New here.....Looking for support.....
#329575 - 05/09/08 10:25 AM
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Hello, I'm new here and really like what I see so far...so I've decided to finally post my first post. I've never told anyone this before....so I'm hoping I can get some support here. I don't feel I can tell anyone else.
I'm IBS-D and feel that this would be so much easier to deal with if I were single and not have the stresses of dealing with husband's attitude and everything else that goes along with being married. I still love my husband, but most of the time now I don't enjoy being around him. I get nervous and just want to be alone sometimes to deal with my stomach and everything else. I kind of miss being single....and able to do my own thing when I want. I'm tired of everything I guess. I feel I've lost who I used to be. My husband used to be so supportive and loving, but now sometimes I feel we are more roommates than married. I'm terrible and describing this in words, I hope someone understands. Thanks for listening.....it's a longer story than what I've put here....but really this is all I want to share now. Don't missunderstand me....there's not any abuse or anything...just tired of being married.
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Hi Little Sister....welcome to the boards.
I know how you feel. I've felt the same way occasionally. Have you talked to your husband about your feelings? That might be the best place to start. {{{hugs}}}
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Hello,
This is my first time posting too. I think I understand you. Of course you love your husband, but when your dealing with IBS it can be physically and mentally draining. I have finally said enough is enough and have been in so much pain for a long time now that I decided to seek help from a naturopathic doctor, along with that I have taken as much control as I can on what I eat. This is a difficult thing for me because my husband does most of the cooking as he is a retired firefighter, and I continue to work. At first he was very helpful, but lately he seems rather put off. It seems like it would be easier to be in charge of only yourself, because worrying about your husbands frustrations, or your kids complaining over a new safe supper for mom,certainly isn't helpful!!! Although, I wouldn't give up my family for anything, I am glad for this board and all the information. Take care
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Hello Nugget....
Yes, I've talked to my husband about this before and how much I miss the things he used to do for me and no longer does, but it just goes in one ear and out the other. He thinks I'm making a big deal out of nothing. He used to leave me little notes and no longer does....he used to help with the housework and now I do it all....he does help with the dishes....he used to make me feel loved.....now I don't know......at one point he even told me "you are always sick!"
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thanks Barb.....
I just miss those special things my husband used to do that made me feel special and loved. I've even told him that, but he doesn't understand. I used to feel so secure and comfortable with him....and some of the things he has said to me the past few years about me not feeling well, just makes me feel unloved at times....then there are other times that I wouldn't change for anything....but there are fewer of those now than before.
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Hi!! This is my first time too.  My name's Em.
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*~* You will never be alone with a poet in your pocket. *~* John Adams
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Little Sister … sorry that you are having troubles at home. Is it possible that you husband doesn't know or understand how he could help you? I know how frustrating it can be when a partner is sick and there just doesn't seem to be anything that you can do help.
Have you been diagnosed by a doctor, and does you husband understand your ibs problems?
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 Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow”. Mary Anne Radmacher
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Hello LittleSister and everybody else,
I am not even close to being married (I'm 20) but I have continually had problems in relationships due to my condition. Comments like, "you're always sick" are the worst and last thing that I personally would like to hear. It is ironic, though my past boyfriends have aimed at being helpful and supportive and claim to just want to see me happy, they always end up saying the wrong things. It's only led me to the conclusion that people who don't have IBS will never really understand IBS and the physical, mental, and emotional implications of it, though they may try,... which is why I end up terminating relationships prematurely and alienating myself. Though I don't recommend this, what I will recommend is the Hypnosis Program offered on this site. I bought it last year, completed the program, and not only did it alleviate some symptoms, but it comes with a disc that is made for people in relationships with someone suffering from IBS. I find it enormously useful in explaining IBS to others.
Best,
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21, female, Long Island, NY
school in Kingston, RI
IBS-C, abdominal pain, gas, bloating, cramping; acid reflux; fibromyalgia; chronic fatigue syndrome; chronic headaches
"Nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
"Suffering arises ... whenever we resist the flow of life and try to cling to fixed forms..., whether they are things, events, people, or ideas."
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hey little sis
I've been in your shoes too. My hubby is as supportive as he can be. He's very outgoing and is irritated when I can't go with him. He tries to understand but sometimes he is too frustrated with the whole situation. My IBSd comes and goes with stress and lately it's been bad. he joking said(I hope he was joking) if I don't get better soon he's going to put me down 
yes he was kidding. Although some days I'm not so sure that would be a bad thing!!
Talk to your husband and explain to him that you are trying to get better and need his help. Don't approach him with accusations but instead tell him what you have learned and ask if he could help you stick to a plan for wellness.
Even if you can't do the things you used to together, find things that make you feel safe. a walk at night together so you don't run into neighbours that won't stop talking! Invite friends over that understand your situation. Keep things casual.
Mostly talk talk talk to others. You'd be surprized at the amount of people that have this IBS and how open they can be about talking about it.
Good luck with hubby!!
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IBS-D since 1999...mostly stable..i do cheat too.Bad me.
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