new is a great idea! Sarah Kramer has written three excellent vegan cookbooks; if it weren't for her, it would have been WAY harder for me to go vegan.
It's been proven (in a 2006 United Nations report) that animal agriculture is the LEADING cause of global warming, even more than the transportation industry. So I wish more and more people would wake up to that, and the horrible lives that these poor animals endure. I wish you the best of luck, and hope everything works out for you! Please keep us posted!!
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Lisa, IBS-C (Vegan)
Stable since July 2007!
Mommy to Rhiannon Marie (Dec. 13, 2008)
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I just wanted to let you know that my parents are beef farmers.We eat meat that they raise. If you are concerned with the way SOME slaughter house are. (Not all of them are as bad as the media would have you believe)The best thing for you to do is to look at small abattoirs in the country. I don't know where you are but yes some slaughter houses are bad and the people who own them are idiots. It's not wrong to eat meat just find out where you are getting it from.We slaughter at a local abbatoir and they are not cruel.some might argue that killing is wrong but that is life. Look to the wild.
We also raise chickens for eggs and meat. You really have no idea the differance in the quality of the meat we and others raise compared to what you buy in the grocery store.
your husband seems a little concerned about losing his meat so I would definately look into buying organic meat or at least a smaller butcher house.
I hope this helps you a bit and good luck with your hubby.
Local is better.
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IBS-D since 1999...mostly stable..i do cheat too.Bad me.
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Hi Little Minnie!
I am very proud of you for standing up for what you believe!
I have been thinking about going vegan for a long time now. I gave up pork, and red meat about 5 years ago, and now I would love to just give up turkey and chicken. That is all the animal protein I eat...and I don't even like it.
I LOVE veggies, and actually have started cooking TVP quite a bit lately. Having a hard time with tofu, though. I really don't find it very palatable.
Anyway, I know it seems like your hubby is being difficult, but I really believe if you give him a little time, he will be ok with the change. I would wait a few days, and the next time you have a really good opportunity - when he's in a good mood try talking about it again. I think when he realizes just how important this is to you, he will be more flexible.
Good Luck!
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FancyMom
IBS-A,Constipation predominant, GERD
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Things were so horrible last night. This morning he kept calling and at first I wouldn't answer and then I did and he apologized. We had already decided to go meatfree one day a week (for the environment mostly) and now we have agreed (I almost wrote a new word: argreed -to agree by arguing LOL  ) to reduce poultry (I reminded him how he has been saying chicken is gross sometimes) and buy as organic and humane as possible. I already buy cage free eggs but I am going to buy local instead. And hopefully I can reduce his dairy use. I am going to use up what is in the freezer. I just wish he liked veggies as much as me. He likes some a lot and others not at all. I garden so we have a lot of great veggies. He also doesn't like brown rice or quinoa, etc. But he is always good about the dairy free stuff I make. It would be very easy if I was single to eat so well! Anyway we also are going to eat seafood too for now. I hope our groceries don't go up too much. If he stopped drinking coffee, milk and pop that would help!
So if I eat occassional organic poultry and seafood and home-raised egg whites, is there a name for that?
I know what my in laws would call it! LOL
also I fished some of the book out of the trash. I had the chapter I wanted him to read flagged so it was easy to find. I hope I can get him to read it, when in a good mood.
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IBS-A for 20 years with terrible bloating and gas. On the diet since April 2004. Remember this from Heather's information pages:
"You absolutely must eat insoluble fiber foods, and as much as safely possible, but within the IBS dietary guidelines. Treat insoluble fiber foods with suitable caution, and you'll be able to enjoy a wide variety of them, in very healthy quantities, without problem." Please eat IF foods!
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We have the same issue in our house DH is a meat-eater and I'm trying to stop eating it all together. I have been vegan before and when I was, we were both healthier. I don't know what I would have done if DH had ever spoken to me that way and I can see why you were upset! I'm glad your DH apologized! Here's what we worked out: I cook for him, but I do not cook meat. I will purchase cooked, roasted chicken at the deli, probably once a week. DH eats that, sometimes I do too. Then I use the leftovers to cook something for him like chicken enchiladas or some casserole comfort food that I know he loves and take to work for lunch, but I do not eat it. I also purchase pre-seasoned vaccum packed fish and bake that for him. I do not have to touch it or season it - or sometimes I just leave it out and he cooks it himself.
If things get too tough, go on a cooking strike for a week or so. He'll appreciate your good vegan cooking after that! BTW, I just purchased the Mark Bittman book mentioned earlier and it is the best vegetarian cookbook I have purcased so far. I like it better than the Deborah Madson book. It is so comprehensive and it is recommended by Mario Batali and Bobby Flay, two big meat eaters!
Good luck!
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I found these levels of vegetarianism at ProgressiveU :
Quote:
*semi-vegetarians: meaning someone who is cutting back on their intake of meat.
*pollo vegetarians: who just avoid red meat and fish but still eat chicken
*pesco pollo vegetarians: avoids red meat but still eats fish and chicken
*lacto ovo vegetarians (the most common): meaning that they exclude fish, red meat, and chicken from their dietss but still includes dairy and eggs
*Lacto vegetarian: meaning they exclude meat, fish, chicken, and eggs & or any foods containing eggs.
*STRICT vegetarians: no meat, fish, chicken, eggs, and hardly ANY dairy...and who watch out for a lot of animal byproducts in other foods, and nonfood items.
*VEGANs: which avoids eatting ALL animal products even dairy and any foods that contain byproducts of animals and avoid nonfood animal byproducts like wool, silk, and leather.
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[Research tells us fourteen out of any ten individuals likes chocolate. - Sandra Boynton]
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I don't see myself being a true vegan. I just found out recently they don't eat honey. I never thought of that, but in my opinion God gave us honey and the bees do it with or without us. I saw an article at work today about the eggs I have been buying for some time -Phil's- being very humane! They were basically set as a great example of humane egg production. It didn't say what they did to baby boy chicks though (other places throw them alive into the garbage), but it must be humane for this association to recommend them.
I am finding it hard to be around so much meat at work (supermarket). I find it revolting and have a hard time accepting that people eat it. I just keep visualizing how it was killed. It doesn't look good to me at all. I don't care as much about hormones and anitbiotics or cloned animals or any of that- it is how they spend their lives and last moments alive that really is important to me.
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IBS-A for 20 years with terrible bloating and gas. On the diet since April 2004. Remember this from Heather's information pages:
"You absolutely must eat insoluble fiber foods, and as much as safely possible, but within the IBS dietary guidelines. Treat insoluble fiber foods with suitable caution, and you'll be able to enjoy a wide variety of them, in very healthy quantities, without problem." Please eat IF foods!
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I think it's just important that you make informed, humane decisions about things you consume and use in your everyday life. For some that means cutting out all animal products, for others that means buying as local and organic as possible, but not cutting certain foods out. You have to find the balance that works for you.
For me, that means no meat, no dairy, no animal products at all if I can help it. (It was VERY easy to stop buying honey and buy agave nectar instead; tastes the same!) The skin products and shampoo/conditioner I use are made without animal products or testing. I don't buy leather unless there is just no other option (shoes are sometimes tricky for me since I wear orthotics). And I try to use more and more earth-friendly cleaners and laundry detergents. I'm certainly not a perfect vegan, but I do my best every day and think hard about the things I buy and consume.
If everyone just did a LITTLE, imagine the difference we could all make
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Lisa, IBS-C (Vegan)
Stable since July 2007!
Mommy to Rhiannon Marie (Dec. 13, 2008)
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